Trying to conceive baby No 1 over 40

[October1979]

I am 40 nearly 41 and ttc baby no1. I fell pregnant for the first time in December but suffered a missed miscarriage at 8 1/2 weeks in February. I've been trying ever since with no luck. I use Clearblue advanced fertility monitor. Take vitamin B, C and Co Q10 as well as pre conception tablets daily. Until lockdown I did weekly acupuncture. I guess I'm feeling low as af turned up today and I turn 41 very soon.

I am usually positive and hopeful. Trying to think what's for me won't go past me...

Looking for some buddies in the same boat or some over 40s who conceived naturally to give me hope and share their secret to success.

I've been using bbt for about 5 months and use 6 different apps 😂 they never seem to match up so I use them all haha Femometer is one of them, though it's never said anything about keep testing Lh because of the temps 🤔 I'd never managed to get a peak on any opk strips only higher and lower reading sometimes all the way through the month! I'm using the clearblue digital advanced ones this month which gave me a static smiley face on cd13 so I'm hoping that ones right! I have had a look at the ovusense before but it's a bit pricey isn't it? I've got to pay for scans privately, and with the cost of all the suppliments and opk's it's all going up and up! It's very frustrating especially because I don't know if the problem lies with me or him or the both of us!

Ahh hopefully you won't need it then! Definitely 🤞🏻 for you xx

@Marvellouslymadmum completely agree ovusense is pricey but it’s so good for irregular cycles. There’s sometimes offers on.

Do the apps confirm ovulation based on the temperatures you’re getting?

I think it’s possible with the LH tests to miss the peak sometimes. I do mine three times a day when I get a high reading. It’s so frustrating to then realise it hasn’t happened. Sometimes only a few days later it goes high and I get a peak.

I would definitely keep temping and only stop the opks and dtd if you get a sustained rise. If you’re not getting that ask the GP for testing. It’s normal to not ovulate sometimes as well.

It’s so difficult not knowing why it’s not happening or why the cycles are irregular. Luckily DHs SA was normal. Mcs can still be because a dud sperm got in though.

Hopefully we’ll both get lucky soon! Xx

@Catconfusion I'll keep an eye on the ovusense, the temperature don't seem to confirm ovulation either to be honest! I've got tests booked in with the gp next week so hopefully I will get some kind of answer as to what's going on! I'm trying to persuade the oh to get some tests done too

@Marvellouslymadmum I’m so sorry to hear that. I can imagine it’s so frustrating. Just take each day at a time. You’re moving forwards with the investigations and hopefully will know what’s going on soon. I can imagine Clomid would benefit you if you’re not ovulating. Hopefully you’ll get a quick referral for fertility support. Your OH will need the SA though. Fingers crossed for you! Xx

@Catconfusion yes I'm hoping if I'm nit ovulating clomid will definitely be good but not sure if a gp would prescribe it or if it would have to be a fertility specialist and if so that would mean paying for it I would assume as we can't have a referral. I've got to get him to ask about an sa from his doc as they won't speak to me and he's rubbish at speaking to people lol

@Marvellouslymadmum well my mum was one of the first users of Clomid in the early 70s and she conceived my sister on the first cycle. Yes it is through a fertility specialist as they need to monitor how it affects your ovaries by ultrasound I think. I presume you can’t be referred for this because you have children. I think that’s a bit unfair because it’s not as if you’re needing IVF. I’m pretty sure a friend of mine got a referral for Clomid with her second baby. I guess it depends which area you’re in. The way I see it you have a medical issue so should get treatment on the nhs. It’s probably not age related if it pco but just more how your body is and has always been. They do make it hard for us older mums.

Could you book a joint appointment and speak to the GP together? Xx

@Catconfusion I've heard great things about it, it's funny I've heard different things from different people, some say we wouldn't be referred at all and some say we could get referred but not get ivf so if it's the second one then that's good! Yes we aren't eligible because I have children though we don't have any together, I'm also over the age bracket as the cut off on the nhs is 40 in this area. But yes exactly I may be able to argue my way in haha. That's a good idea about a joint gp appointment, we are at the same practice, just depends if they will see us as they're doing most appointments over the phone at the moment, I'll have to try and find out.
What are your next steps? Xx

@Marvellouslymadmum really, 40 is the cut off!!! That’s shocking! Loads of women have babies in their 40s. It’s really awful to discriminate due to age just because you need help with a long standing health issue to fall pregnant. I’d argue they’re denying you treatment when it’s not age related. It’s not as if you’re asking for ivf which is obviously expensive. I really hope you get some support through the GP.

I guess I just wait and see if we’ve caught this cycle. I’m 4 dpo so will test towards the end of next week. I’m trying not to think too far beyond then but I may speak to the GP if we’re not lucky. These long cycles worry me! Xx

@Catconfusion yes I was quite surprised too! I'm hoping that my gp will be helpful with the situation otherwise I'd have to go private and although the clomid itself probably isn't that costly it would be the consultations and scans etc that they would charge heavily for. It's definitely worth a chat with the gp to see if they will do some investigating for you

@Marvellouslymadmum fingers crossed they’ll refer you definitely fight for it.

Luckily we had all the fertility testing after our first two mc. We were a few weeks off our fertility referral to look at my irregular ovulation when I fell pregnant. DHs SA results were really good and all my hormone levels were normal. I think the cut off in our area is 43 for the referral so we have a bit of time hopefully. Though I do wonder if having our DS will be a problem. I’ll argue like you that it’s a medical issue and it needs treatment if I’m not falling pregnant. Xx

@Catconfusion I think every area has different criteria, you can look it up online just have to put your postcode in and it comes up with your area and rules on fertility referral on the nhs. 43 is a much more reasonable age though!

Good luck op. I conceived naturally at 44y4m while not trying to. Bit of a shock but all subsequently went well.

Eat well, get plenty of sleep and have lots of sex. Don't worry too much about dates, just enjoy yourselves. Good luck x

Thanks for sharing @Mintjulia It sounds like a happy accident to me. I think you’re right, the tracking can be stressful. Unfortunately for us ladies with longer cycles it’s needed to some extent or could just keep missing it. Completely get your point though.

@Marvellouslymadmum yes it seems difference for each person I talk to. I think 43 is a much better cut off as some women are pretty fertile up to that age so it’s not fair if a bit of a support could help though who can’t do it naturally achieve a pregnancy. If we didn’t have ds we’d even get a cycle of ivf if we wanted it. I’m not sure how having one affected access to other services like Clomid here. Hopefully I won’t need to find out. Xx

@Catconfusion yes it's all very weird and who knows how they work it all out! That's all I'm hoping for really, enough proper tests, talking to someone in the know and anything like clomid that I would need, I always knew I wouldn't be entitled to ivf

@Marvellouslymadmum also if it is pco you shouldn’t need anything as harsh as IVF because success rates are good with Clomid. It’s a very old medication and should be available I think for anyone having ovulation problems if age related issues are ruled out. Obviously if no eggs it’s another matter but if your body is struggling to release one it’s a medical issue. I’ve heard low carb and low sugar diet can sometimes help with ovulation. It’s something I keep trying on and off but I have no willpower. Xx

@Catconfusion I don't think I'm nit ovulating altogether just maybe not always but I could be wrong, I find diets difficult when I look into them as I'm a vegetarian and low carb and sugar plus no meat doesn't leave a lot 😂 and I have rubbish will power too haha

@Marvellouslymadmum you probably are. It’s also normal not to sometimes so your test results might not show any issues. Have you been feeling stressed this particular cycle? I know I ovulate later or not at all if stressed.

Dieting is so hard. I’d love to lose the last stone of baby weight from having my son but it’s so hard. Especially with lack of sleep. I was up at 2am with him as he’s teething so dieting was the last thing on my mind today. It must be tough if vegetarian. Xx

@Catconfusion no I never really feel stressed to be fair apart from when I'm dealing with my now 16yo son who is autistic and has adhd so he can be very trying at times but once it's over it's over, I don't feel stressed in general.

Everyone thinks it's easier if you're veggie but it really isn't! Most thinks contain cheese and breadcrumbs and unless you like a lot of lentils and beans which I don't it's not simple at all. I've been eating more healthily though so that's a positive and found out after some research last night that due to my very low iron levels I also have an under active thyroid which puts on weight easier 🙄 so I'm hoping the iron supplements the doctor has me on will fix that and when I love it it'll stay off!

I was really lucky with mine when they were little as once they were asleep that was generally it, must be a nightmare getting up all night! Xx

I’m so sorry to hear @Marvellouslymadmum that your son can be trying. Sounds like you’re doing a super job at dealing with it in the moment.

Dieting is so hard. I just find the stress of ttc too much if I can’t eat what I want within reason. Our diet isn’t too bad. Mostly whole grain carbs and good quality protein, plenty of veg. Sometimes pizza and chocolate. Life is definitely about balance.

It’s so tough managing a toddler and ttc. I’m 7 dpo now so not long until I know. Been feeling a bit down today. I think it’s just triggering getting to this point when last cycle I had a bfp and then the mc. Just trying to stay positive while not putting too much hope in a bfp by the end of the week Xx

@Catconfusion it can be very difficult at times. I'm not looking forward to trying to get him back to school next week lol

Our diet isn't too bad a good mix of home made meals and fruit and veg with the some nicer things but it's definitely about balance! I'm 6dpo but I tend to just try and forget when af is due and only ever test if she's late now, anything else leads to disappointment and when you've been ttc for so long with I know there's more disappointment than hope left. Especially since the only time I've had bfp it's ended in mc and cp but that's what the tests and supplements etc are for so hopefully things will change!

@Marvellouslymadmum I can imagine it’s tough! Your diet sounds great and I’m sure it’s only a matter of time with all the changes you’re making.

How are you getting on? I did a test at 11 dpo as I’ve been feeling sick in the night and generally feeling pregnant. I tend to get early symptoms as I’m prone to hyperemesis. Sadly it was a bfn for me which was confusing. Guess it could be early. Totally get why you test late. Xx

How are you doing @October1979 and @Littlemiss40andfabulous ? Xx

Hi @Catconfusion I'm good. We are just entering the fertile week this week. We also have a Teams call with a consultant to discuss our fertility test results tonight. Just want to know there are no problems. Which I don't think there are. Just age. But I'm no doctor and just interpreting the results myself also want to know if there is anything else we should consider moving forwards. So feeling positive. How are you? X

Hi @Catconfusion

In fertile week now so trying to fit in DTD around work commitments etc.

I have had a break from Mumsnet for the last few weeks as I got a little obsessive over the last 2WW, and it was nice not thinking about trying to get pregnant for a time.

Hope you're all doing ok x