Got a BFP, not sure how I feel and DH isnt going to be happy

[hogwarts]

I've also posted on the pregnancy board.

My period was late and yesterday I did a Pg test and got a BFP. DH and I have discussed another child, we have 2 already 5 & 8 and he was very much against it although I was very keen. We agreed that we wouldnt have another child and concentrate on our relationship. Circumstances at the min are not great financially although we had DS when I was 21 so not great timing then either! I havent told him that I have done the test but did tell him yday that it was very late - he has said constantly I hope you aren't pregnant. A bit of background is that DH had an affair 3 years ago and we seperated for 9 months. We are now very much together and have a stronger relationship, I'm just so scared that he will take this news badly and leave as he has been texting me all morning to tell me to get a test and do it and that he is worried sick that it is going to be BFP. I asked him this morning if he loved me which he answered yes, I asked him if he would still love me if I was pg and he said yes but he really did not want another child. I know this may seem insensitive of me when there are so many people trying very hard to conceive, its just such a very very big shock to me. Part of me is so pleased but the rest is shocked/scared/worried about DH reaction. I had my mirena coil out earlier this year, been on Cilest pill since. I am due to be bridesmaid at my brother and SIL wedding next March, by my reckoning I will be around 7 months pg by then - I'm due to go for the first fitting on Thursday - do I tell them or not, I dont want them to pay any money when I know I wont be able to do it but then again as I am only 4/5 weeks I dont want it made public....

What a pickle I'm in .... Please help

Thats a brilliant attitude to have.. I brought my DD up all on my own and have just had my friends and family around me and although its hard it is worth it in the end, ive never felt love like i do for my DD.. She's a little diamond she asks questions every now and then and as much as i dispise her father id never say a bad word (its up to her to make her mind up!) you also have loads of virtual support here.

Me however, has not even had a phone call considering we were meant to meet up.. i feel like calling him and screaming down the phone at him. but unfortunately im better than that

Sparkle... do you need to meet up? Do you want to? Are you sure you even need him in your life? You've done so awesome with your little DD... you sound so strong and mature - won't he be just dragging you down and hurting your feelings more? I doubt he'll have anything new to say?

I dont feel strong and mature. Im only 25!!!! Feel like my whole world is crashing down again.. I dont know maybe part of me wants him to be interested, maybe there is questions i want answered? I think im scared ill be on my own all over again.. and considering we'd had hte baby talk before we'd split up i suppose i thought he'd react like a man and not a boy. I haven't seen him since and as we work in the same building and he works with my staff part of me thinks its best to face him before i go back in?

WELL DONE HOGWARTS,

i'm soooo glad you kept the appt with your gp. You sounds loads more positive about this pregnancy already. Glad that you are giving your DH the date/time of your scan and leaving the decision to him. Even if he decides not to go you know that we will all be there with you and will be patiently waiting here to share your news.

Just wanted to share my experience for an early scan. I had a scan at the early preg clinic unlike you I wasnt sure about my dates. I thought I was 9 1/2 wks but the scan showed I was 8 +2. They tried a tummy scan but as little bean was so small they had trouble finding him (i'm sure its a boy) so they did an internal scan. Try and not worry about a internal scan - I found it loads easier than a smear test if thats any help.

thinking of you x

hogwarts, I am really, really proud of you!

So glad your GP was kind and helpful.

hogwarts u r a star. sounds like we're all glad u went, hope u feel much better for it.

My early scans were all internal (b4 12 weeks) and no probs - they kept it dignified. just had to stop myself dissolving into giggles when they slap the condom on the ultrasound probe and squirt KY all over it so funny. at least you have been warned (if a little TMI!)

hey, sparkle! the only baby you are better off without is the big one who helped u conceive the one u r carrying. at least he did something useful?

Sorry I didn't get back on yesterday.

I spoke to my lovely doctor who first thing asked how I was after being in to see him. I have an appointment on Monday afternoon for a scan. Told DH and havent mentioned it again to him. I'm not sure how I am going to arrange for someone to collect DC from school though, need an excuse for being out at that time of the day.

Crikey gigglewitch I hope they don't produce the condoms and KY! I'll be in stiches! I've a feeling the appointment isn't in the maternity ward which I'm glad about, I need to ring up and check where the ward is. I know so many people who are pregnant at the minute its a dead cert that I would bump into one of them

So, Monday afternoon at 245 - Are you all free to come with me????

My sister had a dating scan at 7 weeks (she's 28 now) and that was just a normal ultrasound..

I dispise him.. and his stupid girlfriend.. i dont believe he did tell his mum it all seems a bit wierd and to ask me for proof.. i had to get my doctor to write a letter but due to the postal strike have had nothing.

I really dont know whether to just leave it and ignore him.. Or be really spiteful and tell his girlfriend (the joys of facebook ha ha ha) or what.. i really do not know what to do.. Who in there right mind would stay with someone who's ex gf is 6 weeks pregnant? I wouldnt.. im so confused

I'll be there to hold your hand Hogwarts

Sparkle - do you have proof that he is actually back with the ex or could he just be saying that in the hope it gets to you? Men can be really good at knowing which buttons to push

You'll get your first picture.. i love that! You can take me in your pocket if you want! LOL

Fingers crossed all is okay.. DH may come round once he see's the picture you never know.. Could your parents not pick your DC up?

He Told me.. and it all matches up.. This is really immature and pathetic.. but he deleted me off facebook.. and added her...! Although i dont know when they got back together we split up a month ago.. he stayed here on the 19th september (i think this is THE night) and i saw him 2 weekends ago tomorrow.. But im just not sure.

He was with her for like 3 years.. and i feel so depressed about it all because my confidence has gone.. apparently she's slightly crazy according to him and his mates.. she's not the most attractive (not that thats the issue but) it has really knocked my self esteem to the floor. I dont know what to do.

When i told him on tuesday all he kept saying was im going ot be single my relationship with Laura will be out the window blah blah like i care about her i dont like her.

I'm hoping that they will Sparkle, but just need to have a reason why I can't. Oh the secrecy!
Thanks Greebos!

Sparkle, if I were you I would leave your ex and his new girlfriend alone. Let him come to you, let him tell her. I understand your tempation to tell her via face book but don't, hold your head high, be a better person that he is being and be proud. I was so tempted when I discovered DH affair to drive to her house and knock the living daylights out of her (i never would have done but was soooo mad), I had access at that time to her parents telephone number and I wanted to ring and tell them just how lovely their lovely daughter was but I didn't. I stayed proud and didn't fall to their level. You can do that too. Let him have time to accept it, ignore his calls (if he calls) and take time to look after yourself and your DD. He'll come to you, they always do. My aunt, who has been through everything imaginable told me that when DH left me, I took her advice and left him. Once they work out that you aren't doing the running they come to see why.

Dentist appointment lol.. Doctors appointment works wonders!! Could you not say you have a meeting at work or something?

I dont know if i can keep my mouth shut i feel like just going off on one and him and her.. I dont know if he cheated on me.. but he has clearly on her with me.. which ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i want to say something i really do.. biting my tongue is really hard i just want revenge.. i think id feel so much better. Everyone is telling me to bide my time and what goes around comes around but i just dont think im patient enough.
He never told her about me.. he lied to her the whole time we were together and it caused huge rows between us but i think thats just men.... I sound like a kid right now.

hogwarts, good luck for the scan on Monday.

sparkle, hard though it may be, you should leave it to him to tell the ex and get some space between you and him for the time being.

((((((hugs))))) to you both xx

Hi Hogwarts-

I posted earlier on about being pregnant and X leaving...Im 28 weeks today! Spoke to him about a month ago, and he was supposed to coome round...didnt of course! Still hasnt told anyone im pregnant..and showing no signs of changing.
You sound so much more positive and good luck for Monday, will be thinking of you xx

Sparkle123 - sounds like youre in a similar position to me..although as far as i know..he dosnt have a Gf.....Be strong, he really isnt worth you...xx

anyone else not like pregnancy hormones in this situation im up and down like a flaming yoyo

Sorry for gatecrashing your thread hogwarts.

He just called me and i rejected the call and he sent me a text apologising for not meeting me or calling me yesterday and said that ive publically slated him on facebook (actually i just commented on a mutual friends page having ago at him but hey ho childish i know but) and then he left a message saying this really isn't cool blah blah blah

So ive text back saying Phil you really aren't cool. you don't understand how angry i am.

hogwarts i've just read all your messages on this thread and read your story and i was like 'ooh i hope she goes to the doctors' 'oh my god maybe it's ectopic' 'stupid sister in law about the bridesmaids dress' 'git of a husband keeps telling her he doesn't want it' 'oh but at least now he's saying he'll stay'
and so on and so on, it's like a soap opera! i was gripped, so much so i forgot to go and watch neighbours! lol

well now that i've read the whole thing here are my comments:

congratulations!

your husband sounds SO unsupportive and sorry to say this but he also sounds like a w**ker !!! you've forgiven him his affair and tryed hard to make the marriage work, you've always thought of HIM and put his feelings first, i can't believe you were even considering having a termination for his sake but it just goes to show what a caring selfless wife you are to him! He should count himself lucky that he's got such a devoted wife who would be willing to forgive him after an affair.
I think he's being very selfish and using bully tactics like saying 'i'll tell people i don't want it' when ppl ask him about it - how childish, trying to make you feel ashamed! And how typical male to put it all on you and make it your fault and making you feel like some sort of bunny boiler by saying he thinks you planned it! What a paranoid little boy, he needs to grow up - like everyone else has said - he's quite happy to have the sex without thinking of the consequences, if he was so adamant not to have any more kids - snip or no sex. exactly.
you're better off without him if he's gonna try and bully you into getting rid of YOUR baby thats growing inside you ! It's probably already got it's little heart beating in there and moving it's little fingers...how dare he try and guilt trip you into getting rid of it ! Anyway.......

im SO glad you decided against a termination, it's soooo obvious you want the baby and i know you would regret the termination and blame your husband and it'd probably ruin your life and your marriage and you'd never get over it. in my opinion!
i am so happy for you - your parents will be so happy aswell im sure and ur sister will just have to deal with getting your bridesmaids dress adjusted! not your problem! lol.

just be really smug and proud of your little bean, and be excited that you're bringing another little one into your family and giving your children a little brother or sister.
im sure you'll get loads of support even if your pooface husband leaves - shame on him! what a coward!
we'll all be here to help you on mumsnet too!
think how happy you will be when you have a glowing bump and can feel your LO wriggling around inside. Grin at your husband and rub your bump and say 'ha ha im having it and you can't do squat about it so like it' I suspect he won't leave you know...... he's just making empty threats to try and bully you into doing things his way !

Also...folic acid! keep going to the Drs about your pain in ur side....keep smiling...tell everyone!....be proud and stand strong in your decisions and have confidence in yourself as woman that you can do it !!!!

Don't you dare ever feel ashamed on anyone's account, don't apolagise for getting pregnant - you couldn't have done it by yourself! lol

I am so glad to have gone up the board reading your story and that it has come out the way i wanted to hear it come out! lol selfish of me i know!

good luck ! i'll be back! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'll be in your pocket again on monday,hogs just hope it isn't as squashed as the visit to the doctors.Get bigger pockets, woman.

you are such amazing people - this thread could so easily turn into the "all men are b4stards" thread but you're all doing that 'staying proud' thing and are handling it with such integrity, just working out what's best for you and your children. Impressive, hey? bet ya 'men' couldn't do that (sorry couldn't resist.)

I just wish hogwarts and sparkle had proper men, who would appreciate them and stop being so bloody selfish. such caring, intelligent women have got caught up with fellas behaving like right prats. There are decent, loving men out there, don't lose hope. It might be a bit much to try to change the personalities of the ones you've got (or got rid of, sparkle!) more's the pity.

Pixiella, what a lovely post, thank you.

Giggle - how about I bring you in my bag this time?! Joking aside, Ii do need you all to be with me in cyber world on Monday. It got me through the Dr appointment knowing that you would all be here waiting for me to come back and post, silly I know, but knowing you were here helped.

DH hasnt mentioned the scan on Monday directly. He dropped into conversation that he was really busy in work and they have a big job on a the minute so I'm taking it that means he cannot get out of work on Monday to come with me. I'm not that bothered, probably prefer to go alone. Feeling a bit "rounded" today. Clothes aren't tight I just feel a different shape. At 9 ish weeks with #3 do you think I will be starting to get a bump or have I eaten too much chocolate lol! I have eaten the biggest pile of shit for the past 4 weeks, I really do need to start eating more healthily or I am going to end up like a beached whale! DH asked earlier if my parents would babysit as he wanted to take me out for dinner and to cinema, thats a turn up for the books.
So may of the things you said Pixie are true - he is lucky I took him back after the affair but he made it out that I was lucky he decided to come back! I have done so many things for him and the kids, putting them all before me, so yes you are right, this time its about ME. Still terrified of having another baby though, DS will be 9 and depending on dates (at the min EDD is 12 May) DD will be 6 as her bday is end of May. Its a biggish gap. I have given away all my baby stuff too, still have cot and crib, thats all. As you can see today I am of the frame of mind that I am having this baby. In a few hours it will have changed, do you think it will be like this all the way through?

Just a quick post as I'm ill in bed and my laptop battery is about to die on me....

You have been SOOOOO brave, you don't know HOW pleased I was that you DID go to the Dr!!! You've made a huge step there and well done you for following the advise about just giving dh the facts and then leaving it. I bet it works a treat!!! I know it's going to be hard at times but the stronger you are, the more impact it will have on dh - it will make him think!! Whenever you are feeling you can't anymore, just say to yourself.....I AM STRONG, I AM STRONG.....I CAN DO THIS....all those postive thoughts and of course, come and vent on here too

Wow, dinner and cinema, what a turn out for the books, how was he sounding when he suggested that?

As for showing, well I started showing with ds earlier than that but then again, I was quite slim and then suddenly ate loads from 1 week pregnant so yeah, you could have a bump soon! In fact, my clothes were tight when I was only 1/2 weeks pregnant (but it was only 3 months after a mc so could be part down to that).

Have you thought about telling anyone else in RL?

Well, that's it really, just wanted to say I'm SO PROUD of you, keep this up and you'll be just fine

Can I jump into your handbag on Monday too?

Looneytune xx

Hogwarts you're gonna need a bigger bag! If there's no room in there for me on Monday I'll just hang on the strap (I'll be able to see better from there anyway).

I know you're nervous about the age gap but it's really not as bad as you might think. I had dd1 & dd2 (15 months apart) with ex-h. Almost 12 years on I was all settled with dh, the girls were up & mostly doing their own thing & I was working p/t. Then I missed a period I did a test straight away & went into hysterics when the BFP appeared but once I calmed down a bit I realised that I'd done it once & could do it again. dd3 was born March 2005 & ds will be 1 in November (so there's almost 14 years between him & his biggest sis). It's a bit of a shock going back to nappies & night feeds but once you've been doing it a couple of weeks it just feels like 'normal' again lol.

As for the putting on weight thing - I was in maternity clothes at 10 weeks with dd3 & 6 weeks with ds so there was absolutely no way I could have hid it.

Good luck again for Monday - stay strong, enjoy your dinner & movie & keep showing your dh that you won't be bullied.

hope the night out was a good one. Bet you didn't see that one coming
About that age gap thing, my DS1 is fab with DD at 5 years gap, though we do have one in the middle who is a complete nutcase. Bigger age gaps can really work - older helpers who will be thrilled to have a baby. The amount of help i had from a five year old was fab(nearly 7 now and really good with her) so i think u got it made! I would say that tho - my sister is 13 yrs older than me and my brother 15 years older. I'm really close to big bro and my mum, and sister is a bit of a butterfly but great when she's not working crazy shifts. I think siblings relationships are down to personality more than anything else, but with older ones they are more likely to want to protect a lo than be jealous.

And no it's not silly to take all the support you can get, and we would be desperate to know what happened at the docs / scan / etc if you don't get right back on that computer and tell us. This MN is a funny thing, u can really feel for someone you have never met, but feels like you're old friends IYSWIM.

oh no i'm rambling again....so bye bye!!

Hogy just dropping in to say good luck with the scan and make sure you tell us what your little bean looks like and what s/he will be doing during the photo shoot

Sparkle I hope your weekend is calm and relaxing and that your headache DP isn't around to get on your nerves