ttc after mc July/August 2007 - shiny new thread as the other was full

[winemakesmummyclever]

Hi,

I hope nobody minds me adding a new thread, but the other wouldn't let me reply.

LadyLush - Sorry to hear about your loss . In answer to your question, I thought I was around 11-12 weeks pg, but the scan said the baby was around 8-9 weeks. When I'd had the ERPC, the gynae reg said the uterus was around 14weeks and the baby was still 8-9 weeks.
I'm sure things do get better with time, but things are still pretty raw and new for me. I'm glad things are getting back to normal for you (and hopefully for others too).

Just had a quick log on to see how everyone was doing and I'm in floods of tears.

Jules - you poor thing your posts are lovely sums up how we all feel about losing our babies so well unfortunately. I am sending you some virtual hugs and a little pinch of strength.

lissie - one is bad enough cannnot even begin to imagine 6, the way you keep going and smiling is amazing, you WILL get those 4 babies.

Before I had this mc I never believed how hard it hits you I always thought I would have been like oh well something was wrong it's natures way but it's like me like nothing on earth. I feel so empty inside my body is yearning for a baby. All I get told is "well you have two DC already you are lucky" yes but one of my DC isn't going to be with me, it should be here with it's sisters in a few months.

Does anyone else "know" the sex of their lost baby, I've always known this one was a boy I always refer to it as he writing it doesn't feel right. To cap it all off a few people have said "maybe you can't carry boys some women can't you know" wtf

Anyway too much sadness am off to get the DDs ready will be back later x

Thanks Jules for your comment, really helped me.

Sweetkitty like you I have 2 dd's. I knew my last baby was a boy while carry him and it was confirmed when he was born, The first baby I m/c'd was also a boy and even though the m/c's are unrelated I was just very unlucky I've also had the maybe you can't carry boys comment!

goingfor3 - so sorry to hear of the loss of your boys, why do people not think before they engage their mouths sometimes?

I don't think theres a can't carry one sex or the other theory, I don't think sex really makes a difference so early on does it? I do believe that some women and men have a predisposition to conceiving one sex or the other hence families of boys or girls but I don't think if you have girls and have a mc it must have been a boy.

Even though I only have one ds I've also had the "maybe you can't carry girls" comment. WTF indeed If it's not helpful don't say it I think to myself. I often wonder what sex the babies were.

Jules you are right, we all deal with it differently. Lissie's had 6, we've had 3, some have had 1 but the number of m/c does not = the degree of emotional upset. I've seen threads started by women who have had 1 and very early (5 weeks) who have been absolutely inconsolable. I think this one has been hardest for me because now I cannot kid myself so much that it is bad luck.

On the plus side I have my first appt for the recurrent miscarriage clinic on wednesday so at least I am being investigated.

SW I think only in the case of chromosomal problems eg some women will only successfully carry one sex as the other will have a chromosome problem and the pregnancy will not survive. Have I spelt chromosome right - it looks strange.

Possibly some genetic conditions apply too

ladylush - yes chromosome looks right I had forgotten about genetic abnormalities affecting only one sex and heres me with a biology degree albeit a long time ago glad you got your appointment at the mc clinic though

I do think I am so lucky in that I have had two brilliant DDs before the mc but in other ways it's harder as you know what you have missed. DC1 or DC6 though, mc 1 or 6 I don't think it makes a difference they all hurt don't they?

I know whats going to happen this month to me I'll get no AF for a few weeks and think oh am I pregnant? (don't know why have hardly had sex) but anyway will go get a test and it will be BFN and I will be really sad then AF will eventually show up, I'm preparing myself for this. I know it's highly unlikely I will be pregnant straight away so in some ways just want AF to show up so we can strat ttc proper. Already feel in some ways the next pregnancy will be blighted as I will be a nervous wreck for the first 12 weeks at least.

Jules - please don't feel bad for making me cry. The tears are there at the drop of a hat right now. As others have said, you have put how we are all feeling so eloquently and so openly. Let's face it, in RL most people ask us how we are, but they really don't want us to answer too honestly. It's lovely to see that you have such great communication and support.

Lissie - I haven't been on this thread very long, but it's obvious that you are an amazing woman and will be an amazing mother.

G43 & SK - after my first m/c I had a dream about a little boy for nights on end, so I've always thought of that baby as a boy. It helps to imagine that the dream was just a snapshot of another reality (oh dear, I sound like a right nutter don't I?), and he was happy and healthy wherever he was.

I feel that way too - just want to get started with the next cycle. Have all the PMS so should be very soon. I normally get spotting at least by CD24 but my cycle is probably getting back to normal so it will be a bit later. I've done tests and bfn.

ladylush - so sorry about the BFNs was going to ask on the other therad if you had tested yet, maybe my wobbles this morning are PMS never thought about that I have been all over the place the last few days.

Ladylush - fingers crossed for you for your appointment . Sorry to hear of your sad trip to see your grandparents - hope there is better news for you on the way.

winemakesmummyclever - you don't sound like a nutter to me but then I have a higher threshold for that kind of thing (being a MH nurse) On a serious note, I think these dreams/thoughts are a protective mechanism to help us adapt after experiencing a bereavement/loss and it is perfectly normal.

Thank you wmmc - it was sad but good at the same time. I was very pleased I went to see them.

Ladylush - I was an ITU nurse, so have a fair amount of experience of people having altered perceptions of reality too - and that was just amongst the staff

Ooh I used to do N/A work at ITUs prior to qualifying and I had much awe for the nurses. So clever and intuitive. Amazing how they would get a feeling about a patient (eg that they would die even though vital signs all fine) and would mostly be right. Pat Benner wrote a lot about intuition didn't she - can't remember if her background was ITU. lol at "the staff" - can identify with that

Ladies I feel all your pain so acutely, I think of you all a lot and hope that fate is kind and deals you a better hand sometime soon. MC changes your persepetive forever not on on childbearing but on everything, I think we are all a little different afterwards.

Thank you for all your kind words for me in the face of your pain, I hope that those of us who have been lucky enough to fall again already can give you some hope that it happens because I for one began to think it never would when I was where you are x

Lissie doesn?t feel like it?s flown to me! seemed like an eternity to get to this point. How are you doing hon? You holding up ok? Rubbing for you x

Thank you Flosspot sorry to hear about your buyers, how stressful and I am sorry to hear how you are feeling ? sending hugs xx

I second all you said Beckle

Goingfor3 sorry for bringing you down hon, I do know exactly how you feel because my EDD would have been in 4 weeks with the baby I lost and whilst it?ll be lovely to see my October friends announcing, I will also find it hard, pregnant again or not xx

Jules hon, I think of you often. Thank you for all your lovely words, right back at you hon xx I am so sorry that life is being so hard for you, I pray for your lost beans and I hope Monday passes quickly xx

Ladylush ? thanks hon, how are you? x

Firts of all TORRES yipee fantastic brilliant. That makes tow BFPs I am genuinely happy about. Maybe I am not so bitter and after all!!
Jules, what can I say. All the pain and grief that we all feel in varying degrees is finally put down for every one else to read and understand.
My due date is 6th Oct. My peace of mind has been shattered by being in September and the implication that I should be moaning about the heat and not being able to sleep and the constant craps in my legs at night. Now I just moan. My DH isnt the most understanding person. Emotion scares him. I understand this and dont expect to much from him. He does understand that I am getting worried about the date.
I am sitting here remembering the first time I looked at the MC threads. I couldnt post for days because everybody else was going through the same as me and I was so so very sad that life can try to destroy us like this. I no longer feel as sad but do not understand why it has to be quite so difficult!
Sorry if I have brought any body down this morning.
The sun is out and the children are back at school.

Hello MRS. I am over the moon at your progress. I think of you often as you were one of the most supportive and honest posters which really helped me through all those months ago.
Heres to little beans. [raisings a glass]

I meant raises. Doh

Ronshar - so glad all is well, moaning bodes well. Your due date was mine with my lost angel, I hope she watches over you and helps yours reach you safely .

I find that lighting a candle for Ava in the church whenever I ache for her really helps, if I am cynical; it?s more about the symbolism and the action than my faith behind it. I think I?ll go today and I?ll light one for all of your lost babies and I hope that somehow from somewhere it brings comfort to you all xx

Just back from toddlers where there were 3 pregnant women and 2 newborns, stayed away from the newborns but of course DD2 goes over to one and I have to go over and see shes not bashing it over the head so the Mum I've never met starts chatting and says DD2 is fascinated by babies and maybe she wants a little brother or sister don't want to say anything as it would make her feel awfil just said "oh we'll see" Life eh?

here's also to the little bean graduates of this thread, they will be extra specially treasured

Thank you MRSMC, you made me cry again, but in a good way this time.
It is quite a reflective day today.

Just want to echo what everyone's said about every mc hurting whether it's your first or sixth, even if they hurt in different ways. With my first mc I was devastated, it was our first pregnancy and the thought of losing it had honestly never occurred to me. It was the most physically painful as well. 2nd one, I think I had an inkling from the start that it wasn't going to last so dealt with that one reasonably OK. But was knocked sideways by this last one, still can't quite get to grips with the unfairness of it, I'd felt so positive about it, really thought it would stick etc. The good thing (the sanity saving!) thing about this site is that other people understand.

I've felt differently about mine too. It also didn't cross my mind I might m/c the first time I was pregnant so it was a really big shock and not knowing if I could carry a baby to term made it even more difficult. This time round it was physically more traumatic but at least I have done it bofre so I know I can do it again and I also expect to m/c now which didn't make it easier when it happened but wasn't a huge shock.