TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 33- huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[Mumlili8]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to get and give support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy and baby. Pregnancy and child loss is the most awful thing anyone can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

Sorry to hear re bfn @Mumlili8. It's a kick in the teeth especially so close to Christmas. There's still a chance until AF arrives though?

@Avocuddles not surprised you've got a mixed bag of emotions at the moment. I hope you get through to the child free bit of Christmas without the kids/bumps getting too much. And roll on 2020.

@ReeRi hope you've made up with OH and are feeling a bit better?

Holiday is great thanks @Mumlili8. So glad to get away from reality for a while. We're back Boxing Day and I'm pretty much dreading having to readjust to normality!

Yeah we’re ok @SunshineCrocodile and looking forward to going to Edinburgh tomorrow.

Pleased you are enjoying your time away too

Hi everyone, hope all is well 💜 I know this Christmas isn't how any of us imagined, sending lots of love xxx

@SunshineCrocodile hope you have a lovely break away

@ReeRi hope you enjoy Edinburgh, I'm jealous!

How are you @Mumlili8?

Hope you're feeling OK @Avocuddles

I'm looking forward to a few quiet days with dh. It all got a bit much yesterday and had a good cry. I'm pretty sure I'm ovulating / ovulated overnight, we're in with a chance this cycle (if I'm reading the signals right). My therapist talked about what ifs and suggested every time I think about a negative what if, I try and think about a positive what if - it's really hard. I don't have any evidence that things will be OK, but I have plenty of evidence that things go wrong. I'm scared to get my hopes up by focusing on what if next time is different and things work out.

Giving myself the afternoon off, watching Toy Story 2 with a cat cuddle ☺️

@VenusStarr Enjoy! That’s good advice from your therapist. It’s so easy for us to assume the worst after we’ve had a negative experiences but I really believe anything can happen. All of our lives could have changed massively next year for better or worse, hopefully better.

I think I’m in my fertile week too and we’ve been dtd a bit but not loads and I’m not making a special effort to do so this month

Fingers crossed for all of you TTC this cycle🤞

@VenusStarr toy story and a cat cuddle sounds fantastic. I'm working today and tomorrow and just wish I could be curled up on the sofa!
I've had a good cry over the weekend too. We joined some of DHs friends yesterday at a carol concert that was full of newborns and young children. When we were singing the line in 'Away in a Manger' about all the dear children I just started sobbing, it really brought our losses home and made me feel incredibly sad. I know exactly what you mean about not feeling able to focus on a different outcome. In my head I'm already assuming that we will have a third loss if I do become pregnant again. I guess we're trying to protect ourselves by not getting hopes up.....it's just so sad that we will never again be able to be excited or optimistic during early pregnancy.

Also had a few tears on Saturday night after a very insensitive text from my pregnant sister in law. She was asking if we would pop round on Christmas afternoon to see her and her family, then asked very bluntly 'Do you have any baby news?'. As it was a group text DH replied back saying 'that is a very forward question' before I proceeded to say a big fat NO. If she mentions it in person then I think I'll probably just shut her down by saying that it might not ever work out for us and I'd rather people weren't constantly speculating. She knows about our losses and fertility struggles, so I don't know how she thinks that is a sensitive or appropriate thing to ask!

@SunshineCrocodile I'm glad you're enjoying your break. After the above conversations with family we've already decided that if things don't work out for us next year we'll definitely be going away!

@ReeRi I certainly hope that our lives all change for the better next year. I'd like to hope that (unless my own or DHs health suffers) things can't get much worse. I don't dare to hope that we might have a baby by the end of 2020, I just hope we have some answers in terms of whether things will ever work out for us in terms of having our own family. I can't keep doing this forever, life is too short to live with such pain I hope that this might be your cycle (and all the other ladies TTC too), and that next summer is filled with rainbows making their entrance at long last x

@Avocuddles that's just awful of your SIL. What the hell was she thinking? Hope she apologised, just completely inappropriate and insensitive.

Girls. Apologies for making a return to ask a stupid question but I'm in a pickle and need your help. We dtd earlier this month and I took hpt this morning specifically not to test on Christmas Day and get upset. I'm due AF on 25 or 26 Dec. This is what came back, photo is unedited and I attach an inverted one too. Can anyone tell me if it's a dye run or an evap? Photo was taken within 5 minutes from testing as recommended by the manufacturer. NB this is a cheap Freedom test. Your views will be appreciated, I'm still trying to avoid testing tomorrow tbh and got myself in a right pickle now.

Here it is zoomed in.

@MrsMGE hard to say, I'd say it looks hopeful but a bit flooded. Freedom tests are crappy for flooding though. If it were me I'd avoid drinking for a few hours, go and get a frer and test this afternoon. I've always had stronger results with later tests than FMU anyway (almost all my initial bfps have been in the evening!), and if it's a positive on a freedom it should show on a frer even if your wee is a bit more dilute.

I so hope for you that this is it x

Has any of the dye run cleared after the 5 mins? Have just upped the brightness on my phone to squint and if you're still left with two clear lines rather than the first fading I'd be inclined to think it might be positive.

Thank you @SunshineCrocodile 😘 Appreciate your quick response especially when you're away, bless you!

So I've been feeling rough for a few days and wasn't going to test till Boxing Day when we're due to be out with our Aussie friends drinking. However, I really felt like taking ibuprofen today to shift the cold/sore throat before Christmas. Obviously never expected this! I've also got rid of all the early pregnancy tests few days ago not to stress about things 🙈 Only have the Freedom ones (sensitivity 25) and one CB Digital how many weeks. I'm still in work today, might pop to Boots and get a FRER to test this pm like you've suggested. I'm not keen on FRERs as they've given me what looked like very faint lines before and then nothing, but they are more sensitive than Freedom. I'm around 10/11 DPO now I think, although didn't track this month, only going by CM.

I checked that test again half an hour later and I can clearly see the evap line but there's still a light pink line in my view.

How is your holiday? I so wish DH and I had gone away, I didn't think to do it! Gutted! Xxx

@SunshineCrocodile Ignore me wrong photo - here it is after half an hour.

Got my fingers crossed for you @MrsMGE 🤞 I don't trust those freedom tests as I had a line on 2 previously but wasn't pregnant. My free at 11dpo was very clear, faint but obvious.

Hope taking a break helped ☺️

Frer 🙄

Thanks @Venusstarr ❤️ I've heard stories about the Freedom tests, yes, that's why I'm not excited, more so annoyed that somehow it looks inconclusive. I mean, it's either one or two lines, right, how difficult can this be 🤦🏼‍♀️ I'm still so rough and dying for some ibuprofen but I'll have a Lemsip instead for now. Grrr!

I've been reading the thread and wanted to say congratulations on your weight loss, amazing result ❤️

Everything crossed @MrsMGE. You're so right, it's a binary result so how is it so hard? The test companies bloody love it of course, it's positively unethical to encourage early testing but of course they all do it and the temptation is too much.

I think frers have changed in the last year or so. They used to be reliably absolutely bright white or positive, but had a couple that have given me a squinter that turned out to be negative over the past 6 months or so. Still better than freedom though!

Holiday is great thanks. I could potentially test soon as think I'm about CD26 after MMC and have been TTC but have promised myself to hold off until 2020 if (AF doesn't show before then). I don't drink so a sober Christmas makes no odds to me but not sure my nerve will hold!

Thank you @MrsMGE, been pleasantly surprised how much I'm enjoying it. Dh and I are dosed up on cold and flu meds too. Really hoping you get positive news later ❤️🤞

@SunshineCrocodile glad you're having a good holiday - well deserved. I hope 2020 brings good news for you too ☺️

@MrsMGE How lovely if you get your BFP for Christmas. Looks promising to me! Fingers crossed 🤞

Thanks @ReeRi @Venusstarr @SunshineCrocodile. I went to Boots, got a pack of FRERs, took one and annoyingly it came back looking the same as it did few times before over the last several months. There is what looks like a squinter but I had that before and I wasn't pg. So not sure what to think! I hate FRERs so much! Looks like I'm gonna have to test tomorrow morning, urgh. I don't want to ruin Christmas Day, perhaps I'll wait till Boxing Day if I can. Xxx

Christmas could be so bloody hard for some of us this year but I still want to wish you a Merry Christmas full of good health, love and laughter and everlasting joy in your lives! And of course lots of BFPs who are still waiting and hopefully soon we will create our own thread of Graduates! Our time will come! And hopefully 2020 will be our year! !Lots of love from Russki 🎄🎄🎅🎅🎅

@MrsMGE that certainly looks promising though as others have said probably best of using an FRER again in a day or two. My fingers are crossed for you!!!!!!! I hope you have a clear answer one way or the other ASAP.

@Russkispy thank you for the uplifting post, I echo everything you say and hope that 2020 is a happy and healthy year for everyone here.....

So frustrating @MrsMGE! Hope the next one is a resounding positive whenever you decide to do it. I'm not a model of willpower here - after my strong 'I'm holding out for 2020' statement I then couldn't help myself popping into a pharmacy on my walk this morning. Luckily couldn't find a pregnancy test so my money remains unwasted and I'll have to spend Christmas convincing myself I'm pregnant in blissful ignorance.

@Russkispy wishing you a happy Christmas too. Your post caught me right in the emotions. Nothing would please me more than a grads thread full of you lovely lot in 2020, never did a group of women deserve it more

Thanks @SunshineCrocodile! Sorry if I made you think about testing, I didn't really want to post for that exact reason, but my mind has gone into overdrive and the only people who'd understand are on this thread!

In hindsight, please hold back. I'm exactly where I didn't want to be as a result, i.e. thinking about babies on Christmas Day. Honestly it's so much better not to know! Xxx

I’m hoping this is it for you @MrsMGE

@Russkispy Yes completely. This is a hard Christmas for many of us but I bet we all have things to be thankful for too. DH and I arrived in Edinburgh this afternoon and it feels really good to be away together. I really hope you all have a lovely Christmas and wish you all the best for 2020

Just want to wish all of you wonderful ladies a merry / peaceful / stress free Christmas. Life is shit sometimes but thank god we have supportive partners (I hope) and each other. My next few days are sponsored by wine, 19 months TTC, wine, 2 miscarriages, wine and a partridge in a pear tree! I'm kind of glad that I'm not in a 2WW or fertile window as it takes the pressure off for the time being, but hopefully my hospital appointment on the 6th will mark the start of a proactive year. This has without a doubt been the toughest year of my life but I hope I'll be coming out of it a tougher person. I couldn't have done it without the support of this group - @MrsMGE, @ReeRi @VenusStarr @Mumlili8 and everyone else I thank you all so much for helping me keep going, and whilst Santa might not bring you everything you've dreamed of I hope that 2020 is a better year for you all