TTC #1, cycle 13 and fed up! Whose with me?

[Theawkwardblonde]

Hello. So AF arrived yesterday which means I'm officially on cycle 13 of TTC. I'm a healthy 28 year old with husband whose 33. We've had 2 chemical pregnancies in the time we've been actively trying. We are just waiting on our dates for blood tests and SA for husband.

Needless to say I'm bloody fed up! Had 3 friends announce pregnancy news in the last week, and one friend is due in 4 weeks. TTC is definitely starting to take its toll on both of us and the realisation that something may be wrong is starting to sink in.
Who else is having similar? Please feel free to share/rant!

How are you @notyetamumbuttrying @lucyrp @Rosie189 💐
Apologies if I've missed anyone 💐

@CurbsideProphet I got my BFP on Friday last week 😁 I didn't want to bombard you all with it. But currently 17dpo

That's a lovely clear one there, congratulations @lucyrp 💐 you must be so pleased after over 12 months trying 💐

@CurbsideProphet thank you' I am really happy but actually probably more anxious. Hoping I have a sticky one 😬 yeah 16 months ttc is draining 😭😴

@CurbsideProphet
I’m going for repeat day 21 bloods on Friday. Didn’t ovulate last time when I went for bloods and hubby has appointment booked for Jan. Not sure what will happen after my results. Guessing if I’ve not ovulated and hubby is ok will get clomid. Or referral. Mentally/emotionally I’m really struggling. Keep having random cries over silly little things. Feeling a bit defeated.

How are you getting on?

@lucyrp congrats. Shouldn’t give up hope yet then.

@Rosie189 it's not really any consolation but I'm also struggling. I spend a lot of my working day on the phone and pretending to be normal takes up so much energy I don't have anything left. I'm very fortunate to be WFH as mentally I'm spent. I then spend the evening trying not to wobble and upset worried DH, then I lie awake until 2am 😔

Work is a mix for me. My job is pretty high pressure but it’s a distraction. However one close work friend is pregnant and I’m dreading her going off for multiple reasons. I dread my other close work friend announcing she’s pregnant for the sadness of having to deal with it and the idea of being left at work by myself dealing with all the madness alone and the fact that I’m crap and can’t get pregnant. Trying to be normal all day is tough. I’ve been getting constant “when are you having a baby chat” at work too.

I’m doomsdaying about it all a bit. Husband works away which doesn’t help. Been alone the last month. Desperate for him to try and change jobs but it’s scary for financial security etc too. The whole thing feels tough and I’m not dealing very well at all.

@CurbsideProphet i know you were told you need ivf are you on a waiting list for that?

@Rosie189 nope don't give up hope ! Trust in the process 🥰

@Rosie189 I have my skype appointment with the Consultant just after new year and I'm expecting to start either end of January or mid February, depending on how busy they are. I'm hoping the consultant will be able to say for definite which cycle, as when admin booked the appointment they implied that I could ring on the 2nd day of my cycle in January and be told they're too busy. I just need to know for my mental health.
How lonely for you to have your DH working away through this. I described it to my DH as a daily mental marathon. I feel like a horrible person but I'm crippled with jealousy this week that DH's sibling is pregnant after ttc for hardly any time in comparison to us. Probably 2 months.

@CurbsideProphet good! Thanks for asking, just the usual for me lol! How are you? Just read more of your posts, perhaps you should consider counselling now? Not sleeping can't be helping your mental health x
@lucyrp forgot you snuck over here too Lucy Lou, congrats again my lovely ☺️
@Rosie189 I feel your pain, me too with the little cries! You're not crap for not getting pregnant though, you need to change your way of thinking. Try some mindfulness exercises. There's podcasts on them, that might help. And tell ppl that's such a personal question to ask so that they feel embarrassed and don't ask again! Feel for you with DH being away a lot, do you have family nearby?x

@lucyrp massive congratulations!!! First positive in this thread!! 😊😊😊 how long had you been TTC again?

@CurbsideProphet yes had my appointment and private bloods done. Was all go until the clinic have added on an extra £900 to our original quote so we are now going to have to think about stopping the private process as it's money we don't have atm 😞

I hope everyone is doing okay. I've been MIA on here due to mentally busy shifts at work and the busiest night shifts I've ever had.

@notyetamumbuttrying I did indeed, thanks again🥰🥰

@Theawkwardblonde this was the 16th month of ttc 🤯 it was draining but so worth it in the end. Let's hope it's a sticky one 🥰

@Theawkwardblonde what do you do again? Wow wee how shit of the clinic! Sorry hun 😞

@Theawkwardblonde an extra £900 out of nowhere 😯 that's awful. Can you get anywhere with the NHS?

@notyetamumbuttrying I'm back to acupuncture on Saturday after a few weeks off. I think that will help me. I was doing ok until the news of DH's pregnant sibling. The sadness just swelled up again like a tsunami.

Thanks all.

@Theawkwardblonde how frustrating about the extra costs!

@CurbsideProphet 🤞 you get to start soon.

@notyetamumbuttrying I do have family fairly close by. Not seeing them much at the moment due to covid though. DH back at the end of the week. The last week he’s away is always the toughest. It’s a lot easier to be positive when he’s here. Hoping he can find something different soon and be home. Ovulated yesterday and the frustration of a wasted cycle doesn’t help the negative feelings.

@lucyrp thanks and congratulations again!

@lucyrp so happy for you! Keeping everything crossed 😊😊

@notyetamumbuttrying replied to you on the other thread too 😂😂 I work in the emergency services (won't specify which one which will no doubt give a clue). Husband and I both work opposite shifts which is a pain for TTC.

@CurbsideProphet got my estimate costs for everything which was around £1500, which was doable. Rang to book my internal scan and it's an extra £900. Just sat and cried. Got my second consultation in jan as need to find out my blood test results (fyi bloods done privately have cost £850 😂). Going to ask the consultant if I can be referred onto their nhs clinic as they run that too. I know it's worth the money, but we just don't have £2400 sat to be spent 😞

AF here today so trying so hard to remain positive! On a positive note this AF is more normal than my last few have been so I'm hoping I've actually ovulated this month.

@Rosie189 thank you!

@Theawkwardblonde thank you trying to stay positive ! ☺️

@CurbsideProphet ah it's so crushing hearing ppl close to you fall isn't it. Hope acupuncture helps then. I've been thinking about doing reflexology. A couple of the other girls I speak to have said they've found it great so gonna get some sessions booked in next month.
@Rosie189 oh god yeah, I bet it's really tough! I'm glad he's looking for other work. That'll defo help if he's not away as much.
@Theawkwardblonde I'll reply over here as well 😂 ok I see. Sounds like a stressful job too! I bet you're like ships in the night then. I guess you have to be really strategic with swapping shifts etc so that you can see each other without taking too much leave.

@Rosie189 aww I feel for you with dp being away. Although not quite the same, we work opposite shifts so go days without seeing one another-not ideal for TTC 😞

I'm in two minds about acupuncture 🤔 I'm terrified of needles or anything that can stick in skin. I've heard it works wonders but worried I'll be sick the whole time 😂

@notyetamumbuttrying we get but a few days off a month, if that. Very hard scheduling in TTC (as awful and military as that sounds) 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

@Theawkwardblonde @notyetamumbuttrying amazingly he’s just been offered a role working from home for 6 months. Surprising and still waiting on details but very excited! Hopefully it’s a good and possible change.

@Rosie189 brilliant! The universe does listen sometimes 👏🏾
@Theawkwardblonde it sounds pretty bollocks! 😆 Have you both done this since you met?

@Theawkwardblonde I hate needles and can't look when I have blood tests etc. I've been having acupuncture and they're not really like normal needles as they are so fine. I don't watch while she inserts them and I do find it very relaxing.

On the costing front, I paid £95 for my AMH blood test and £350 for my internal scan. This was at a private fertility clinic. I can PM you the name as it is a chain.

@Rosie189 I so hope for you that the WFH role is an option for your DH 🤞🏻🤞🏻

@notyetamumbuttrying I've had reflexology and really liked it. I only stopped because I felt that I was spending ££££ on everything and we had the bill from the appointments at the private clinic. I'm hoping to have a couple of appointments in January before IVF to help me relax 🧘🏻‍♀️

@CurbsideProphet I'll be starting in jan too. Should give me a good run up to March then. I really hope we can start in March 😬🤞🏾

@notyetamumbuttrying isn't the waiting a killer 😬
DH and I have agreed that if we have an awful time with IVF and I'm not pregnant by next Christmas then we will definitely go away just the two of us and stay in a lovely cottage in the Lake District. That's made me feel better. This Christmas feels really hard, so at least I won't have to do this again next year.