Got a BFP, not sure how I feel and DH isnt going to be happy

[hogwarts]

I've also posted on the pregnancy board.

My period was late and yesterday I did a Pg test and got a BFP. DH and I have discussed another child, we have 2 already 5 & 8 and he was very much against it although I was very keen. We agreed that we wouldnt have another child and concentrate on our relationship. Circumstances at the min are not great financially although we had DS when I was 21 so not great timing then either! I havent told him that I have done the test but did tell him yday that it was very late - he has said constantly I hope you aren't pregnant. A bit of background is that DH had an affair 3 years ago and we seperated for 9 months. We are now very much together and have a stronger relationship, I'm just so scared that he will take this news badly and leave as he has been texting me all morning to tell me to get a test and do it and that he is worried sick that it is going to be BFP. I asked him this morning if he loved me which he answered yes, I asked him if he would still love me if I was pg and he said yes but he really did not want another child. I know this may seem insensitive of me when there are so many people trying very hard to conceive, its just such a very very big shock to me. Part of me is so pleased but the rest is shocked/scared/worried about DH reaction. I had my mirena coil out earlier this year, been on Cilest pill since. I am due to be bridesmaid at my brother and SIL wedding next March, by my reckoning I will be around 7 months pg by then - I'm due to go for the first fitting on Thursday - do I tell them or not, I dont want them to pay any money when I know I wont be able to do it but then again as I am only 4/5 weeks I dont want it made public....

What a pickle I'm in .... Please help

Hi Hogwarts
I am another of the many who have been following your posts and just thinking about you lots.
I think you are an extremely brave lady because if you weren't you would have let your H bully you into a termination when you weren't sure it was what you wanted. And you haven't done that so even when you are feeling so low and tired, never forget what a fighter you are.
The very best of luck in whatever you decide.

Hi Hogwarts,

good to hear from you, hope you are ok.

((((hugs))) to tearful hogs.

those hormones really are a bummer cos they make everything even more intense than it already is.

hope you can chill out this evening.
Are you off work now?

hope you're all right, hog!

Hogwarts hope you're okay.

How are you Hogwarts? Still thinking of you xxx

Hogwarts - are you ok? I'm worried about you I'm crying all the time due to my hormones and I have nothing as bad as you to deal with! Please come and talk to us, I worry about you a lot you know!!! xxx

((((hugs)))) for Hogs.

Getting a little worried Hogwarts - I hope you're okay?

Hey hogwarts. Sorry to hear you're feeling crappy. Come and write it down. It doesn't matter if you haven't told your Mum yet if that's what's stopping you.

Noone will judge you whatever you decide or whatever thoughts you are having. Hate to think of you going through this alone.

Or if you're just busy and otherwise ok then that's great news Let us know xx

Totally agree

hope you're allright, hogwarts.

same here, looney.

I just hope H hasn't found out about this thread and stopped her coming on!!

looney & expat me too.

just hope she's ok.

even if he did he wouldn't take on the truth: that he's a low life scumbag.

Ah now Expat, I know he hasn't acted the way a husband should, but she has said time & time again she loves him.

When you love someone you try & understand why they are behaving the way they are & you try to make excuses for it, I know I don't agree with the way he has acted towards Hoggy & the wee one, but he is her dh & she has said she loves him.

Also, I know if he loved her the way a man should love his wife he wouldn't make her feel the way she does. But she is bound to have a bump now, if not yet, then quite soon. What hot blooded male wouldn't feel crap about telling his mates his wife was pg & he wasn't pleased.

Believe me, no man would respect his friend for saying his wife was pg & he didn't want the baby

Hog, I hope all is as well as it can be & you're taking care of yourself pet.

yeah, i know that, ff, but he's still a low life.

You're consistent

Well I love my dh but I don't make excuses for him when he behaves like a twat - and he does, in fact he has been right now. He's very likely to loose his job and there's lots of stress but I'm his WIFE and I will not have him take it out on me!!!

Sooooo, expat, I agree with you!

Oh Bless you all. I'm so sorry for worrying you. I've just been feeling pants for the past few days, sickly, tired and achy and not really in the mood for doing anything, infact yesterday I took the kids to school and came home, made my hot water bottle and went to bed until 1pm! I haven't slept properly for weeks and its finally caught up with me. I'm sorry for worrying you all, thanks for caring so much about me (((hugs)) To be honest I was sort of avoiding you all too. Still haven't told my mum and was ashamed to tell you, I want to be really sure that its what I want before I tell her and this week have been considering the alternative. So much so that I even contemplated ringing the Marie Stopes counselling line. I knew if I talked to you all I would have changed my mind back to keeping the baby and so decided to take a break so that I could consider the options "alone" and make my own conclusions. I don't think I could ever go through with it, also would have to travel to England for it and I know that I would need to be 150% sure before I set off. That said, the idea of another baby/child isn't jumping at me either, I know that I would NEVER regret or resent the baby once it was here but at the minute, I don't feel that its what I want. This may be a result of DH reaction - I don't know, I keep thinking that up to a few months ago I DID want another child so whats changed? He has said he won't leave me, he is adament this is not what he wants, he doesnt know if our marriage will survive the pregnancy or after, thinks he may resent me but he has said that he wont leave straight away, but doesnt know how things will work out. That's something I suppose.

Sorry for a long rambling post, Just logged on and saw the posts and had to reply. Thank you again for your concern, I really appreciate it.

Looney and Expat - how are things progressing with you guys? Hope you (and your beans) are all keeping well xx

hogwarts - I have followed this story from the beginning and believe you are a very strong woman. This is what I think for what it's worth, you will have this baby and when your DH claps eyes on him or her he will fall in love with them, it might not happen straight away I know some men don't really bond with newborns but when he or she is toddling around calling him Daddy, his heart will have melted and he will realise what a complete scumbag he was and hopefully he will be man enough to say to you that he was glad you stood up to him and had the baby and it was the best decision you ever made.

And if it doesn't happen like that and he leaves you anyway you will still have your beautiful children and they will have a fantastic, caring mother.

TBH if it were me I would be telling anyone who would listen that I was pregnant but my DH didn't want it and was trying to make me have an abortion. He wants you to keep it a secret then he doesn't need to be ashamed or explain himself to anyone.

I really hope it all works out for you, take care of yourself x

Thanks Hon. Its so hard now to tell people. Its my own fault for leaving it too late, the harder it goes on, the harder it is to tell people.

Good to hear you are ok, Hogwarts.

I think that you were right to have a while to yourself. I have said before, it is easy for me to give you advice, it is not me who has to live with the consequences of your decision. I do hope that you can use us as a sounding board, to get your feelings into order. Do not feel ashamed that you have not told your mum, it is clear to all of us that this will be the point of no return. It is a very important decision and you need to find the right time to speak to your mum.

I am hoping and praying that your husband comes around to the idea of a 3rd child.