TTC after loss penguins get fit & healthy in 2020

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

This is the thread for those of us in the TTC after loss penguin huddle who want to try to eat a more healthy diet, exercise more, lose weight or just feel better physically this year
🐧🐧🐧
@MrsMGE @Avocuddles @MissSparkles81 @SunshineCrocodile @Mumlili8 @VenusStarr @SunStruck

If I’ve missed anyone please tag them

How about we start by saying what our goals are whether that he the number on the scale, doing more exercise or just feeling better about ourselves?

I’m BunnytheBlueWhale (NC recently - see TTC thread). I’m 35 and probably weigh about a stone more than I’d like since I had my stillborn daughter in February. I don’t need to lose weight massively but having post-baby weight and no baby is a bit rubbish!

I’d like to lose a bit of a weight all over and also target my belly with brushing, moisturising and maybe microneedling at home...

I eat a lot of sugary snacks so want to massively reduce those and also try to take a healthy lunch to work to stop me spending so much money on food!

@mrsMGE 😔 it hits me from time to time too, but I try to push it away. Your baby will always live on in your memory, always!

In regards to weight, that is ONLY water weight from the weekend (from eating carbs etc), you should never weigh yourself after a weekend, do it on Friday mornings! That's what I do, and it's most accurate.

You're not a failure, you're strong to balance a career and the pain of losing a baby at the same time, it's really difficult!

@SunStruck ❤️ Thanks, lovely.

I need to get a grip. Today is not good, but tomorrow is a new day and I got to continue with my health mission, it's helping so, so much! I can't give up on myself. Xxx

@MrMGE I didn’t have a great eating day either yesterday. I had 2 got chocolates! And quite a bit of my hotel chocolat stash later on. Not loads but...

I’m also feeling a bit shit about things today. The what ifs. Today was struck by the thought that if I’d told the midwife the baby was moving a lot, a couple of nights before she died, they might have investigated. I didn’t realise moving a lot was an issue. Thought a reduction in movements was the point. No apparently it’s any change. Sorry. It’s just so shit to think of what could have been!

I am joining a local running team in my village. I don’t run much any more but I did a half marathon a few years ago and can usually manage a couple of miles. Anyway they are all a bit older I think so I assume I can keep up with them but wrongly assumed it’d be a 1 mile flat run... It’s a 3 mile run to the viaduct and now I’m worrying I won’t keep up with them 😂😬🙄🙈

Thanks for all the lovely messages. I'm actually feeling ok, sad but ok. For me the waiting and not knowing is torture, now I know it's bad news and I can get on with being sad. Might sound strange but it's just how I am! Took the rest of yesterday off to wallow (and eat loads of crap). I'm back at work today as I'll probably need more time off if / when I miscarry or for a D&C so thought I'd come in while I'm alright physically. I don't work Thursdays so it's just one day.

I'm going to try not to use this an an excuse to be unhealthy. Got lots of healthy food on my Ocado order and I'm going to get a new bike so that cycling to work is more appealing. Also going to start couch 2 5k again next week. I am taking DS for cake after nursery/ work today though as a special treat for us both. I do feel so very lucky to have him.

@MrsMGE hope you are feeling better. I think sometimes the reality only hits after the momentous date. I was fine on my doe date (obviously a BFP helped) but it's so hard thinking I should be on mat leave with a newborn, especially when you're back at work.

@Avocuddles I was rushing around tidying for the cleaner this morning 😂

@BunnytheBlueWhalethe what ifs are so hard aren't they. I keep thinking about drinking before I found out and wondering if that caused a problem (even though I know it's so unlikely). Try not to drive yourself mad with it (easier said than done I know). I never knew that about movements increasing as well as decreasing being a risk so you've educated at least one person today x

Morning all. @MrsMGE I'm sending you a big virtual hug. It's understandable that things will be rough, all I can say is take it slowly, hour by hour or minute by minute if things are really bad today. You're right that tomorrow is a new day and you can start again knowing you got through today and can get through other bad days. Also forget about the bad choices, sometimes we need to be naughty when we feel rough. Don't punish yourself. One blip is not going to undo all the good work.

@BunnytheBlueWhale sorry you too are having a bad day. I totally get what you mean about going back over and thinking what if I'd done something differently. I don't think enough is taught about movements and what to be concerned about. It's not your fault though, you didn't know but with hindsight it's hard not to go back and wish things were different.

I have also been struggling a lot the last couple of days. I had counselling on Monday and I do find it helpful but it is bringing up a lot of things that I am then struggling with in the following days. On Monday I talked about my feelings of guilt at not protecting Isla and noticing something was wrong and like you @Bunny I talked about what I wish I'd done differently. I've been thinking about it all since and just feeling so sad and teary.

I've managed to stick to the healthy eating but not managed to get to the gym. I actually haven't been out of the house since counselling but will try to pop to the shops today. I cooked a WW home made beans on toast recipe for breakfast which is basically cannellini beans, haircot beans, tinned toms, bacon and loads of spices. It was really nice and plenty left over for another time. Fingers crossed we all feel a bit lighter soon. Sending hugs xx

@Seahawk80 Yes it’s natural to blame ourselves as the ones carrying the baby but the alcohol thing is so unlikely as so many people drink before they knew they were pregnant. I did it with my DD and depsite how that turned out it wasn’t anything to do with the drink!

@Shefliesonherownwings It’s so hard. Of course we’re not at fault but who else do we blame? I saw the GP and my midwife the morning after the bad night when I was ill (I was up with a headache and sickness and the baby moved a lot which I thought was good) and the GP didn’t ask about movements and the midwife didn’t say anything but listened to her heartbeat and it was fine so of course I thought it was fine! I totally agree not enough is taught about movements and I always felt unsure.

Even cooking a meal is a positive thing to do. I always find I feel better concentrating on something like that

I’m working from home today and I’m taking it a bit easy to be honest! But I am going for my run later.

Girls. I think we all know deep inside we couldn't have done anything more or better. We are not to blame for anything that's happened. I struggle with this myself at times, but it's so, so clear from your posts that I have to tell you as an outsider, you are superb and NONE of it is your fault. Please don't beat yourselves up, you only do this because you are supermums and you want the best for your little ones. You have done your best. And one day you'll have the rest of your lives to show how every day how you're doing your best. That will be the day when your gorgeous rainbow babies arrive 🌈. Xxc

@BunnytheBlueWhale I just had some chocolate too. My secretary bought it for me with a little card, it was waiting for me on my desk and she said "I know today is hard, but you're not alone. X" I cried when I saw this. She also lost a baby to miscarriage. We look after each other in that and other respects. I feel it's justified I had that chocolate today.

Well done re running. That's one thing I cannot get into long term, I enjoy an occasional jog, but I'm not a runner. I wish I was, I'd shee the pounds pretty quickly!

@Shefliesonherownwings I know exactly where you're coming from, I'm the same after my counselling sessions. They bring out issues that I perhaps didn't want to face or pushed them aside. But I've realised I need to work through them to free myself up. Your posts really reasonate with me, I very much recognise my own feelings and experiences from the last few months in what you're saying. I think this is the right path, at least now after 2 months of counselling I can see an improvement. Bad days still happen but they are rare and a "blip", not my every day reality anymore (and I thought at some point it would be the case).

I am going to get my act together and do my HIIT exercise tonight, tomorrow and Zumba on Friday. I'm not giving up. Also having a super healthy tuna & veg casserole tonight. I'm finally feeling a bit brighter today, been a long day! Xxx

@MrsMGE I'm sorry you're finding this week tough. That was very kind of your secretary, it must be a comfort to have some support at work. I'm think everyone here has bad days and there's nothing wrong with that every now and again, but I'm glad you're finding them rare these days. Don't feel like a failure for putting on weight. I for one find food (and wine) one of the biggest pleasures in life and when you're going through a tough or sad time dieting is quite frankly the bottom of the priority list. You're not a failure, you're a brave woman, just like all of us here.

@Seahawk80 really don't beat yourself up over alcohol. I discussed it at length with a kind GP a while back - our TTC journey has been going on for a long time and the thought of having to hold off the wine month after month without ever getting a positive result was one of many things getting me down. Her view was to try not to stress too much until you get a BFP - maybe don't go out on a bender night and night if you think pregnancy is a possibility but don't feel guilty about the odd night out or glass of wine. As she (and others on this thread have) pointed out there are many people of who fall pregnant without planning it who do all of the 'wrong' things but still have a strong and healthy pregnancy. Don't beat yourself up over it; I had had a big night out a week before my first BFP and when I expressed concern that this might have led to my loss it was reiterated to me that when a pregnancy fails at an early stage it's sadly most likely due to a chromosomal issue, and certainly not due to a few cocktails.

@Shefliesonherownwings WW beans sound yummy, might have to give them a try this weekend. I'm glad you're finding the counselling helpful but hope that the tears subside soon - you have nothing to feel guilty about, but the fact that you do is just a natural response to how much you cared for your beautiful daughter.

@BunnytheBlueWhale I had a hotel chocolat stash that I've hidden in the back of the cupboard with an 'out of sight out of mind' strategy. I'm sure the next time AF arrives I'll be wolfing it down in one go. How did the run go?

It's been a day of ups and downs for me. I started the day with the work mindfulness class which today was an exercise focused on being kind to yourself - something that everyone here would probably benefit from! One of the mantras the leader recited repeatedly what 'I deserve to be happy'. This is definitely something we should remind ourselves more often. Happy might not look exactly as we hope at this point in time, but we still deserve some in our lives.
The day went somewhat downhill from there. I missed an appointment due to shocking traffic, this put me on edge so when I turned on Facebook and was confronted with a bunch of photos of the beautiful baby who was born last week within days of my due date I felt very low and the tears were flowing when my DH walked through the door. With his encouragement though I dragged myself along to my first Zumba class in years. This was nearly a disaster as the class was full but the receptionist clearly saw I was about to tip over the edge and let me in. It was actually really good and I left feeling a lot better. I have never been an exercise fan but the rush of endorphins this evening has made me keen to get back to exercise classes a couple of times a week. I'm thinking of doing a body combat class on Sunday as used to enjoy it a few years ago and might even be able to persuade DH to join me!

Evening all @seahawk80 I am so sorry to hear your news. Hope your doing as ok as you can be.

Ive had a shit day ... woke up this morning and decided to have a sneaky weigh in which showed a 1.5lb gain, then AF arrived. We then had to treck across the country to see my bf's lawyer to start court proceedings about him getting better access to his son. On the way home the EPU phoned me for a "follow up" which I am guessing is because of the complaint I made (I didn't answer) got home to a part on the news about ptsd and mc and then my best friend messages to ask how being back at work is!!

Seriously?? Im f***g surrounded by kids and pregnant women all day ... im bluddy grand!

Stomach is killing me Im holding back the tears and cant face work tomorrow 😔

Sorry for the huge rant but just feel like exploding 🥵

@Avocuddles big hugs to you lovely. Well done for going to Zumba. I was the same last night and went to clubbercise and I did feel better for it. I used to do body combat years ago and loved it too.

It sounds like we've all had a tough day, ladies. Sorry, I've clearly started the domino effect!

Well, I watched a bit of Miranda and did a really hard 20-min HIIT, and I feel a lot better.

@MissSparkles81 You've gained before AF, 100%. Definitely water retention, weigh yourself again in a week's time and guaranteed you'll see the difference. Well done on your clubbercise, sounds right up my street! What kind of music do you exercise to?

@Avocuddles I'm sorry you had a tough day too, completely understandable why you had a sob session earlier. Probably needed, too. Really glad to hear that you've released the negative energy by going to Zumba. How was it? Is yours just as dance-y as mine?

Let's not lose our focus, ladies. We've been looking after ourselves and overall, itvis having a big positive impact, which is so needed. Today was bad for most of us, but we're on the right track and let's keep going, together! You're all doing great ❤️🙌🙏 xxx

@BunnytheBlueWhale I've been thinking about your earlier post re your DH appearing not to want IVF. Do you think this might be because he's scared or doesn't want to admit that it might be needed? After all, you got pg naturally twice, you're both fertile and you're still at your 'peak', as in you're a young woman and there's every chance everything will end up fine without the need for IVF. Maybe it's a difficult topic for him because he's somehow feeling guilty? That he can't "give" you a child and you'd have to resort to IVF? Maybe he's thinking it might be his age as he's older, especially that he already has children (but presumably had them when he was a bit younger)? Even though obviously that's not the case. I obviously don't know and I'm not sure I'm expressing myself well right now, but personally, I felt very much against IVF for a long time, even though I'd love to have a baby. I don't want to accept that it might be needed because I'm not infertile and got pg quickly before, and I'm finding the whole concept very difficult, actually. I'm working on myself now to accept that I might be in this game long term and that IVF might be an option, but I'm not finding this easy at all. My DH has no issue with it whatsoever, on the other hand. Perhaps your DH thinks more alongside where I am, though? Xxx

And the final thought re the BBC article (I haven't heard it on the radio, but read the online article).

I most definitely had a form of PTSD after my MMC due to the lack of care from professionals, incomplete advice, delays, no knowledge of what to expect, being forced to go with medical management which wasn't my preference, traumatic delivery, no aftercare, the loss itself and grief. That's a lot to go through in a short space of time and being dismissed because I was "only" 10 weeks and "it's common" did not help at all. Reading about some other negative experience on MN and elsewhere makes my skin crawl. It's like we're stuck in the dark ages when it comes to miscarriage, it should be obvious that different care and approach are necessary, but somehow it's not "because we're women and we ought to get on with this". Just because we (eventually) can doesn't mean we should.

I'm glad this topic is now discussed quite regularly in the press, it's needed. Bravo to Tommy's for all their hard work, too. Nothing is going to change anytime soon, but at least we're all breaking the silence and that's the first step to making improvements imo. Xxx

Thanks @MrsMGE You are right but it is so hard not to question things sometimes. How are you today? That was lovely of your secretary

@Avocuddles The run was good but I’ve been feeling a bit under the weather all week and was coughing and sneezing more when I got home so maybe I shouldn’t have gone out?! The women were really lovely though so I’m going to try to keep on with it even if once a week. I love Zumba and Body Combat. Combat is my favourite and there is a class on a Friday night that I’m going to start going to again. Tomorrow is part 2 of root canal though(!) so not tomorrow but maybe next week.

I’ve decided I’m going to just book tomorrow off as I’m not feeling great and have to have the afternoon off for the dentist anyway

@MissSparkles81 I’m so sorry you had a tough day. Don’t worry who the scale especially around AF! I hope today is a better day

@MrsMGE I’m not sure what DH’s issue with IVF is. He was very grumpy at that time, for some reason (I realised after), and can say things without thinking. I think his age could be part of his. His other children are 15 and 16 so he had them when he was much younger. He is mid-40s now and has always said he doesn’t want to be an old dad but also v much wants to have a baby. He has been v keen the last few days to want to make a baby as I am coming into fertile week! Also his sister had IVF and I don’t know much about it but he mentioned it was a lot of stress etc. And he is a bit funny about feeling like we are only about having a baby. He doesn’t like to feel we are only dtd when I’m fertile etc. I can understand that. I don’t know if there’s pressure in it. Put it this way, we talked on here not long ago about going to see the GP if I was worrying about the time it’s taking to get pg but I wouldn’t think hed like that. I feel it would put him off again. He also has issues about the way he has his other children as he felt tricked into the first one. Who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️ For me, I hope it’s not needed, but I like the idea that there are options if it’s not happening naturally. But I know if it came to that then he still might consider it...

I’m feeling a bit more positive today generally actually

I hope you all have a nice day

@MrsMGE That is so lovely from your secretary!!! Really nice. How are you feeling today? ❤️ well done on your HIIT sessions, already back in the saddle 😄

@avocuddles sorry you had a rough day, but at least ended it on a positive note! Well done for making the class. I am a massive foodie (and I love my wine), is he clinically depressed if I'd go teetotal the entire time we're ttc! Obviously I've thought that maybe this is why we have miscarriages, maybe the wine has ruined my eggs?! I didn't drink during TWW that first time I got pregnant (but ended in mmc), I did drink during TWW the second time we got pregnant (early miscarriage). I also feel guilty but I guess this shows it doesn't matter what you do. I've never drank a drop after a positive test.

Do all the other ladies in this thread abstain when TTC? Or maybe just in TWW?

On a lighter note... Today is our Friday (I live abroad, Fri-Sat is our weekend), and I've been to the gym 4 times this week 💪 I weigh myself this morning and have lost 3.3 pounds since NYE which is good going for me as I've not trained as hard (especially now in TWW) and not been dieting, just trying to eat healthy during the weeks. The slow cooker is a great investment ladies! 😂👌

Oh and I also found out I got a pay rise today, with immediate affect - Well needed in January! 😃

Any weekend plans for you ladies?

Well done on the exercise and pay rise @SunStruck! I don’t drink much anyway (easily once a month or less) and I’d usually try not to drink in the 2WW but I’ve been a bit more relaxed with that because I don’t know how long it will take to get pg and I only ever have one or two drinks anyway whjch I don’t think are a big deal. I even went in the sauna last 2WW but was convinced I wasn’t pg anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

@SunStruck I too lost 3.3lbs (net after my long weekend. It was 4lbs before that, but let's forget about that bit

I drink, tbh. Before TWW and during TWW, however I must say I'm not a big drinker generally. I only ever get drunk before Christmas (if at all) and drink regularly on holiday. During the year, I enjoy an occasional gin or spritz, but I'd have one ir two a fortnight if I go out with DH or one of my girlfriends and that's it. So I kind of came to my senses and decided that cutting all of it out is ridiculous!

Having said that, I only had one gin this year because of my health mission (too many calories in alcohol, I'd rather use them on food which I like a lot more 😂).

You've inspired me to make a healthy stew in my slow cooker soon!

@BunnytheBlueWhale I'm better today, thanks for asking. Glad today is brighter for you as well. I find pulling it all back to basics when things get tough actually helps, I tell myself that "life goes on, focus on taking small positive steps, be good to yourself because it will help you out long term." I still feel better than I felt in months, despite few difficult hours/days, so this is definitely working for me.

Well done to all of you who still did something good for yourselves despite not feeling great - I know it's not easy, but it's the right thing to do and an investment into a happier future. Xxx

Well done everyone for keeping going 👏 it's hard but we're all seeing results 😊 I've just checked my bmi - it's 26.8 today, down from 28.8 at my slimming world start weight. Feeling good about that.

@SunStruck @MrsMGE I don't abstain during the first half of my cycle, i love my wine too much! I'm not a binge drinker, but DH and I enjoying sharing some wine at home on a Friday and Saturday night or if we're out for a meal. If I was knowingly on a 2WW (not a common occurance for me but hopefully it will be soon once I start my meds) then I would keep it minimal but wouldn't stop myself from having a glass if I really felt like it. I'm doing dry January at the moment, it's probably the longest I've been without a drink other than when I've been pregnant (where I stopped completely as soon as I had a BFP). I kind of wish I didn't enjoy wine (and gin) so much but I'm sure it's doing me good. If i'm not on meds by then I am very much looking forward to a nice glass of something come Feb 1st though!

Glad you're feeling a bit better today @MrsMGE.

@VenusStarr and @SunStruck well done on the weight loss, that's great! Tomorrow is my weighing day though not feeling that optimistic after the weekend's indulgences!

@BunnytheBlueWhale how are you feeling after the root canal?

@MissSparkles81 I've never tried clubbercise but have seen a class advertised locally so might have to give it a go.

I'm feeling shattered after a rather full on day at work - I've effectively been covering five jobs due to absences, illnesses and colleagues working away so it's probably not a surprise I feel drained! Wish I had a restful evening ahead but I have band practice tonight - I play in a concert band which is fun but sometimes of a Thursday evening I do wish I could skive off for a night in front of the tv.....

Thanks ladies ... I know the gain is prob due to AF but tell that to my bleeding hormones 🤪

I would like to say today was better but I had my back to work meeting with my manager and broke down again. She is lovely tho which made everything that little bit easier to talk about.

I watched the news last night and like @MrsMGE I have some form of ptsd too. Its horrific that in this day and age that we are not being supported properly and being given the right information.

For thos who were asking about Clubbercise ... its pretty much dancing along to dance music in the dark with glowsticks. I love it and its such a good calorie burner too!

Im off tomorrow so planning a quiet day in the house making a bit batch of homemade soup to get me through the next few days.

@Avocuddles god that does sound stressful! Hope you get a chance to relax a bit when you get home from practise x