TTC baby no1. Looking for fellow crazy TTC friends!

[CAG14]

Hey

This is my 9th month TTC my first baby and I'm 33. I got static smiley on Friday on OPK, and now I'm in my TWW - again! I'm currently on furlough so the wait seems even longer and more painful and I definitely end up going a bit crazy 🤪

Anyone else in similar boat and need keeping sane?! Also any TTC tips you've heard of? I will literally try anything at the moment haha.

@Mia1985x yeah same it just makes it awkward! My sister in law even asks me what I’m drinking on bloody zoom calls 😂 What about picking up some alcohol free drinks? Apparently M&S do a couple of half decent wines and fizz, and there’s a massive market for alcohol free beers. When I found out I was pregnant last year it was right before the beginning of the Xmas build up and I managed to sail through various parties, family gatherings etc all on alcohol free stuff without anyone cottoning on - feel like I should have won a flippin Oscar! That being said I don’t think the odd drink can really do that much harm so I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself 👍🏻

@Mia1985x yes! Why can't people just accept you're not having an alcoholic drink and keep their nose out. Really riles me!

@Mia1985x it was a Femometer which I think is 20iu. I also had a couple of glasses of prosecco last night after yesterday’s bfn 🤦🏻‍♀️ Ah well, too early for it to have caused any worries and it was just 2 little glasses

Thanks @LT103 I have some femometer ones so might give 1 a try on Thursday and take a few with me. I have FRER too so if I happen to be in any doubt at all I will use one of them.

Glad to here that it's not just me who feels like that. We are all staying in a big cottage together and I think it would be really hard to get away with an alcohol free version with my nosy nosy family Haha! Well done @Pippy20 for pulling that off, sounds like you done a great job Haha. I completely don't mind saying to them I'm just not drinking as I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be surprised to hear we are TTC but it's almost another added pressure or disappointment in a way. About 8 months ago I was at a family wedding during my TWW and I actually was convinced that month it was going to happen so I had alcohol free wine and at christmas everyone was saying to me we were waiting on the announcement after that day. @Stabal you are so right, just accept and stop making judgements/assumptions.

I can actually see me cracking with them and saying look we've been trying for 14 months now, it's not happened yet and I'm probably not pregnant right now but all you are doing is adding extra pressure and stress. Although that would probably make them feel terrible 🙈

It's on par with the people who say oh yous will be next, when you going to have kids already, better get to it before it's too late etc etc. Just things I would never think of saying to people. Especially now my eyes are open to how difficult it can be and how everyone can be going through things you dont even realise. So nice to have you guys who just understand this!

Ugh there’s nothing worse than people saying why don’t you have kids/asking when/why/how etc. I used to always answer the ‘when are you going to have kids’ question with ‘as soon as we get back from our trip to Japan!’ which is immediately followed by oh so when are you going to Japan?! And my reply was always ‘that’s none of your business!’ most people laughed and got the message, and they get my sense of humour which is pretty dead pan.

My friend used to always reply to nosy questions with ‘why are you so interested in knowing about when my husband and I have unprotected sex?!’ lol

I mean to be fair for most people it’s just the excitement of it and nothing is really meant by it, as insensitive as it seems. My sister jokes that she used to ask as she wanted me to suffer along with her 😂

Hahaha @Pippy20 I absolutely love that response 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yeah you are right and I know it comes from the right place when people ask or make assumptions etc. Which is why I usually just smile and say hopefully one day. Think the longer time goes on the more we let these things get to us too.

@mia1985x @pippy20 I totally understand this! I get the questions all the time, or just people constantly checking what I am drinking and if I am drinking. The worst was when one of my friends husbands

@pippy20 @Mia1985x dunno what happened there. Posted before I had finished!! I was saying one of my friends husband's and a bbq took a sip of my drink to see if it had gin in it or just tonic!! He said he just had a feeling "I was hiding something". So rude.

@CAG14 oh my god I can’t believe someone actually thought it was necessary/okay to do that?! That’s mad 😂

Also why does everyone assume every adult should be drinking alcohol at a social event and if they’re not it’s only because they must be pregnant?! Sometimes you just crave an appletiser people!

@Mia1985x @Pippy20 I feel ya! I know most people don’t mean it in a bad way.
Even worse when you weren’t ready for a baby & you’re asked “so when are you planning on having a baby” and you reply with “I don’t want a baby right now so no idea” and it’s met with judging eyes and face 😂
I used to be so unsure about whether I wanted a baby but it turns out I just wasn’t with the right person and that’s why I was so conflicted, now I’m with someone where we’re both on the same page and turns out we both want a baby together but as he already has a son who’s 12 I also get “that’s a big age gap for when you decide to have a baby isn’t it” 🤦🏼‍♀️ Literally can’t win girls haha
But I have grown thicker skin and tried not to let it bother me as most people don’t even realise what they’ve said is insensitive in some way

@CAG14 as if they did that!! What if you was hiding it and didn’t want to tell anyone they just ruined it 🤦🏼‍♀️
doesn’t help that I’ve probably never been to an event and not drank so I’ve not done myself any favours there hahaha 🍷

@CAG14 wow that is so rude! What did you say to that?? Even if I ever thought a friend or relative was possibly pregnant I would not straight out ask or be so inquisitive. People have to respect that someone will tell you when they want to which should surely be all that matters.

Does anyone feel the pressure from parents and in laws also?

@Pippy20 haha craving an appetiser 🤣

@LMA27 yeah before we were TTC and I was totally not ready to even think about having kids we used to get that all the time. I've been with my husband for 11 years and we used to always get isnt it about time you 2 settled down, got married and had kids. I found it the same with the oh he's going to propose chat. We were 9 years in when we got engaged and married, not everyone does things on the same timescale as others! That must be hard getting the whole age gap chat as well 🙈 just respond with well at least he can help out more IF we do decide to have a baby.

@CAG14 I am the exact same haha so know it would be cause for instant integration. Even the odd time I have drove to an event people say is that your cover up 🙈🙈

@LMA27 haha yeah I always drink at events as well so it would be obvious.

@Mia1985x I actually got quite angry and it was obvious. My friend (his wife) saw and had a go at him luckily so I could keep quiet.

@CAG14 good on your friend! Let's put it down to an insensitive clueless man in this instance 😜

@Mia1985x my sister already has two young children - first grandchildren of the family so my parents are pretty content lol. To be fair my parents have always been exceptionally chill and were like if you want kids great if you don’t then great - don’t bow to the pressures of society. My mum recently said to me she couldn’t imagine me having children as they ‘wouldn’t fit in with my lifestyle’ ummmm not really sure what my mum thinks I do 😂

My in laws are desperate for grandchildren though, and they were the only people we told I was pregnant, and sadly we were staying at theirs when I had the miscarriage so they’ve literally been through it all with us - they were so excited it’s really sad. It’s another thing which makes me put a stupid amount of pressure on myself. And another worry is if I do get pregnant again what happens if I miscarry again - I don’t think I could handle going through all that a second time :-(

@Pippy20 sorry I thought I’d replied to you about ‘lightening crotch’ haha such a weird name. I’m desperately trying not to google symptoms so I’ll take your word for it for now, and at the end of the TWW I guess we’ll see if it was anything or nothing 😊 x

@Pippy20 didn’t see you last reply so hope you don’t think my previous reply was insensitive sorry.
It must have been so hard for you, at least you had a support group in them which must have helped you and probably helped them too 💕

@Pippy20 haha your mum must think you live a rock and roll life 🤣 that's good your parents are so relaxed about it.
That must have been such a hard time for you all and can only imagine you are feeling the pressure of their disappointment as well as your own. If you dont mind me asking how far along were you? I really cannot imagine what it must feel like or how you deal with something like that. Sounds like you are being really positive though and giving it your all again now. Hopefully it's just one of those unfair and unexplainable situations in life and wont happen again 🤞🏻

@Mia1985x I was 11 weeks - and I had felt absolutely fine the whole time, and then one weekend whilst we were at the in-laws I had some bright red blood and had felt a bit meh all weekend but I stayed positive and thought well I feel okay and I have no pain so it’s probably nothing! Managed to scrape through the weekend and got an appointment on the Monday morning at the hospital for a scan. They then found there was no heartbeat and measuring about 8 weeks so it was a missed mc - my body was still merrily going along thinking I was pregnant. Can’t even describe the feeling - one minute you are having a baby and have the whole year mapped out and the next you’re not. I’d always know the statistics etc and knew it was a possibility - what I wasn’t prepared for was the aftermath of it all and the fact there is absolutely no follow up. It’s then all the horrible stuff like having to get rid of the stuff the midwife had given me at my first appointment and I’d also bought a couple of maternity dresses for work as I’m quite small and seemed to be expanding rapidly 😂. Sorry to bring such a downer to the group - it’s good to be able to ‘talk’ about it. When I try and talk about it in person it makes me cry lol so writing stuff down is far easier and definitely helps move forward and stay positive, although not a day has gone by when I haven’t thought about it. I find it easier to write down what I’m feeling/thinking because talking about it out loud and hearing how sad I sound makes things 84738 times worse. Does that make sense? Or have I officially lost it? 😂

@Pippy20 aw so sorry you went through all of that 😥 and can totally understand why you would still feel upset talking about it. That's good that writing how your feeling down helps though. Its all those things afterwards that you don't even think about, must be so hard.

@Pippy20 your experience made me well up. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's honestly indescribable the pain it causes and how quickly it comes around when you still feel pregnant and think everything is fine. Like a literal tonne of bricks in a second. Last night I couldn't sleep and felt a bit weepy and went and looked at my 6 week scan photo trying to get the happy feeling back of seeing the flickering heartbeat then. It's so awful and I think everyone around me is fed up of me bringing the miscarriage up but it was very real, it was a part of my life and I don't mention it for attention, it's helping me process it. Anyway, I'm off on another rant here again and I'll stop 😂

@Pippy20 and @Stabal I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. It must have been heartbreaking and absolutely understand it is easier to take about your feelings by writing them down. I hope you both get your happy ending soon 💕

@1992EM thank you! I'm hopeful it will happen. 2 years of thinking it was impossible then we conceived, at least I know we can now

@Stabal aw so sorry you feel that way, I'm sure with some people they just dont know what the right thing to say is but if it helps you to talk about then I would 100% say continue to do that for as long as you want. That's also a good way to think about it, I'm conscious of not saying to people in your situation it must be a relief that you know you can fall pregnant as I'm sure those words dont make the loss any easier whatsoever. But it's good you take comfort from knowing that and I really do hope you both get happy outcomes soon 💕