Trying to conceive baby No 1 over 40

[October1979]

I am 40 nearly 41 and ttc baby no1. I fell pregnant for the first time in December but suffered a missed miscarriage at 8 1/2 weeks in February. I've been trying ever since with no luck. I use Clearblue advanced fertility monitor. Take vitamin B, C and Co Q10 as well as pre conception tablets daily. Until lockdown I did weekly acupuncture. I guess I'm feeling low as af turned up today and I turn 41 very soon.

I am usually positive and hopeful. Trying to think what's for me won't go past me...

Looking for some buddies in the same boat or some over 40s who conceived naturally to give me hope and share their secret to success.

Hi there, I've been lurking on this thread for a while, I'm 41 and we've been ttc my first baby for about 6 months. I'm tracking ovulation etc on an app but I've deliberately not tried to think too much about it or get too stressed.

According to my app, which is usually accurate to within a couple of day, I'm 6 days late for my period, and I'm not feeling any of the usual premenstral symptoms I usually get... but I'm petrified to test. I keep thinking hold off another few days just incase my period comes. I've not said anything to Dp as I don't want to upset him if it's nothing.

I don't know what to do, I'm petrified to test now incase it's negative, but also scared incase it's positive as it's such early days and I'll then worry about it going wrong.

Really need a hand hold and bit of advice from ladies that have been here. Just feels like this would be my last chance and I'm scared of putting too much expectations on it.

Hi at @VWGolfmk2 I understand. It’s pretty overwhelming. This is not your last chance. But I know how you feel there is a lot of pressure.

At any age I think It’s overwhelming when you find out you are PG because Suddenly there is a life inside you. That is a big deal, and it happens suddenly and It is actually hard to get your head around.

What you are feeling is totally natural. It’s not even to do with age. We think BFP should be exciting because we want it so much- but it can actually be scary and suddenly u have a whole new set of worries. It flips it’s no longer oh god I want a BFP it’s...oh god do I want this? There is no going back. What if everything isn’t ok...it’s a big life change and it’s ok to feel overwhelmed.

And then there is the fear that it is also not a BFP. At the moment you are in limbo with a lot of ‘ifs’

My advice...reach out and get support. Tell your husband how you feel. I know you are scared to make it real...but taking a step will help. Let him know you are struggling with this. It will feel better not to do it alone.

I know testing feels scary...but actually the fear/limbo you are in now is worse - and once you test you can deal with whatever the outcome is.

thank you @Bouncytree for your kind post, you've articulated very well the complex mix of emotions I'm feeling. I'm usually very rational and in control so its almost like burying head in sand is easier than facing reality.

You're right that DP would not want me to be going through these thoughts alone and he would want to be a part of it, whatever the outcome so that is good advice.

Sometimes you just need someone to tell you out loud what you actually know deep down.

I’m glad it helped. It ya hard. But I took the first step or reaching out. My fingers are crossed for you. 🤞 let us know how u get on.

@October1979 how are you doing?

Welcome @VWGolfmk2 I am also 41 and trying for baby number one. I totally understand how you feel. As @Bouncytree says it is overwhelming. We are more than happy to hold your hand. If I were you I'd test. What have you got to lose? At least you would know. Fingers crossed for you. Let us know how you get on x

I'm ok thanks @Bouncytree I'm the middle of fertile week so fingers crossed. How are you getting on?

Yes same here @October1979. CD 10. Had to bring son for covid test this eve (just precautionary) so will DTD 2m and then every 2 days till peak. Ovulated at CD 13 last month so want to get on DTD incase it’s early again. What’s your plan this month? Still SMEP?

Yes still SMEP @Bouncytree and cd12 usually ovulate Cd 14 - 16. So expecting 2 day peak to start tomorrow or the next day. DTD twice so far started cd9 this time.

Spoke to DP tonight and we initially were going to leave it for a few days but then decided to do a test... keep looking at it as I can't quite believe it!

Thanks to you for encouraging me and supporting me with this. I would honestly have left it for days or weeks if left to my own devices.
Just trying to let it sink in and not think too much ahead. Never thought I would get pregnant without help so I'm pretty overwhelmed lol

Congratulations @VWGolfmk2 this is lovely news!

@VWGolfmk2 now that is a nice strong line! Congratulations. It is mind blowing and takes a while to sink in. It’s very abstract...you don’t really feel all that different and sometimes you feel like...maybe it’s not real! And it’s An instant but complete life change facing you. And you have no control!

So yes take some time to let it sink in. It can be wonderful and terrifying at the same time.But after a while you can start to relax into it.

So very happy for you!

Just popping in to say it’s so nice to see bfps on here. I’m going to be in my fertile week just after Christmas and I’ve decided to start trying then. I’m anxious yet excited. Fingers crossed for us all! Xx

Great @Catconfusion glad to hear you are giving it another chance.

Thanks @October1979 we were going to wait a bit longer but I figure at 41 it’s worth going for it sooner rather than later. I’m just hoping the mcs last year were just bad luck and having DS is a good sign.

Thank you @October1979 and @Bouncytree. It felt so surreal today, have been sitting in work every so often thinking 'oh! I'm pregnant' 😂. Did another test today just in case haha. Think it's going to take some time to sink in but just taking it a step at a time and not getting to far ahead of myself.

Hoping others on this thread get good news too soon.

Just remembered that my great grandmother was 47 when she gave birth to her only child, my grandpa, in the 1920s, only now fully appreciating how unusual and inspiring that is.

I'm sure it is a good sign @Catconfusion we are all in this together. I'm so happy for you @VWGolfmk2 keep us updated on your developments. Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy- very exciting times ahead

@Nsky plenty of women have babies in their 40s these days. I married my husband at 39 so we’ve done it as early as we can.

Aww @VWGolfmk2 it’s such amazing news. Just take each day as it comes and seek medical advice if you have any concerns. I had an early scan at 6/7 weeks with ds just to check all ok. This might be a good idea. 12 weeks is such a long time to wait. Your great gran is proof it’s normal and natural to have babies later in life! Xx

Thanks @October1979 I hope so. I’m aware I’m 18 months older now but hoping not much has changed! Good luck with the peak! Xx

@Catconfusion oh that's interesting about the early scan, did you ask your doctor for that or was it a private one? That might be a good idea to both reassure me and also make it real. Will have a think about that option too.

Love the support and advice on this thread. It's been pretty lonely feeling like you can't really discuss ttc at this age with people because of nasty judgemental and frankly ridiculous attitudes so it's so refreshing that there's a wee group of us all in the same boat looking out for each other.

Hey @VWGolfmk2 I got an early scan through my doctor because I lost my first two pregnancies. In my first I got to 10 weeks before having a scan. The baby had stopped at 6 weeks. I had awful sickness throughout which is usually a good sign so it was baffling that I’d lost the baby. We only had a scan due to light spotting. The midwife wasn’t even worried so it was a shock. I think all women should have the option of an early scan just to make sure all is ok. It was horrible knowing I’d spent the last month getting excited about a baby I’d already lost. I don’t want to scare you as fingers crossed all ok for you but it’s worth making sure there is a heartbeat at the 6/7 week mark. Also that the baby has implanted in the right place. I’m not sure your GP will offer a scan purely on age but it’s worth asking. If not I’d pay for one. Two months is a long time to wait to know all is ok. If in the unlikely event of things not being ok you’re better to know early. We were one week off our 12 week scan having had no issues so it was devastating.

Anyway take each day as it comes and stay positive. You’re chances are really good. I’ve got everything crossed this is it for you! Xx

@Catconfusion so sorry about your losses and the circumstances too, that's horrific. I totally agree that if something is wrong or going to go wrong, I'd rather know sooner rather than later. I've never been pregnant before and haven't really done much research so there's so much I don't know and I'm a natural worrier.

I decided to be a big girl today and phoned the Dr, so I'm booked in for my video appointment in January and scan in February looked up private scans locally so have booked a reassurance early scan one when I will be just over seven weeks at the start of January, as you're right, I won't be able to settle or wait until feb without some sort of reassurance. Plus due to circumstances we might need to tell my dad earlier than the usual 12 weeks and swear him to secrecy so I'd feel better having had the 7 week scan and knowing things were currently ok before telling him.

Well done @VWGolfmk2 definitely good to make sure all ok. Every pregnancy is different so there is no way of knowing without a scan if all ok as sometimes with no symptoms it can be bad news. Sometimes with bleeding and cramps it’s a healthy baby 🤷🏻‍♀️. It will definitely stop you worrying and wondering. I’d also ask a midwife about aspirin. I was told to take low dose aspirin every day to prevent preeclampsia. Also some evidence it helps prevent miscarriage. Clear it with midwife or doctor first though. Obviously prenatal with folic acid too. Try not to worry too much. There’s not much you can do that’ll affect the outcome. It’s hugely decided at the moment of conception. Just try and keep stress to a minimum and stay positive. I’m so happy for you. Within 6 months of trying too. Just shows how quickly it can happen post 40. The stats are misleading. Xx