Got a BFP, not sure how I feel and DH isnt going to be happy

[hogwarts]

I've also posted on the pregnancy board.

My period was late and yesterday I did a Pg test and got a BFP. DH and I have discussed another child, we have 2 already 5 & 8 and he was very much against it although I was very keen. We agreed that we wouldnt have another child and concentrate on our relationship. Circumstances at the min are not great financially although we had DS when I was 21 so not great timing then either! I havent told him that I have done the test but did tell him yday that it was very late - he has said constantly I hope you aren't pregnant. A bit of background is that DH had an affair 3 years ago and we seperated for 9 months. We are now very much together and have a stronger relationship, I'm just so scared that he will take this news badly and leave as he has been texting me all morning to tell me to get a test and do it and that he is worried sick that it is going to be BFP. I asked him this morning if he loved me which he answered yes, I asked him if he would still love me if I was pg and he said yes but he really did not want another child. I know this may seem insensitive of me when there are so many people trying very hard to conceive, its just such a very very big shock to me. Part of me is so pleased but the rest is shocked/scared/worried about DH reaction. I had my mirena coil out earlier this year, been on Cilest pill since. I am due to be bridesmaid at my brother and SIL wedding next March, by my reckoning I will be around 7 months pg by then - I'm due to go for the first fitting on Thursday - do I tell them or not, I dont want them to pay any money when I know I wont be able to do it but then again as I am only 4/5 weeks I dont want it made public....

What a pickle I'm in .... Please help

Hogwarts, I have never posted on your thread but have been following with sympathy, I imagine there are many others like me who are silently following.
Don't give up on this thread the strength that you have shown is incredible, the words of advise and help fantastic.
Hang in there chick and stay strong for your DC.

Thank you. The advice on here has been invaluable, to the person who said that my children will love me unconditionally but my H is putting conditions on his love, it was the best bit of advice given. Some one else wisely said that marriages can be repaired but terminations cannot be reversed. Its words like these that made me stop and realise what I have to do.
Maisie said earlier that maybe my reluctance to "go public" was because once that was done there was no going back. She's right, deep down I know thats what is holding me back.

I will speak to H tomorrow and tell him I intend to tell my mum this weekend. Great birthday this is going to be!

I'm off to bed now, splitting headache and in need of sleep.
Take care all, and Looney - I'll pray for your LO.

Hey hogy~ (kate waves at hogwarts across the cyberspace) Just so you know - I have not posted lately but was reading your post all the time. You're one of the sweetest, most conscientious people I have met. You certainly did not deserve that stupid post. But you know - that goes to show how MN comes so close with R/L. And in R/L there are insensitive comments. But guess what - let's not bring that up anymore (kate hands off hogwarts a cup of hot coca with marshmallows on the top).

I am so pleased to read that you're moving along with your prenatal arrangements. That is just a proof of what a great mom you're

I actually wanted to say that I love the earlier suggestion about giving your H (remember I am not calling him DH, just can't... sorry) a date of when you'll talk to your family. He absolutely can find time to sit down and discuss matters with you. And if he doesn't - well that is another piece of information for you to use as you make decisions about your future with him. I think maybe that is the way to look at this situation - there is a baby... and there is a husband... both are in your future. You're already taking care of your future with the baby... I guess we'll need another thread to chat about the husband deal, huh, girlfriend?

{{{hugs to you}}} gotta run - but will check in with you soon.

Thanks hogwarts I also like the idea of telling H that he has til x to talk and then you're telling your mum etc. Let's face it, you'll be showing soon enough so not like you can put it off - even HE has to see that!

Lots more {{{ hugs }}}, good luck with your mum and with the Dr too. Hope H takes the time to talk but if he doesn't, don't let that stop you going ahead with things!!!

Thinking of you xxx

Lemme tell you this, hog, because I have nothing but daughters.

I will never be disappointed in my girls.

They are mine. They are what I have got.

I love them unconditionally.

I am only 36, but I have lived a thousand years.

There are so many different kinds of love in the world. So many.

There are really no limits.

Please tell your family and friends.

They love you.

If I were your mother, and who knows, one day I may well be the mother to such a woman, I would want to know so I could support my child.

There is no more unconditional love, I am convinced.

FLIGHTYPGONE you disgusting, horrible, insensitive bitch. what the hell do you think gives you the right to post a vile, rude string of crap, and then suggest that others may be thinking it? really, what the hell do you think you are doing?

How dare you talk to someone on here in that manner. Someone who is clearly at the lowest point in her life, struggling to tread water, without going under. have you any idea how damaging a post like that could be to someone in this situation?

you are a nasty piece of work, and i hope to GOD that you never need support, empathy or anything else from mumsnet, as you simply will not deserve it.

Hogwarts is coming here to ESCAPE from the shit that is going on in her real life. It is her place for peace, and support. It is all she really has at the moment. And I think i speak for most of the people on mumsnet when i say that support is exactly what this woman has. Love, care support and as much advise as she needs to get through this difficult time. She is not here to get that kind of thing thrown at her.

Like I say, i sincerely hope you never need this type of input from other posters , and i sincerely hope to god that you never go through anything like Hogwarts is. She is a far better person than you, and as such will survive this, with or without you delightfully sympathetic post. I hope you feel really good about your self now.

Hogwarts sweetheart, PLEASE DO NOT LISTEN TO ANYTHING THAT PERSON HAS POSTED. it is NOT what everyone else is thinking. please continue to post as MUCH as you need, or want. we are always here for you. I know how much of a life line it is.

take care and please please ignore it.

xx

"And I think i speak for most of the people on mumsnet....." - yes you do!!!

FlightyPGone - how dare you? I can't believe someone would come on just to post such a rotten, insensitive & bitchy comment. And as for your apology - "Sorry to be the bearer of harsh news but" - any apology ending in 'but' is meaningless. Don't ever presume to speak for me or anyone else on MN - I give my honest opinions, not what I think people want to hear, same as most other posters. If you don't like this thread then don't fcking click on it - we could do without you anyway, believe me

Hogwarts - I'm glad you were able to ignore the bitch & hope that you're feeling better now. It's obvious that your H has no intention of making the time to talk to you & it's a brilliant idea to give him a date when you will go public with your news. Well done for sorting out your ante-natal care - you make sure you start looking after yourself properly [GW puts on her stern face]

You sound as though you've been a single parent in all but name for a long time. I was the same with my ex-h - when I announced that we'd split everyone was shocked (although I really don't know why) & asked if I'd cope as a single parent & my gran surprised the hell out of me by saying "Why wouldn't she? She's been doing it for years." It was such a relief to have that support & I hope you know that you've got a lot of support right here on MN (& will have in rl too if you'd ever get around to telling your mum). I & loads of others will be in your handbag for as long as you need us although we'd appreciate a 12-pack of loo rolls, some chocolate biscuits & a daily pint of milk for the coffee

Howarts, I'm glad you have chosen to ignore that ridiculous (I call a spade a shovel) poster. I can only hope that she isn't a marriage guidance counsellor.
Can you imagine! 'Right I'm sick of you saddos coming in here, crying because your 25 year marriage is ending. Pull yourself together you whiners!'
I think Bec (you sound amazing Bec) has made a really good suggestion about giving creating an deadline for the announcement.
I think it will be pretty scary, but provide a psychological 'end in sight', to all of this secrecy. You don't deserve to have to sneak around with all this pressure on you and your baby doesn't either.
You have given your H ample time to respond and I agree it is time for you to take control of what is happening, rather than hang around in this limbo of his creation.
It will be nerve-wracking but worth it to go public. I will be thinking of you this weekend and sending you positive vibes.

Hogwarts - that bag is going to get VERY heavy you know!!!

Hogwarts, big is in for handbags this season

and can I suggest that you add mulled wine in case it gets a bit chilly in the bag.

Hope you are feeling better today.

Hogwarts, thinking of you. Have a good birthday and " don't let the ba**ards get you down" Use your birthday excuse as a time to put your feet up and have some me time.
Easier said then done - I know.

Yes, Happy Birthday Hogwarts, have some nice choccies and watch 'Steel Magnolias' or something full of strong women.
Best of luck this weekend.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Hogwarts - been thinking of you and will be thinking of you all weekend.

PLEASE PLEASE come back so we know you've not disappeared

LT xxxxxxxxxx

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear Hogwarts
Happy birthday to yooo-ooooo

[tone-deaf emoticon]

Happy birthday lovely

hope you have managed to find some time to yourself, and to put your feet up and enjoy your day.

do come back and say hi. please?

Thanks for the birthday wishes, Its today and has been shit so far. DH brought me tea and toast to bed so things were looking good, then announced, we really need to talk about things. He has had days/weeks, and chooses today, of all days. He harped on and on about abortion being the best thing etc. told him I couldn't go through with it, then he announced that I had made the wrong decision and would live to regret it. I asked was this a threat and he said to take it whatever way I wanted. I said ok then, book the abortion, I'll have it, not for me but for you but once its done I want you to leave, for us to seperate and you can tell people the reason why. He said, you've made your decision and you won't have to ask me twice to leave.I told him that was fine, wouldn't he look good to his mates now, the man who walked out on his pregnant wife all because she wouldn't have an abortion for him. I said I would be telling people this week as I can not live with secrecy any longer. He kept on saying wrong decision over and over. He has gone to collect DC from my parents, while I try to compose myself for their return/singing happy bday etc. I can only assume that he plans to leave. Happy f-ing birthday eh?

Flightypgone - have a field day with this post, yeah its full of self pity and feeling sorry for myself but you know what, I am beyond caring what you say/think.

Oh Hogwarts {{{{hugs}}}} What an insensitive batard!!!! Did he plan this? You know what......I think you should go and see your mum today and tell her if you can, you really need a RL* hug! Any man who can treat his wife like that isn't worth bothering with imo. Not easy for you but you know what, you pretty much bring those children up yourself if I remember correctly? And usually single parents get a lot more help from outside! (not that you want to think about that right now). I'm so annoyed with your H that I'd love to come over and give him a piece of my mind!!! And you're right, he will look like a right idiot for leaving in this situation!!!

I'm really sorry I can't say anything useful. I'm not very good at this stuff but couldn't ignore your post hun!

Please take care of yourself and make sure he doesn't bully you into anything. He's not a nice man at all is he

Looneytune xxx

{{{Hugs}}}

Your husband is a total bastard to do that on your birthday

I hope you can get some real life support, could you ring up your friend whom you told about your pregnancy ?

I have been following your story and hopeing that your husband would do the right thing, I still hope he will...once your pregnancy is out in the open.

Keep your chin up and think about your wonderful children...all three of them They are the ones who will value and love you unconditionally for life.

Oh Hogwarts, I do not know what to say.
We all know your DH is acting like the total tosser but good on you for standing your ground. He knows you mean business now so just stay strong for your little ones and hold your head up high.

Enjoy the rest of your day with the children. X

Oh, shit, Hogwarts, that is rotten. What a horrible thing to do, today of all days. I am sooo for you.

At the end of the day, I think you are doing the right thing, get it out in the open. I hope that your Mum will be supportive and will give you a big hug. You definately need it.

Hope the rest of your birthday is better. {{hugs}}

Hogwarts just reading your last post has made my fists itch - it's a good job you don't live anywhere near me or I'd be kicking seven shades of shit out of him I don't believe it's a coincidence that he chose today of all days to 'talk' about things (not that there seems to have been much talking as he's obviously not willing to to anything but what pleases him). I know you love him but he really does not deserve your love - he had an affair, you took him back & now he wants you to get rid of your child. He's a walking piece of crap & imho the best thing the selfish bastard could do for you is leave & let you start to get your life back together sooner rather than later.

I'm so sorry that your birthday's been so rubbish so far & hope it gets better from here - take you & the dcs off to your mum's & let her pamper you for a while. Today might even be the best day to tell her your news as there's really no point in keeping it a secret any longer.

Hogwarts - how are you now hun?

Belated birthday treat to cheer you up

xxx

Hogwarts, i've had a few days on hol with DH and kids for half term (blardy freezing too) and came back to the thread to find those very bizarre posts from "FlightyPGone" - if you re-read the whole thread, which i just did, partly out of interest and partly messing with the format (what have they done to it?) it shows that there are three hundred and something good ones all supportive and understanding. With three or four nasty remarks all from the same person. Dear me someone must have been feeling grumpy, but no need to take it out on this thread. Anyway, what i'm saying is do the basic maths : the good stuff is 99% and the one you don't need to listen to is less than 1%. The facts stand up, don't they? keep on talking hogs (and sparkle) cos we want to help you. I say bog off to those who don't, they shouldn't be on the thread.