ttc after mc July/August 2007 - shiny new thread as the other was full

[winemakesmummyclever]

Hi,

I hope nobody minds me adding a new thread, but the other wouldn't let me reply.

LadyLush - Sorry to hear about your loss . In answer to your question, I thought I was around 11-12 weeks pg, but the scan said the baby was around 8-9 weeks. When I'd had the ERPC, the gynae reg said the uterus was around 14weeks and the baby was still 8-9 weeks.
I'm sure things do get better with time, but things are still pretty raw and new for me. I'm glad things are getting back to normal for you (and hopefully for others too).

TJuice - I made a cake as well yesterday! Marmalade cake and I am soooo looking forward to starting it.

Was at church yesterday and there were five baptisms so loads of babies and pregnant women. Luckily DS was having one of his active mornings so I spent most of the time chasing round after him but I still found time to look at all the bumps and think "it's not fair, that should be me". But I can definitely tell that I'm feeling more positive on the whole, despite the dark moments. I've arranged a dental appt and a hair appt as well, to try to make myself feel better about myself IYKWIM, rather than wallowing in self pity which hasn't been doing me any good - as opposed to grieving which is necessary as Pip says.

Love to everyone, hope we all have a good week!

Hi girls.

Sorry I didn't make the cake fest. I had to race around buying something to wear for a wedding on Saturday (went for corny old stalwart, the pashmina, in the end) and in any case felt really vile, and totally not wanting to eat anything sweet. Naturally, I assumed this was a pregnancy symptom. And, naturally, it wasn't as AF arrived the next morning, just in time for the wedding. Great.

I am now going to throw everything at the problem - agnus castus, EP oil, chinese herbs, the works.

Sorry I didn't get around to posting went to the marathon with DP and the DDs, SIL and niece, was very stressful chasing DD1 about who decided to be totally naughty. Then they all came back to mine and by the time I had dinner/baths/ironing/shower there was no time for mumsnet.

Thansk for the good advice, in answer to your questions:

I go to a toddlers group twice a week and at least once a week I meet with friends met through toddlers.
DD1 goes to nursery 5 mornings a week but by the time I've dropped her off, go to toddlers or shopping it's time to pick her up again.
Family live about an hours drive away the most involved they want to get in the DDs loves is they come to visit about once every 6 weeks, sit on the sofa watch the DDs play get lunch and tea made for them then leave. I have asked them to babysit a while ago but got so many excuses I decided not to bother again. This is both my Mum and DP's mum. Even when we live in the same town for 3 months and I was pregnant with DD2 and had DD1 running around I never got one offer of help even to take her for a walk for half an hour so it's never going to happen now. Hopefully when the DDs get a bit older we will get a good babysitter we can trust and get a bit of time to ourselves.

A friend brought round her 6 week old DS this morning oh he is lovely I was a bit anxious as to how I would feel holding him etc but it was fine but I want one now! This friend has lost DC in the past at term so I am doubly pleased for her.

I have also been doing a lot of talking with DP and I think he has got the message about how miserable I am feeling and how bad his actions make me feel. He gets really frustrated as well as some of the things that get me down get him down and right now we can't see a way out.

So that's me feel it's a bit of a self indulgent post so glad fest went well but am too will catch up proper soon x

Hey sweetkitty, hope things turn around for you soon. When was your MC? I think other things get more on top of you when you are getting over MC, it was the same for me even though like you a lot of the time I didn't think it was the MC that was upsetting me, it was work mostly.

I also started feeling antipathy toward DH because I was just so down, even though I think we have a fab marriage and he is perfect for me, I just felt angry because I wanted a baby and wasn't having one, I kind of blamed him (even though it was my bloody lack of OV that was causing us to not get PG)

I am on CD8 here, on Clomid, temping, checking CM - I am determined to nail it this month!!!

Hi ladies

Tjiuce- I'm afraid I don't know a website giving the basics of ttc- hopefully someone here will! I didn't know anything before MN- I picked up lots of tips on the conception boards and I also read Zita West's book which I found really helpful and very positive- lots of diet and lifestyle tips which made me feel like I was doing something proactive about ttc. To answer your question, cd 1 is the 1st day of AF (period) ie the 1st day you get red bleeding (spotting isnt counted).

Hi Ellie! you are certainly not a smug pg! Anyone who has graduated from this board is automatically exempt from that. Are you still coming to London in October- we shall have to meet for cake!

Hi Gilly- I had to laugh at your description of me as 'amazonic'!! That word makes me think of Rachel Hunter. I think I am nore drag queen than supermodel! Did you join the gym this weekend- very impressive if you did.

Rachel- very impressed by making a cake- I am so undomesticated I wouldnt know where to start. I think making hair appointments etc is a great idea. I put my credit card under serious strain after my mc. I went on a shopping spree for new clothes, had my hair cut, a facial and a massage. It felt good to have little things to look forward to. I also found swimming very relaxing (being unfit has its advantages- I couldnt dwell on our loss as I was too busy trying to breathe)

herby- sorry we missed you on friday. How did the wedding go? I've upped the stakes this month and feel like I'm rattling with everything I've taken- pregnacare, Evening primrose oil, Vits C E and B6 and chinese herbs. I think the herbs have had some effect as I bloated up like a balloon on CD3 and I have stayed like that ever since. Not sure this is really the desired effect so am seeing the herbalist again on weds night, tube strike permitting.

Sweetkitty- hello! sorry you are having such a tough time. It's good that you did have a chat with DP about how you are feeling. I really hope things improve for you.

Hi nh- cross posts there- Good to hear from you-how is the clomid? are you having any crazy symptoms yet?

hi nh101 - I do think a lot of it has to do with the mc as well it only happened 3 weeks ago. When you have 2 healthy pregnancies previously you think the 3rd will be straight forward. Having the 2 DDs is harder because I know what I have lost.

Best of luck for you I will be seriously routing for you (and everyone else on here)

Hey nh - glad to hear you've got your clomid sorted, am crossing everything for you this month (with the exception of legs as ave just read something scarey about varicose veins).
Hey torres nice to hear you're not including me in the smug-PG catagory - I don't feel smug, just very scared and a bit fat! Keep squeezing my boobs to make sure they still hurt too
Yes will defo be over either late Oct or early nov so anyone who is around for cake would be great to meet! Beanie might have fallen out by then so may well be snivelling wreck though (is always good to look on the bright side I think)

Sweetkitty, this might not be a useful suggestion at all but could you think about getting a babysitting circle going with the other mums from the toddler group? That way you know you'd be leaving DDs with people they know, people who understand children of their age and if you're all helping each other out, you wouldn't need to pay each other. And there might be some mums who couldn't babysit in the evening but could do an afternoon if you just need some time alone for yourself.

(I tried adding this earlier, but something went awry)

What's the problem with AC, gilly? I was taking it the last two times I got up the duff. Though miscarried both times, of course.

Hello all (flosspot waves frantically, whilst looking a little sheepish....) so so soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry I didn't make the cakefest. I am gutted not to have met you all and enjoyed too much cake. But am feeling less icky now, so that's good.

Instead i had to deal with my father, who came to visit with his 9 month old son (...my new brother) Aside from the fact that he is hard work anyway, it's so crushing to realise that your geriatric father is more fertile than you are. In addition to which I have to go to a wedding this weekend where I will see the girl I moaned about last week (up the duff and due when I would have been, had I not miscarried.) I cry every time I think about it.

On the plus side I spent today at a spa with my friend who is getting married on Thursday and has never had a massage or a manicure before. The look on her face when we said goodbye made me feel better about everything. And I can't wait until she gets married....she keeps joking that the reason I haven't managed to get pregnant yet is because fate wants us to have our babies together! Nice thought, but I'd rather not wait until she's finished her degree next May to finally get pregnant!!!

I haven't caught up with all the reading yet, but hope you are all well. And want to thank you all for being so supportive....I feel I'm moaning a lot at the moment, yet you guys never get sick of it. You are all so wonderfully encouraging and I couldn't get through this without you. (flosspot leaves the room blubbing lke a girl, but with very soft polished feet!!!)

flossy- you'll make me cry! Your poor thing - a migraine, a fertile father and a heavily pg friend to see at a wedding. You need more than a cake!! The spa sounds lovely- and just what you need. At least you will look beautiful and sparkly at the wedding. These things are really sent to try us. I have a wedding in 2 weeks with a heavily pg friend, who has been a bit odd with me recently (though probably due to me spending so much time avoiding her). Not sure I have any helpful words of advice, but I am sure you will enjoy the wedding itself and hopefully she will be diluted by the goings on and will shuffle off early to her room.

we're talking off more cake in oct when ellie is over so we'll get to meet you then xx

Finally we get the information we all wanted. Cake details.
I am most definetly going to make the next one. I shall make DH take day off work so I can go. Mind you if I tell him it is my MN friends he will piss himself laughing, he is convinced that I am crazy spending so much time on here.
I am trying hard not to convince myself that I am pregnant again. I have no real symptoms AF not late or due until Saturday maybe. My last cycle went down to 24 days???? I keep looking at my breasts wondering if they have grown!
Mad again. I thought I had stopped all that noncense?
Nh good news about the Clomid, I have got positive vibes on repeat in your direction.
I think there is a website called fertility calender or something similar. You put your last cycle dates in and it gives you a timetable of action. Not 100% sure but worth a look.

tjuice. I have just had alook and if you go to ivillage.co it has got all kinds of goodies. Ovulation timetables which tell you when you are ov and when baby would be due. How exciting.

Hello again to those from the March 2008 thread! I finally found you all....

By way of introduction, I discovered last Wednesday at my routine 11 week ante-natal scan my bean hadn't developed past 6 weeks, but my body hadn't bothered to let me know. Decided on the "medical management" way of sorting it out, and spent an exceedingly unpleasant weekend in hospital bleeding a lot. Doctors were threatening surgery, but I managed to avoid it in the end.

Nurses were lovely and sympathetic, doctors less so. The best was one v young doctor who clearly hadn't read his notes properly, kicking off his chat with "So, we're carrying out medical management following termination of a pregnancy...". The nice nurse quickly corrected him before it got messy.

The whole thing is being made ten times worse by the fact that my younger sister is expecting her first baby in February. That and the fact that the country is infested with pregnant women. They've even infiltrated The Archers AND Corrie ffs.

I'm fed up of crying, so I'm trying angry for a while.....grrrrr

Hi FlossieF - sorry about your mc i think we were on the same March antenatal thread. Anger works for me .... and doesnt result in swollen eyelids.

Hi FlossieF sorry to hear about what you went through.

I'm on cd10 today and last night thought I had a bit of ewcm, though it was a bit blood stained, but none this morning but I am going to start using my opk's and I also started teming this cycle though I'm not sure what I'm really looking for!

Flossief, you poor love, it is terrible isnt it.
As you have probably read on these threads that all of us are both angry and sad. It takes a long time to get through these emotions. Roll with it and dont fight it. Every day it gets ever so slightly easier. Although you will end up as crazy as the rest of us!
Talk to your DH/P he will be feeling sad to, but dont be surprised if he doesnt understand the depths of your grief. Few non mothers do Im afraid. Even other women dont understand.
Use us here on this thread to help you get through this tramatic time. You can say anything you like someone will be feeling the same dont worry.

Hi Flossie - so sorry to hear of your loss. I found out on the 25th that our baby had not grown past 9 weeks, and had the ERPC a week ago. I still feel really gutted about the whole thing - like you said, physically ok, but mentally not. I have found that most people really don't know what to say to you. My dad (who I don't really get on with anyway) rang on the Monday (pre-ERPC) and asked me if I'd "got over it yet" , and last night BIL/SIL simply didn't mention a thing. I really don't know which is worse.

Thanks to all of you who helped me through the weekend when I kind of lost it a bit. Had a much better day yesterday, and am feeling ok so far today. I think I wasn't really looking after me, just filling the days so I wouldn't have to think too deeply about what had happened and how much it hurt. An important lesson learned there. Also had the "when shall we try again" talk with dh last night. We've pretty much decided to leave it until we come back from Italy next month. Doesn't mean I won't be posting here though in the meantime.

Flossie - Make sure you allow yourself time to grieve in whatever way feels appropriate to you. Be kind to yourself and know that some days are going to be better/worse than others. Oh and shopping, alcohol and chocolate help a little bit .

I'm so sorry for your loss it is a horrible horrible thing to go through we take having babies so much for granted

I lost baby no 4 on the 7th June 2006 and was told to wait a full cycle before trying to concieve again. However, nature had another idea I was expecting again on the 12th June '06 and this one was fine with a little help with hormones and asprin and keeping my feet up and no sex for the first 3 months and she arrived March '07.

keep strong and I agree shopping, chocolate and wine!!!!

Thanks for the hope Jo71. You can never hear too much of it

Welcome other flossie- so very sorry you are here, but I assure you you could not be in a better place ...listen to Winemakesmummyclever- wine has indeed made her clever!

Morning all....busy week- two weddings, trying to sell house, getting moving quotes AND anticipate needing to bd in slightly desperate frantic fashion!!!!Wish me luck

Good luck on the bd-ing flossy- hope the endorphins get you through the weddings

Jo- thanks for posting- it's great to hear success stories. We all need that hope to get us through

wmmc- I am glad you are a bit brighter. I think looking after yourself is essential to lift dark moods even though it can feel pointless at the time. I hope Italy will be a real breather for you and Dp to take time and treasure your relationship. Plus lots of fab food, wine and ice cream!

Flossie- so sorry to see you here and to hear your sad news. I'm cross you had an unsympathetic doctor too- it really seems as compassion passes some people by. Sending you a big hug.

I've been feeling a bit wobbly this week. My due date would have been next weekend and am expecting a birth announcement in the office any second. We've booked a cottage in the lake district over the due date so hope to do some cathartic walking in the rain. Other than that its CD28, my cycle is usually 27 days so fingers crossed AF stays away though I imagine the stressing ove the due date has messed up my cycle. I don't really have any symptoms one way or the other.