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Original poster

Got a BFP, not sure how I feel and DH isnt going to be happy

643 replies

hogwarts · 04/09/2007 11:31

I've also posted on the pregnancy board.

My period was late and yesterday I did a Pg test and got a BFP. DH and I have discussed another child, we have 2 already 5 & 8 and he was very much against it although I was very keen. We agreed that we wouldnt have another child and concentrate on our relationship. Circumstances at the min are not great financially although we had DS when I was 21 so not great timing then either! I havent told him that I have done the test but did tell him yday that it was very late - he has said constantly I hope you aren't pregnant. A bit of background is that DH had an affair 3 years ago and we seperated for 9 months. We are now very much together and have a stronger relationship, I'm just so scared that he will take this news badly and leave as he has been texting me all morning to tell me to get a test and do it and that he is worried sick that it is going to be BFP. I asked him this morning if he loved me which he answered yes, I asked him if he would still love me if I was pg and he said yes but he really did not want another child. I know this may seem insensitive of me when there are so many people trying very hard to conceive, its just such a very very big shock to me. Part of me is so pleased but the rest is shocked/scared/worried about DH reaction. I had my mirena coil out earlier this year, been on Cilest pill since. I am due to be bridesmaid at my brother and SIL wedding next March, by my reckoning I will be around 7 months pg by then - I'm due to go for the first fitting on Thursday - do I tell them or not, I dont want them to pay any money when I know I wont be able to do it but then again as I am only 4/5 weeks I dont want it made public....

What a pickle I'm in .... Please help

OP posts:
Bectheneck · 30/10/2007 17:24

Hope it went well today hogwarts. Have been thinking of you. I'm still in your bag - can I get out now? Am dying for a wee

spooklesandwhine · 30/10/2007 17:42

Hogwarts - I hope things went well for you today, let us know won't you

WitchesEverywhere · 30/10/2007 18:02

Bumping to find out how things went today with your mum ?

bloodsuckingLOONEY · 30/10/2007 18:49

Just wondering the same hunny, hope all is ok. xxx

WitchesEverywhere · 30/10/2007 18:52

I have to go food shopping but I'm hopeing that Hogwarts is missing as she is getting laods of support and cuddles from her mum

WitchesEverywhere · 30/10/2007 18:53

laods loads

bloodsuckingLOONEY · 30/10/2007 18:57

Yeah, hope so!!

Original poster
hogwarts · 30/10/2007 19:23

Didn't do it. Really sorry to you let you all down. Been wobbling all day -Am I ever going to make up my mind. How do I know whats right or wrong? You are right though, my reluctance to tell is because once I do that then thats the final choice. And thats what I am afraid of.

I know that you are all bound to be getting sick of my dithering by now and I am truely sorry. I think I'll stop posting for a few days, see if I can force myself into a decision. The poster from the other day was right, I am dragging this on, I know that. I cannot bring myself to commit to a decision. Therein lies my problem. I'll be giving birth and still dithering at this rate. I so wish that the circumstances were different. FGS I am 31, married, have 2 kids and a semi-stable home. Why am I even considering this, why does it have to be like this, Why is my husband being like this, is a baby really that bad?

Once again, sorry to let you all down.

OP posts:
fawkeoff · 30/10/2007 19:26

HOGS you are not letting anyone down
(((((huge hug)))))) at the end of the day none of us are living your life or being bullied bya complete wanker.you need to do what is best for you.... not anyone else and we will all be here when you make the choice x x x x x

Dropdeadfred · 30/10/2007 19:27

You haven't let anyone down. This isn't a soap opera whilse we're waiting for the next instalment...this is your life, and you baby's life.

Please tell your mum...she can help you. Even if you ultimately decide not to keep the baby at least you will know that you sought all the advice you could and explored the options away from your dh's childish bullying...

bloodsuckingLOONEY · 30/10/2007 19:33

Hogwarts - You are NOT letting us down!!!! I totally agree with what Dropdeadfred. I STILL think you should speak to your mum. You imagine if she ever found out, she'd be so upset you didn't feel you could go to her!! My mum was gutted that I went through my termination alone and wished she'd been there for me to help ME decide rather than being bullied by the family planning people! I think you should go there and let it all out, then as Dropdeadfred said, you will know you sought all the advice you could and explored the options away from your dh's childish bullying!!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGE HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}

kinderBOOsurprise · 30/10/2007 19:34

Do not add worrying about letting us to your list, we are the absolute lowest on your priority list.

The important thing is that you make the decision that is right for you. Noone on this thread thinks that you are dithering for the sake of it. This is a crucial moment in your life and it is understandable that you need to take your time to decide.

If you want to step back from this thread and have some breathing space then do that, we are all going to be here to support you no matter what.

bloodsuckingLOONEY · 30/10/2007 19:41

kinderBOOsurprise - oi, don't shove me, I was JUST getting comfy then As for wine.....if only I could!! Until my scan on Friday, I'm still being careful!!

Hogwarts, as kinderBOOsurprise said, if you feel you need to step away from this thread then do BUT please don't let that H of yours bully you into not speaking up and make sure whatever you decide, you are SURE YOU want it that way!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

expatinscotland · 30/10/2007 20:17

'Why am I even considering this, why does it have to be like this, Why is my husband being like this, is a baby really that bad?'

Because unfortunately, you're married to a disgusting, low life emotionally abusive bully.

You're dithering because you don't want to have a termination. You never have or it would have been finished business weeks ago.

So everytime you wobble, come back and READ this thread.

Diets is right, you can't make a balanced decision so long as you've got this millstone of a 'husband' on your back all the time.

Best of luck.

Bectheneck · 30/10/2007 20:32

Hi hogwarts, you haven't let anyone down don't be daft.

I agree with the others that telling your Mum can only be a good thing. Can you not confide in her that you're pregnant but not sure what decision to make? Or do you feel that you have to have decided what to do before you tell her? From what you've said it doesn't sound like you're afraid of her reaction but more that telling her would mean you couldn't change your mind. Why is that? I can't imagine her being anything but supportive especially if you tell her about H's reaction. Or maybe you don't want her to know about that? I can understand that although I don't think his behaviour should be defended.

Anyway don't stop posting. Noone thinks your dithering at all. It can really help to write down all the conflicting emotions you must be feeling and we are all rooting for you whatever you decide. Stay strong.

If we bump the thread it's not because we want to hear what decision you've made or anything but just because we want to hear how you're doing. You have enough pressure without feeling you're under pressure from us as well.

So, has all the wine gone? I've brought more choc. Shove over you lot

expatinscotland · 30/10/2007 20:36

great post as usual, bec

bloodsuckingLOONEY · 30/10/2007 20:37

Just wanted to say I agree with Bectheneck - none of us are waiting for you to make a decision or anything, we're sending messages to make sure you're ok and to let you know we're here, that's all!

kinderBOOsurprise · 30/10/2007 20:39

Good posts expat and bec.

you lot don't half drink fast. Extra choc for looney as she is not having wine.

maisiemog · 30/10/2007 21:46

Hogwarts, please don't be upset and feel you are letting us down somehow. Of course you aren't, this is a very very very tough decision for you. If you were trying to decide what to have for lunch, OK, this would be a long time, but this is a major, life-changing decision.
I get the impression that you don't want to let anyone down, and I can totally relate to that. You don't want to let your mum down, by telling her you are having a baby, but may have a abortion, you don't want to let your husband down by upsetting him and continuing with the pregnancy, but please don't feel that same pressure with us. It is highly likely you will have to come out and let someone down and not be perfect. Just don't lose sight of yourself whilst you are worrying about everyone else.
We are all 100% here for you, through all the vacillations, that are so normal under these circumstances.
Big Hug!!!

curseofthemummylin · 30/10/2007 22:05

Hogworts,you do not have to account for yourself to us.You can only do what you feel is possible for you.Please know that a lot of people are behind you.Go with the feelings that you have yourself ,not the ones that are being brainwashed into you.Please if you are going to take a break from here let us know either if we can help, or give you support in any other way.

becklespookle · 30/10/2007 23:09

Hogwarts, you are not letting any of us down! It is a massive massive decision you are trying to make here and the circumstances your H is putting you in are not ideal. I would still urge you to speak to your Mum, I am sure she will not judge you whatever you decide and I'm not certain you'll get the support you need from your H even if you decide not to keep the baby.
Big big {{{hugs}}} to you.

gigglewitch · 31/10/2007 00:53

feel for you hogs.
You haven't got an 'audience' here, i really hope it doesn't feel like that. Just a bunch of supporters squashed in your handbag.

The time flies, and every single up and down "dither"-wise that you have mentioned on here is understandable, and i really think you don't deserve to be feeling bad about not knowing what you should do.
It's hard to figure what you want when someone keeps telling you what he wants : isn't that actually called brainwashing?
I have to say in your position I would probably continue to dither til 24 wks and then call it fate... IYSWIM. i wonder.

jabberwocky · 31/10/2007 01:09

Hogwarts, I saw this thread earlier and then have been out of town so I have just now caught up with your situation. I am so, so sorry that you are going through such stress I just wanted to say that a termination has to be something that you yourself feel is the best thing. It cannot be something that someone else wants you to do. I had one at age 18 and even though it was my decision and I knew it was the right thing for me it was still very, very hard and took quite a while to come to terms with. I can tell from your posts that you really want to keep this baby. Please go with what is in your heart. Only you know what you want and need. If you let your dh pressure you into something that you do not want to do, imo, nothing good will come of it and your relationship will suffer anyway. I am a big believer in a woman's right to choose and that means to choose either to have a baby or not but the decision is hers alone. Men in general can be so disconnected from a baby during pregnancy. Another MNer went thru this same thing last year. She has given birth to a lovely baby and all is well.

I will be thinking of you and wishing you well. I really do think that your mother can help give you the emotional support that you need.

Budabeastie · 31/10/2007 06:39

Hi Hogwarts - as others have said - don't worry about us! We are the least of your worries and are hear to "listen".

In some ways I feel your self-called "dithering" is a decision in itself. Dither long enough and you can't terminate.

I am really sorry you are having to go through this. But I think you should tell your Mum.

spooklesandwhine · 31/10/2007 10:24

Hogwarts I know you said you weren't posting for a while but if your lurking i just wanted to say that i hope your ok today. I think its a good idea to try and clear your head maybe go away on your own for a day or two if it will help. Do whats best and you know we will all be here when you need us

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