TTC after miscarriage - January 2020

[MilsCookie]

Hello all (and late Merry Christmas!)

Looking for TTC buddies in a similar situation! 👋

In September I accidentally became pregnant. We had planned to begin TTC in Jan 2020 anyway, so we were really excited. Sadly, at my 12 week scan on 25th Nov, I found out I had had a missed miscarriage and the baby had stopped growing at about 9 weeks. The week that followed was one of the most traumatic in my life, having failed medical management and then an ERPC. All this happened whilst I was in another country.

Since then my recovery has been okay but all I can think about is wanting to be pregnant again and have been hoping and praying that my period returns soon so that we can officially start trying.

This morning I have had brown discharge and cramping, so it does feel like AF is on the way. So I guess I am going to count today as CD1 of my first official TTC cycle?

I wondered if anyone had been through anything similar and if so I am so sorry for your loss and what you had to go through. It really is a horrendous time. 💐

Anyone want to join me? 💕

@MilsCookie I have another nephew so this is 2nd time aunty duties 😊

Awwwh thats tricky! Does she know about your miscarriage?

Atleast you are kinda preparing yourself for the news. I think If you do cry you could kind of pass it off as being happy tears for her? I am a happy crier so it would be believable for me.

Hope it goes well xxx

@Anny27 congratulations! That's lovely news. I always think NYE is a great day to have a birthday 🍾

@disneymummysince2010 I used to use opks and mine never showed as being blatantly positive either. I could see the progression with the like getting dark but it was never as dark as the control line despite me testing 2-3 times a day 😳 and I fell pregnant so was definitely ovulating! So I would say don't waste anytime as that looks like it's heading towards positive 😉

@milscookie I know how you feel. I'm convinced that two of our friends are due to announce a pregnancy soon and as happy as I would be for them, the thought already makes me want to cry. As much as I wouldn't want to feel any resentment I think I wouldn't be able to help but feel a little bit of 'that should have been me'. I actually thought some of our other friends were going to tell us they were pregnant over Christmas and I actually felt a sense of relief when they kept ordering alcoholic drinks at the bar and no announcement came. Then I felt guilty too for feeling this way! Strange emotions. I'm sure they will pass in time it's just right now it feels raw, especially if they are due around the time we would have been having our babies.

@Anny27 aww you must have got lots of practice in already then! So exciting 🥰

Yes she does know but I haven’t seen her yet since it happened. It will be so good to see her and talk about it (and probably cry again!) Yeah I’m glad in a way that I’m kind of mentally/emotionally preparing myself. I know I’m being so ridiculous! I just need to focus on being happy for her 😊 xx

@MilsCookie I totally understand how you feel and you are not a horrible person for feeling this way. In fact I think it’s totally normal! My two best friends are currently pregnant now and I too feel exactly the same as you. Maybe tell her what’s happened if you haven’t already I am sure she will understand. And in the meantime, be kind to yourself and just go with the emotions! I’ve found trying to bottle them up and power on not helpful!!
Also, remember, I am sure that you will be pregnant too and joining her. 💖

@GoldenBauble it’s reassuring to know it’s not just me who feels like this. I feel so guilty to even have these thoughts or feel sad but I guess it is all just a bit raw still. Hopefully in time i won’t feel like this. Yeah I imagine she’ll be announcing as she’ll be 12 weeks...meaning she’ll be due about a month after my baba would’ve been here 😔💔.

Here he/she is... not sure why I’m sharing but just wanted to acknowledge him/her as I’m feeling really sad tonight. This is from my 12 week scan when I found out I’d had a mmc ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 (I hope nobody minds me sharing this) x

@Mammacooks thank you... it’s so helpful to know I’m not alone and that it’s normal to feel like this. I really hope you’re coping ok with your two friends being pregnant. Of COURSE we’re so happy for them but it’s just hard because it should also have been US. I need to try to remember that it will be us one day!! Our time will come and it will be this year - I am sure 😊🌈🍀💫 xx

@MilsCookie I’m so sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your scan. It’s so important to remember that our little ones existed ✨My step-sister and I were due at the same time and my niece was born in November. It took me a while to go and see her as it felt so raw. I don’t think anything makes the initial bit any easier so if you need to cry just let it out, I’m sure your friend will understand.

@GoldenBauble Thanks for sharing your advice on my OPKs- I’ll keep everyone in the loop! The nhs ovulation calculator says it should be this weekend so fingers crossed 🤞

Ahh that’s a lovely end to a rubbish year then @Anny27. congrats

Nope didn’t have a clue until I went for my scan so was all a lot of info to take in at the time.

@MilsCookie think we all know how you feel. But if she is a good friend you don’t need to put on a brave face. She will know you are happy for her but also that you’re hurting. Just remember that there is no right or wrong way to go through this and grieve x

Hi, I'm hoping to be ttc later this month.
Was feeling funny with a bit of spotting December 19th, had my bloods taken and returned 48 hours later for repeat test, which confirmed hcg had dropped by a third, so miscarriage was going to happen.
The day between my blood tests I had painful cramps but minimal bleeding.
Anyway... Spent the last 10 days with minimal spotting and feeling worried as to why there had been not much bleeding, rang EPU who said that was probably it and I could start to move on.... Only for painful cramps and heavy bleeding to start late on 30th....11 days after I was told it was "happening". This was my first pregnancy and we got pregnant on our first cycle ttc, was only around 5 weeks 5 days when went for the first bloods.

Does anyone have any advice on how long the bleeding will take to stop? Most things online say it will start and finish within 2 weeks of been told... Really hoping it's not going to be another 2 weeks from now!

I am so sorry for all of your losses.
I had a miscarriage in August (at 6 weeks ) and the holidays have been Really difficult . I think knowing I should be around 6 months pregnant now, and spending time with various friends including one couple who we were due only 4 weeks after .
Not made easier by the fact that I’m now inadvertently making my husband feel like he doesn’t make me happy / isn’t enough as I’m so sad
I hope we all have a better 2020! xxx

@Peach7744 sorry for your loss
I bought a clear blue advanced digital fertility monitor which shows if you ovulate each month and also indicates when so sex can be timed xXx

Hello. Hope it's ok for me to join. I found out I was pregnant last July, really struggled in the early stages. I was exhausted, barely had the energy to stand. Went for an early scan but was told it was too soon and to come back the following week. We went back 3 weeks later as we went on holiday, to be told the sonographer thought she could see 2 heartbeats but to come back again the following week. The following week we were confirmed as having MCMA twins, so they were sharing a sac and a placenta. This meant they were super high risk. I did lots of reading and found that only 50% of MCMA twins make it to 24 weeks, so I struggled to get excited about the pregnancy and felt pretty depressed about it all.

High risk meant more scans. We turned up to our 16 week scan expecting to see 2 bouncing babies, to be told they'd both passed away. We started medical management the following day and I gave birth to my baby girls on 27th September. I was devastated and felt guilty as I could o ly think of trying again ASAP. We decided we would try after xmas. I've had 3 periods since MMC, my last cycle was 28 days so I'm hoping I'm back to normal. According to Ovia I'm in the fertile window as of yesterday. I've had a faint line on OPK this morning, but not a positive so we'll keep DTD for a few more days.

With my 2yo and twins I only DTD once in the cycle I got pregnant, so there is hope even if you're not at it like rabbits!

@MilsCookie we are all here for you, it leaves such a big space in your heart that you just want to fill again. I totally get how your feeling and it is just going to take a lot of time for this to get easier to carry with us. One day at a time 💜♥️💛💚

@MilsCookie of course it is fine to post it. ❤ I had an early scan at 7 weeks exactly and I saw my little darling and her heartbeat. I have to keep reminding myself that I was pregnant - because I had no bump, no obvious telltale signs and one day I had a baby inside and the next day I didn't ... I feel like the people around you get over it more quickly and you are there thinking 'this actually happened to me.' Its hard to grasp. ❤ I've seen from previous posts you were travelling before ... are you home now? Two of my good friends are due around the same time we were ... one weeks before in May and another literally ten days after. When I found out about the second, I had a meltdown at work. Thought I was being punished for something I've done wrong in a past life. I came off FB and Instagram a few weeks ago and feel all the better for it. It's just not healthy to keep comparing my life to others. Feel better soon❤

Hi @Anny27, lovely to see you here too 💗 cant believe how quick it has gone since we all started talking on the MC board. We are troopers and 2020 has lots of good in store for us 💗🎉

So sorry @Ejb86 to hear of your loss. ❤❤I can confirm this to be true also as my partner and I's 1st cycle TTC we had sex one that month and voila!

I feel cheated by fate ladies as I have come down with a horrific bout of tonsillitis, right at the time of ovulation. According to my app and cycles I should still be within a good chance of conceiving yesterday, today and tomorrow but I was so poorly last night I couldn't face DTD. It felt like it would be against nature. Going to give it a go tonight but my throat is razor blades and I just want to sleep to next week. Have DTD every other day since last Saturday... worried I haven't made the most of the opportunity. But there is always next month .... 🌈

@MilsCookie
I know how you feel! It's hard not to feel sad and a little jealous when you find out someone else's news.
I work with two girls who are pregnant and we were all due the same time. They are now on maternity and due in the next 4-5 weeks. I'm the one left behind after my still birth :( the feeling is awful and seeing their updates on social media can crush me sometimes. Although I'm very happy for them its hard. I've promised myself to start this year on a positive. Focusing on things that make me feel better and trying to be more relaxed when TTC. Xxxx

Today marks a year since my first miscarriage, went to the 12 week scan to find out my baby measured only 8 weeks. This time last year I was a mess and hoped by next year I'd be in a happy place. Now I'm grieving my second loss. Losing Alvie at 22 weeks due to a CHD. 2020 has to be the year of good news
I'm so scared about the future. Really trying to be positive xxxx

@Ejb86 welcome and so sorry to hear of your losses. With my 22 month old and our MC we also weren’t tracking and were definitely not DTD as frequently as every other day. So I’m trying to remember this and that the odds are in our favour when conceiving and carrying a healthy pregnancy to term. I am definitely prone to catastrophising and finding it hard to keep positive after what’s happened.

I am cycle day 5 now and am going to use clearblue OPK this month to try and help catch ovulation. Good luck everyone 🤞💗

@AlviesMam

@AlviesMam we will be here for you every day and every step forward, or backward you make. Please come off social media though, it's not good for most people at the best of times but with grieving and moving towards a goal simultaneously, social media is definitely counter productive. You are so incredibly brave and it will happen for you, these things will not happen again and you absolutely will carry a baby to term and hold them in your arms. 2020 is your lucky year, the only way is up ♥️💛💙💜💚

@AlviesMam also working with pregnant Women must be so awful! Im probably in the minority here but under the circumstances you are in I would certainly not be happy for them at all! I would absolutely hate it so you are bloody amazing 🤗

@ChampooPapi Thank you so much 😢 I feel already that bit more positive having this thread to vent to!
I honestly have that crushing feeling in my chest every time I think about my pregnant colleagues due dates because I know I will have to face the birth of the babies soon which might put me back to a sad state. Honestly I am over the moon for them both but it should have been me too. I have came off Facebook, still have Instagram but I mute the stories/posts I don't want to see. Since my still birth I have put on weight and just feel so emotional. This is a journey I'd never thought I'd be on. How do I not obsess over being pregnant every month?! I'm trying to keep calm but I am so desperate to have a baby it's making my life a rollercoaster at the moment. I do have a good feeling but then In the back of my mind I'm thinking what if it doesn't happen. I'm 29 this year and I keep thinking I should have tried years earlier
On another note I've just done my healthy food shop ✔️ starting gym classes this week xxx

@MilsCookie that's a lovely picture of your bubba! I think of my little one as a her and we bought her a special christmas decoration for the tree so that we can remember her every year!

@ChampooPapi love your positivity, youreally brighten up the thread 🙌❤

@AlviesMam thinking of you lovely ❤ I have just turned 28 and trying to tell myself that I still have plenty of time but it's hard not to think ahh wish I had started earlier

@Mammacooks i am gonna use OPKs aswell. I am on cycle day 8 today not sure if I will ovulate in a weeks time like I usually do so just keeping an eye out for symptoms

@StephyRose hopefully you feel a bit better tonight! That's frustrating you arent feeling well in fertile week 😭😭

@Ejb86 sorry for your losses lovely! Welcome to the ttc crew xx

Thanks ladies @DisneyMummySince2010 @GemLou88 @ChampooPapi @StephyRose @AlviesMam @Anny27 so happy I have you all to vent to! This thread is helping me so much at the moment. My DP is like “are you talking to your stranger friends on Mumsnet again” 🙈🙈🙈 I think he finds it weird haha but I don’t care! You ladies are keeping me sane and positive!!

Welcome @BS9790 @Lwp1 @Ejb86 so sorry for your losses. Hopefully we can support you through your TTC journey. 😘

@StephyRose yes I am home now. Got back just before Xmas after 4 months away. I basically spent the whole of the travels being pregnant, thinking I’d be coming home 16 weeks pregnant 😞. I’m coming social media too... all except MN! I think it will help our mental wellbeing! 💕