TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 33- huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[Mumlili8]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to get and give support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy and baby. Pregnancy and child loss is the most awful thing anyone can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

@tmc14 I’m sorry you’ve been struggling. Would it help if your DH didn’t know when you’re fertile? To start with my DH didn’t like knowing when I’m ovulating as he thought it took the fun out of things so I used to OPK but not tell him. We have also had months where we haven’t tracked but then you would need to try to dtd as much as possible from about CD7 to CD21 but depends what you’d find harder. I think we do put a lot of pressure on ourselves each cycle.

Hi ladies,

I am 34 with a 12 month old DS. I had a TFMR this month and gave birth to a sleeping baby boy on the 15th. I have been filled with a desperate urge to be pregnant again almost immediately and we will be ttc as soon as the bleeding stops, hopefully within the next few days.

I've been meaning to pop on here for ages to say hi. Things have just been so hectic with work / Xmas. I hope everyone had a great Xmas. I also got a great present, a faint BFP on a cheap test the day before AF was due! Only managed to test again today and got a strong line so am over the moon (but also terrified). It's come just before my due date which is very welcome. Anyway I'm sorry to come on after not posting for ages with a BFP but I just wanted to let you all know that I do often think of you all, the thread is just too fast for me!

Welcome to everyone new and sorry for your losses@Bobbelle I totally know what you mean about the urgent need to be pregnant again, although that did fade a bit for me over the months and if I hadn't been pregnant before my doe date I would have been ok (whereas straight after my TMFR the thought was unbearable). @emj314 I know exactly what you mean about really appreciating your lb but yearning to hold another baby. I'm so sorry about your twins.

And congratulations @Murree maybe see you on the grads thread?

Thanks for the reply @ReeRi I don’t tell him when I’m fertile, but we don’t have sex that much (he’s never had a high sex drive & we have a toddler who isn’t great at sleeping) so it’s really only one shot a month, so he kind of knows why I’m suggesting it!! Feelings not helped by my 40th birthday in 2 weeks. I just don’t feel like celebrating it but everyone keeps asking.

I’m so sorry for your loss @Bobbelle that’s So very sad. My miscarriage was October and I stil just very much want to be pregnant. I hope it happens for you soon.

@Seahawk80 congratulations, wonderful news. Keeping everything crossed this works out for you x

@tmc14 I remember this well when we were trying for my little boy. Hubby really struggled with the pressure to perform. How would he react if you tried to spice things up a bit? I've made a love honey purchase to try and help us with ttc again this cycle.

@Bobbelle I completely understand that instant urge to try again. We spoke about TTC in the days immediately after losing our girls. Like you I thought it would be over quite quickly, but it's taken me 3 months to get back to full health and for the bleeding to fully stop due to an infection. Try to give yourself time to heal, physically and mentally. Take it easy and look after yourself.

@Seahawk80 congratulations!!!

Hi everyone,

Joining if I may? I'm 39 trying to conceive #3. I lost my first child at 31 weeks with no eventual cause found. I had her brother a year later which was a difficult pregnancy fraught with worry and fear. We had a mmc in August and now tentatively trying again. I'm not sure another baby is meant for us and after losing a child it's given me an immense gratitude for what I do have. Having said that, I would love to have another sibling for my son. I also suffer with hg which makes pregnancies really hard and in my mmc I continued to be sick despite having lost the pregnancy. It was a cruel twist to continue to suffer for nothing.

Anyway, I'm here. Just ovulated so now on the 2ww. Strangely, my miscarriage in August has reset my system as my periods were haywire, I've now gone back to 28 day periods with ovulation on day 14 which has been unheard of for years. Perhaps the medical management had some benefit somehow?

@Twinklelittlestar1 MMCs are just awful. Can imagine how that must have felt knowing you were so ill but it was all over. My body thinks I have 2 little girls to feed and started to produce the milk for them. I found that really difficult to start with. My 2yo isn't weaned yet though, so he's loving life and it has strengthened our bond.
I think the worst thing for me has been the bleeding. I bled most days for 2 months, some days only spotting but that constant reminder of what had happened was torture.

Fingers very much crossed for your BFP. Hope you dont find the 2WW too difficult.

Hi @tmc14 , sorry you've had a rough/disappointing Christmas. It must be so frustrating. Please do tell me to sod off if I'm overstepping the mark, but would your husband see a GP? If he has low libido anyway it might be worth it as there are various hormonal imbalances that can cause it and be treated fairly easily.

@Bobbelle I'm sorry for the loss of your son. I had my latest MMC at the end of November, and have been TTC over Christmas. Like you I just didn't feel I had anything to gain by waiting. Fingers crossed for you. All I would say is do be really sure the bleeding has stopped to avoid infection - mine was stop/start for a few days toward the end and it took around about 3 weeks to stop altogether, I waited for two days clear after the last bit of bleeding. Hope it isn't long for you.

@Twinklelittlestar1 sorry for your loss. I also have existing DC who I adore, sometimes I feel like I'm being greedy trying again when I'm so lucky to have what I do but there is such a strong desire for one last child. Fingers crossed this is your cycle.

@Seahawk80 what a fantastic Christmas present! Congratulations and I hope it's good and sticky. Hope we can all join you ASAP!

@Ejb86 I'm so sorry for your loss of your girls. I was trying to scroll through to read your history but there are just so many posts. How many weeks were your girls? When I lost my daughter they gave me a pill to stop my milk that was one blessing but your body and hormones are just totally geared up for a child and it's just agony. I remember leaping out of bed to the cat crying, that first night at home after we'd lost her. My mind was primed to answer a baby's call. Just so sad.

@Twinklelittlestar1 They were 16 weeks. I think I always knew it wasn't going to be a successful pregnancy. They shared a sac, which means they were high risk, and the post mortem has shown they also had Twin to twin transfusion. I just couldn't get excited about the pregnancy at all and spent my whole time worried. I wonder if they thought I wouldn't have milk issues with it only being 16 weeks.

How far along were you with your MMC? It really is so sad. Walking into the hospital for the medical management I broke down in a heap when I saw a woman walking in with her notes. Don't get as upset now, but it's taken a while to get to this point. I'll always wonder what Poppy and Maisie would have been like, would they have been little ginges like their big brother, and had his tiny hands and feet.

@Ejb86 I was 9 weeks with my mmc.

Yes I know that feeling of crossing paths with someone having a normal pregnancy experience. It's like someone twisting the knife I could hear babies crying when my baby had died

• in the hospital

@Bobbelle @Twinklelittlestar1
I’m sorry you find yourself here but it is a very supportive group

@Seahawk80 Congratulations to you. Lovely to get a BFP before Christmas

@tmc14 Not sure what to suggest but hope you find a way. It can become stressful trying to dtd at the right time when you’re not in the mood or don’t have time!

Just a heads up I will be name changing again soon - will be something to do with rabbits or yoga 😃

Hello all, may I join? I have been posting on the TTC after stillbirth thread @ReeRi started which has been a great help and thought I would post here too.

I lost my DD 7 weeks ago now. She was our first born and we lost her at 41 weeks during early labour. No cause found. We are still so devastated but both DH and I talked straight away about trying again. Not to replace her but we both want a living child and as we are 36 time is against us.

DD was our first pregnancy and we had only just stayed trying when we caught with her so I've never really tracked ovulation or anything. I tried it the month I fell pregnant but that was it. My first period since DD was born finished a week ago. We have decided just to see what happens from January and then start tracking from March. We have our consultant appointment mid February and a holiday at the end of Feb so will see where we are after that. I'm really hoping 2020 is a positive year for all of us with lots of BFPs.

I have name changed. I was Alice and then Ree.

@shefliesonherownwings As you know my story was quite similar to yours. I fell pregnant fairly easily with DD who died at 40 weeks in February and since then I have been tracking on and off. This is a really supportive thread and I too hope 2020 brings great things for all of us.

@Shefliesonherownwings I'm so so sorry for your loss, that is so fresh. I understand the want/ need to try again soon after loss. After I lost my daughter at 31 weeks I fell pregnant 3 months later and had my son a year almost to the day after. It's difficult because of course you are in the midst of grief but I do believe it was the right thing for us x

@BunnytheBlueWhale I'm so sorry for your loss too. Words can't describe the pain. It's three years since I lost my daughter. It's still so difficult but I have a happiness I never thought I'd ever get to feel again and that was unimaginable in those early months. Sending love and support x

Thank you @Twinklelittlestar1 I am sorry for your losses too. I do hope we get to have another baby one day x

@BunnytheBlueWhale after I lost my daughter I connected with so many ladies who had experienced stillbirth around the same time. There were 8 different ladies I was close to and who I talked to online almost daily. Of those, every single one has gone on to have a healthy baby. I hope that gives you some hope x

@Twinklelittlestar1 Thank you for saying that. The rational part of my brain knows that the likelihood is that I can have a healthy baby but after losing our DD in February and then having a miscarriage in August, and all the negative tests in between, it’s easy to wonder whether it will happen for us. Especially after what happened, we know there are no guarantees of anything. I was 34 when I found out I was pregnant with our DD and I will soon be 36 so I worry about that too. I want to try to be more laid back about it if I can and try to focus on the positives x

@BunnytheBlueWhale I was 36 when I lost my daughter and was 38 when I had my son without any complications. Another loss mum from our group was the same age as me and another was older at 41 when she had her successful pregnancy. I also know another loss mum through the groups who was 46 and although she suffered several miscarriages she did still go on to have a healthy pregnancy 18 months after trying. X

@Twinklelittlestar1 Women are having babies later and later. I think I even posted that on this thread or another one earlier today so I do realise that. I think I’m just anxious about getting pregnant and being pregnant again but I really should focus on the fact that I have no reason to think I can’t have a healthy baby. Thanks for sharing your experience. It does help to speak to others who have sadly had similar experiences xx

@BunnytheBlueWhale number one thing that helped me with pregnancy after loss is concentrating on one day at a time. Focus on the ttc bit right now, don't look too far ahead as it can engulf you in huge waves of anxiety and actually the anxiety about the idea of pregnancy after loss can be worse than the actual pregnancy itself. I expected it to be horrendous. It wasn't easy and at times it was triggering of all the trauma but I had so much medical support.

@Ejb86 sorry you had this problem too. We probably do need to spice things up a bit to be honest. Since our son was born, it’s not very frequent or exciting!! And now it’s just about baby making, which I realise isn’t ideal.

@SunshineCrocodile definitely won’t tell you to sod off!! This is a long standing issue, Dr has said it’s psychological, although that was a long time ago now. I think it’s just the stresses of life mixed with stresses of ttc. I really need to put more effort into getting our sex life back on track and not just trying on my most fertile days.

Thanks @BunnytheBlueWhale I feel very lucky that we’ve managed to get pregnant twice even with a not very active sex life, so just keeping everything crossed we can manage again.

@Shefliesonherownwings @Twinklelittlestar1 so very sorry for your losses. I’m finding having somewhere to come, even if just to read & not post, so helpful. x

I’m not even sure I ovulated the other day now. I use cheap opks which have always worked for me, I thought I’d just missed the peak but got some ewcm last night. So maybe my body has tried twice so far to ovulate this month and failed 🤷🏻‍♀️ (I’ve had two almost positives but not quite). Will keep testing /trying to dtd just in case. Miscarrying has seemed to mess up my system more than I thought.