TTC after loss penguins get fit & healthy in 2020

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

This is the thread for those of us in the TTC after loss penguin huddle who want to try to eat a more healthy diet, exercise more, lose weight or just feel better physically this year
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@MrsMGE @Avocuddles @MissSparkles81 @SunshineCrocodile @Mumlili8 @VenusStarr @SunStruck

If I’ve missed anyone please tag them

How about we start by saying what our goals are whether that he the number on the scale, doing more exercise or just feeling better about ourselves?

I’m BunnytheBlueWhale (NC recently - see TTC thread). I’m 35 and probably weigh about a stone more than I’d like since I had my stillborn daughter in February. I don’t need to lose weight massively but having post-baby weight and no baby is a bit rubbish!

I’d like to lose a bit of a weight all over and also target my belly with brushing, moisturising and maybe microneedling at home...

I eat a lot of sugary snacks so want to massively reduce those and also try to take a healthy lunch to work to stop me spending so much money on food!

Good morning ladies!

@Shefliesonherownwings wrote beautifully I think, in response to your worries @MrsMGE.

We are always harder on ourselves. I wish we gave the kind advice we give to others, to our own self. But we seemingly don't. It's really sad that as women we feel when we don't function how is expected, we aren't 'good' enough.

Can I just say, this morning I was back at the clinic where OH and I had been end of November for my initial chat. I called them yesterday to advise I was very early pregnant and I'm going to do pregnancy monitoring with them and tests to see if there's something we can do assist this pregnancy, we will.

Anyway, that's beside the point as what I wanted to say is that I was there at 7am, and my god - there were so many women there in the waiting room. Going through probably all types of treatments, IVF, you name it. I was quite taken aback because I didn't expect anyone else to be there. Especially at 7am. I then went for my blood tests and same thing - tons of women waiting for tests, it was like 5 in, 5 out.

I think so many of us are struggling and it's hard when in your real life circle everyone is breezing through it. I'm 'lucky' in that I have a friend or two who are struggling with infertility of other types and we often speak and console each other. It makes it all a lot more bearable not to feel like 'just me'?

Hope everyone has a good day today and sending lots of love!

Thank you @LASandOtto - your posts are always so kind! Baileys hot choc is my absolute fave, I might seek one out today!

@Avocuddles 70g - thank you!! That and a veg sauce sounds very sensible indeed. I do like a green lentil and mushroom bolognaise!

@BunnytheBlueWhale I am going to try some of your recipes next week, thank you for posting them. Had a short flirtation with Hello Fresh pre-Christmas and LOVED the chicken laksa, let me know what you make of it? Do you think you will keep going? DH and I did like it but didnt find it cost effective, plus we like to cook in bulk and freeze things.

@MrsMGE I hear you - THAT is exactly why I was feeling sad yesterday. I was feeling useless - 8 months since losing our boy and not a hint of a pregnancy since. I was beating myself up as my DH is so incredibly lovely and will make such a great dad, and I feel like I've failed him. It's so very hard when not very nice people have babies so easily and you feel judged and not good enough, and I know this is a hard time for you as your due date approaches. I wanted you know that you're not alone - I am sympathetic to others in their times of trouble but hold myself to unreasonable and impossible standards all the time too (not just fertility-wise!) I am working on shifting this approach a bit with my grief counsellor and this group is helping too - @Shefliesonherownwings and @SunshineCrocodile have just provided stellar advice as always. Be kind to yourself - this situation is not your fault and you are you are taking so many positive steps to look after yourself. I firmly believe you will have your rainbow xx

I’m quite a private person so, for me, I wouldn’t say I’m ashamed about anything that’s happened but I still wouldn’t want people to know I’m TTC as it’s private. Then again I’m 35 and everyone knows we just lost our daughter so I think they’d expect us to have another baby soon so I think they’d assume we are TTC.

@Shefliesonherownwings Try not to blame yourself. I know it’s so difficult. I do it too. I wonder if I’d noticed earlier something was wrong then would she have lived? But the truth is it’s unlikely that I could have changed anything and she was my first baby. I was doing my best. As a mother and the one carrying the baby and giving birth etc we can feel like we are the only ones who could have known something was wrong or should have known.

Dinner last night was ok. I was quite happy when I got to bed and realised I had not had any chocolate or anything sweet after dinner. I hadn’t even thought about it! Every night I have something even if it’s a couple of squares of dark chocolate (when I’m trying to be good) so I thought it was rather good I didn’t reach for it 😃

@tortiecat I think I might have preferred the choice of recipes with Gousto but so far I’ve only had 2 hello fresh meals and they have been quite similar (pan fried / roasted meat with roasted veg) so I will see what I think of the others. I do think I actually might continue with it. I want to try HF for probably another couple of weeks and then see. I used to think they were super expensive but they are really not considering what I spend in the supermarket, even if that’s because I pick up (unhealthy) extras that I don’t need! For example this box costs about £30-35 a week (there are quite a few nicer meals that cost more, such as the lamb we had yesterday) and one day when we were off for christmas I spent £80 in Morrisons but probably didn’t even have five full meals. I’d bought a lot of snacks and tapas like lunch foods. I don’t know what I spent the money on but I’m sure some of it is still in the cupboards. It does make cooking on an evening easier. Chicken laksa is on Friday. I meal plan for the week based on BB dates on the meat etc. I think realistically it is something I would maybe do once or twice a month rather than all the time. I like to cook and freeze some things too. Happy to share next week’s recipes too!

@TerribleImagination I didn't need the green tea got my negative this morning, 1 week after MC, were going to TTC straight away. Got my 2nd lot of bloods today, so will have the result from that this evening.
I forgot to take my ovulation test at the same time, although assume it would be negative at the moment anyway!!

Morning ladies!

I woke up still fuming about the situation, but made a choice not to let it get in my way. I did an extra HIIT workout last night, and a harder one this morning. Also had a soup from Fertility Kitchen for dinner ladt night, same tonight. I had a counselling session yesterday after work hence the verbal diarrhoea, it makes things that I've been trying to bury deep inside come out and only you can understand.

And you certainly do! I read all of your posts and am so grateful for what you've said. I'm also sorry at least some of you are feeling the same now. It's not our fault, but it feels like it is. Some people have random accidents, some are randomly seriously ill, and we're randomly going through this. There might be an underlying health issue, but we randomly have it. We didn't do anything to be in this position, says the sensible me. And then the emotional me is blaming myself, maybe because I'd so wish I could do something to change things and I can't and I've never experienced this before.

Today is the "Back to Black" by Amy Winehouse kind of day. I'll keep telling myself that this too shall pass.

Most importantly, it didn't make me reach for rubbish food or skip my good routine and that's something to cheer on! 😊

Have a good Wednesday girls xxx

@LASandOtto I hear you re the fertility clinic. I donated eggs two years ago and was always just astounded at how many women/couples were waiting to be seen whenever I went in. It was so sobering sometimes I wonder if I donated all my good eggs and that's why none of my pregnancies will stick now but at least it was in a good cause

@MrsMGE stick Amy on and have a good bellow along with it. Well done for channelling your energy into your health!

@kkr168 glad you have your bfn, good luck with TTC.

Mission: Health is going well! Finally made it through all the chicken stew and I'm making a beef and beetroot curry tonight - it's a first but I like slightly out-there recipes so we'll see how it goes! Plus I went to the gym for a weights session yesterday (and now can hardly move despite thinking I'd taken it easy!), going again tonight and booked in for hot yoga in the morning. Amazing how quickly my mood has taken an upturn just by getting my focus back, I have you lot to thank for that as I think I'd have wallowed a lot longer without this support.

Whoops, strikethrough fail makes it look like I can't punctuate

@SunshineCrocodile What's the recipe for that curry? It sounds right up my street, I love beetroot! Xxx

It's this one @MrsMGE - and I've just reminded myself to get the beef out of the freezer so glad I posted about it! I'll report back when I've tried it..

www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/2872688/beef-and-beetroot-curry

Thanks @SunshineCrocodile! Let me know if you like it 😊

Well I'm having a slightly dull salmon salad for lunch. What's everyone having? Does anyone have any nice lunch ideas btw? Preferably salads or something that doesn't need to be warmed up, I don't do hot food for lunch? Xxx

I'm working from home and staring into the fridge in despair tbh. I was going to have a spinach omelette but it would seem DH had eggs for breakfast so that's out! Maybe I'll make soup...

@SunshineCrocodile What have you got at home?

This soup is my all time favourite, it's amazing and simple to make:

thefertilitykitchen.co.uk/2018/01/30/hearty-tomato-lentil-chickpea-soup/

Hi! Just ate my packed lunch of a cold noodle salad and it was surprisingly yummy for something very healthy.

I lightly fried some red onion, cherry tomatoes, garlic and diced courgette in fry light to soften then them up, then added some spinach until it wilted. I let it cool then mixed it together with some zero noodles (the Konjac ones with no calories) and some sweet chilli cooked chicken from Asda. I drizzled on some soy lime and ginger salad dressing, sprinkled some birds eye chilli flakes and then tossed it all together and voila - tasty lunch! Only three points on weight watchers and less than 200 calories but surprisingly filling so I'll definitely be doing that again.....

@MrsMGE that soup recipe looks good, think that will be on next week's packed lunch list!

I went along to my first meditation / mindfulness session at work this morning and it was great, I really wish I'd discovered it earlier. It's led by a senior manager in the business who is a qualified meditation teacher and mindfulness coach and each week he guides the attendees through a 20-30 minute mediation. His voice alone was incredibly relaxing and enough to put even the most sceptical attendee at ease! Some of his meditations are available via the 'insight timer' app which I'm planning to check out. It's great to be able to access this at work, I'm going to be singing the praises of the group to anyone and everyone!

Ended up with this! A bodgy sort of salad Niçoise. Used just balsamic vinegar instead of dressing and it was delicious! Put the solitary remaining egg to good use too. Served in style on the arm of my sofa 😂

That soup looks delicious, I love lentils. Will be making that I think!

@Avocuddles tell me more about these magical calorie free noodles?? I eat protein noodles sometimes but not heard of these?

Also, really interested in hearing more about the meditation. Did you have to visualise stuff? I self diagnosed myself a while ago as having aphantasia (I think it's called) as in I have absolutely no mind's eye. I've done a couple of meditations before in yoga but got frustrated because I couldn't visualise a tree or a happy place or whatever - with my eyes closed everything is just black! But I LOVE gong baths - I must be all about the sound rather than the visuals 😂

Konjac noodles are glass noodles made from yams which have basically no calories at all. They have pretty much no taste themselves but are great mixed with a dressing or sauce!
The brands I like best are below (Ocado links as it was first thing that came up when I googled but most supermarkets and health food shops stock them.....)

www.ocado.com/products/bare-naked-noodles-346108011

www.ocado.com/products/saitaku-konjac-shirataki-noodles-397244011

The guided meditation today was mostly centred on mindful breathing and clearing our minds. The focus was on living in the here and now, so concentrating on how our bodies feel from head to toe, listening to the hum of the air conditioning, really being present in the moment without thinking about the past or worrying about the future. I sent an appreciative email to the teacher after and he sent me a few recommendations of books and websites to check out:

insighttimer.com - lots of free meditations - the instructor from this morning was Paul Geary who has a few on here. I also noticed that there is a meditation for after miscarriage / for use in pregnancy after loss so I might check that out tonight.

dharmaseed.org - Buddhist meditation talks - he recommends Yanai Postelnik

Books:
The Power of Now
New Earth
When Things Fall Apart
Welcoming the Unwelcome
Peace Is Every Step

Today would have been my first due date but I feel surprisingly calm (for now....). The meditation session was clearly perfectly timed!

I'm a massive meditation fan as you all know! I think it's amazing you went @Avocuddles and that you enjoyed it.

The Power of Now is an excellent book.

In my meditation we have two practises, one is deep breathing to calm emotions and self, and the other is called metta bhavana which loosely translated means developing loving kindness.

One key lesson for me was developing loving kindness for myself. I feel towards others I can be good at showing loving kindness but to myself, not as much.

My lunch today was pathetic as eaten rushing between my 3rd and 4th meeting of the day!

Will read properly tonight. Xx

Thanks for all the info @Avocuddles and I hope the rest of your day passes peacefully as well. I actually have The Power of Now somewhere, I've attempted it before but found it really quite heavy going. Maybe I'll try again!

A meditation especially for people dealing with pregnancy loss sounds ideal - would definitely be interested to know how you find it.

Girls! You're on fire! I love your recipe @Avocuddles, also @SunshineCrocodile what a salad to pull off quickly! 👀

You're putting me to shame, I love cooking, but admittedly don't have the time during the week, I focus on things that are relatively quick and simple and usually cook them in batches. I'm just too busy to do it all otherwise, how do you find time?! Or maybe I'm just too lazy 😂

Very interesting stuff re meditation too, you've motivated me to motivate later tonight to calm down my mind. It's racing at the moment, not helped by the fact I need to take some drafting home to get it out this week before my 2 days off (welcome to the world of unreasonable clients with unrealistic expectations, doh 🙄). Anyway! Coffee on the go and hopefully I'll pull this off before bedtime! Xxx

*to meditate later tonight

I braved it and downloaded My Fitness Pal! Revolutionary 😱 Turns out I was spot on thinking how many calories I've had today. I had circa 1500, but with exercising and walking (although only short today, no break again), it was closer to 1200-1300 net. I'm actually absolutely fine! Even had two cheeky cheese crackers with cheddar 😁 I dread to think how much I was eating in the 6 months after my MMC, yes, I felt sorry for myself, but fml... I've gone way over the top 🤦🏼‍♀️👀

Just enjoyed my soup and now back to work! Have a lovely evening, girls xxx

Ladies can I share with you what DH cooked for dinner tonight. We have decided to have a couple of meat free days a week and are looking at plant based dinners particularly. So tonight we had tofu, vegetables and black beans diced up. We agreed the beans weren't the nicest texture but all of it tasted delicious. We also had a wholemeal wrap but to be honest we could have done without it as it was very filling. DH is now looking up lots of other recipes.

I went to a SANDS meeting last night run by a couple of lost their daughter at full term a few years ago. It was very emotional, I burst into tears as I walked in and cried pretty much for the whole two hours. But they were so lovely and it really was helpful to speak to people that have been through the same.

Unfortunately it was another bad night of sleep and I was very tearful again this morning. However I did go to the gym this afternoon even though I really didn't want to but I felt better afterwards. @Avocuddles the meditation class sounds great, I wish there was something like that near me, I struggle to do it on my own but might give it another go tonight.

Also if anyone is a fan of candles I can highly recommend the one you can just see in the picture of my dinner. It's one of those that crackles like a fire and smells amazing. They're a bit pricey but we were given this one by friend and it is really relaxing.

@Shefliesonherownwings I’m pleased you went to the meeting. Do you think you’ll go again? I’m sorry to hear you’re having trouble sleeping. I have had sleep issues on and off all my life (not major but have always had difficulty nodding off and have periods where I wake up in the night and can’t get back off) but obviously it’s worse if I have a lot on my mind. Do you know what’s keeping you awake at the moment? I know you have a lot on your mind and I’m wondering whether there’s anything that could help. For me sometimes having an outlet can help - a good chat, counselling or even keeping a diary, which I did when I was younger. Exercise to tire me out has always helped as does a healthier diet. I love the Woodwick candles too!

Hope everyone is ok and well done with all he healthy eating and exercise! I’m really pleased with how I’m doing. I’m not really weighing myself or calorie counting but I’ve definitely cut down on my unhealthy snacks and the best part is I don’t even miss all that sugar!

Tonight’s meal, the sticky beef with rice, was a winner. Favourite so far and very easy to make!

@Shefliesonherownwings I have some of those candles. They smell amazing but I've not been able to think of the crackle the same way ever since DH kept looking at me in disgust one night and asked if I was going to stop farting! It took ages to convince him it was the candle and I didn't have a sputtering wind problem.. it was making a bit of a farty noise tbh

I'm glad you got to the meeting too, even if it did mean some big emotions came to the surface. I hope it'll prove to be a source of support to you. Hope you get a good night's sleep tonight.

@BunnytheBlueWhale sticky beef looks delicious. Really well done with avoiding the snacking. My dinner was pretty lovely actually, the curry was really more of a spicy stew? Didn't feel very curry-like despite all the spices that went in. But was still really tasty and I quite liked the beetroot as a change. Not sure broccoli was quite the right accompaniment mind you!

Morning ladies how are you getting on?

My week in eating and gymming been good so far, I've done 2 weight sessions and 2 cardio sessions. I'm trying to take it easier as in 2ww so easier cardio and lighter weights.

Eating wise, my New Years resolution was to eat less meat, and this week I've had 3 meat free days. I've made a big batch of a Thai spicy vegan tofu curry with loads of veg in and chickpeas (delicious, healthy, low kcal but still good amount of protein!). I find it difficult to eat enough protein (and too much carbs) when I attempt veggie days but this is perfect. In the evenings I've had butternut squash soup I've made in the slow cooker (again, big batch). Lots of veg in there too! I snack on nuts, raisins, apples and Greek yoghurt or hummus.

I'm going to be more relaxed this weekend though ☺️

Morning Ladies!

@Shefliesonherownwings your dinner looks really nice! I'm also having a lot of plant based meals these last few days (and weeks, actually) and I'm enjoying trying new things. I find Tofu a bit of a challenge personally as not used to cooking with it and so don't feel confident to make it flavourful! But I've seen a few recipes with black beans online which I want to try!

I'm glad also that the SANDS meeting went ok for you and there were others there whom you could relate to and speak with.

Today is your gym session with the PT right? Just wanted to say good luck and hopefully it's going to give you a happy boost of endorphins!

I'm a big candle fan myself and have tons of candles, it's always a bit church-seque at my house and I think OH is getting a bit annoyed by my love for the scented wax 

@BunnytheBlueWhale sticky beef and rice sounds delicious!

I had a team dinner out yesterday and went for a healthy jackfruit salad bowl at Bills which featured on their Veganuary Menu. It was ok - I don't know, I didn't quite warm to the jackfruit but want to try it again sometime!

@MrsMGE I used to love MFP when I was seriously on a plan with my PT, he had a macro split plan in place for me and I had to record all my meals. I gave up after a few weeks though as I found it really hard as of course, you have to create recipes if you're cooking yourself and not just scanning a snack or something. It's nonetheless interesting as for me it was an eye opener how quickly you can hit your daily sugar limit etc!

Over here all good on my end. Been to the doctor again this morning to check hCG levels. Been prescribed clexane, baby aspirin and cyclogest. Starting all of that tomorrow I guess and being closely monitored.

Going to go back to exercise next week I think, for now I am just walking as much as possibly and maybe will go for a swim at the gym tomorrow as it's Friyay!