TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 33- huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[Mumlili8]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to get and give support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy and baby. Pregnancy and child loss is the most awful thing anyone can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

Do you actually think that life without children (or, at least, shall I say, life without actively and consciously trying to get pg, as we all know that accidents happen) will be worse than this? Because I am really hesitant now after months and months of this nightmare.

@Russkispy I'm so sorry to see you back here, we were all so happy for you after your FET. I hope that the barrage of tests comes up with something constructive and that the next transfer is 'the one'.

@MrsMGE I've asked myself that question (what life would be without children / TTC) a fair bit recently. If I wasn't for my age I think I would take the pressure off myself, but being over 35 and ovulating maybe six times a year max (zero times in three months now!) I don't feel that time is on my side. The two months post MC where we actively NOT TTC were good, for my physical health, my mental health, my relationship. As it turned out I didn't ovulate during that period so even if we had been trying it wouldn't have achieved anything, but giving myself permission to take the pressure off for a while was definitely what I needed.

If it turns out that we can't have a family naturally then there are other questions we would face into, such as whether adoption would be for us, but I do believe that life without children could / would be very rewarding in many different ways. We have been lucky enough in the past few years to travel, go to lots of interesting places, fill our lives with memorable experiences, and there's a whole world out there to discover. I desperately want a family of our own and at the moment like you I find it consuming my every thought (have done for 19 months!), but I try in the back of mind to remember all of the other great things we can experience and achieve should we wish.

Hi all, I am new to the thread.

Found out today after a few days of bleeding that I have miscarried at 7 weeks. This was my first pregnancy. It is a very strange feeling as I never properly felt pregnant (no morning sickness and few symptoms), but after finding out the pregnancy is gone I suddenly feel so empty!
I have a job that I'm unable to do while pregnant so I told my boss in week 6 and got moved to another position at work and now I face telling them just one week on that I am no longer pregnant, it has been such an intense few weeks!
Sending baby dust to everyone and hoping this Christmas brings miracles in all shapes and sizes 💕

@Avocuddles I really admire your strength, 19 months is hell of a long time and I don't think I could do this. It will be a year for me this spring and I'm feeling like it's the end of the road tbh. It makes me so sad when I think about how happy I was a year ago, everything seemed ok, going in the right direction, yes I had some adult life worries, but nothing unusual over and above what we all experience. I was coping with everything and enjoying life, travelled loads, used to go out regularly, try new things with my friends. Now I'm left with no not-pregnant friends living close to me, miserable as and nothing seems to be alright. In some ways I'm grateful that the MC has catalysed the issues with my family and made me look at then differently as I perhaps should have done a long time ago. However, life is hard without them, especially without my mum. I'm just alone and surrounded by problems that I can't do anything about and I really miss my life pre-baby loss :( Even if I were to get pg, I don't want to become that bitter mother secretly resenting my child for the soul-destroying TTC journey :( xxx

@emj314 so sorry to hear of your loss. Like you I didn't really have many symptoms during my first pregnancy so understand how feel. I hope your work are sympathetic and that you are looking after yourself at this tough time. My top tip would be to not rush to get back to work / 'normality'. I only took a day off after my first miscarriage and in retrospect realised that it was nowhere near enough as although I might have been able to get by physically, my head was definitely not ready.

@MrsMGE I'm strong because at the end of the day I have no other choice - it's stay strong or crumble! Our past few years have been incredibly difficult even prior to fertility issues and miscarriages; DH had a heart attack at just 33 then lost his dad only months later, whilst I live in the shadow of the blood clot I had ten years ago. I'm not saying this for sympathy - I know most of us have experienced all different kinds of hardship in our lives, we wouldn't be here if we hadn't! - but just to illustrate why I personally feel that our own health, pregnancy or no pregnancy, is the most precious thing of all. I think it's easy sometimes to lose sight of how precious a gift our lives are, even without the icing on the cake that is precious a child of our own. If you feel that TTC is dragging you down and stripping your life of happiness then don't feel afraid to take a bit of a break if you want, go somewhere you've always wanted or throw yourself into a new challenge. Yes the older we get the harder things may be, but a few months in the scheme of things is unlikely to make much difference. I hope that whatever 2020 brings it is a good year for you in multiple ways. I'm wishing for rainbows for everyone on here, but I'm also hoping you all find some happiness and joy in any way possible.

@Avocuddles My DH is nearing 40 though and it's his age more so than mine that worries me. Although considering how long things are taking for us already, I probably should worry for both of us... I can't believe I've done everything "right" in my life and still ended up in this shithole :(

@MrsMGE bad things happen to good people, that is for sure. The impact of your DHs age is far, far smaller than yours so don't worry about that too much. One of my colleagues has a baby sibling that this dad fathered at 70 - know this is far from the norm but it's a bit of an eye watering thought!

@MrsMGE (unless of course your DH has known issues)

Hope you’re on @VenusStarr I really feel more aware of my body since I got pregnant and have been TTC.

Strange to say that but it’s like that the order it happened in - I got pregnant, lost my baby and have since been trying to get pregnant again...

I think you’re right @MrsMGE. I should go for it. It does feel like everyone is pregnant and I want that but I’m trying to enjoy not being pregnant too if that makes sense. I was so anxious when I was pregnant about what was safe to eat and do so I thought I should just try to enjoy being me and do what I want, have a few drinks for Christmas etc. Easier said than done sometimes. I’m trying to remind my self that as far as I’m aware there is no reason to think I shouldn’t have more children if that’s what I want. I have just been very unlucky losing a baby at full term and then having a miscarriage a few months later but I need to try not to be so stressed about TTC. I think you do right not going to the baby shower!

For me the stress of TTC and even the risk of more loss is worth it because I want my own little family so much. People do find fulfilment without children, many by choice. Sometimes I wonder whether we get ourselves worked up over nothing. I mean only two years ago I was barely thinking about having children. I knew I wanted them but hadn’t decided I was ready. Now everything seems to go back to TTC even the work opportunity I mentioned. It’s hard to imagine there was a time when all I could think about was TTC. I think sometimes it’s good to remember that as it’s possible to get it back.

If you feel like a break you could take a cycle off, a cycle at a time maybe, and see how you feel. I know for a few of us though we have that biological clock ticking and that causes a lot of the anxiety for me! I am 35 and DH is 44...

@Sunstruck I’m glad you don’t have the added pressure of people around you getting pregnant

@emj314 Sorry you find yourself here but it’s a very supportive group and hopefully 2020 will bring some rainbows for us 🌈

@Avocuddles can you tell your SIL you don’t want to see the scan photos? Does she know you’ve struggled with TTC?

@Russkispy It is good to hear from you b it I am so sorry this happened and I really hope you get some answers

Hope I can rejoin, recovering from second miscarriage. Got to 8 weeks with no sign of a baby just a sac, there was concerns over an ectopic but thankfully HCG is falling since my ERPC on Saturday. Dr's didn't say specificially but is this a blighted ovum? I had a bad feeling from the moment I found out about this pregnancy. Sorry to see all you ladies are still here.

@turquoisebaby so sorry to see you back here. I hope you're doing as ok as you can do in the circumstances.

@ReeRi it definitely takes over your life. I feel like so many things have been 'on hold' since we started TTC last spring. I'm with you in the eating and drinking what I like at the moment before health kick starts in January. CD56 today with no ovulation since end of July / start of August (last time I fell pregnant) so feeling thoroughly fed up, but fertility clinic appointment is tomorrow so maybe there will be some light at the end of the ovulation tunnel soon!

Thank you lovely ladies! @Avocuddles @VenusStarr @Mumlili8 @MrsMGE Absolutely nobody should be going through this crap! But it's nice to know there are a bunch of lovely ladies on here who support each other through thin and thick and it's very comforting! So I thank you all! I really hope 2020 is our year!

Girls, I'm going to give up. I've done a lot of thinking about what to do next and concluded that I'm not sufficiently strong or determined to keep trying. I admire you can do it for longer than me and after such hard times, too, but truthfully, I can't. Maybe it's the case that I've used up all my energy, determination and resilience on a number of difficulties and challenges I went through earlier in my life. Maybe I no longer have it in me. Or maybe I'm more sensitive and fragile now after all that's happened this year and this is also a contributing factor.

Anyway. Just wanted to say that rather than suddenly go offline without saying a word. It was lovely to chat to you, I'm grateful you've been there for me at a very difficult time and I genuinely wish you all the very best and every success, not only with TTC, but with all your professional and personal plans. Xxx

@MrsMGE I'm sending you so much love. It isn't giving up, it's making a different choice and it's not set in stone, but you have to do what's right for you right now. I think sometimes it takes more strength to make the decision to stop and I admire you for putting your own needs first. You've been so supportive on this thread so thank you, you've made a big difference in so many women's lives at an impossibly hard time. Wishing you the best and you know where we are if you need us, it's not a closed door xx

@Russkispy and @turquoisebaby so sorry that it didn't work out and to see you back here.  for you both. Hope all the investigations turn something up Russki. Turquoise yes I think it's a very old fashioned term for when the embryo doesn't develop but the sac does - not the same as molar pregnancy if that's what you're worrying about. Really glad it seems it wasn't ectopic.

@ReeRi go for it. If (when!) a baby happens, life will bend to accommodate that, important to nurture your non-TTC life too. Not in the same league but I'm signing up for a course that involves a lot of heavy physical activity after Christmas - won't be able to do it if I'm pregnant but it's something I've wanted to do for ages and put off as I've basically been TTC or pregnant since January and I'm not wasting another year - I could have nearly qualified by now!

I'm sorry not to tag everyone else individually - I'm struggling to keep up with the thread! But solidarity with those of you struggling with announcements, surrounded by bumps or with thoughtless friends, and anyone who's finding this time of year tough.

We go away on Saturday for Christmas so I'm looking forward to a bit of an escape, physical and mental. It's potentially going to be good timing for ovulation, depending what my body does, but I have a bfn and bleeding has stopped so there's a good chance. I don't think we'll actively try but I'm not going to try and prevent anything either. What will be will be I guess.

I’m so sorry you have had another loss @turquoisebaby and at Christmas. Hopefully you will recovery quickly get another BFP soon and it will be third time lucky for us

I hope so @Avocuddles I had a slightly longer cycle this month but only by a few days so can only imagine how frustrating this is for you.

I hope so too @Russkispy

@MrsMGE Dont say that you are not strong. You are brave to make this decisions and I hope this proves to be a positive decision for you but as others have said it’s not a permanent decision and you can always see how things go. No one knows what the future holds.

@SunshineCrocodile I know what you mean. I am also thinking about signing up for a half marathon and would even like to do a marathon but know if not want to train so hard if I get pregnant. I’ve decided I’m going to start running again and can always sign up for a run closer to the time. I hope you enjoy your time away

DH recently has a circumcision for medical reasons and is still recovering so don’t think we’ll be trying this cycle but I’m ok with that. In some ways it’s nice not to feel any pressure of dtd at the right time and what I eat and drink and do at the gym!

Hope you are ok @Mumlili8

@MrsMGE it sounds like you've done a lot of reflecting and come to the right decision for you. I understand it would be difficult to properly move on if you still chatted here, but know you're always welcome ❤️ sending you lots of love xxx

@Russkispy I'm so sorry to hear what's happened 💜 I'm praying that 2020 brings happiness and contentment for us all - we all deserve that. Keep in touch xxx

@turquoisebaby I'm so sorry to hear your news, sending lots of love. I think I had an uneasy feeling in my second pregnancy that something wasn't right.

@SunStruck I'm doing OK, thanks for asking. Hope things are OK with you.

@Avocuddles good luck tomorrow 🤞 hope you get a plan moving forward

Still getting a lot of cramping but I am due on early next week, so maybe it's related to that rather than the operation. I'm really frustrated with the rmc, no response from the secretary, she's not answering the phone or email. My GP hasn't got a copy of my results. I'm starting to think that maybe they're normal so I just won't find out? But can't they just send a letter saying all fine, don't worry??
I called professor Quenby's secretary yesterday and we can ask our GP to refer us to her on the NHS, so I think we'll see our fertility consultant and the follow up with the rmc in February and reassess the situation then. Dh is still confident all will be well but he's agreed that we can look into private testing in the summer if we need to. I'm also hoping that our fertility consultant will give us some sort of plan, I can't face endlessly ttc...

Hello ladies how are you?
@Avocuddles good luck tomorrow x
@VenusStarr I had to wait 3 months for my test results hun I don't know why it takes so long. They had them back with in 3 weeks but refused to tell me anything until my next appointment, its wrong to leave us worrying like that.
@turquoisebaby I'm sorry this happened to you again x
@MrsMGE I admire your strength to make this decision. You said you weren't strong but I think your alot stronger than you know. Remember you are welcome back here anytime should things change in the future.
@emj314 welcome to the club no one ever wants to join. I so sorry for your loss. I hope this group of truly amazing ladies can bring you support and comfort at such a sad time.

As for me I have nothing to report. Feeling very unchristmassy and can't seem to get in the mood. I just keep thinking this would be little rigglers first Christmas or this would be baby beans 2nd Christmas or I should be really heavily pregnant this Christmas. Really struggling to enjoy Xmas post baby losses, especially since I realised just how much my family couldn't give a monkeys about me too. Hoping my Christmas wish is heard this year. Xx

Oh almost for got. Got my biopsy results

I do not have cancer thank the gods, I have a mild infection that caused inflammation and that's what caused the smear test to red flag me. So at least that is some good news

I struggled a bit this year with xmas too @mumlili8 I found Christmas shopping and wrapping quite enjoyable though and of course we are going away so that helps a bit. Just do whatever works for you

@VenusStarr I hope you get the results and they set your mind at rest. I think it helps to have a plan or timeline too.

@MrsMGE oh I'm going to miss you 😔 I completely understand though, I've also had to take a slight step back because it was consuming me. I hope you have a good Xmas and hope to see you back soon when you feel stronger ❤️ thanks for all the support you've been given me, it's invaluable and I feel like I owe part of my promotion to you! You're strong.

@VenusStarr glad to hear you're ok :) well I'm tracking again (opk) because I'm supposed to ovulate next week so we can time TTC. Yawn, Groundhog Day....🙄😄

Morning ladies I am just popping on to ask a quick question. I woke up last night with really bad cramps to the point that I thought my period had started but nothing was there.

Since my negative test I have been tracking ovulation even though we are not trying this cycle. I have had x2 days of flashing smilies on clearblue but my other opk's are still very faint.

Is it normal to get ovulation pains after a miscarriage?

@MrsMGE I am sad to see you take a step back but I completely understand why. I hope you pop in and out to let us know how you are on a general level. 🥰

@Mumlili8 I am so pleased for you!! Such a relief to get those results. I had cancer in 2016 so I can relate to the stress of waiting for results 💖

@Mumlili8 Meant to say pleased your results were ok too!

😡 Ffs, glad I bloody checked now. Trying not to be too cross, but I've waited 7 weeks to be told oh we didn't do the full range of tests!! And they only discovered that because I was being a pest and following it up 😡
@Mumlili8 seems my clinic is similar to yours, you don't find out until you see them. Really pleased the biopsy results are OK ❤️ must be a relief.

@MissSparkles81 I definitely get very obvious ovulation signs since my miscarriages, almost like my body is saying come on! This cycle was actually difficult to walk, felt like my ovary was swollen.

@SunStruck sorry you're in groundhog day, hopefully not for too much longer 🤞

Hope you're OK @ReeRi