Trying to conceive baby No 1 over 40

[October1979]

I am 40 nearly 41 and ttc baby no1. I fell pregnant for the first time in December but suffered a missed miscarriage at 8 1/2 weeks in February. I've been trying ever since with no luck. I use Clearblue advanced fertility monitor. Take vitamin B, C and Co Q10 as well as pre conception tablets daily. Until lockdown I did weekly acupuncture. I guess I'm feeling low as af turned up today and I turn 41 very soon.

I am usually positive and hopeful. Trying to think what's for me won't go past me...

Looking for some buddies in the same boat or some over 40s who conceived naturally to give me hope and share their secret to success.

Thank you so much for this @Geriatric1234 I just don’t know how they can quote these statistics without a diagnosis of something being wrong other than age. Why are over 40 mums having more babies these days than teenagers?

My friend got told 1% chance and she’s got diminished ovarian reserve and starting to go through the menopause. Also hate that they dangle the carrot of donor eggs. My friend was offered them but has hardly any eggs left so I understand why. That’s literally insinuating because you’re over 40 you should give up your genetic link with your child to increase chances.

I’m sorry @October1979 to talk about your results like this. Also sorry to have such a strong reaction. The most important thing is how you and your partner feel. We’re obviously here to support you. Xx

@Catconfusion right?! It’s so frustrating how they quote this over and over!! And thank you fir sharing that so many people you know over 40 became pg! It’s just so nice to read that! X

@Geriatric1234 it really is. It makes ttc over 40 quite an unpleasant experience because of the worry. Of course chances are a bit less but we’re all individuals and fertility can vary greatly. I don’t really find statistics useful because of this.

I actually don’t know anyone over 40 who has had fertility problems. I know loads of younger people though. Xx

@October1979 so sorry I missed your message earlier! Please don't be disheartened by their silly statistics, I've had two conversations with lovely health professionals both over 40 recently who were very positive about people having children over 40, in fact they said most of what is said is not true at all and many women are happily conceiving naturally around this age. Thanks for the link @Geriatric1234 it's good to find something that's a bit more positive than the normal scaremongering that goes on!

Thanks everyone. The dr was lovely but I was so shocked at the 1% especially when he said all our tests looked good. It was an age thing. I will still keep ttc. Lots to think about though. I agree that doctors quote old stats. I will bounce back tomorrow and once I've digested all the information me and my husband will have a chat about what we want to do. If anything positive has come out of it it has us talking about how far we want to go if it doesn't happen x

@October1979 I can imagine it was a shock. Have you had all of the testing and diagnostics you can have now? As you say it’s good it’s opened up conversations now you know the options. Did they talk about any ways they could assist natural conception like IUI or drug treatment? It seems odd to immediately go to IVF and donor eggs when you’re still relatively young and have no known health issues. Xx

Yes all test done and all normal for me at my age and DH test was good. He said progesterone or clomid would probably harm my fertility as my levels were fine. He also said at 41 ivf would be the best option. But because everyone in NHS had jumped to private due to pandemic. July would be a realistic start date. So we have time to talk and make up our minds and try naturally till then

@October1979 I have heard IUIs don’t have the best success rate. I guess it makes sense given how long you’ve been trying to give IVF consideration. Would you need to pay anything upfront or could you get funding for it? I guess it gives you a little time to keep trying naturally. It sounds to me more like unexplained infertility than age related so surely it could just happen. Obviously I’m no doctor.

Those stats have given me a shock, especially since this cycle failed for us. It’ll be two years since we conceived our ds in the summer and it’s scary that things can change rapidly at our age. I’ve been reading up on how keeping hormones balanced is important if older so I’m going to have a look at my diet over the weekend and see if I can tweak it. Xx

No we would need to pay @Catconfusion . The biggest take away from the consultation was younger eggs can repair dna fragmentation and older eggs struggle that's why miscarriage is more common the older you get and probably why birth defects can happen when older. Not sure what we will do. I've suggested we don't talk about it for a few days so we can consider separately what we've been told, let it sink in and then discuss without the raw emotion.

@October1979 Such a shame you can’t have one funded cycle, in our area the cut off is 43 for 1 IVF cycle if no previous children.

Hmm I get that mc is more common and dna fragmentation can be more problematic but those statistics are dire. I honestly know so many people who’ve had healthy babies in their 40s. They can’t all be lucky. I just worry that it’s scare tactics.

I can imagine the emotions are quite raw at the moment and it sounds like you’re both having a good think. That’s all you can do. I really hope you have some luck whatever you decide. In the meantime we’re here to support you! Xx

Thanks @Catconfusion I agree that the stats seem dire. Also I've had 2 pregnancies in a year. Even if they did end in miscarriage seems odd with the 1%

@October1979 exactly! 2 pregnancies out of 12 cycles. More like 20% conception rate. Also you had that horrendous mmc to recover from which may have impacted chances for a bit.

I was reading that 50% of couples ttc in their early to mid 40s are successful. I think your chances are far better than the doctor has said. Xx

I hope so @Catconfusion the positives are that we both have no issues

This is it @October1979 I know someone a bit younger who got bad news due to extremely low AMH and they went on to conceive naturally. The test results definitely bode well.

Did they advise you about any supplements you could take? I’m going to try and new supplement and not sure what to go for. I might start coq10 again and maybe the Bud supplement.

@October1979 someone just sent me this study. It’s really encouraging!

academic.oup.com/humrep/article/18/9/1959/708200

I hope you’re ok today! Xx

@Catconfusion that’s such a great and positive study (quite a read!). If I’m reading correctly, it suggests most “truly fertile” couples of any age are likely to conceive a successful pregnancy within 12 months. Was that your interpretation too? (I had to skim a bit!)

@Geriatric1234 yes definitely my take. If there are no underlying issues and it’s just age that’s the concern, most couples will conceive in12 months. Age wasn’t seen as significant in this study. It didn’t seem to look at the pregnancy outcomes though so we don’t know if the pregnancies progressed normally. However it’s definitely reassuring. Xx

Ohh if that's the case @Catconfusion I'm due a BFP it took just over a year to get my first BFP and it's coming up to 2 years trying soon 🤞🏻

@sabtom fingers crossed for you! X

I was just wondering if anyone on here has had their Covid vaccine? I’ve been offered mine but not sure what to do if I fall pregnant after the first dose. Even though the stats are good I’m not sure Id feel comfortable with a history of miscarriage to have the second dose while pregnant, especially first trimester. Xx

@Catconfusion I've had my first one, was thinking maybe I'd wait IF I was lucky enough though that's highly unlikely, but after looking at all the stats etc I think it's riskier to get Covid than the vaccine so if talk to midwives etc and go from there

I've had my first dose, I did let them know I was trying but they said it was still fine to to take. I'm type 1 diabetic, so the risks of complications from Covid would've been worse for me.

@sabtom that's exactly what they said to me as I have severe brittle Asthma.

Thanks ladies, I have my appointment booked for this afternoon. I think I’ll just get the first dose and see what happens and speak to the midwife if I get pregnant before the second dose. I have no underlying issues so our local vaccine centre has done well to get to the general population of 40 year olds. Xx

Hi, I'm so sorry for your loss - I wanted to say hello and introduce myself.
I'm 43 and I am still hopeful that I will have a baby. Sadly I have had 3 miscarriages within the last 15 months - first at 9 1/2 weeks, followed by 7 1/2 and then at 8 weeks. I have had tests which indicate that my eggs are still viable and are actually better than expected for a woman of my age - "geriatric mother" and I was also told I do not have any genetic reason for the losses. I have been advised to keep trying but I am very conscious time is not on my side and I'm devastated each month it doesn't happen for us. Sending lots of luck to you that you fall pregnant soon and you have a healthy pregnancy x