The Hut of Gl/Doom Part V- for the unapologetically despondent

[duchesse]

The new hut. Ta-da!

This one is a snug little basement World War 2 type nightclub, with dim lighting, snug velvet sofas, red walls and certainly no politically correct smoking bans. Occasionally certain selected men may be admitted at our convenience.

Sit down, make yourselves at home, and never, ever apologise for feeling like shit. That's about it.

Rainy, can you please make sure the burly guys with muscles stay too?

Ladies,I need a good moan - heres why.

We are going on holiday next week, to the Dominican Republic. We intended it to be a bit of a second honeymoon, as we got married last year, but had a lot looming. My dad was seriously ill with cancer at the time, and died just 4 weeks after our wedding and 2 weeks after returning from holiday, so I didn't enjoy the holiday at all, and just wanted to come home. I miss him dreadfully. Since then, we have had the whole miscarriage/molar pregnancy/ monitoring saga, and I feel like a complete failure as I'm still not pregnant. So, we decided a pampering holiday would be just the thing. Now, 2 days after we booked we disovered that dh's best man/friend had - wait for it - booked the same holiday, hotel, everything at exactly the same time, by pure coincidence, with his girlfriend of 5 months.I was really unimppressed, I like him, but don't want to spend a fortnight with him when I'm trying to get over everything that has happened, and ttc too. Then, dh met up with him for a couple of hours yesterday, when his best friend reveled that the girlfriend of 5 months is 8 weeks pregnant, just to add insult to injury.
So, i've got tospend my holiday with a pregant woman I don't even know! How can she posibly be pregnant - they hardly know each other, don't live together, have no history together, have no shared experiences, apart from sex, and yet she manages to be pregnant and I just seem to be unable to do even that! What sort of a basis for parenthood is that?
I know this makes me sound jealous and peevish, and I'm not usually, but it has really upset me, and just feels so unfair. Why them and not us? I don't want to go now
And, to top it all off, I'm supposed to have malaria tablets (Avloclor) but can't get a definative answer as to whether they are safe to take when ttc, so I don't know which risk to take - malaria, or a possible damaged egg etc.
So p**d of and upset with all of it, you just wouldn't believe. Plus, my monitoring stuff from Sheffield should have arrived today and it hasn't, and we have to go to a wedding later.
It's our first anniversary tomorrow.
Hope everyone else is having a better day.

Hi Kensgirl,

I hate it everytime I hear someone is pregnant, its human not jealously or wrong. My DH got drunk last night and told everyone we were ttc. The first I knew about this announcement was when his brother who has 3 children to 3 different women and another one on the way, telephoned me to offer me some of his sperm. He was obviously drunk but I am still not happy. This morning one of the girlfriends phoned me to tell me it took her 10 months of ttc!!!!!!!!!! I know she was being nice but still.

I know this may not make you feel any better but your husbands friends girlfriend will have a terrible time because the flight will make her morning sickness alot worse. I know that sounds bitchy and we would love to be pregnant but at least she will have a terrible time.

You focus on you and hubby I always feel like it will never happen. I hate it when I see women who say their children were a mistake and like a friend of mine who leaves her children every weekend with grandparents and lives like she has no children or 16 year old girls on Jeremy Kyle who do not deserve children. Stupid soap opera stories even do my head in.

I cannot imagine how much it hurts to lose your father but you are not a failure. It is hard to stay positive this is why I love the hut. I will send you a {{{hug}}} in regards to the who ttc stresses and strains you are never alone!!!!

how totally shit! and for you!

and for you too BB. they really have no idea do they!

thanks ladies. I feel guilty at the way I feel, but it just is another kick in the teeth. I would do anything to be pregnant, we have been togetger 9 or 10 years, a home, everything to offer a baby, They don't seem to be prepared or anything, and are having to get a house together, sell a sports car etc. This will even be their 1st holiday together. I feel like an old , spiteful witch. A barren one at that.

Baby bratt, thats awful for you to have to cope with. Dh telling everyone I could just about handle, but to get that phonecall must have been hideous. I know that we have been trying a similar amount of time, and I know many others have been trying a lot longer, but I find it a mixture of inspiring and terrfiying when others tell me they had to try for years. Another friend if pg at the moment, and I think they had ben tryig for about 16 mnths, and my mum told me she had to try for about 2 years with my brother, which just fills me with panic and fear.
What does your dh say this morning?

He's not home yet, he is from Runcorn and went out with his friends and family last night.

He just text me to say he is on his way. I know he will say he does not remember but I will be having words

I know what you mean about the length of time thing!! I am not sure how much longer my mind will take it. I am seriously considering stopping for a time just to relax. Great theory but I bet I carry on because I will not be able to waste opportunities so to speak.

I feel guilty all the time, as you know my BP is pregnant and I hate watching her bump grow and she wants me to listen to the heart beat!!!!!!!!!
Its ironic I wonder why I spent so long religiously taking the pill thinking it was so easy to get pg.

It's all I can manage to look at real life pregnant friends, never mind swap ttc stories,listening to heart beats ould be a form of torture. Oddly,it doesn't apply to people here on mn though.
We went to a wedding last weekend, with the 22 wks pg friend there, and the discussions about childbirth, cervixes, and how fafntastic being a parent is began in the church! I cried all the way through the service, and wanted to tell everyone to shut up, didn't they realise what I was feeling? Hurtfully, most reactions from rl friends about my mc was "oh right," like I had just been to the dentist. I think my destiny is to be the childless one, that there is in most groups of friends, and that makes me feel completeely pointless.

Go easy on your dh!
I couldn't give up single month of ttc, for dread that thatmonth might have been the one.

ikwym kensgirl. dh and i have discussed not ttc this month but what if this is the egg that could stick?! i also have to do a pg test tomorrow even tho my period has finished, just to make sure. its so shit i want to cry!

Kensgirl - sorry to see you here, but you're probably not surprised to see me here either.

I know exactly where you (and BB) are coming from. When ttc I found it really difficult to be with colleagues at work who had become pregnant when not married, then seeing them drink at least 1/2 a bottle of wine at lunch time (during the week, when at work ) and chain smoke at the same time.

After mp my boss basically told me I had to get back to work (this being after 4month chemo that completely floored me) or I would be replaced. And 2 colleagues got pregnant with no problem (one an unmarried teenager) and proceeded to talk (in an open office) about pregnancy, what they'd call the babies, what it was like to be pregnant, what they were feeling like, how awful it was.......

Needless to say, once I was actually properly pregant, I was not one for complaining about morning sickness (except to dh) or indeed anything else - just so grateful to be pregnant. And yes, morning sickness started at 9.30am and lasted for the rest of the day, quite often went to bed feeling queasy, and the only thing to stop it was to eat).

You will get there, but I understand that it feels like an age to get there - it did for me (OK, it was, it was 6 years, and I can't afford to wait that long now), and now I'm here again.

Currently drowing sorrows in Shiraz/Cabernet as the supplies of pin gin/Absinthe seen to be on the low side, and I'm violently allergic to chocolate....

hi mistlethrush cant believe your boss did that to you!

I'm going to grab myself a nice glass of Shiraz and join in on.

I've been ttc for six months (I know thats a hell of a lot less than you guys).

Three women in my circle of close friends and family have recently found out they were pregnant. None of them planned, all considered abortions! I hate them. I mean I love them as they as family/friends but how awful. They don't want their babies I want a baby I am ttc and they get themselves pregnant at the drop of a hat on the pill ect. I makes me mad.

I would love to be pg, I would relish everyday of morning sickness. How can they complain. You need a licence to drive a car but not to make a baby. It sucks it really sucks.

mistlethrush I really feel for you I can't belive your boss did that to you.

Kensgirl - If I were you I wouldn't want to go on the holiday either I couldnt imagine anything worse.

Mistlethrush, thats awful! how couldyour boss do that to you?

At lest here on mn everyone understands other peoples emotions.

Luckily in a new job in a firm that I feel I fit in.

Last boss female, unmarried, no children. Never got on well - I think that she was worried about competition from other women, whilst she felt less competitive with men or something. Anyway, it was that job I resigned from and immediately got pregnant with ds. She never spoke to me in the month I was working my notice, and didn't even say goodbye. Glad to be out of it.

What do you do, Mistlethrush?

Hello - can I join in for a minute? I was feeling reasonably chilled today after god knows how long cos I've just come back from holiday until my PG supervisor came and went on and on and on at me about her latest PG news and how she is having a scan next week and how she felt her baby kick at the weekend and now I just want to cry in the toilets.
Sorry for lack of punctuation, I do know how to but forgot to use in my grumpiness. PLUS I am trying to give up smoking today, my most favourite thing in the world.

Kensgirl - Town Planner.

EllieG - people can be sooooo insensitive can't they - I had this even though people knew that I'd had mc followed by mp and 4 months chemo and not allowed to ttc for 1yr afterwards...

OOOOhh - the baby's kicking... I feel so sick this morning. I'm decorating the nursery.... I'm going to choose some baby clothes in the sales - look what I got etc etc etc etc....

Insensitive, thoughtless, lucky, ungrateful........

Stupid people. If I ever manage to get PG I will defo not do that as will remember how annoying and dull it was.

Hi

i would just like to say i got my bfp yesterday

Thankyou all for helping me when i was at my most despondent and down-you were all amazing. would love to keep in touch?

Oh Scorpio, that's brilliant! I raise my absinthe to your happy and healthy pregnancy x You can't have any

it took 6 months-felt like forever, but now feels quite quick iyswim?

Time is weird like that. I'm really pleased for you

hi just popped head round corner to say well done and congratulations Scorpio!

It seems pretty quiet in here, is that cos you are all getting ready for a wicked party weekend?

Im feeling pretty despondent as fsh levels were higher this time than before - now 11.6 and that was after 3 months on DHEA so taking drugs til Monday and we will decide then on either to continue with this cycle of IVF or stop and try again in Oct. Docs opinion is that we may as well try cos there are 5 potential follies whereas in Oct it could be worse needless to say I cried all the way home and next day tried to be smily at work - its s*#t - isnt it. Non of my work colleagues have the faintest idea

better go - dont want to disturb the cleaners any longer...
LNO

Thanks. i wish you luck too x

Sorry to hear that LNO. Pretending everything is fine and normal when inside you're screaming is very hard. I hope things work out ok, or you come up with a plan on Mon that isn't too hard to bear. I can't believe we're talking about Oct already...