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Conception

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Original poster

TMI- possible two fathers

138 replies

NameChangedMarch · 01/03/2020 17:10

Hi all, I have name changed for this as I really need some help.

I am late on my period today by 2 days.

Conceived date was 13th Feb. I have a 28 day usual cycle, no problem. I am not on any contraception at the moment...

I had sex with this man I am seeing at the moment (man 1) he finished in me 3 times over the course of 1 day/ evening. I had been staying at his for a few days. 13th was the only day we had sex (3 times).

Man 2 (my ex) I stupidly slept with the next day but we used protection. I was stupidly quite drunk, but the next day he told me he had w**ked himself off, and then put his 'covered' fingers inside me... I will not tell you what my reaction was to that AngrySad

This was when he was doing something to me....

I know this sounds really, really bad but please don't judge me. I feel silly for even asking this but I need some advice. If I do not come on over the next few days I will of course take a test.

Obviously man 1 has the most chance... but he is a heavy smoker of 15 years, I hear that can reduce the sperm quality? Man 2 is a lot more healthier Sad

Thank you to anyone who has read this x

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 02/03/2020 20:33

Well even more unlikely to be man 2, as the egg doesn’t live long if unfertilised, only 12-24 hours.

StealthMama · 02/03/2020 20:35

The age if the men really has little to do with this. You're saying one man full on ejaculated in you 3 times whilst ovulating, and a second man may have had sperm on his fingers and stuck them in you. There's no real question here as to who got you pregnant.

Gravity and physics.

LochJessMonster · 02/03/2020 20:36

Your attitude’s all a bit shits and giggles isn’t it OP? agree

Lillipop87 · 02/03/2020 20:36

Some of these replies are really harsh. I think she realises that she made a mistake with man 2 and that has absolutely no bearing on her ability to be a good mother! There are plenty of people in long term relationships ect that don't make good parents .what an awful think to say to her. Op I think you should take a few days to let it all sink in and see where you want to go from there have you got any close friends family members for support?x

Lillipop87 · 02/03/2020 20:38

Awful thing not think !

LosingtheTTCplot · 02/03/2020 20:45

Some of the comments on here are just seriously disgusting and judgmental.

OP was looking for advice and support, she’s in a challenging situation and none of us know how she is actually feeling.

#bekind

Original poster
NameChangedMarch · 02/03/2020 20:50

Thank you @Lillipop87 I have no family members I can talk to about anything like this at the moment. I have a close friend I could mention something too. Thank you Thanks

Ignoring the hateful comments.

For anyone who is asking I'm 29 Hmm

OP posts:
JuanSheetIsPlenty · 02/03/2020 20:59

If there was even the slightest chance it is man 2’s child I would terminate and then try again with man 1 as you obviously want a child with him, and you’re obviously fertile. I wouldn’t take the risk, for my own or the baby’s sake, that it could be man 2s child.

HakunaMatata90 · 02/03/2020 21:04

Just wanted to say I can't believe some of the horrible comments on here?! What does anybody get out of saying such awful things, especially when someone is reaching out and asking for help? It's just so unnecessary!

For what it's worth, like everyone else has said it seems much much more likely that it's man 1. Congratulations, I'm sure you will be a wonderful mum regardless of who the dad is. As someone else said, take a few days to try to get your head around it all and decide what to do moving forward. I don't envy the position you are in, but I hope you manage to find a way through it x

Original poster
NameChangedMarch · 02/03/2020 21:21

@JuanSheetIsPlenty I think you are correct x

OP posts:
Original poster
NameChangedMarch · 02/03/2020 21:22

Thank you so much  @HakunaMatata90 xxx Thanks

OP posts:
JuanSheetIsPlenty · 02/03/2020 21:27

My biggest regret is who I picked to be my DC father. (The pregnancies were unplanned but I still chose to have them with him as their dad) if I could chose again I’d chose differently. For my DCs sake. I think it’s probably the most important decision you can make wrt parenting and choosing the right father is the best gift you can give your child.

Sunshineand · 02/03/2020 22:21

The situation has no bearing on whether OP will be a good mother or not, but I just want to point out the double standard that if it was a man saying he had cheated on the woman he was seeing the comments on here would be very different.

Original poster
NameChangedMarch · 03/03/2020 07:53

@Sunshineand bloody hell... and I'd just like to point out I haven't actually 'cheated' on anyone. I don't have to explain why..... Mad how it can be twisted. Typical MN.

OP posts:
YellowFlower22 · 08/03/2020 13:59

@NameChangedMarch how's it going? Have you had chance to speak to either?

Original poster
NameChangedMarch · 08/03/2020 14:24

@YellowFlower22 I have not spoken to either. Man 1 is very unpredictable and I don't think would help the situation.

Right now I have made the decision for myself which is to not go ahead with the pregnancy. I am so sorry if that upsets anyone on here.

If the situation was different (I wish it was), I would absolutely like to go through with it. I am upset with my own stupidity but have learnt my lesson. Sad

OP posts:
Raleighx · 08/03/2020 14:44

That is one of the most difficult decisions someone can make. I understand why you've made it.

Hopefully it will be a lesson x

YellowFlower22 · 08/03/2020 14:53

@NameChangedMarch wishing you all the best. Hard decision but yours to make. 🌼

Original poster
NameChangedMarch · 08/03/2020 15:14

Thank you both. I have been up some nights for the past week trying to make this decision.

It's especially difficult as I do suffer with endometriosis ... I didn't think I could get pregnant which was part of me being naive Sad

I feel extremely lucky I was able to get pregnant.

I just can't believe it but big lesson learnt. X

OP posts:
Beau20 · 09/03/2020 11:19

@NameChangedMarch No judgments OP - termination is one of the hardest decisions you can ever make. Please make sure it is 100% right for you, forget about either man for now as for all you know, even if you went ahead with the pregnancy, either one could walk out and leave you a single mother.

As weird as this sounds, think about being a single mum - would you want the baby? If so then keep it.

I had a termination 3 years ago with my current partner, it was a really really bad time and not right in that moment. I hate myself for it, it was the right choice. But now we have been trying for a planned baby for 7 month and no joy - I can't lie the guilt is killing me.

I'm not saying keep it, I'm not saying terminate - just make sure you don't regret whatever decision you make xx

Butterflyflower1234 · 09/03/2020 11:29

I really hope you are honest with both men and explain either would could be the father.

Whilst the likelihood is it's man 1, you can not rule out man 2. It's ridiculous that man 2 did this without you knowing. All seems very odd to me like a trap.

Either way I've seen this before where someone thought one man was the dad and it turned out to be the other. Don't ruin two men's lives with stringing them along.

Original poster
NameChangedMarch · 09/03/2020 11:30

Thank you @Beau20 I am sorry to hear you feel like that. I will be honest and say one worry is when I terminate the pregnancy will it be hard for me again to get pregnant?

I am early enough that I will just be taking a pill over 2 days, so it is non-surgical. Although it wouldn't make a difference to me. I am so sorry to talk about this.

I would certainly be able to handle being a single mum although i am 26 and this would be my first child, I do feel I need the support of farther forward my first Sad

X

OP posts:
NoMorePoliticsPlease · 09/03/2020 11:35

I dont think either of these men sound like a good deal

Original poster
NameChangedMarch · 09/03/2020 11:38

@Butterflyflower1234 I haven't told either and I don't need to, so I will not be stringing either along. Thanks x

OP posts:
Butterflyflower1234 · 09/03/2020 11:40

Sorry hadn't realised you've decided to terminate. Best of luck with that.

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