TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 33- huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[Mumlili8]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to get and give support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy and baby. Pregnancy and child loss is the most awful thing anyone can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

@Mumlili8 100% ... Im spending money on supplements, opk's, reflexology and accupuncture treatments to try and make sure that I can ovulate and be in the best position possible and realistically all the oh has to do is bluddy perform. I can't get my head around it 🙄

I just thought to recommend the fertility friend app- the paid version is really great as you get to see charts of different women of a similar age to you/ similar cycle length/ luteal phase/ people's success rate having sex different times/ signs and symptoms of pregnancy etc etc. I literally lost hours playing around with it and obsessing with it when we trying to conceive my son. Not great if you're trying to spend less time focusing on ttc but I got a lot of information/ reassurance from it.

I can also recommend the book 'taking charge of your fertility' it has a lot of information in it about everything connected to ttc.

I agree with @Twinklelittlestar1 I too use this app (paid version) alongside premom app, couldn't recommend them more. Really useful and helpful. I've used the charts and printed the last 12 months for my rmc appointment on the 7th.

I'm going fully armed, I've had all my bloods tested again, I've got all the info from my miscarriages and these charts, proof of ovulation, and proof that we are doing everything humanly possible so they have to offer me more detailed test now. The last hospital didn't even offer a scan, let alone a camera thingy. I'm convinced I have Asherman's due to all the d&c's I've had. I get horrific pain but barely any bleeding.

Oh yeah happy new year ladies lol x

@twinklelittlestar1 oh thanks for the recommendation ... I will have a look!

@MissSparkles81 sorry you've had such a tough time, hope your talk with OH has helped him see it from your perspective. I think one of the hardest things about TTC is that even though women are the ones who have to carry any eventual pregnancy and undergo most of the investigations/have the miscarriages if things don't work out, we have zero control over it. We can't control our bodies and ovulation, we can't make our bodies hang onto pregnancies, and we we can't make men physically or mentally willing/able to cooperate. It's all reliant on stuff out of our control and that's why it's so chuffing frustrating.

@Mumlili8 everything crossed you get a sympathetic dr and make progress getting some investigations.

My reproductive system is messing with me at the moment. Still probably in the middle of a CP, but only had light spotting which has gone straight from pink to old brown blood, have had a liner on but not needed it at all. Haven't tested since getting a fainter test on 30th as assumed the bleeding was the end of it but as it hasn't ramped up I should probably get another test to stop myself hoping for a miracle.

@SunshineCrocodile I am so sorry to hear that you are going through a cp 😔 Sending you the biggest hug.

You are so right ... its the feeling out of control thats so unfair. 🙄

I'm really sorry to hear that @SunshineCrocodile ❤️ sending love.

Been feeling a bit off these last few days. It suddenly hit me how detached I've been over the past few weeks. Just before midnight on new year's eve I felt really overwhelmed with sadness that my babies are far away from me - think it's everyone making a big deal of moving from one decade to another, when for me it's just another day 💔 can't really explain how I feel. Dh gave me a lovely card for Christmas with a note to say how I amaze him everyday. I don't feel very strong but it's nice to hear that I am doing OK, even if I don't feel it.
Sending love to everyone today xxx

@VenusStarr oh hun I echo your feelings exactly, I wish I could say something that will make it better. It is true that your stronger than you know even if you don't feel it. Sending you healing thoughts. Take some you time you

I hope you get some answers on 7th @Mumlili8

@SunshineCrocodile I’m sorry things are a bit unclear but I really am hopeful for you. Maybe test on a few days if things don’t change🤞

I’m sorry you’re feeling that way @VenusStarr and there’s probably nothing we can say except know that we’re here and we all have dealt with our own losses. I felt very sad at the stroke of midnight. I hadn’t expected it and it hadn’t occurred to me before but moving into a New Year felt like leaving our daughter behind. The truth is the date is just a number and I believe those we love and miss will always be in our hearts x

In case anyone is interested, I just saw that some ClearBlue test lots are up to 40% off on Amazon in the Today’s Deals section

Well it says up to 40% but the CB digital advanced look like they’re actually 50% off

I don’t feel like tracking at the moment, though. I roughly know when I should ovulate... 🤔

@BunnytheBlueWhale thanks for the tip on the Amazon sale! I've got the Clearblue Fertility Monitor and used it this month for the first time. All this TTC paraphernalia is so expensive!

@VenusStarr sorry you're feeling lowly... I've had my fair share of these days. A year has gone by and we've had two MC's, it's a lot to digest. A lot to process and not something we can simply 'get over'. There'll be sad times! How are you feeling today? Sending you a big hug! We are here for you!

AF is due for me on Monday. Can already sense my usually pre AF symptoms coming so.... looks like we weren't successful with DTD in December. Oh well, onwards and upwards ladies, hopefully!

Xxx

@BunnytheBlueWhale thanks for the heads up on the clearblue sale. Ive bought some to use alongside my other opk's.

No worries @LASandOtto and @MissSparkles81 It’s quite a good deal

I met a friend through Sands after we lost our daughter in February. She lost her son the same week. She’s someone I really clicked with and we used to message each other pretty much every day when we were both on maternity leave. She didn’t go back to work as she wanted to have another baby before she went back but I went back in August. Anyway she had her rainbow baby this week. It’s so strange to think how much time has passed! I’m so pleased for her. It does occur to me that she has got pregnant and had a baby in the same time that I’m still trying but I’m ok with that. I do feel like everyone who lost a baby in circumstances like how I got pregnant with my DD seem to have got pregnant a lot faster than I have. I like the idea that I could have a baby in my arms by this time next year but I also know not to expect too much or out timescales on things. I am positive most of the time but I still have moments of fear that I won’t have a family of my own. I thought some of you ladies might understand. Sorry I am a bit rambly...

@BunnytheBlueWhale when I read you, you come across very strong and still with a very kind outlook. It would probably be easy to become bitter and resentful but you sound like the opposite.

Getting pregnant, becoming a mum, all these things are not a race, although sometimes perhaps it feels this way to us? It's certainly not a competition.

I'm really sorry about the loss of your DD. I'm sorry you may have told us her name before but I didn't see it on the thread as sometimes it moves fast, but please tell me / us again!

Thinking of you and glad your friend you met through Sands has her rainbow with her! X

@BunnytheBlueWhale I very much understand what you mean. We lost our daughters in a very similar way and I also have a horrible feeling she was my only chance. We were very very lucky to fall pregnant with her almost immediately. She was my first pregnancy and it was a pretty easy one. I used to joke it was too good to be true. Now I wish so much I'd never said that because it was. I'm starting to convince myself it won't happen again for us because we were so lucky first time around. I don't know what to say to make you feel better but I understand and we're all here to listen. Hugs x

@MissSparkles81 It’s rubbish isn’t it?! I’m not discussing it for now, I think if we fail to try again next month I might suggest AI, but I really don’t think that’s going to be taken well...

@SunshineCrocodile so sorry you’re going through a CP, I hope you’re doing ok

@BunnytheBlueWhale that’s so nice that you can be happy for your friend. I think it’s possible to be simultaneously very happy for someone else and feel very sorry for ourselves. I definitely do with two friends due around my due date, especially one who had struggled to conceive. xx

@MissSparkles81i meant my DH and I aren’t discussing it, wasn’t removing my chat from here!!

@Shefliesonherownwings although my situation is very different, I totally get the feeling of using up my luck. With a very infrequent sex life I couldn’t believe my luck in getting pregnant again, and then I lost it. Maybe I’ve had all my luck? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thanks @shanine I was similar in that I lost my daughter and then had an v early mc / chemical in August. The rational side of my brain says there’s no reason why I shouldn’t have a healthy baby. I fell pregnant with my first without tracking or trying or even taking folic acid. I fell pregnant the second time on the fourth cycle of trying. So in that sense it isn’t that much time. It is even less time for you. But there are just so many unknowns like how many losses will I experience before I have a healthy baby? Like I say most of the time I’m positive and rational about it. If we have difficulty this year then I’d seek help. We’d probably try IVF if it came to that and still consider adopting but sometimes I worry I’ll be completely left behind.

@LASandOtto My daughter was Ruby. I have NC and used to be Alice and then Ree. It really isn’t a race and that’s exactly what I tel myself: that if I do manage to have a healthy child one day, maybe even a couple, it won’t matter how long it took. And I actually think it was a really good thing for me to get back to work and normality and start to be myself again before having another baby. I mean, if I’d got pregnant immediately, I’d have been happy with that of course(!), but there are advantages to time to recover.

@Shefliesonherownwings Yes I think our circumstances were similar and, reading others’ baby loss stories, there seems to be a common theme of falling pregnant quickly with the first and then tracking as much as possible. I think it’s because once things have gone colossally wrong it’s so easy to imagine the worst happening again. But, in a really weird way, knowing the unexpected can happen is a positive thing for me because I know something good can happen unexpectedly too.

@tmc14 It is nice and I’m so happy for her. I hope I get my rainbow baby soon and have imaginings of us meeting up with our babies in future. Even if it doesn’t turn out that way I think I’ve made a friend for life. I’ve met so many people through Sands and it’s great (in a way) to be able to speak to people who understand what you’ve been through but you don’t click with everyone just because you’ve both suffered a loss. She’s been a great support to me. As you ladies have. I am really happy and love the children of my good friends and family. The not so good friends simply aren’t friends any more!

Thanks for listening to me ladies. You all really are a wonderful support to me. I woke up a little down maybe because PMT is coming on but also I woke up at 3 am with quite bad toothache - did I mention I had a root canal on Tuesday 😬😂

Hope you’re ok @SunshineCrocodile

xxx

@BunnytheBlueWhale I felt so terrified that I wouldn't have another child after my daughter died. I too thought she was my only chance. I was lucky in that I got pregnant with my son quite quickly after that but many of the loss mum friends I met didn't. Some had miscarriages in between and some took a little while to conceive. Remind yourself:

• you know you can get pregnant
• many/most people go on to have successful pregnancies after loss
• you have time to have another baby

I used to say those mantras out loud and it really helped.

Your anxiety will be compounded by grief and it makes us feel somewhat 'desperate' sometimes. I used to rationalise it that my brain kind of went into problem solving mode- I had lost a baby so I needed to 'make it better' by having another. Of course I knew it wouldn't take the pain away or 'replace' but my yearning for a baby was all I could think of x

@Twinklelittlestar1 Thank you. Yes I think part of it is grief and feeling like a mum without a baby. However, a big part of it is that I have wanted children of my own for a long time. I got to a point where we were ready to start trying and that was at least two years ago. It seems like it is so easy for other people and I have drawn the short straw. I’ve had my daughter and will never be sorry for the time I had with her but I still want more children and what’s happened shows me that’s it’s not that easy and nothing is guaranteed. The majority of people do go on to have healthy babies but also the majority of people don’t have a stillborn child. I was in the minority that time so even the rational part of my brain knows I could be again. I hope that makes sense. For the most part I am rational and positive about it and know the chances are things will work out but I am going to have my doubts until I have a healthy child of my own x

I'm still here, lovely ladies. got all my tests results back ( had 4 MCs in 2019 and 1 in 2018), all tests done abroad where I had all my fertility treatments. and thankfully nothing majorly wrong with me. Maybe high prolactin levels caused the MC as stress increases prolactin and pregnancy is not developing as I was told. I've been on meds since results day. Putting it all behind me. And been given the green light to start new DE FET cycle today. Endo lining scan booked next Friday which will determine transfer date. Hopefully we have a much better outcome this time around. I also had a scratch last month. So fingers crossed. And baby dust to us all. And soon enough to create our own Graduates thread 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

Sounds positive @Russkispy Fingers crossed for you 🤞