TTC after loss penguins get fit & healthy in 2020

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

This is the thread for those of us in the TTC after loss penguin huddle who want to try to eat a more healthy diet, exercise more, lose weight or just feel better physically this year
🐧🐧🐧
@MrsMGE @Avocuddles @MissSparkles81 @SunshineCrocodile @Mumlili8 @VenusStarr @SunStruck

If I’ve missed anyone please tag them

How about we start by saying what our goals are whether that he the number on the scale, doing more exercise or just feeling better about ourselves?

I’m BunnytheBlueWhale (NC recently - see TTC thread). I’m 35 and probably weigh about a stone more than I’d like since I had my stillborn daughter in February. I don’t need to lose weight massively but having post-baby weight and no baby is a bit rubbish!

I’d like to lose a bit of a weight all over and also target my belly with brushing, moisturising and maybe microneedling at home...

I eat a lot of sugary snacks so want to massively reduce those and also try to take a healthy lunch to work to stop me spending so much money on food!

@MissSparkles81 it's lovely to have a really supportive manager. Did you manage to work out a phased return?

Soup sounds good! I'm a big soup lover! What are you making?

I follow halfbakedharvest on Instagram - she makes the most appetising looking dishes! Not healthy I'd say but some of the soups soups be ok. Literally when I see the photos of her dishes I'm licking my phone screen!

We are making a vegetable basta bake this evening with spinach and broccoli, and spinach pasta. I've had almost 4 days without any real carbs aside from a rye bread at lunch. Pretty hungry today!

@tortiecat glad you're enjoying yourself and DH is also!! I'd be with you with the hot chocolatier, even better if it is a Bailey's one

Sending you lots of love as you said you're feeling a bit sad today! Hope you're ok!

These are the hello fresh meals we got this week. I will post the recipe cards separately!

Thyme roasted chicken

Pan fried lamb steak

And again

Lamb steak

Chicken laksa

Curried beef and chickpea soup

Soup again

Quick and sticky beef (forgot for a sec we have 5!)

So sorry for clogging up the thread with all these. Just thought share them all in case you’re interested.

We’re having the lamb tonight and I’m excited!

@tortiecat rice and pasta roughly equate to one ww point per ten grams. I get 23 points a day and would generally go for 70g of pasta or rice (dry weight) for the main meal of the day, along with a really chunky homemade sauce maybe bulked out with lentils so it's really filling. Glad you haven't sustained any injuries yet, I think I'd be a recipe for disaster on skis....

Dinner tonight for me is gnocchi with joe wicks 'popeye chicken'. Yummy!

@BunnytheBlueWhale thanks for posting all the recipes! I really want to try the soup and the sticky beef if you rate them!

Typed a message and lost it!

@LASandOtto AF is here and that’s good. I love the follow the Buddhist teachings too and living in the moment is really good advice but it’s so hard when you have to be X by Y time. It means you’re always having to think ahead. I was thinking that tonight as I finished work early and had to go get DH but unless I set an alarm I had to keep looking at the clock. Maybe written reminders and alarms are the way to go?!

You’re welcome for the recipes. We had the thyme roast chicken yesterday and the lamb tonight. They were both nice.

Oh I do love a hot choc @tortiecat! ☕️

@MissSparkles81 I think having a supportive employer helps a lot especially if you know you can speak up if you are struggling

Oh girls. It's one of those days. DH had his sperm tests results back, everything is absolutely fine, brilliant in fact. Good news. But now I've managed to convince myself the issue is with me, even though I don't even know if there is an issue.

DH also told his best friend, which is fine, however! I don't like his partner, she's bitchy and jealous and she was rubbing it in my face just before my first pg that she had a fabulous pregnancy, got pg straight away, fabulous childbirth, now she has a fabulous child looked after fabulous grandmothers, so fabulously she doesn't pay for childcare, and even more fabulously, her weight effortlessly fell off her after she gave birth. And then asked "So when are YOU going to start trying, you know, time is ticking". On a train to work! 😳 Apart from that, she's not the brightest bulb, in a dead end low paid job, with no sense of style, her bf doesn't want to marry her, her house is falling apart and she was never ready for that baby, but I never said that. Obvs I would never rub it in her face!!! 🙄

I'm fuming now, we've just had a huge argument and I told him I don't understand what was so traumatic about a ten-minute appointment jizzing in a cup that he had to share it with someone and that he hadn't been through 1% of what I had to go through in the last 7 months if he wants me to put things into perspective for him!

Why would you even tell anyone that you've visited a fertility clinic without discussing it with your partner first? It's as private as it gets. I wouldn't so much mind DHs friend knowing if necessary, but I'd never want his girlfriend to know. Now everyone will know and they're all going to think we're going through bloody IVF which we're not!!! Ffs! AIBU???

@MrsMGE that woman sounds like a nasty piece of work. In my experience, people who so publicly feel the need to boast about how fabulous their life is, have a lot of issue that they're tying to mask over by making it out to everyone in earshot that all is just so super grand! You know this, I know you do. I always think how little we really know about some people, and what really goes on in their lives. She sounds like someone with no self esteem and the need to get attention and affirmation from others.

Don't argue with DH, he probably didn't mean to hurt you by speaking to his best friend. After all, our DH's also need a space to speak to someone and I'm certain he just wanted to share the good news of great results with someone else aside from you! If anything it shows to me that he must've also been worried about 'what if' the results come back and they're not great, and not having had good results must have made him euphoric and wanting to share!

Just enjoy the good news of today for what they truly are - happy news that your DH has super swimmers! Thinking there's an issue with you is unfounded until it's proven there is one. I know we all question ourselves but we really ought not to. Even if we have 'issues' to overcome to hold our rainbows, I would say they're not issues, just health conditions. Which hopefully, if we have them, will be treatable.

Chin up sister, you guys will have your rainbow! Believe in it!

X

@MrsMGE had a good giggle at your post btw! Love a good sense of humour 😂

Spot on @LASandOtto, as usual 😉👌

I'm having a day of not coping well with the fact I still don't have a baby and no idea if/when this is going to change, as you can tell. The last thing I wanted was for this to come out and become a known issue, I don't want people to know because they'll start imagining we're having bigger problems than we actually are, or they'll be sympathetic, and what for. It only creates extra pressure on me which I'm so desperately trying to avoid 🙄 xxx

I'm like you @MrsMGE, never told anyone of our 'issues'. Didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me / us. It's so silly really! Having support and help is so needed in a time that is so so lonely at times, feeling under such pressure and under such high expectations.

It's good for us all to be open and talk. On here, the number of threads bearing sad stories with years of infertility and TTC are absolutely heartbreaking. But they're the reality of life with all its facets and it's so courageous all these women (and men, sometimes) come here to share their thoughts, downs, highs, worries, happy moments, and so on.

Sending you a big hug x

I found it a lot easier to talk to people about losing my baby than about not being able to conceive since. No one knew the latter, not until now when DH just couldn't keep his mouth shut. I am deeply embarrassed about having this issue because no one else seems to be having it, everyone else can just can pg again. Xxx

I totally get why you're annoyed @MrsMGE. I would be too. That said, DH has told me many times (and annoyingly he's right) that if we realised how little time other people spend thinking about us we'd be offended. Sounds harsh to say when TTC is such a huge part of your life right now, but even if she does know she probably doesn't really care and will already have mentally moved on to thinking about what's for supper or how to get her boyfriend to propose.

Also, please don't be embarrassed. Just look at this thread full of intelligent, funny, brilliant women, all of whom are struggling with fertility. It's no reflection on you or any of us that getting/staying pregnant isn't easy. I'd far rather hang out in here with you than with vapid social media attention seekers who happen to have had the luck of the draw on the fertility front.

That would annoy me too @MrsMGE and my DH is the same. He has a big mouth and doesn’t understand why I want to keep certain things to myself. Anyway having said that don’t think about what that silly woman thinks about you.

You're right @SunshineCrocodile @BunnytheBlueWhale, I should rise above this and realise that ultimately people's opinions do not matter. Everyone lives their life differently and there's no set time for things to happen.

It's one of those strange things, I'd never ever think any less about a woman who lost a baby or who had multiple losses, or who struggles to conceive. But when it comes to myself, I do exactly that and deep inside I feel absolutely inferior in comparison with the rest of the world, I think they'll all judge me because I can't get pg again. I'm ashamed. Oh, man, it's all coming out now. Is it just me, does no one else feel this way at times? 😖 Xxx

@MrsMGE I'm still here hun, I'm thinking maybe you don't see my tagging/messages?! Is the tagging caps sensitive? I'll try again! Good to see you here 🤗

@MrsMGE also in the other thread! I'm back 🤣

@MrsMGE just read your last post. I'd be fuming too tbh! That's VERY private. Especially as you don't like the girlfriend! I wouldn't want anyone to know our business! I agree, us ladies are doing soooo much to try make this happen and sometimes the men do not understand! I also had an argument with my DH, he was tired after work but we had to dtd because I knew I was ovulating that day. I KNOW it's not the sexiest thing whatsoever but I'm on a protocol we are paying for and I have to go for scans twice a week, take all the supplements, take shots in my belly and abstain from everything I love. So don't whine about dtd on demand, it made my blood boil 🤣

@MrsMGE I too would be annoyed at that information being shared especially to someone you don't like. But I do agree with others it's understandable that your DH needs to talk to others although maybe next time he could ask his friend not to tell his partner. I like what Bunny said too about how much others think of us, she's probably not given it a second thought but I see why you're upset.

We are always much much harder on ourselves than others. You're not inferior at all but I understand it's hard to believe that. As women we should be able to get pregnant, carry babies and bring them home. Plenty of people do and that's what the media portrays and society expects. When you lose a baby or babies or struggle to conceive it goes against what is 'supposed' to happen. But that's also a way of life, its not as widely shared or spoken about as it should be so perhaps it feels 'abnormal' for want of a better word and we tend to blame ourselves.

I have a lot of guilt about losing Isla, I blame myself. I didn't know she was in distress and I should have, I should have noticed something. I struggled with the pain of labour, if I had coped with it better, it might have changed things. The rational side of me knows, and plenty of people tell me, that none of that is true but I believe it no matter how much someone says otherwise. So I know it may be hard to believe but please try to believe that no one judges you for not getting pregnant, no one blames you. If anyone did, they are a far worse person than you could ever be. Try to take it easy on yourself. Xx

@MrsMGE I know how you feel in terms of the sperm analysis making you assign fault to yourself. My DHs tests came back with what the nurse described as 'fantastic' results which felt like a double edged sword to me. I know for a fact that there are issues with my menstrual cycle (my last 60 day cycle being pretty typical for me) which makes me naturally think that I am also responsible for not growing babies properly. I'm pretty much lining myself up for another miscarriage in my mind which is a desperately sad situation to be in! I will tell you and the others here time and time again that you're not failures but I can't deny that I'm a massive hypocrite as that's exactly what I feel like most of the time....

Your DHs friends partner sounds like a hideous person. Maybe she has lived a sheltered, privileged life without experiencing loss or hardship, or maybe she's just nasty. Either way you need to give yourself credit for being a far better woman - our sense of self shouldn't be defined by our parental status but by our relationships with others and I can tell you for a fact that everyone here wouldn't have a bad word to say about you! Nonetheless fertility issues are nothing to be embarrassed about, I'm sure it's far more common that any of us realise.

My close friends and some of my colleagues do know about my issues. After the second miscarriage it reached a point where I realised it was better for my mental health and wellbeing if those around me understood about my fertility issues and miscarriages otherwise I was putting myself at constant risk of the kind of insensitive comments of which you speak. DH and I are 20 months into the TTC journey now and I think the next year will make it clear whether or not a natural family is on the cards for us. I don't tell my friends all the 'ins and out' but if they ask how we're getting on then I'll happily update them re our treatment. The reality however is that most people don't want to know, possibly because they just don't know what to say. Thank god we have these groups to help us through the lonely times!