ttc after mc July/August 2007 - shiny new thread as the other was full

[winemakesmummyclever]

Hi,

I hope nobody minds me adding a new thread, but the other wouldn't let me reply.

LadyLush - Sorry to hear about your loss . In answer to your question, I thought I was around 11-12 weeks pg, but the scan said the baby was around 8-9 weeks. When I'd had the ERPC, the gynae reg said the uterus was around 14weeks and the baby was still 8-9 weeks.
I'm sure things do get better with time, but things are still pretty raw and new for me. I'm glad things are getting back to normal for you (and hopefully for others too).

so many thoughtful and thought-provoking posts . . .

i had a bad day yesterday, not sure why in particular - just came home from work and crawled into bed for a little blub. it just seems like everyone is spawning like crazy right now.

then i got a maternity dress in the post that i had bid on ebay ages ago . . .

and all my (male) co-workers have pictures of their perfect blond danish kids as their screen savers - and its just doing my head in!

its funny though to read about that whole loss of innocence and pure joy disappearing with a m/c. i totally understand and can foresee that for myself, but somehow i feel like the whole experience has been humbling in a way that i can sort of appreciate somehow. in that i am so very lucky in so many ways (family, dp, friends)that i never think about, the loss of my first pregnancy means that i will never take anything for granted again.
can't quite articulate this, but somehow amongst all the sadness, wistfulness, anger, sorrow, self-pity, desire etc, I feel some weird gratefulness that now i have woken up and truly understand what is important in life, and also somewhere in this is a feeling of appreciation for now and positivity for the future.

whoa, - not sure where that came from...

but i was also wondering about that intuition - i was surprised when i found out that i was p/g and then went through a lot of stuff with my parents who i am very close to (them being worried about be not being able to afford it and being unmarried etc - they think i am 22 not 32!). and i quite often tried to be really matter-of-fact about it, saying "well, if this all works out . . ." - meaning if the p/g continues.

Which when you think about it, was a very nervous and apologetic way to talk about what was for me, the most amazing thing that had ever happened to me.
I wonder if I jinxed it to?
Or was it that morning the same week when i really needed two cups of coffee? Or my anxiety about being a bit chunky to start with and daily workouts and yoga? Or was it the two party weekends before I found out, that involved serious drinking? Or the retin-A i used twice on my skin before i knew? was it the remains of the contraceptive pill hormones in my body from coming off the pill the previous month?

or was it really just fate, chromosomes, life?

seeings its little nubby limbs the morning of my scan at 10 wks . . . .and then the dc in the afternoon. it was all so shockingly quick.

i don't know why its now, i am thinking about this - I guess its coming on this thread. its such a great comfort zone, especially since my b/f just switches off now. he says he does feel sad (spent the day yesterday seeing and bumping into friends with babies) but he doesn't want to dive into it and thrash around these feelings.

anyway, sorry to ventilate. i think i need a nap, a walk around the shops, a purchase and a glass of wine.

Jules , have been missing your lovely posts too. I am so sorry you are feeling so sad at the moment, my heart goes out to you and I wish I was closer to give you a hug. The sadness of losing a baby never leaves you whatever stage of pg you were at or how ever many you leave. Having babies makes the ache less but never completely removes it.
Sweetkitty - I have had many people tell me I 'must be unable to carry girls' but I had an overwhelming sense with each pg I lost that it was a boy. I saw a medium last year who confirmed (for me) that the 2nd one was. This baby looks likely to be a girl (although had legs crossed) so that throws that theory out of the window anyway, I think people just don't know what to say - hell I don't know what to say and I've been through it too!
Gilly, please don't think that you jinxed your pg, my first died at 13 weeks, despite having some bleeding I believed it would all 'be alright'. I was full of positive thoughts and when I got past 13 weeks (I was nearly 16 weeks when I found out) it didn't occur to me I might lose it, but I did anyway. Life is hard and sad sometimes but I don't think you can cause a m/c by negative thinking or stress or any other way, unfortunately it is one of those things that happens to some people and I like to think it makes us appreciate our LOs more when we finally do have them.

You are so right TJuice, it does make you realise what is important in your life. My first m/c gave me the strength to shake up my life, leave an already unhappy relationship and go for what I wanted in life instead of what others thought was best for me. It made me realise that there can be life in one second which can be gone in the next - it is short and fragile so you need to do what makes you happy in it.
Hi Kensgirl, hope you are okay. Thinking of you with the anniversary of losing your Dad . It was the first anniversary of my Mum's death in June and I still can't believe she's gone. I have heard it gets easier but I still sometimes catch myself thinking 'Oh, I'll phone Mum and tell her that...' Hugs to you hun and to everyone else approaching due dates.

Oh girls, everything you're saying rings so true. After the shock and grief of miscarriages, we're never the same. But not neccessarily worse. I'm more compassionate than before, and more in touch with what's real and important, and with making the most of what I do have. We've only got one life, and shouldn't live it in regret.

I've done a 'kensgirl' and put my sadness in a box in my mind, which I go to, rootle around in now and again, then put back on a shelf. Just of late - with the arrival of AF - the box seems to have fallen on the floor and spread its contents everywhere, but I'm gradually tidying it up! Not helped by seeing pregnant women everywhere, and my SIL having a baby yesterday (for a while, we were pregnant together).

Jules - I'm so sorry you're so down. It's foul, but it's like a storm you have to ride out. Calm days will come again. And thank you so much for your thoughts. I am indeed looking into adoption, though it's a bureaucratic nightmare - something I'm not looking forward to, after the uphill battle I've had with the NHS.

And Torres - congratulations. Maybe it was the magic cake!

My last m/c baby was tested and had a trisomy (13), and the one before that had trisomy 18. In between the two, me and dp had our chromosones tested to make sure we didn't have any problems, translocations, etc, and we don't - the trisomies were entirely random, and probably due to me being old and clapped out.

Try not to worry - random bad luck is far more common than chromosone problems between the two of you...

Just to add, the three before that weren't tested as at that stage no-one gave a toss.

Talking of sexes, the last one was a girl, and the one before that was a boy. It's odd, but I KNEW what sexes they were while I was pregnant. So in some ways it makes it worse to have it confirmed. Confirms the bond.

Justjules is beautiful. I was wondering if that was your age?

like the namechange!

Hey Lissie how are you. Still sane or slightly frazzled round the edges??

very definately frazzled. considering we arent actively ttc im still stressed about my 2ww, add to that the fact we move in less than a week and youve got a v loopy lady!

jules at your hosp. they really are crap! so when is your appt now?

lovely, we shall have a garden!

they did that to me too. my last appt i will be getting clomid and they moved it from the 30th july to 8th oct. they did want me to go in on the 1st but that is the edd of my ep so didnt want to do anything fertilty related iykwim

just saying "hi"!

Hope everyone is ok today, a lot of moving ang thoughtful posts. Catch up properly tomorrow xx

hi all quick stop for me todayu have found you again,

will update properly tomorrow just wanted you to all know I also have a new name for various reason.

(pipsqueeke)

love the new name!

should be wannashagalot but it's too long

pmsl at shagsalot

hi justjules like the new name

hello lissie hope the dreaded 2ww goes by quickly

Had a terrible day yesterday couldn't stop blubbing.

But had some great news, DP got a promotion at work and it's such a big jump money wise that it means the world to us no more penny pinching for a bit. I've spent so many sleepless nights worrying about money and how to cut back on everything and how the hell we were going to afford Christmas and now we can. The boys done could especially as his interviews were right in the middle of my mc.

After blubbling all day I actually had tears of joy last night.

No I want to splash some money on some new baby clothes eventually.

Lovely Friday to you all xx

CONGRATULATIONS to you DH Sweetkitty - thats great news. I hope today is a better day

Can you remember iliketosleep from our March antenatal thread? She has just found out her baby has died (10+4) i feel so sorry for her - she is posting on the Miscarriage board

Morning to everyone else - looks like its gioong to be a sunny day here - yipee