Trying to conceive baby No 1 over 40

[October1979]

I am 40 nearly 41 and ttc baby no1. I fell pregnant for the first time in December but suffered a missed miscarriage at 8 1/2 weeks in February. I've been trying ever since with no luck. I use Clearblue advanced fertility monitor. Take vitamin B, C and Co Q10 as well as pre conception tablets daily. Until lockdown I did weekly acupuncture. I guess I'm feeling low as af turned up today and I turn 41 very soon.

I am usually positive and hopeful. Trying to think what's for me won't go past me...

Looking for some buddies in the same boat or some over 40s who conceived naturally to give me hope and share their secret to success.

Hi @Bouncytree good to hear from you. The bleeding started yesterday😢. New cycle and back to the beginning. But 2 chemicals in 4 months, I'm trying to see the positives. How are you feeling? How are you getting on?

@Catconfusion I spoke with my gp and explained everything on my mind. I asked him to look and see if there is anything preventing me carrying a pregnancy - re all my test results and if progesterone or anything would help. I've explained I want to throw everything at this. Also told him about the doctor that was really nasty and unhelpful. He is phoning around to get me answers and we will chat again Friday. He told me the consultant letter from my mmc. Had said that it was likely age related and no further investigation was necessary. He said that you can't rule out spontaneous pregnancy but my best chance would be donor conception and that was when I had just turned 40. I'm now 41. No one told me about the letter. He comforted me and said he would arm me with info to give me my best shot before I consider going abroad for donor eggs xx

I’m so sorry @October1979. I know it’s devastating. I’m glad your gp is being supportive, that Is so important.I definitely think more investigations are needed. If you can’t get on nhs you should do it privately. You should have a SIS scan to check your cervix and womb. Polyps for instance can cause miscarriage. It needs to be ruled out. Also another opinion could be helpful. I was told by one clinic without Even meeting me that once I reach 43 they will only consider donor eggs, another clinic told me I had a 20% chance with ivf and willing to do it up to 44+. I was utterly gutted by the first letter and then felt so much more hopeful with the next. It had such an effect. Neither had done any tests, so ya based on age and averages. Without tests They really don’t know.

IVF is also worth considering again. They screen the eggs for abnormalities so you are passed that hurdle.

Everything going well here. 7 weeks now, very strong symptoms which I find reassuring. Waiting it out with my fingers crossed. Trying not to be too negative but also trying not to think too far ahead. Feel like I’m half way there. GP said that early scan is not predictive, so it’s all about the 12 week.

Thinking of you. Hope you are ok.

Thanks@Bouncytree I'm delighted things are going well with your pregnancy. I have everything crossed for you. You are giving me hope. I'm going to take this week to get over things then start considering next steps xxx

Yes of course take a bit of time, and just relax and forget about it for a few days.

It’s not predictive either, though there is some evidence that string nausea means strong hcg means good support for the pregancy- but I had bad nausea 2 days before testing and I’ve been much sicker than I was with my son, so that’s helping me feel hopeful. There is a lot of waiting it out in this TTC business isn’t there!

@October1979 unless I’m missing something, I’m really confused as to why they’re so quick to say it’s age related. I was nearly 40 when I had my mmc and I was told it was likely bad luck. If your test results are good I don’t understand why they are advising to use donor eggs. You’ve not been diagnosed with ovarian failure. You’re ovulating and not menopausal. Yes you’ve been trying for over a year now but that’s not abnormal at our age. I’m just hoping the judgement of that doctor in the letter after your mmc hasn’t tainted your treatment. Ask them for the proof that your ovary cannot produce a normal egg. Basing a patients treatment on statistics is not wise when fertility is such an individual thing. I’d definitely ask for a second opinion. Sending you lots of love and hoping you’re feeling at least a bit better soon. Take your time though. Fingers crossed for better luck soon! Xx

Aww @Bouncytree I’m so glad things are progressing well. Obviously an early scan isn’t predictive but have one if you think it might help your mental health. Nausea is definitely a good sign. I get sick regardless of outcome but that seems a bit out of the ordinary. Usually strong symptoms lead to a good outcome.

I’ve got everything crossed for you! Xx

@October1979 so sorry af showed, I find it outrageous that so many people don't get told the full pic by our docs!

@Bouncytree so glad everything's going well for you!

@Bouncytree nausea deffo a good sign! Are you doing an early viability scan? So exciting and makes me so hopeful!! Xx

@Catconfusion I totally agree with you. Doctors interpret things differently and some just jump on the age. It’s not an explanation. And it’s all the more reason to rule out any issues that may be preventing a pregnancy success. Persistence is key here, and it makes it so much harder with attitudes like this. Doctors opinions hold a lot of weight but they are opinions.

Thanks all for your kind words @Marvellouslymadmum And @Geriatric1234it really does help. I never thought I would be so happy gagging and running to the toilet every day! Feels like a strong one 🤞

How is this cycle going for everyone?

I really wanted an early scan but now I’m
Not so sure, it’s going well and tbh I’m a little scared. However I would like to access Chromosomal testing which is at 10-14 weeks do I should probably get it u see way. Not easy to access things before 12 weeks here in ireland

Hi everyone I have just started a thread and then read this one and felt like this is my group! I'm 41 and have been trying for 3-4 months. I've started tracking my cycles and realised that they have got much shorter (22-23 days) and realised from too much google that this isn't a good sign and is related to aging and declining fertility. Does anyone else have such short cycles? I've just got an ovulation test kit to see if I am ovulating or not. I feel really disillusioned with the whole ttc process.
Looking through the thread I see some of you using graphs etc. What are you using to do that? I'm guessing it is an app?
I'm sorry to read about chemical pregnancies etc but also feels nice to read other people in the same boat...

@Bouncytree I just find the lack of consistency shocking. There I was at 39, nearly 40 after a mmc and another early loss being told positive stories by my GP about patients and friends who’d had babies in their 40s: that fertility doesn’t take a nose dive on your 40th birthday so I shouldn’t worry. She didn’t once mention my age negatively. Her take was I’d fallen pregnant twice naturally so my fertility must be good as mcs are very common. My letter from the consultant after my mmc didn’t mention my age, just recommended I try again for hopefully a better outcome next time. How can it go from that to needing donor eggs in two years. There seems such a stigma in the NHS about older mums. Luckily I’ve not come up against that but I really feel for you @October1979

Obviously I went on to have ds but I’m sure the positivity we had from medical professionals really helped with staying in a good mindset. I need to see my GP soon just to discuss my long cycles but I’m really worried there’s maybe a switch once you get past 40 and they get more negative. Hopefully not. I’ll try and speak to the lady I had last time who couldn’t have been more encouraging.

Regarding scans and tests, it’s such a difficult and individual choice. Personally I think I’d get early scans to check the pregnancy is not ectopic at 6 weeks and 9 weeks just to check all ok. I found the mmc even more heartbreaking because I thought I was pregnant for 4 weeks after the baby had passed because I was vomiting so much I thought it must be ok. It really messed with my head. Also would want to get on with recovery as soon as possible if the worst happened. My doctor did say it was unusual to be as ill as I was and the baby not make it so please don’t think it’ll happen to you. I just know in my case symptoms are not a reliable sign all ok.

I would also have the NIPT at 10 weeks if the scans were positive. Just because again I’d want options as early as possible if something wrong.

It’s horrible we have these difficult decisions to make due to our history. I sometimes imagine what it would be like to go through a pregnancy without knowing what loss is like. To just enjoy it and be excited.

Please try and take joy from these early days if you can. If not having the scans will make it easier, maybe it is for the best. I really hope this is it for you. All signs are good. Xx

@Bouncytree ta a hard decision with an early scan as it's great for reassurance but at the same time you can't change what will be, whatever you decide will be the right decision for you.

I'm in the tww I think 3dpo as peak was Saturday so prob ov Sunday though my temp dropped Thursday and started to rise Friday so my apps are confused!

@wanderlove hi and welcome, with your cycles being shorter, once you've worked out your ovulation day with the opk you'll know how long your follicular and luteal phases are, as long as your Lp is 11 days are more then you're all good. My cycles range from 24-36 days in general with the odd 20 day or 60 day thrown in for good measure! The graphs are tracking bbt (basal body temperature) you can get a Basel thermometer for around £10 then you take your temp at the same time every morning before you move or get out of bed and put it into one of the tracking apps and you will start to see a pattern after a few months, giving you another indicator of ovulation.

@Marvellouslymadmum
Thanks for the welcome and the info. I'll get a Basel thermometer...do you have any recommendations for an app? Does the temp go alongside the opks? I'm worrying that because my periods have got a lot lighter it may be a short luteal phase. Part of me is scared to find out ...but I guess knowledge is better than not knowing. This is the first time I have really felt my age...I normally feel quite a young 41 year old but I suddenly feel old being conscious of the changes in my body.

@wanderlove you're welcome, I use lots of apps because they all say different things lol but the ones I gone the best are Femometer and fertility friend. You can use the peak on your opk and your temps to work out ov day and you can add the opk results in there too. It's definitely better to know as there's things you can do if your Lp is too short, I've always felt young for my age too but this ttc lark certainly makes you feel old! I turned 42 last month so positively ancient in ttc terms 😂

Thank you for all your support and advice girls really appreciate it. Feeling the love. @Bouncytree I'm sure you will make the right decision for you. I was also told the harmony blood test is a blood test that is more than 99% for testing genetic abnormalities and not as dangerous as anything else. It's better than NHS testing. Although you have to do this privately.

Welcome @wanderlove I have a 25/26 day cycle with an 11 or 12 day luteal phase depending when you count from?( not sure if you count day 1 the day you ovulate or the day after ovulation. Anyway I'm 41. Had a mmc in February 20 and nothing until Jan 21. That's when I started using Ava to track. It tells you you're fertile week, tracks temps and confirms ovulation. Since using I've had 2 chemicals in 4 cycles. I also use clear blue ovulation sticks. Sometimes Ava and sticks are a day out from each other. But I've definitely been doing the deed at the right time. It also shows patterns in a graph so I can see if my pulse and temp stay up which are good signs for pregnancy in the luteal phase. I got mine second hand on eBay x

Thankfully so much everyone for the advice. It's all sort of starting to make sense. I've bought the clear blue ovulation tests so am going to read thr instructions tonight and try and get my head around it. Then I'm going to add the temping . I think one thing at a time might work.

@October1979
It sounds like you have been through the mill...but hopefully it is a good sign that you can get pregnant?

I'm hoping so @wanderlove 🤞

@wanderlove hello! I’m copying and pasting a message I just wrote on another thread, as I think it might be useful to you too. :-) Adding that I am having crazy results from clear blue because I have fast LH surges - I have v regular cycles but I go straight from O (not fertile) to static smiley face (this will all make sense when you start using them!) with not warning flashing in between. CB sticks measure 2 hormones, most sticks just one, so don’t be tempted to compare the stripes on the sticks, but it can be useful to use a cheap stick alongside the CB to see whether you have similar results. It can get complicated Lolol but try and enjoy the science!

“I’m 42, DH is 49 and ttc #1 for 5 months after a surprise pregnancy and early MC over Xmas. I’m step-mum to 2 and wasn’t planning to TTC but now we are giving nature a chance so we can look back with no regrets, but fairly chill (LOL) about result .

That said, I’m also a control freak!

At the 38/39/40+ age things can change surprisingly quickly, so I’d suggest getting a few tests to see if any fertility red flags pop up now, rather than waiting too long. Mainly because so many “issues” have quite simple fixes, and if you’re likely to want IVF 42/43/44 really is the cut-off for most clinics. (Though I’m not an expert as not going IVF route.)

I’d suggest getting progesterone checked if your cycles are at all irregular, AMH (gives an indication of egg reserve quantities, not quality), thyroid (lots of women can have a thyroid issue without knowing) and vit D. These are very standard at most fertility clinics (note these clinics will potentially hard sell IVF, but don’t be convinced too quickly). Also worth doing a transvaginal scan as fibroids/polyps pop up quickly at this age and you can get a visual follicle count to check you still have operational follicles.

All of the above cost me a little under £500 which, if you can afford it, is great for peace of mind.

Also get the book “it starts with the egg” to give you a summary of which supplements would most benefit you.

Xxx”

@Bouncytree Someone in another thread posted this link for over 35 pregnant laydeeez. I thought you might find it helpful too, if you aren’t already in it :-)

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/3978735-old-ovaries-new-lines

@October1979 so sorry to hear it was another chemical pregnancy - I really did have everything crossed for you. I think it is a good sign though as you say. That golden egg could be just around the corner. At least you know you are timing dtd
correctly and you can get preg.

@wanderlove welcome! I can also add a vote for the fertility friend app which I use to chart my te maps. I also use the Femometer as it has the option to photograph your opk stick and give it a low high or peak reading.. I would advise you start charting your temp ASAP as it’s the only way you can really tell if you ovulated or not. A peak opk reading doesn’t necessarily mean you actually ovulated. Only a sustained temp rise can confirm. If you want to add another factor in you can also check your cervix position which will be high when fertile...

I’m currently on day 9 of my cycle so waiting for OV - not a sniff of a LH rise yet or any other signs. when I got preg in feb I OV on day 10, but the cycle before it’s was day 13 or 14, so god knows. I just hope I ovulate this month as I didn’t I the cycle following my MC 😬

Are there any supplements that delay ovulation? I’m taking ubiquinol and folic acid. Wondering if I should add vitamin D?

Xx

@Honey2 ohhh that’s interesting re: OPKs and temperature. I haven’t done temping purely because I’m an insomniac and it messes with measurements. I had a tv scan and was ovulating that month, and a decent follicle count so I’m optimistic that I’m ovulating more months than I’m not, but lord knows!

Re: LG surge - I’ve been using CB OPKs for a few months and first month I started measuring on the wrong day and used evening pee instead of FMU and that month I surged on day 13. Since then I start on the correct day (my cycles are regular) and I’ve always surged day 10/11 but I’m told it can move around. My sister had 9 days of the flashing smiley face the month she got a BFP.

I take D3 as well but not sure if it affects ovulation, though I’m sure they all must impact in some way. X

How are you feeling today @October1979? Xx

@Geriatric1234 I always though you are NOT meant to use FMU for opk tests as you always have a low level of LH in the body and FMU is concentrated and and pick this up when you are not fertile..?

I start testing around day 8 and then track the progression of the lines (hopefully) getting darker until peak. The Femometer app works well for tracking opks.

If you are tracking temp also what you should see is a rise in temp if at least 0.3 centigrade once ov had taken place and that temp needs to be consistently higher for 3 days. So for example my pre ov temps are normal 36.30 ish and after ov rise to 36.60 or higher.

@Honey2 Yes, that’s the case for pretty much all OPKs except Clear Blue who ask for FMU. CB is the only one that tests for both lutenising hormone and oestrogen so it works a little differently from the others. I find FMU easier as I have a bladder the size of a hazelnut and can hold long enough to rely on others. So far my results have been consistent with my EWCM pattern. X