TTC after loss penguins get fit & healthy in 2020

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

This is the thread for those of us in the TTC after loss penguin huddle who want to try to eat a more healthy diet, exercise more, lose weight or just feel better physically this year
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@MrsMGE @Avocuddles @MissSparkles81 @SunshineCrocodile @Mumlili8 @VenusStarr @SunStruck

If I’ve missed anyone please tag them

How about we start by saying what our goals are whether that he the number on the scale, doing more exercise or just feeling better about ourselves?

I’m BunnytheBlueWhale (NC recently - see TTC thread). I’m 35 and probably weigh about a stone more than I’d like since I had my stillborn daughter in February. I don’t need to lose weight massively but having post-baby weight and no baby is a bit rubbish!

I’d like to lose a bit of a weight all over and also target my belly with brushing, moisturising and maybe microneedling at home...

I eat a lot of sugary snacks so want to massively reduce those and also try to take a healthy lunch to work to stop me spending so much money on food!

Oh yeah I was also from London (SW) when I lived there (for 7 years), and NOT a lawyer! 😅

@SunStruck Sounds like you do a lot of exercise! I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be a bit more relaxed with what you eat etc on a week. Sorry you’re not a lawyer though 😂

@bunnythebluewhale yeah it relaxes me! I'm in a very stressful and high pressured job, and it's a desk job. I hate to sit on my bum for 9 hours, back and neck hurts etc (getting older.. 🙄) so I feel great going to the gym in the morning. Gives me more energy and relieves stress.

I am worried about overdoing it though, when I was pregnant I still went 5 days a week (but doing light weights and didn't do HIIT classes like spinning). I've read you shouldn't get your body temp up too much when on fertility meds (I read this too late unfortunately, did a double spin session last weekend and almost died 😅) so now I'm worried about that... and they say to not exercise too much during 2ww too which will drive me insane 🙄

@BunnytheBlueWhale oh that sounds like a nice dinner! Will you post the recipe card please? I always like trying a new recipe!!

@MrsMGE your fitness class sounds... fun?! Hahahaha! Was it a good workout?

@SunStruck lovely to see you here girl! I used to have your routine too! 5 x week gym (mostly weights) and 2 x cardio. I used to have a six pack.... this is about two Heard- ago! Now with the MCs last year and TTC I'm never sure how much is too much or good, what exercises are fine, etc. I think I will continue with my previous exercise routine but adapt it to be lighter and less intense.

Today's dinner plan involves a spinach pasta dish with extra veg on the side. Fancy a carb this evening! 

@Avocuddles how are you getting on with the Weight Watchers program? Btw I'm a herbal tea in the evening kind of girl too! I have quite a collection, like you! I really recommend Joe's Tea Co. Organic Peppermint tea, deeeeeelish! Love it!

So I didn’t make a very good start yesterday- I was pretty healthy at work (bran flakes for breakfast, I took my lunch in which was roasted veggies and couscous, and had a couple of apples as snacks) but then in the evening I ended up snacking on chocolate hobnobs! I’m normally home before DH and I find that my downfall is the time after I get home but before he does, when I’m hungry but waiting to eat dinner a bit later. Maybe I’ll try herbal tea people have mentioned - it sounds like a good way of avoiding snacking!
A new yoga studio has opened near me and the walk there would take me through two nice parks. It’s also opposite a lovely cafe. I’ve signed myself up to a four week beginners course on Saturday mornings, and I’m thinking that a nice walk through the parks, a yoga class and then a coffee at the nice cafe might be a good way of gently getting moving again.

@Seahawk80 I’m keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you x

@SunStruck Yeah it’s hard to put your life on hold for 2 weeks every cycle until you get a BFP! I think they say don’t do anything for more than 30-45 mins but also that it’s generally ok to continue what you were doing before you were pg. Its hard to know what’s best. I am sometimes extra careful around the time I think I am ov because I worry I’ll disturb it 😬 I try to avoid the steam room and sauna in the gym in the 2WW too but I went in this weekend as I clearly had PMT!

@LASandOtto Yes I will post them all tonight when I get home! Tonight is pan fried lamb... I must confess I didn’t go for the absolute healthiest recipes but most of them seem ok

@LASandOtto It was fun! The instructor is a bit of a madhatter, but very likeable, I enjoyed it. You can imagine twerking and discovering my inner Beyonce isn't necessarily what I'd go for on a daily basis 😳 It burns the calories on a weekly basis though!

I'm having silly thoughts creeping in that if postpone TTC by another couple of months, there won't be a chance of me having a baby in 2020. I think deep inside I'm mortified with the lenght of time this is taking, aware that even if I get pg it might not be a happy ending which will prolongue the process again, and finally down about the fact that literally everyone else managed to get pg once, twice or more in the same time as me, and I only had one loss. People used to tell me "just give it few months" and somehow it's true for everyone but me. I think it's the fact that we'd be rolling into a third year of ttc-loss-pg that really gets me, and it might be just the top of the iceberg. I'm just panicking about this whole thing and know I don't have a huge amount of time left 😔 Can someone give me a slap please to get me out of this tunnel?! I need to think straight, I need to get fitter first cause if we need help we will be refused till I get my BMI in order and for that I need few months to myself without pausing my exercise routine every couple of weeks and thinking 'what if' xxx

@MrsMGE hey sister, just think this isn't a race. You still have lots of time. In the fertility world, our age is still considered young. Do what feels right to you - getting into great shape will not just benefit you physically, it will help you so much mentally too. Set some goals around the fitness side so you've got something to work for and celebrate success with. I know we are all here because we want to have a baby, no one can deny it's on our minds more often than probably your average woman who wants to get pregnant, as we've had losses and those losses have caused an array of emotions.

You're on such a good path, your OH is getting his sperm tested, you're doing your smear soon, and after that's all good and clear you can go ahead and go got it.

Here for you x

@MrsMGE I have felt exactly that way. Other people getting pregnant twice in the time I have had two losses. That I would have to be pregnant by X to have a baby in this year. I try not to focus on the dates too much. I am a bit concerned about my age so I sometimes think I’ll b Y age... but that’s more because I worry it will get harder to get pregnant... but I honestly think that if we were to get pregnant later this year, we wouldn’t care that if were a 2021 baby rather than being born inside 2020. We’d be happy to be pregnant and just hope the baby is ok! In fact I’m quite aware that if I manage to have another baby, or maybe 2, I won’t care how long it has taken. It probably won’t matter then. The big part of the worry for me, and probably for some of you, is just worrying that it will happen at all and we might worry about that until we are holding our living babies in our arms xx

In other news, AF is not here. I was spotting so thought it was (probably still will be) but I appear to have PMT again. Unless I’m just tired.

@BunnytheBlueWhale yay for the new instagram page!! I find it really helpful and motivating looking at all the weight loss and food posts. I hope it helps you!

Im now day 4 of ww and its going well. I am also tracking my calories on mfp to see the comparison as ideally I dont want to be paying for ww for a prolonged time.

This is my last few days off work before going back after the mc. Everyone's been really supportive but I am still really anxious about going back as my office is in the maternity building 😪 so getting back on track is really helping take my mind off things.

Heading off to meet my manager in a wee while to sort out my phased return.

Thanks girls. @LASandOtto I don't feel old at all and I know you're right in what you're saying but then it will be 12 months soon since we started trying, even if I get pg immediately this spring and everything goes well it would be nearly 2 years of TTC, I find it really overwhelming. And I am convinced I won't get pg quickly or something will go wrong again so it will probably be 3 years or even more.

I need to stop thinking numbers and also stop thinking too far ahead and stop being negative that it will be a while or I'll have more losses, but I don't know how to do it. I was good for a few weeks and today anxiety is eating me alive. I like your approach @BunnytheBlueWhale, I think you've hit the nail on the head, it's not knowing how long it is still going to take and if it happens that is extremely hard xxx

@MissSparkles81 Oh that’s tough to be working there! Do you think you’ll be ok? Going back generally is probably not as bad as you think it will be. I am really enjoying Instagram without my friends’ showy off posts! I’m really not a fan of all this self promotion online so following a few celebs, beauty and fitness pages, and cute bunnies is much better!!

@MrsMGE Don’t be too hard on yourself either. It is normal to have a down day or worry especially after some of the experiences we have had or for feelings to be triggered by a friend announcing pg or whatever. We all understand here xx

@LASandOtto weight watchers is going well thanks! I like the fact that you can eat anything in moderation. Weighing out rice and pasta is definitely helpful as I am a real carb monster and my portion sizes have crept up over the past year. I have leftover pasta for my lunch today, yum!

@BunnytheBlueWhale I'm with you re worrying whether it will happen at all, just wish I knew one way or another as it is hard to avoid feeling as if life is 'on hold' at the moment. I can't really comprehend the thought of having a baby, at the moment I'm just focusing on whether I will have a pregnancy that lasts beyond the first trimester. One step at a time....

Tomorrow morning I'm going to check out a few meditation session at work! They have them every Wednesday morning for half an hour first thing. I'll let you all know how I get on.....

Hi all, @LASandOtto congratulations on your BFP, I'm keeping everything crossed for you. It really gives me hope to see others getting their BFP, I'm so pleased for you. I'm a bit nervous about thursday, more just about making small talk and also I'm worried I will get upset over something and end up crying. The PT knows we lost Isla so I'm sure he'd be understanding but I'm a bit anxious about it.

@MrsMGE I think we all understand exactly where you're coming from. I've thought the same about having a baby this year and I need to have a BFP by march for that to happen. I am 37 in december so have been thinking that I need to have another before I turn 37 and then another a couple of years after that before I turn 40. Then I give myself a reality check and think i just want a healthy baby to bring home and if it takes longer that is just more time to get fit and healthy. Be kind to yourself.

@Avocuddles I am doing WW too, this is my first week of doing it properly. I started Saturday. I had poached egg with bacon and homemade hollandaise this morning for breakfast and if I say so myself, it was delicious! Which plan are you following?

Today is the first day DH is out of the house all day back to work. I have a friend visiting on friday so am doing some deep cleaning and some meal prep to keep me busy. I am planning to go to a local SANDS meeting tonight to meet other parents who have been through similar, I'm hoping it will help. DH doesnt seem keen, I think he feels it will make things worse hearing other stories but I'd like to go and see. Has anyone been to a meeting?

Also I am south based, I work in London but live in Herts but I am a lawyer, for my sins!

@mrsmge hey sista ❤️ sending lots of love. You're right that we need to not think x years into the future, let's try focus on the next few months. I think @lasotto's post was sensible and second that, it's not a race (but surely feels like it... I feel like I'm losing every month!). You're doing very well with your healthy new habits and everything will fall in place. You don't have to decide now if you want to TTC this month or next, just focus on your health and see how you feel.

laughing about dancing to Pony!!!! Hahahahaha oh my god Id love to do that! 🤣 I can imagine you twerking on the instructor! 💃🏻

@Shefliesonherownwings I’ve been to our local Sands meetings. DH came to the first couple but I still go to some, but not every week. I think it’s a good idea to go if you feel up to it but don’t feel like you have to go to this one or every month. They are very informal and how things go depend on who is there. At our first meeting there was another couple, and a woman with her mum, who has all lost babies in January and February that year. In a way it was good for us all to speak as we were at a similar stage in our grief. I became friends with one of them and have met up with her since. If you want to PM me to chat more then please do. I think you would find a meeting find and as it’s so informal you can stay for as little or as long as you like. I also found the Sands forum useful early on and there is a TTC board on there too x

@Shefliesonherownwings thank you so much! You're so kind. I'm really hoping this one is our third time lucky 🤞🏻 I know YOU all know how I feel.

I won't lie, I'm a nervous wreck at the moment. But I have talked to myself (no worries, not openly or else my work lot would finally see proof I'm totally gaga) to take it one step at a time. Day by day.

I hope the SANDS meet up goes well. I've not been but I think personally, once I'm ready to talk it has always helped me to do so. It takes me some weeks or months sometimes to tell others what I think and feel as I need it process things alone first. I think talking is good. It means you feel less alone. Less like you're some sort of alien amongst a life everyone always depicts to be so perfect, when we all know it's not.

Don't worry how you will be with your PT. I know we all try and keep that mask perfect all the time but sometimes emotions come. When you're working on yourself (as you would when you're with a PT and doing this healthy life regime) is it always emotional, as it's not just about the physical side. Sometimes it easier to talk to people who aren't your closest friends, who don't know you so well, at least that's true for me!

@BunnytheBlueWhale hope you're good, annoying AF isn't there. Are you still feeling PMS? Your post was lovely, your words were spot on. We shall all be happy when the role comes to have our healthy babies, whenever that may be!

Thanks for your understanding and wisdom girls ❤️ Lots of food for thought.

I might brave the whole new approach and start thinking that it will definitely happen one day (having a healthy, living baby), the stats are definitely on our side. I'm even leaning towards surrogacy or adoption if everything else fails. Whichever way, it's nearly certain DH and I will get there. So from that point of view, it doesn't matter so much when, it matters that everything will be OK.

Everyone around me keeps telling me that because I got pg naturally it's a great sign and it definitely is just a matter of time.

To be truthful, I don't believe in any of the above yet. I'm a realist and crippled with anxiety after what's happened, but maybe this is the right/better way of thinking?

I sometimes envy those who stay positive throughout their lives, shame my brain doesn't work like that xxx

@LASandOtto I don't really have anything wise to say because I've never had a pregnancy post-loss but I can imagine it comes with its own worries and anxiety. One of the ladies @SunStruck and I chatted to on a different board before had this mantra of "Today I'm pregnant" and it has really stuck with me. Very much in line with your geberal one day at a time approach (which I think applies to all of us no matter the circumstances). Xxx

@MrsMGE I think you're a positive person, and you've many a times uplifted me during times or worry and when I've been down.

Anxiety is horrible and I find it helps to break it down. Why am I anxious? Because I'm worried history might repeat itself. Can I do something about that? Not really, nature will take its course. What can I do help myself? Focus on now, tomorrow? Maybe tonight I'll meditate, go for a long walk, cuddle my OH and I'll feel better already.

Obviously I have fear after two MCs but as you said - today I can say I'm pregnant, with a new egg and new sperm and hopefully, it will be fine.

Like you said yourself, you and DH will not give up. No matter what comes next!

Believe in yourself that you can see yourself through your moments or anxiousness and remember like Buddha says: “The past is already gone, the future is not yet here. There’s only one moment for you to live.”

@Shefliesonherownwings I'm following the blue plan. I followed the same one back in 2018 and lost 12 pounds but have put them all back on since then. I think blue works best for me as I love carbs and I can still have them but am forced to scale back on the portions and cut out snacks. I generally work on the assumption of try as hard as possible for 5 or 6 days a week then if there's a day where we're with friends or eating out I can let myself go without too much concern. We're meeting friends on Saturday for a takeaway so that will definitely be a cheat day! I think it took me about 8 weeks to lose 12 pounds last time so would be happy to achieve the same.
I'm 37 in November so we're very close in age!
I just wish I still the metabolism I had when I was in my early twenties, I was so ungrateful then!

@MrsMGE you're right that the odds are still in our favour. @LASandOtto your Buddha quote is very helpful - think it might be another one to jot down for when I'm feeling low. I try to live by those words but when things get too much it can be easy to dwell on the past, ultimately always an unproductive move....

Nice to see there are a few of us on the ww plan. I am doing the blue one and so far its going well.

@BunnytheBlueWhale Im not sure how I am going to be back at work on Monday but I had a lovely chat with my manager today and she is really supportive so hopefully it will be ok. I am a childrens nurse so babies are part of my day to day life. I guess I will just have to get used to it all again.

Ive got a big pot of soup on the go so that will keep me going for the next few days, especially when the munchies strike!

@mrsmge I really feel your worry about your age. I will be 39 in September and its so hard to not be consumed by worry that time is running out. Im finding the daily kindness calender is helping tho ... its giving me a focus to think about positive things each day even if it is only little things.

Whats everyone having for dinner tonight? Ive got leftover slow cooker chilli 😍

Hi all from the ski slopes! I didn't fall over but have some blisters from my boots. One of the best bits of today was giving DH a chance to ski on his own and having a hot chocolate I think @BunnytheBlueWhale would have really enjoyed!

@MrsMGE
That in house role sounds fabulous - completely see what you mean about career progression though. I need to work on reducing my stress levels - have a fabulous team as I said and really do enjoy the challenge, but the volume and complexity of work, unreasonable deadlines and being pulled in lots of different directions really gets to me some days.

Those of you on WW, what does a healthy portion of pasta / rice weigh please?! I did try WW several years ago but got bored of points counting and fell off the wagon pretty quickly..!

I am having a bit of a sad day, so taking a lot of comfort from the positive and kind messages over the last day, and sending love to you all xx