TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 33- huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[Mumlili8]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to get and give support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy and baby. Pregnancy and child loss is the most awful thing anyone can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

@Sunflower1608 sorry lovely :( I know where you are coming from, my husband is often a bit too positive e.g. when we couldn't find the heartbeat on the scan obviously it was a miscarriage but he was saying oh perhaps it wasnt an experienced sonographer. And it didn't help me but I know he wasnt doing it maliciously. Just different ways of coping I guess!

Sending you love xx

Thank you for all your good wishes ladies. I’m back home and physically i feel ok x

@Sunflower1608 I am so sorry that its a bfn today. Sending you a big hug.

@SunshineCrocodile I know what you mean about feeling like its a wasted month.

I tested again this morning and im still getting a bluddy faint positive. I had to squint to see it but its still there. Did an opk and it came up blazing positive. So now I know that opk's can detect hcg.

Oh and I should be 12 weeks today and just seen my 1st pregnancy announcement on twitter. Its not someone I know personally but still really hurt

Thinking of you @JuniperAndRose xx

@Anny27 thats reasurring to hear that your friend conceived straight away. I suppose in the grand scheme of things mine would be considered straightforward as in no infection etc.

Oh @Sunflower1608 I know exactly how you're feeling, it's one of those shitty days. I've only had a few of them last week, this week is a bit better but not hunky dory. What can I say, it is uber shit. And yes, it shouldn't be the case that people who are less deserving/horrible/stupid manage to "have it all" before us. There's no question about the fact that it makes you feel shit, I would feel the same way as you and most, if not all of us, would too. Some may not admit this.

The house situation also doesn't help with moving forward, plus it's never nice when a property you like goes.

There's absolutely nothing that will sort it out in practical terms here and now and I know you're probably not expecting a quick fix.

The only thing that works for me is to let myself feel shit for as long as needed and throughout that, just pick up on the little positives. Silly things that make you feel that tiny bit better. I then get to the point of realisation that I don't want to feel that crap, miserable and sorry for myself all the time because it's really hard. So I come up with new ideas, something to do, improve, change, try out. It keeps me more grounded and keeps my mind occupied. It also gives me a degree of control over my life which I don't have over TTC or things thatvother people do with their lives. Of course it doesn't change these things, but it makes it easier for you to perservere.

It's hard going as I personally go through this kind of cycle every month after a BFN and after every single pregnancy announcement. As you can guess, I've done loads since this has begun, reading, exercising, planning home improvements, saving plan for my car, my promotion, planning things to do next year, you name it. Maybe it's running away from problems, but at least I'm doing stuff and moving forward with my life - and this matters.

Live through the shit time best you can, it will get better soon. In few days time you'll sit down with a cuppa and come up with a mission to sell your DPs house, January is good time to start looking again as there will be more houses on the market. Keep in mind lots of people decide to divorce over Christmas, so you're in for a great chance 👍😂

Re your ex, he may seem to have it all, but he lost you, he's a horrible person and as far as I'm concerned you're in a different league to him to begin with. He sounds like the type of guy who might be lucky to have the things in life but is clearly stupid enough to blow it. You're a million miles away from that and you'll build your stable happy ever after soon - just a bit more patience. Chin up, lovely xxx

Thankyou @MrsMGE for such a lengthy reply, it made me cry a little. You are a 100% right. I am ok most of the time, plod on with all the little bits of life trying to do my best. Focusing on work, focusing on my charity group (we have a fundraiser Xmas fair on Saturday which I'm super nervous of) and focusing on all the everyday responsibilities of kids and lots of dogs. My CrossFit is one of my biggest escapes and keeps me mentally and physically fit.

I know there will be more houses, just this one was so perfect and such value for money. But there will be another one. I was one of those divorce statistics 🤣 we seperated the week before Xmas and the next year sent the divorce paper work on the 1st Jan. I feel so sorry for his new partner, she's a lovely girl. Their baby ended up with special needs and she does so much and he disappears to the pub. But he's such a cutie. It just makes me ache seeing baby's, I love it to. But it still makes me ache sniffing them

I think I feel worse as a friend posted on FB a scan photo and their due date was the same as what mine would have been.

I will be fine tomorrow I'm sure. I so value being able to speak about how I really feel here. It really helps being able to get it out and have people understand. Thank you you guys. I know the most awful of circumstances have bought us together,this group brings so much peace to me xxx

@Sunflower1608 ❤️ Totally get it. Today may not be the best day, and that's ok. You're strong and 99% of the time you are doing a fantastic job. That remaining 1% - you're doing an even better job because you're perservering. Lots of love to you today, things will pan out ok and your perception will change for better too ❤️ xxx

Hi everyone can I join please? Ttc #2 , I miscarried around 6/7 weeks in October and ready to try again, cycle day 2 at the moment to a while til we might get a bfp and hopefully a nice sticky baby :)
Xxx

Sorry @Sunflower1608 It is rubbish. I have had about 5 negative tests this month and DH thinks I’m obsessive to keep testing 🙄 I don’t usually but this month was hopeful as I had “symptoms”

AF is due today unless I ovulated late, which I think I might have

@Crumbsinthecarpet Sorry you find yourself here. It’s a lovely group and I hope you get your BFN soon.

Also @Mumlili8 thank you for your kind offer ❤️ It's really lovely, and I would have loved to have one, but I've already ordered a couple of handmade ones as a Christmas treat for myself from Etsy a couple of weeks ago. Thank you again ❤️

Hi everyone. Apologies for being a bit absent this week. I'm getting thoroughly fed up at the moment as I'm onto CD48 of a painfully long cycle. As some of you might remember we actively chose to take two months off TTC after my second miscarriage which was a great decision in terms of helping my mental and physical recovery, however I had been hopefully that I would have decent length cycles after that two months were up! Instead things are back to how they were in the year prior to my first pregnancy where my cycles were long and irregular and it appeared that I wasn't ovulating at all. Based on 30+ days of ovulation testing that definitely appears to be the case this cycle so I just wish AF would turn up! On the plus side my next fertility clinic appointment is next Thursday and I would like to think that this current monster of a cycle would support the case for trying Clomid so I at least get a shot at ovulating....

@Crumbsinthecarpet sorry to hear about your loss. I hope that you don't have to wait long for your BFP!

@Sunflower1608 sorry that you are feeling so down. I'm also part of the divorce club, though thankfully I have no contact at all with my ex, he doesn't live locally and he isn't on social media so our paths have no reason to cross. I suspect he probably has children now but ignorance is bliss - I imagine it would be very hard seeing that. I hope that you find an even better house. It's so disheartening when you have your sights set on somewhere and it falls through / doesn't work out, but I try to live in hope that eventually it will mean things work out for the better, though I'm sure that at the moment that feels hard to believe for all of us.

I wish my DH had been a little more positive second time round. The first time I was pregnant he was excited and optimistic, however the second time round he barely acknowledged the situation and showed little emotion when we lost our second baby. I talked about how this made me feel when we went for counselling and as I suspected he admitted that he had used denial as a coping mechanism. I imagine that no matter how he'd acted I would probably have found fault in it one way or another, it's such a hard situation and i imagine I would have been equally frustrated had he been overly positive like your partner.

@MrsMGE with you 100% re doing stuff and moving forward with life. After 19 months TTC it's thd only thing I can do to keep myself sane. We lead busy, full lives which is a positive although barely an hour passes where I don't think about either my losses or infertility.

@ReeRi hope you're ok. Might still be time yet for a BFP if you did ovulate late?

Hi ladies,

Although I don’t post often, I do check your updates daily, and am rooting for you all. @Mumlili8 it was so kind of you to offer to send everyone your fertility jewellery.
I hope it’s okay to ask the odd question here and there?

I have just had another chemical/very early miscarriage and went to the GP today due to it being my third in a row. She agreed to refer me to the recurrent miscarriage clinic, any idea what happens at these clinics? What sort of tests do the run? I know I have factor V leiden and that these is one of the tests.

@TwinkleStars15 if you would like one just pm me your address and with you would prefer.

As for me I typed a post and forgot to hit post. 15 dpo (confirmed blood progesterone test) but no af and bfn, so confused 😕

Thank you @VenusStarr The letter just gave me the log in details for booking the appointment online, so no questionnaires or information about the research trials yet! Hopefully that will come soon! If not I may be asking for the number!
That doesn’t sound dramatic at all, I hope it goes well tomorrow ❤️

I hope you are okay @MissSparkles81 I should have had my 12 week scan as well today. I feel like important dates and pregnancy announcements are always going to be super difficult, but we need to remember to be kind to ourselves!

On a positive note, my mum booked me in for a full body massage and crystal therapy to try and make today a little easier, I’ll be honest I was initially a little sceptical but found the crystals especially really powerful and am definitely feeling more relaxed and positive this evening! I would 100% recommend!

I should be 14 weeks today @Josie510 and @MissSparkles81, it sucks that instead I'm somewhere in CD minus numbers! I'm sorry we find ourselves in the same boat, really hoping the BFPs don't take too long to come along. I'm going to test next week but not really expecting a negative until at least the week after. I know for a fact I was going to turn 17 weeks on Christmas Day which is going to smart, but I'm trying very hard to stop thinking about it and as we're away on holiday I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we can begin some very relaxed TTC and try and stay hopeful.

@Sunflower1608, I'm really sorry it's another BFN for you and that things are weighing so heavily on you. I think TTC feels like a time warp sometimes - things around you seem to whizz past while you're stuck in slow motion. Knowing that other people probably have their own personal time warps isn't all that helpful when you're trudging through treacle. I'm glad that you have CrossFit and other things to work on, it's difficult to ignore the elephant in the room though. Scan photos and pregnancy announcements are the worst.

Welcome @Crumbsinthecarpet and I'm sorry for your loss. I hope this is your cycle.

@TwinkleStars15 sorry to hear about another CP. No experience with rmc but watching with interest as I've just had my 3rd MMC (not in a row) but 3rd pregnancy loss in a row. I haven't spoken to anyone about them previously or accessed maternity care but I'm wondering about investigations now. Although not sure I can cope with it tbh, I hate hospitals and being prodded and poked.

@ReeRi I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

@Mumlili8 Sorry you're having such a confusing time, I hope you get a resolution one way or another (hopefully a late bfp!) ASAP. Another thank you from me for your lovely offer. I won't ask you for one, but only because I find physical reminders/talismans a bit painful to have around and also I'm really forgetful and lose my keys all the time. I hope they bring comfort to everyone who does have one!

@JuniperAndRose I'm glad you're home and hope your recovery is physically straightforward and that you have lots of support. Sending you love.

@Avocuddles Yes I suppose if I ov late then BFP or AF would be late. I tested yesterday as I had to go to the dentist and was worried about him doing x rays but it was a BFN on a Boots cheapie. He did the x rays anyway and I have an abscess and need a root canal. Joy. How are you? I’m sorry your cycle is all over but maybe it is good timing in a way (if I can say that) before you see the specialist.

Thank you @SunshineCrocodile The dates are difficult and Christmas is difficult. My mum is expecting us but I just don’t want to do the Christmas we should have had with our daughter hence we’re going away.

@Mumlili8 Sorry you are having an odd cycle but I hope it is good news. I am in a similar position but think I ovulated late so AF will probably just come late...

@Josie510 Hope today isn’t too tough. That’s lovely if your mum.

Having said I don’t want to have a traditional Christmas missing my baby girl, I have had some fun in shopping for gifts for my loved ones. I think it’s so important to appreciate those we do have around us.

Crikey @Avocuddles I'm sorry this is such a long cycle for you, I'd be going crazy. Feel for you, lovely. From what you said, it sounds like you should be getting Clomid soon, fingers crossed your appointment is helpful ❤️🤞

DH and I decided to visit a private fertility clinic soon, for now just to find out what's what and how much we'd need if we want to run private tests. I'm not tracking or temping this month, it's actually quite noce not to do anything!

In other news, I got the promotion 😊 Thank you for all your support ❤️🌺 I'm not tagging on here as I can see some of you took a step back from the thread and I don't want to interfere with that 🌺 xxx

@MrsMGE well done on the promotion

hun x
@ReeRi @SunshineCrocodile AF arrived 😔

Well done @MrsMGE I find it helps to have positive things going on at work to help take our minds off everything else!

@Mumlili8 I’m sorry to read that x

@MrsMGE well done on the promotion. Im so pleased for you

@Mumlili8 I am so sorry to see that AF has arrived. Sending you hug

Thank you for the kind words @Josie510 and @SunshineCrocodile Your massage sounds lovely Josie ... I am booked in for one on Friday. I just needed to do something instead of moping around thinking about being at my scan.

I got my negative test this morning so its back to tracking again. Can I ask everyone how you keep note of what day in your cycle you are? Would this be CD1 for me?

@Crumbsinthecarpet I am so sorry to hear your news. I hope that you are ok. The ladies in here are all so lovely and supportive.

@Avocuddles I am so frustrated for you. I hope its good news at the fertility clinic next week. Long cycles are horrible

Thanks girls 🌺🌺🌺 @ReeRi @MissSparkles81 @Mumlili8

It's the second positive thing that happened to me personally in the whole year. So at least ending the horrid 2019 on a high 😊

@ReeRi You're right. Now I'm onto my weight loss mission, I need to focus on something else than TTC that is driving me insane. I find that focusing on things that are within our control is massively helpful, it allows me to regain the feeling of stability and going in the direction with my life, and that's what's been missing as a result of what's happened to us. xxx

@reeri @Avocuddles @SunshineCrocodile @misssparkles81 Thanks all, you too! ❤️
I have no idea when I'm going to ov this month as I'm normally 34 day cycles and at the moment have been having 21 day cycles :/ when will my fertile period be?!? So hard to know

@MrsMGE congrats to the promotion!!! 🥰🥰🥰 well done! Next is fighting for bonus?! I had to go back to read lots as we have had friends over staying with us so been very very busy! I am so sorry to hear you've been feeling so down 😔😔 You seem to be figuring things out though and it's good you have a plan of action in terms of going to the fertility clinic sooner rather than later so you know your options if needed. I'm going to do the same come Jan/Feb ❤️ How are you feeling now? I felt happier when I got the promotion so everything in my life wasn't focused around trying and failing me o have babies. Also took my mind a bit more off things x

@Avocuddles so sorry to hear about your long cycle, it's so frustrating isn't it! When do you think you can get on Clomid? My Natural cycles app says I will ovulate around the 18h, so let's hope for that.

Sorry to see the new faces on here! This is a good, supportive place to be. Incredible ladies 🥰