TTC journey after a late pregnancy loss

[Greenbks]

Hi everyone,

I am 30 years old and live in London. My husband and I lost our son at just under 5 months in February this year. He was born alive and we got around an hour with him on my chest while his heart beat. It has been the most difficult and heartbreaking experience of our lives. I’ve turned to Mumsnet several times since for support.

Prior to losing my son, I had a mmc around 8 weeks in August last year and a chemical in early 2018, but we weren’t ttc when I had the chemical.

This is cycle number 5 for us. I thought it would be easier to conceive since i became pregnant (three times before) after the first try. It’s becoming frustrating after so many losses but in July I decided to do some research and noticed my luteal phase was short (where it wasn’t before) and could mean I had hormonal imbalances. So I have been eating healthy and have lost a bit of weight to aid a healthy pregnancy.

I’ve seen and have been keeping up with several threads which exist for ttc after a miscarriage and had even joined several after my mmc in August last year, however I just don’t feel like they fit what I’ve been through this time. Please don’t get me wrong, my mmc was devastating but I picked myself up, went to the gym, socialised carried on working etc and felt better soon after. This time, I am in a very dark place and even if I find myself pregnant, simply getting to 12 or 13 weeks will not ease my mind due to losing my son at almost 20 weeks.

I suspect there are women out there like me who unfortunately understand this anxiety and may want to join this thread to vent your fears, symptom spot whilst trying to conceive (🤞🏽 For us all) and finally have a healthy pregnancy.

I am 7dpo in cycle 5.

@Greenbks We actually have another scan for this baby on the 16th so I am not sure what we are doing for the twins. I think it's like I want to think about it but avoid it at the same time if that makes sense.
I'm having a csection as I asked for one as going into to labour and giving birth (probs the wrong word) to the twins knowing they had passed away was so hard. I want this birth experience to be very different and the consultant agreed it might help make it more positive.
Have you thought about your birth plan yet? I'm being referred to the perinatal mental health team to get some support around my anxiety about this baby. The care I have had has been so good, I have been really lucky.
Do you find that some days you Bob along fine and then others it really hurts all over again?

@Greenbks how are you doing?

@Crazylemon86 sorry I missed your post, Im so sorry for your loss and I hope everything went well x

@Norasmum hi, I now have a 7 week old baby girl. It all went well thanks, they bought my csection forward in the end as I was struggling with weekly checks due to low fluid. I hope you are doing ok

@Crazylemon86 so sorry- I too missed your post somehow. Congratulations on your baby! How is it going? I’m glad you got a c section, I know you wanted one for very good reasons.

And yes, it still hits me pretty hard.

@Norasmum I’m doing really well- I actually have an eight week baby girl. I wasn’t due until mid September But she decided to arrive 6 weeks early while I had covid. My water broke at home and then I had her within 4 hours of that. We rushed to the hospital as I had a stitch in & was being prepped to have that removed but in the end they needed to deliver her. All became an emergency but thankfully everything turned out well & baby didn’t need to be incubated.

How are you getting on?