Got a BFP, not sure how I feel and DH isnt going to be happy

[hogwarts]

I've also posted on the pregnancy board.

My period was late and yesterday I did a Pg test and got a BFP. DH and I have discussed another child, we have 2 already 5 & 8 and he was very much against it although I was very keen. We agreed that we wouldnt have another child and concentrate on our relationship. Circumstances at the min are not great financially although we had DS when I was 21 so not great timing then either! I havent told him that I have done the test but did tell him yday that it was very late - he has said constantly I hope you aren't pregnant. A bit of background is that DH had an affair 3 years ago and we seperated for 9 months. We are now very much together and have a stronger relationship, I'm just so scared that he will take this news badly and leave as he has been texting me all morning to tell me to get a test and do it and that he is worried sick that it is going to be BFP. I asked him this morning if he loved me which he answered yes, I asked him if he would still love me if I was pg and he said yes but he really did not want another child. I know this may seem insensitive of me when there are so many people trying very hard to conceive, its just such a very very big shock to me. Part of me is so pleased but the rest is shocked/scared/worried about DH reaction. I had my mirena coil out earlier this year, been on Cilest pill since. I am due to be bridesmaid at my brother and SIL wedding next March, by my reckoning I will be around 7 months pg by then - I'm due to go for the first fitting on Thursday - do I tell them or not, I dont want them to pay any money when I know I wont be able to do it but then again as I am only 4/5 weeks I dont want it made public....

What a pickle I'm in .... Please help

Hi Hogwarts, hope you're doing OK. x

Thanks Looney - it's nice to hear someone say that Although you do just have to get on with it and I'm in a better position than a lot of other people. At least my other two are old enough to help out a bit!

Hogwarts - hope all is well. Maybe just being in your own house will put things into perspective a bit more IYSWIM without the added pressure of living with parents etc. One less thing to stress about may help perhaps?

Hiya Hogwarts - just been catching up. You've had some brilliant advice here & I'm so glad you've decided to have the baby. Hope you manage to get signed off so you can spend some time in your new house with the dcs.

oh only just caught up with this thread - fantastic news that you're doing what is right for YOU.

And I'm really really sure your DH will come round - I know it doesn't feel like it now but he will I just know it.

And yes - relationships can be re-paired - god knows we've done it and ours was already "over"!!!

I am so pleased HOGWARTS reading your last post you even sound sooo much stronger you have had great advice on here and support . You are making the choice for you and thats so important!Have to say your DH is just one big disappointment to me keep thinking you might write a post saying how sorry he is and how wrong of him to treat you this way but it doesn't seem like thats going to happen .What is wrong with these men who behave like this they really are the losers in life .

Bectheneck you are an inspiration, i looked at your pics and you have a beautiful family well done you !!!!!!

Hi

I hope you're feeling a bit better.. Its taken me ages to read through everything and for some reason i can't reply from work.

Everyone has given you fantastic advice.. and i completely agree you do what you want to do don't let anyone else bully you or otherwise do something you are not 110% comfortable with.

I think some 'you' time is what is needed us women seem to soldier on and put everyone else and their feelings before anyone else.. and although that is good a lot of the time you really do need to take care of you and look after yourself - i think a massage is in order (oils permitting!!) to relax and give you some time to evaluate and think..
I know it sounds really wierd but the way ive managed to cope is to try not to think about it too much if i put it to the back of my mind and get on with my life as normal everything seems okay - hope that doesn't sound too wierd but sometimes i feel that works quite well.

Im here if you need to talk
xxx

hi sparkle too, how u doing?

Hi Giggle witch.

Ive been really poorly finally got my second lot of antibiotics.. Emotionally im feeling really positive.. dunno why.

Had him crying well sobbing down the phone to me last week telling me how im the only one he can talk to my comment of why dont you talk to your gf was not much appreciated... he's been signed off work its such a logn story.. but i have really decided even once he sorts his head out i dont want to know him.

Im just tired ALL the time x

poor u, hope u are on the mend. Good on ya for staying so strong - really pleased you have found out how positive it feels when you know you're doing the right thing.
get loads of rest cos antibiotics make you feel even more kn@ckered... sorry to say the soooo tired thing is gonna be terminal mate it is for me. But well worth it

LOL i dont remember being this tired last time but then it was over 7 years ago and i think you forget! The antibiotics give me a really nasty tummy and sickness again so the inside of the toilet bowl is actually my nearest and dearest at the moment.. A face full of makeup seems to cover how rough i look underneath.

Its wierd how i woke up one day and just went i dont care.. Although i did go and have a nose at her work to see if she was there just to be annoying ha ha i wouldnt of done anything.. Considering she works with Kids apparently - i didnt know there was a creche in homebase did you?

I do feel better over the fact that ive realised how strong i am.. he's had to be signed off work he went awol and his manager came and spoke to me how unprofessional. and obviously im just getting on with it.. makes me feel a lot better about myself.

Revenge is sweet as they say....

I am a great believer sparkle that what goes around comes around !! You sound like you are so in charge of your situation GOOD FOR YOU !! Hope you feel better soon x

sparkle you sound like you're doing so well. It's brilliant that you've found that you're the stronger one. Don't let his tears fool you tho' - I got all that off my ex, telling me I understood him better than anyone etc etc. Some men can be so manipulative. You just get on with your life with your dc & your growing bump & let him see that he can't drag you down.

Hope you're feeling better soon too.

BEWARE ESSAY APPROACHING

I do feel sorry for him and i really do not think i am his big problem which i have told him.. whether he chooses to believe that is a completely different kettle of fish.. He's realised that i won't back down now no matter how much he trys to guilt trip me into things.. i can't believe he even had the audacity to bring my sisters baby into it!!

Apparently they're aruging (wooohoooooo ) but i honestly dont think anyone with a mind set likes hers deserves to have children this whole it would be one less child with a raw deal in life comment has seriously pressed the wrong buttons on me! I dont think people like that deserve the joy of having children.

He can't talk to me because he thinks it will affect him too much - i have not even seen him since i told him i was pregnant 3 weeks ago! But said he will speak to me at some point... im just going to say its too little too late.

I'm hoping people at work will realise that im the strong one in all this as im sure he's portraying me as a bitch.. apparently i trapped him (with a coil in place right!) but we will see.. i know it sounds really harsh but even if he did want to come back i dont want him near me or my child after all this and certainly not her.

I'm a great believer in Karma aswell and although i think this was the tip of the iceburg and the last thing i wanted was for him to have to get help.. but as soon as he see's its not because of the baby then the better.. I've tried saying to him that when we first got together last year he was a bit rocky and i said to him that he needed to speak to someone (which he did)as she was back on the scene sitting on his door step waiting for him constantly calling etc etc and he sorted himself out had no contact with her and was the happiest he's ever been (his words not mine) And then come August all of a sudden he goes off the rails again can't do anything can't get out of bed.. his words were she left i was confused i got help i met you you made me happy then she comes back into my life and its a head fuck (anyone seeing a pattern here??) We split up in September and he got back with her.. Is it me or does little miss Psycho Childminder in Homebase seem to be the root of his problems? He obviously can't see it but everyone else can.

His mates aren't happy as he's back with her and she put him through hell and i just can't understand it.. but then no one can tell him how to deal with it.. he needs to realise and i have said this to him in no uncertain terms.. what or WHO is causing his problems.. and i know its not me as i've done nothing but support him through his little break down.. yet not one person has asked how im feeling in all of this.. seems a bit odd.

Im getting wierd look from his Inspectors at work.. and im trying to avoid them like the plague as i know im going to get the is he alright blah blah and to be honest i couldnt care less how he is now.. last week i wanted to help him we arranged to meet and all of a sudden im going to confuse him more.. HOW?? Then he asks how i feel about him and all i said wa si have mixed emotions i dont think im the problem.. Am i???

I also believe everything happens for a reason.. i know that i had my daughter so young because i was in the same place Peehead is now and i went completely off the rails and if i hadn't of had her i probably wouldnt be here now... and i do honestly believe that this is why this has happened as its meant to open his eyes, but its not working.

They say (i think its buddhists say this) that people come into your life for a Reason a Season or a Life time.. I thought he was for a lifetime obviously not i think i was the 'reason' for him..

Told my doc last night i thought i was having problems as i was in agony on friday and apparently tis something to do with the fact hat i have this bladder infection.. but im a bit worried coz a girl at my work miscarried and didnt know til her scan because she had a bladder infection and it masked it.. Wierd..

Sparkle and Hogwarts my heart goes out to both of you. I know exactly how you feel and how hard it is. I'm 20 and am currently 21 weeks pregnant, it was the most difficult choice I've ever had to make and not helped by my boyfriend dumping me upon hearing the news.

We are trying (and failing) at the moment to do this together but deep down I'm not expecting it to work - he brings up the fact that a termination is still legal if I wanted to change my mind!! We're not officially back together, just kind of bumbling along.

However, he is slowly getting better and is starting to feel attached to the baby now he can feel it kick and I am holding on to the blind hope that somehow things will work out when the baby is born. Crazy I know. If it doesn't though, it doesn't matter, I want this baby and I love it to bits already and I couldn't be happier with the decision I've made. I'm sure it'll be the same for you both too, hopefully, all the useless men in these situations will at some point see sense and offer us all the support and love we deserve and we can then choose whether or not we accept it after everything that has gone on.

Good luck x

Lauren.. you are doing remarkably well i think your outlook on it is very good.. just keep positive.. i had exactly the same with my DD's father.. he now has no contact with her and probably doesnt even remember her bday.. Also waiting for the court date for maintenance.. nice!

I hope things work out for you.

My idiot has rung me and i ignored the call and he's text saying he wants to talk to me about the decisions he's made about what he wants.. WHAT HE WANTS.. nice..

Well done you ignoring the calls... I'm useless at that. I even did the whole desperate begging/stalking thing early on!

More to the point, what does HE want? It doesn't seem like he's made anything overly clear to you! Men, grr.

I know it's horrid for all of us but it's really nice to know there are other people going through the same shitty stuff.. Can feel very lonely!

I text him back saying.. Sorry but i dont want to talk at the moment. I've been thinking too. Im not being nasty but my feeligns have never been taken into consideration and ive realised i need to stop being so nice. I supported you laste week and you threw it back in my face again, sorry but i dont think i can talk.

Needless to say he hasn't replied.. he makes me so angry.

hi sparkle, having read your "essay" you are well better off without him and you know it. He doesn't seem to know what he wants, does he? i would say he's confused, but it is a tad understated. Chances are that his brains are kept in his - erm well not in his head. He's immature, but in huge contrast you are definitely keeping this situation well in your grip. Just make sure it stays that way. You're not about to let him con you, it's so obvious...with the chaos of pg hormones that is no mean feat!! congrats!

Always keep thinking that i wish you'd found/find one of the genuine & caring men out there - they do exist (I've got proof) but an awful lot of the ones around the ladies on here sound like they need to do a lot of growing up

I just dunno.. he hasn't even tried again and for some reason im really bothered by that.. i dont know why i still have feelings for him i know he's an idiot and he's not a man.. but i just can't deal with this.

Im fine until he contacts me.

it stands to reason that you can't go from being so "into" someone and having all those feelings for them, to feeling nothing overnight - no matter how badly he has treated you and is acting like an idiot. there's a whole bunch of emotions stirred up in a - well- let's be seasonal and say cauldron!
Don't beat yourself up for it. Good feelings and bad feelings all come and go, and with a bit of luck when you feel physically well, get over the infection n stuff, you will be stronger in every way for your DC & bump. Keep posting, sparkle!

Hogwarts where are you? I assume moving house? Thinking of you too.

hope hogwarts is okay and her move went alright.

Just typed a huge message then it disappeared [angry}

I'm still here, moved house on Monday, more or less by myself as DH can't get time off work. Spent from 9am to 11pm cleaning and unpacking, moving furniture, putting up curtains etc but we are home and thats what kept me going.

Relationship wise its shit, I'm really just existing. DH blows hot and cold (hot when he's after somthing!) We havent had any time on our own to discuss things (he works shifts and I am often in bed when he gets in). We were to talk last night and then he got called back into work. Still very confused, keep thinking I have made a firm decision then start wobbling. Pretty sure I dont want to have a termination but then again, pretty sure I can't cope with another child, with or without DH.

I rang in sick yesterday, pretty vague with my reasons and they didnt ask. Tried to get appt with nice DR but he is on leave for 2 weeks so have to see another on Monday, really don't want to have to start explaining it all again but going to have to. Going to ask for a line for next week as kids off on half term. Its nice having a few hours to myself this week though,.

It my birthday on Sunday, don't really feel like celebrating. We are meant to be going out for dinner with group of friends, don't want to but think it will be easier to go. Don't want to draw attention to myself by not drinking though. I really want to tell my mum and other people, but not until DH and I have had a chance to talk about it.
Can you help me with this -how am I going to break the news??? Will be 12 weeks on Monday.

Hi Hogwarts

You shouldnt of had to do the move on your own thats really not on especially with everything.

I think you have made your decision, and i know that you will probably still be thinking this up until you hold the baby.. i still do it now although im sure im doing the right thing.. It is hard but everyone copes.. and you have been through so much stuff and you're still getting on with life and i think you are doing a brilliant job.

I think you need to sit down and tell your mum before you go out.. your family will support you and it may be a huge release to tell her..

Please try and keep positive i know you probably feel like a yo yo and i really do think my Ex idiot and your H belong together.. under the rock they crawled out from. But you need to really concentrate on yourself.

Hi, both Hogwarts and sparkle i just have the normal day to day crap of PG and am finding it hard so I have no idea how you guys cope {{{{{hug}}}}}}

Hogwarts i would use the oldie but goodie excuse you wanted to wait until you were 12 weeks to make sure all was ok! Have a lovely birthday x

Hogwarts
good to hear the move went ok, but a shame you had to do it all yourself.

I agree that telling your mum before the birthday celebration would be best, I hope she is a support to you. Do you have an idea how she will react?

It is very understandable that you are feeling unsure about your pregnancy at the moment, you have just singlehandedly moved house, you must be exhausted. Good idea to get signed off work and have a few days to yourself. Try not to spend it all sorting out the house, have a pampering day and spend some time on yourself.

Hope things improve this week. {{hugs}}