TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 33- huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[Mumlili8]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to get and give support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy and baby. Pregnancy and child loss is the most awful thing anyone can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

Thanks for all the congratulations, I'm in total shock, I tested a couple of days early which I never do but one of us had to drive at the last minute on Xmas day and I thought I may as well see if it should be me! I really hope to see all of you getting BFPs soon x

@tmc14 the last time I fell pregnant I never got a positive on an opk. I'd used them in previous years of ttc and had success with them. I got all stressed that I wasn't ovulating/ my system was messed up then suddenly I was pregnant! I was using cheapies and the clear blues, cheapies showed really faint lines all month and clear blue just gave me negatives. It has happened to my friend too, the month she caught with her son

@Twinklelittlestar1 Yeah I think I am just focussing on the TTC right now but the anxiety about never having a living child comes from the fear of loss too. So I fell pregnant again in August but had a MC so that factors in to my fear but I’m not thinking ahead past getting pregnant and early pregnancy if that makes sense. To be honest I just want to see how the next few months go and keep TTC without getting stressed about it. I didn’t track this month and I think that was good for us

@tmc14 I’m sorry your cycle seems to be a bit all over the place but if you keep dtd you should catch your fertile period

@Twinklelittlestar1 oh really? Interesting. We are just going to make more effort to dtd more... maybe we’ll have renewed energy in the new year. I can’t temp as I’m often up in the night with our two year old, which I think means it won’t be accurate? Never thought it would be this complicated!

Afternoon all. So I cracked and tested - got a faint BFP on a frer yesterday, but today I've had some pink spotting and the line on today's test was fainter although still there. So I expect it'll be another CP although AF hasn't fully arrived yet.

Feeling so flat. Don't know why I expect a pregnancy to stick any more. At least this time I'm not being strung along for ten weeks before I lose it but it's still just a bit shit. Wish I hadn't tested now.

@SunshineCrocodile just saw your post and wanted to say you're not on your own. I had a faint bfp on Christmas Eve, then had a bit of spotting on Christmas Day but that all settled down. Then 27th AF arrived. Gutted here too, it's all a bit crap isn't it 😞

@shanine It is hard not to symptom spot at times! Good luck to you

@SunshineCrocodile I hope it isn’t what you think but we are here as you know

I’m sorry @MrsG3 it is rubbish

I have NC by the way. I was Alice and then Ree...

Does anyone have big plans for NYE? We are invited to a friends’ party but I am having a root canal tomorrow morning so we’ll see how I feel! 🙈

Yeah definitely easier to do if you’re not occupied by other things! Fingers crossed 🤞

@MrsG3 it sucks doesn't it? Sorry to hear you've had a CP too, especially over Christmas. This is our fourth pregnancy loss this year, 2 CP and 2 MMC. I'm trying to look on the bright side that at least I'm getting pregnant easily but it's not much comfort when I lose them all. Fingers crossed for both of us this cycle.

Just here to send you a big hug @SunshineCrocodile. It's truly shit, I'm sorry lovely. Let yourself feel shit for as long as you need to. It will pass, as you know, but you're allowed to feel this way and let it out. Sending love your way, don't forget about our health mission starting soon, it's a positive thing and a good one to focus on, which is going to help you. I'm definitely still game! Xxx

Yes! We need to get healthier for 2020! Will you be sticking around for that @MrsMGE?

I know for me I just need to cut down on snacking on sugary foods and exercise more. I also want to try to eat breakfast or take fruit to work and also take lunch into work so I’m not spending £25-75 a lunch and snacks!

Hi ladies. Sorry I've been awol again, I'm sulking. AF came late and is practically none existing again if not worse than last cycle. I just don't know what to think. According to my last set of bloods, my estrogen was good, I'm definitely ovulating but my periods are so light is barely more then spotting. I've had so many cp since my last erpc (d&c) that I don't think my uterus lining is getting thick enough to take a pregnancy. I mean my flow (or lack of) only requires a panty liner, but the pain is horrible. Do any of you ladies have periods this light?

Hey @BunnyTheBlueWhale, I will be popping in every week/fortnight or so. Otherwise I'm finding it a bit too overwhelming with how busy this thread is and I don't want to focus on pregnancy/loss talk as much as I used to. DH and I are not thinking about TTC till spring, we've decided now this is for the best mentally, physically and also financially. We'll give ourselves 3 months to get really fit and then we're off on two holidays and I'm buying a car. Once the big, expensive things are out of the way, we'll be stronger and happier which is a good thing. I choose to have a we'll see what happens attitude. Xxx

Thank you @MrsMGE. I hate the limbo of waiting for AF and having that grain of hope rattling around in my head but once it arrives so will the acceptance. On the bright side I've been on a health kick already for a month and actually lost weight over Christmas, very glad to have company come the new year though. Tonight I'm wallowing in leftover chocolate cake but it'll be a blip and I'll be back on it tomorrow! Bring it on.

Ps @MrsMGE I know you didn't fancy it before but if you're not going to be around on this thread so much would be very happy to start a new year's health kick thread if that would be easier to keep up with.

@Twinklelittlestar1 thank you, it's comforting to hear about your rainbows. I've no idea if i've ovulated this month as my first period after Isla was born was 12 days long. Before I fell pregnant I was pretty average with 28 day cycles. I've had some EWCM the last couple of days which would be about right if I am back to a 28 day cycle. I'll have more of an idea when AF appears next month.

I'm looking forward to a few drinks tomorrow night but we are probably just staying in. DH wants to cook a nice meal and the in laws have invited us round for a game of scabble so we may do that as they're only 5 mins walk away. Not exactly a wild NYE here!

That's very true @SunshineCrocodile. I like the way you've described this, that grain of hope and then the acceptance, I know exactly what you're referring to. Beautifully put.

You know what, the penguin huddle health kick thread might not be a bad idea, it would keep us focused on the health mission and on the good stuff without necessarily talking about the obvious daily. I'd join in.

A very well done on your December weight loss, I haven't been good over Christmas or the week before, too much going out and eating out, but I'll be chasing you and @Venusstarr from January.

@Avocuddles are you up for joining the penguin healthkick too? Sending you lots of love.

Also just using the opportunity I'm here, sending lots of love and light to @SunStruck and @LASandOtto. We've been through half of this year together and I often think of you ladies. Wishing you all the very best in the New Year, may 2020 be as fabulous as you are ❤️ xxx

Happy to start a thread but which section would it go in? 🤔😬😂

Hey Ladies!

@MrsMGE thanks for tagging me! I've been thinking of all you ladies too, just been quiet on here but been reading here and there when I've felt up to it.

Apologies for the silence but I've just had a few weeks where I've first tried to firmly keep focus off TTC, but of course, it's hard to achieve. I'm sure you ladies can empathise when I say it feels like a year has gone by (wow!) and after all the TTC, MCs, I felt recently like my usual upbeatness and positivity was waning. Another friend has announced she's 9 weeks pregnant. My two best friends are both happily pregnant. I feel a bit like a failure. I know it's ridiculous to say this but if not here, then where? At least I've felt like that the last few weeks or so.

I feel no resentment for my friends who are pregnant or others who are getting pregnant but it is making me anxious about the future!

I'm sure it's a phase and I'll be fine. I also don't want to be negative nelly when there's a lot of women out there with ongoing battles of their own, not that that means my emotions aren't 'valid' but my usual way of coping is to remember that there's people battling much worse than what's happening to me emotionally (and physically).

Anyway, raaaaaant over!

Please let's start a healthy penguin huddle thread! I lost all my usually very good motivation for exercise and healthy eating. I've put on a bit of weight and it's probably adding to my low morale too! I'd be delighted to share recipes, exercise tips, exercise reads, articles, motivation, virtual kicks up the butt if needed on low motivation day !

Ladies you've all been so great on this thread. Honestly, I'm just so grateful you all exist and are here! It's been an incredible support... Wish we could all meet in person and have a good chinwag

Lots of love to you all ladies, happy New Year! Xxx

@BunnytheBlueWhale I'll be honest, I'd rather stay on the conception board, I reckon the admins will be ok with this as long as you make it clear in the first post that this is the post baby-loss/TTC health kick thread. I just don't fancy hearing from all the annoying fitness fanatics from other boards who haven't been through the same as us, and frankly will never get why we're doing this and how we're feeling. Plus no doubt there will be ladies who are TTC long term and struggling with their weight who might want to join in, and we'd have more in common with them than with fitness freaks (no offence anyone).

@LASandOtto Awww, girl. I totally know how you're feeling. I now have 13 pg women around me, it got so ridiculous that I laugh at this and every announcement now just goes over my head, I don't care and don't want to know anymore.

It doesn't make you a failure. Or less of a woman. It is a rubbish coincidence not aimed at making you feel worse. I know you feel like time is ticking and you 'should be pg by now', and every month brings extra worries and bad feelings. There's no easy fix to this in my mind other than to acknowledge the situation and build up our strength in every possible way. You might be pg next month or it might take you another few months or years - hopefully not, but you just don't know and it's hard. It's got to be about doing what we can to keep our stamina and resilience levels high, and not racing or setting any deadlines that only make you feel worse if not "met", as this is a long haul venture.

Just a reflection.
I often think how I felt before I got pg, I was thinking then that we'll give it a year, no rush. I thought I had plenty of time, was so relaxed and didn't even think to test before my missed AF, I never thought I'd be pg after 6 weeks of ttc. I didn't have a deadline and wasn't racing against anyone. And I got pg. I now look at myself, a very different person, more serious, less innocent, more bitter, pressurising myself. How much has changed in 9 months. I will not be the same as before, but I know for a fact that I was happier then and it served me well, so I'm trying to loosen up and build myself back up to be bright-eyed again and not to worry about the future so much, you know. I read this quote the other day, "Trust the timing of your life" and it's hit home. I think it's time for this trust to return. Xxx

Hi ladies, wow it seems like there's been a lot going on so apologies if I miss anyone!

@Mumlili8 my periods are very light too, I could probably get away with just a pantyliner, a single pad or tampon would definitely be enough to get me through a day if I didn't change it. I on the hand haven't ovulated since July when I last fell pregnant so that's a bit of an issue too! I have my next fertility clinic appointment on jan 6th though (a week today!) and should be starting ovulation induction this month so at least we'll have a chance. Like you I worry though that my lining is thick enough, though I did make it to 8 weeks and have substantial prolonged bleeding when I miscarried so I guess it must be possible.

@MrsMGE holidays and a new car sound exciting, have you decided where you're going / which car you'd like?
I do think that like you'll I'll try to step back from the thread a little, at one stage I was checking it every single hour and I need to try to not spend every waking moment thinking about TTC for the sake of my sanity. I'm glad you'll still be around occasionally though and I'm definitely up for the healthkick. I could do with losing around a stone to get to a 'normal' BMI though certainly won't be doing any kind of crazy crash dieting as that's not productive to TTC. From the weekend onwards DH and I will be using weight watchers online - I used it a couple of years ago and found it worked really well as you can eat everything in moderation but it directs you towards healthier choices.
Until then I'll be eating and drinking everything I fancy and will definitely be having some new year drinks! I think I mentioned a while ago that I'm taking my mum to 'Mamma Mia the Party' at the o2 tomorrow lunchtime so I'm very much looking forward to ABBA, Greek food and cocktails, then in the evening we'll be having family board games and fizz.

@SunshineCrocodile well done with the weight loss, that's fantastic! I'm sorry to hear about possibly another CP for you. Do you have any medical support / investigations planned?

@BunnytheBlueWhale was confused by the name then read who you were! I'm with you re taking healthy lunches to work, I'm actually looking forward to meal planning. I hope the root canal isn't too painful!

@shanine it's hard to avoid symptom spotting isn't it! Enjoy your New Years drinks, we've all had a tough time and should endeavour to at least find some enjoyment whilst we see it out!

@Shefliesonherownwings so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. I hope it doesn't take too long for you to conceive your rainbow. Tracking can be a pretty stressful experience so I would certainly advise avoiding it for at least a few months and giving yourselves the opportunities to see what happens without having that pressure added into your daily routine. Like you I'm 36, I feel acutely aware of my age but have come across plenty of women on MN who have had healthy pregnancies at 40+ so try to stay positive.

@Twinklelittlestar1 @Bobbelle @Ejb86 I am so sorry that you find yourselves here after your tragic losses. This is a really supportive group but I hope that none of you find yourselves here for long.

@Sunflower1608 sorry you didn't get your BFP. It seems like taking some time out is the right thing for you and your partner right now, but I do hope that when the time is right you get the baby you long for.

@Seahawk80 congratulations! I hope this is your rainbow.

Well 2019 has been a truly shocking year for all of us here but hopefully we can move into the next decade feeling proud of how strong we've been through the toughest of times, and optimistic for a happier year ahead. I hope that by this time next year we are all holding our babies in our arms or cradling a big healthy bump.....

@LASandOtto good to hear from you! I would love a good chinwag, I'm sure we all have plenty in common beyond the awful circumstances that have thrown us together. Sending lots of love to you too. I think the next couple of weeks are going to be tough as I pass my first due date and have both a close friend and a colleague due imminently, but I'm determined to try to stay positive and not let it consume me.

I have started a thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3781794-TTC-after-loss-penguins-get-fit-healthy-in-2020

@Mumlili8 I’ve mentioned before my periods are much lighter than they used to be and it doesn’t seem to be a problem

@LASandOtto It’s hard when it seems everyone else is pregnant except you. Happy New Year to you too. I really hope 2020 brings great things for us all x