TTC after loss penguins get fit & healthy in 2020

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

This is the thread for those of us in the TTC after loss penguin huddle who want to try to eat a more healthy diet, exercise more, lose weight or just feel better physically this year
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@MrsMGE @Avocuddles @MissSparkles81 @SunshineCrocodile @Mumlili8 @VenusStarr @SunStruck

If I’ve missed anyone please tag them

How about we start by saying what our goals are whether that he the number on the scale, doing more exercise or just feeling better about ourselves?

I’m BunnytheBlueWhale (NC recently - see TTC thread). I’m 35 and probably weigh about a stone more than I’d like since I had my stillborn daughter in February. I don’t need to lose weight massively but having post-baby weight and no baby is a bit rubbish!

I’d like to lose a bit of a weight all over and also target my belly with brushing, moisturising and maybe microneedling at home...

I eat a lot of sugary snacks so want to massively reduce those and also try to take a healthy lunch to work to stop me spending so much money on food!

@tortiecat I believe it is coming into force this year in NZ. I have exactly the same thought re writing to my local MP. I think I might do it this weekend.

I'm still waiting for my AF, wish it'd come now as I'm all crampy and bloated. Although nowhere near as bloated as usually, do you think our healthy lifestyle might have helped?

I also agree with you re overall wellbeing, AF was very triggering for me for months after the MMC and I'm so pleased that I was able to take a step back from TTC and also just await AF like I used to before all this. It just feels so... normal? Obviously I might feel worse next month if it doesn't work again and if you're still feeling a bit lower because of this, I think that's totally normal. But I sense from your post that this isn't as bad as before?

Yay to Pre-Seed month next month 😂🙌

Xxx

Yes @MrsMGE! I feel much the same at the moment - it just feels like a 'normal' period. Don't get me wrong, I still have bad days, there are times where my arms and heart just ache uncontrollably for my son - he would be five months old now. When I think of all DH and I went through last year, I could - and sometimes do, howl at the unfairness of it all, particularly as I don't know if, when, we might be able to have another baby. But the support on this thread has helped me to help myself, I feel much less alone and am well on the way to stabilising my weight which will help with TTC, and I just have to plod (or spin and zumba??) on and keep hoping! I hope AF comes soon for you x

I haven’t read up on the new law so don’t really understand the implications as you are entitled to mat leave after 24 weeks anyway or should it be bereavement leave rather than mat leave? I was already on mat leave when I had my baby and then still on mat leave when I had the early MC (although had just arranged to go back to work). I suppose it would mean both parties get the time off 🤔

Sorry I’m not informed enough, will read up and come back!

In other news I’ve got the DE balls with almond nut butter today. Had the hazelnut ones previously so interested to try these. And then eating out later 😬

DH really pissed me off this morning but I’m pleased with myself for not letting it get to me!

Hi all, hope everyone is ok.

I'm also guilty of not being up to date on the new law, does it mean parents who suffer losses before 24 weeks get 2 weeks paid bereavement leave? Currently they get nothing? Sorry to be ignorant about this but keen to know more.

I'm booked into a spinning class tonight, first one in over a year! I'm a bit nervous but my PT is taking the class and has promised to save me a bike under one of the fans and near the door in case I need to duck out. Hopefully I survive it. I also have a friend visiting tomorrow so am planning to do some baking for that, probably some WW rocky road bites. We'll see how they come out.

@BunnytheBlueWhale @Shefliesonherownwings here is the government summary: www.gov.uk/government/news/uk-set-to-introduce-jacks-law-new-legal-right-to-paid-parental-bereavement-leave
It is good as it gives parents who have lost a child after twenty four weeks' gestation two weeks paid leave. It will cover people who aren't on maternity / paternity leave already (as it's any child under the age of 18).

What @MrsMGE and I are saying is that it doesn't go far enough, as it doesn't grant any paid leave for loss of pregnancy prior to twenty four weeks.

@MrsMGE @Shefliesonherownwings @tortiecat I just read it. It’s interesting and I note it extends to loss of a child of any age.
Not sure two weeks is long enough if you have lost a living child?! Or even in my situation. I think MC should be addressed too. I presume you could take the time off sick but that’s not the same as it being a separate statutory leave with pay. It is something that probably should be looked at as some women are very affected by MC plus that term includes a loss up to 23 weeks + 6 days. Even 2 weeks is not much then is it? They could give staggered leave based on stage of pregnancy if pre-24 weeks even if starting a couple of days.

@tortiecat thank you, I've just read it too. I agree with you all, it is a step in the right direction but as you have all said I don't think it goes anywhere near enough.

Had I not been on maternity leave or entitled to sick leave there is no way two weeks would have been enough time off for me. It's almost 12 weeks since we lost Isla and I don't feel anywhere near ready to go back to work. I'm very lucky that I get 6 months full maternity pay and then 13 weeks statutory but many other people aren't so lucky.

Similarly, I agree also that there has been a huge missed opportunity here for those that lose a baby before 24 weeks. Perhaps there are wider conversations happening about this but it seems a real shame nothing has yet been done.

I completely agree that berevement leave should be offered to any couple who suffer a mc as its devastating no matter what gestation you are. Its a difficult one I guess.

Ive managed to get back on track with my eating yesterday and today so feeling a bit better with that.

We also managed a successful babydance on Saturday night. Unfortunately its too far away from ovulation to count but im hoping this bodes well for this weekend. Im in my fertile window and due to ovulate on Saturday I think so hoping our good luck continues!

Hi girls! Busy, busy day today, only now catching up on the thread. I've decided I will be writing to my local MP to suggest further changes. They may not listen, but at least I am in a position to put together a convincing case.

I've had a pretty good day, 13k steps and my back is much better. I might start exercising again on Thursday. Still no AF, bit frustrated, it should be here tomorrow but it felt like I'd come on early. Fingers crossed it'll be out of the way soon xxx

@BunnytheBlueWhale I personally disagree with the staggered leave concept too, it still is quantifying parental grief by week of gestation to me. People react differently and are often severely affected following an early loss, it all depends on the circumstances, prior experiences, how the loss occured etc. The entitlement to bereavement leave should be equal. Whether someone chooses to use it in full or in part, or not at all, is a personal choice, not a matter of law. But that's just my personal opinion.

@MrsMGE It is difficult as someone who has had a loss doesn’t want someone who has a later loss to say their loss was greater. By the same token, I’ve been offended by people (in real life, not on this thread) comparing losing my DD to MC. Everything affects everyone differently and that’s where long term sickness will come in for those who struggle particularly. I don’t see why staggered leave is an issue. Not just for MC but generally. My loss might not compare to someone who lost a teenage child they cared for, for years, in their eyes. Maybe someone who has lost an older child needs at least a month of work (or more!)?? As someone who lost a baby at 40 weeks last year and had a MC at 5 weeks to me the gestation absolutely made a difference. I took 6 months off after losing my DD, had been through 9 months of pregnancy where I had PGP and it was painful to walk, I had a painful 2 day labour where I knew my baby had already died and couldn’t have an epidural, and then everything that came next like returning the things I had to buy for her arrival and burying my daughter. I took 6 months off work and couldn’t have managed going back much earlier. After my MC honestly I didn’t think of it as having lost a baby. It was a shit thing as Id already has a rubbish year and was happy to be pregnant but in practical and physical terms I was pregnant for 1-2 weeks and it was like a late period. Then again I have read of people having had horrific and traumatic MC experiences. I have a friend who really suffered after a MMC a few years ago. Maybe I felt a bit hardened to to the MC because of what I’d been through and didn’t even feel surprised when I MC. I have a lot of sympathy for people who have had repeated miscarriages because TTC can be so disheartening if it takes time and I suppose that’s a different issue in a way as it also relates to fertility and I think struggling to TTC must be one of the hardest things in the world to deal with. Again this is all just my opinion based on my experiences in the last year... There absolutely needs to be more support for people suffering MC but I don’t think it’s wrong to consider loss at different stages of life and different kinds of bereavement and loss.

@BunnytheBlueWhale I've never said I was offended though. The point I'm making is that the availability should be there for everyone because it is not for the legislator to decide on people's personal feelings.

I'd never tell you how you'd supposed to feel after stillbirth vs miscarriage. Whether you'd supposed to feel better after an early loss or late loss or loss in childhood. You may have in reality but that's how it worked for you. It doesn't mean everyone is the same. This is the situation we're facing now, the legislator is making assumptions and it is happening because they simply want to save money. Let's underinvest in research into reducing the number of miscarriages. Let's not give parents losing a child to mc any paid leave because there are so many of them, it would cost us too much. The Government can't have it both ways.

@MrsMGE I didn’t say you were offended and I wouldn’t want to offend you or any of my internet friends on this thread. I said I was offended when people say loss of my DD is the same as a MC (again, people in real life who don’t really know what happened and just know I was pregnant and then I wasn’t) and it’s you saying something along those lines that I’m responding to. I wouldn’t usually compare my loss to anyone else’s, which we generally don’t do on this supportive thread where we acknowledge we’ve all had the short straw in one way or another.

I’ve mentioned before my friend who had her DD weeks after I had mine. Her DD was fine but her DH left her for another woman and she’s struggling. I don’t think what she’s dealing with is any better or worse than what I’m dealing with but I think she’s finding it more difficult.

The thing is anyone could deal with anything differently. One person could take losing their job harder than another person would take a MC or other bereavement or a divorce or losing their dog. So the rules have to legislate for something unless they are just saying everyone gets leave when they have a difficult time. Maybe they should do that. There might be different levels of leave to account for those things in my opinion. I hope you understand what I mean.

But let me be clear: I don’t think it’s right that MC is not acknowledged in these new rules. It seems very arbitrary to me that they have lumped in loss from 24weeks to 18 years as being comparable and then left out miscarriage. I don’t think that’s right at all. I said that from the start. I was just saying that, if it is not going to be treated the same (and I don’t know what the reasoning is behind it - maybe that it happens more often?) they could offer something, even if it’s a week rather than 2 weeks, to acknowledge what a shitty thing it is to deal with. I wasn’t saying someone who has an earlier MC shouldn’t get 2 weeks as well. People probably get more sympathy and care for having the flu! I don’t think 2 weeks is enough either for someone who has faced a difficult loss. The cut off does seem very arbitrary to me.

@BunnytheBlueWhale I think you're misinterpreting my posts big time and thrn jumping on me, which I do not appreciate at all and I'm not planning to explain my point again because you seem to be taking it all personally when it clearly isn't. Hope you have a good day.

And yes, @BunnytheBlueWhale, you did say I was offended and then you've removed the post. Really? Are we in primary school here?

I'm not even getting into this any further as you're clearly on edge but I'll tell you two things straight: 1. You've misunderstood the point and you're barking at a wrong tree. But I understand this isn't an easy time for anyone on here, so I'm not going to get upset over this. 2. Every loss suffered on this thread, no matter when and how, is the most important to the mother. And for that reason, any comparisons or the types of arguments that you've posted recently are out of order.

That is the end to me and I'm not getting into further discussions on this.

Morning all. Back to healthy lifestyles...what are we all eating today? Today I had a chopped up nectarine and some blueberries with Yeo Valley kefir yoghurt, it was lovely (and I didn't spill it!) but I've had it three days in a row and I am bored. I have a large roll with hummus and roast veg for lunch, and a tiny bar of Hotel Chocolat dark chocolate (leftover from a Christmas gift box!) for after spin class. As AF is here, I am going to have a large glass of rosé when out with the team this evening

Hey tortiecat 😊 AF arrived today! I'm kind of happy it's here actually, it's bringing me closer to restarting TTC. How are you feeling? I love kefir. Have you tried mango & turmeric or honey & coconut from The Collective? I have a rather boring ham & veg sandwich for lunch today and then a lovely Italian chicken dish from italianfoodforever.com website. I very much recommend this website btw!!

Oh @MrsMGE I think you’re misinterpreting my posts and I’m not “on the edge” at all! You seem quite upset and in my last post I was just trying to clarify what I meant so as not to offend you. I removed the second post as I realised I’d repeated myself. I am sorry if I upset you but I agree we should leave it there and I won’t respond to any specific things you’ve said as I find your last post slightly aggressive and rude tbh and I thought we were just discussing the matter. As a lawyer, I do enjoy a debate although this is personal for all of us.

@tortiecat Well done! I love hotel chocolat dark chocolate and it doesn’t have much sugar in so is not that unhealthy IMHO!

I had a hot chocolate this morning and having Pizza Express for lunch so not that “healthy” but don’t even m feel bad about it tbh... 😬

Hope everyone else is ok

Good morning everyone. I did my first spinning class for yonks last night and I have to say it was really good. My PT took the class and it was just nice to get back into something I used to really enjoy. He played good music too which helped. I'm aching today though!

I have a friend coming over this evening, I'm making a healthy thai green chicken curry and WW rocky road bites. My friend likes her curry super spicy so I'm doing hers separately as DH and I don't like it too spicy but not sure how best to really spice it up. Just put loads of chillis in hers? Any ideas?

@Shefliesonherownwings You may try using different curry paste/powder too, I got a mild one at home but pretty sure DH bought a different one before which had more spice in it. Glad you enjoyed your spin! Did you use to go regularly before your pg? I haven't been for years, not sure I'd keep up now 🤦🏼‍♀️

Hey everyone, sorry I've been away, I have been feeling really low and also pretty crap physically. I'd been feeling so sick on and off, more than in other pregnancies and assumed it was a cruel trick of nature and my body still think it was pregnant. I also caught a horrible cough from DS which kept me awake at night and made my nausea worse as I would cough so hard I would retch. As you can imagine being healthy has been the last thing on my mind. I was planning to come back once I was better and was assuming I'd have surgical management after my rescan yesterday. However I got the shock of my life when they told me everything was ok and showed me the heartbeat!! They can't explain what happened but 2 weeks ago I was 6+6 and they said I was measuring 4-5 weeks. So yesterday I should have been 8+6 and measuring 8+1 so something is out somewhere. Feel happy but hard to take it in and I'm still worried about why I was so behind and suddenly caught up. I also know I've still got the 12 week tests to get through but getting a second chance is amazing. Just wanted to update you all as you've been so lovely xx

@Shefliesonherownwings I’d maybe put a bit of curry powder in as you can add that to a portion at the end but I’d add bits and slowly as it can be quite hot IME

@Seahawk80 That’s great news and what a lovely surprise! It’s so nice to I hope evening progresses as it should xx

Sorry not proper English there. I meant to say it’s so nice to have some unexpected news and for it to be positive!

Thanks @BunnytheBlueWhale still in a bit of shock here! My bleeding all stopped so as soon as this cough is gone I'm getting back to couch 2 5k! I'm also going to get back on the healthy bandwagon when nausea allows, mind you just ate crisps with my lunch to make it go away 🤦‍♀️

@Shefliesonherownwings I love a spicy currry and chilli flakes are great for adding extra spice after cooking