35+ TTC#1 Thread 7

[PixieN]

It’s time for a new thread for a lovely bunch of ladies supporting each other through our TTC efforts, possible IVF plans, possible alternative life journeys and adventures with or without babies after the age of 35. Think that about sums it up

@BambiOnIce80 @79andnotout @CNizzle @VenusStarr @QuantumGirl @Carley321 @Wannabemum38 @Russkispy @Kescilly @Laney79 @Weathergirl1 @Pinkywoo @birdbybird

I’ve included everyone who has posted on the last four pages of the previous thread. Hope that’s o.k as I know some of you have graduated to another thread, but still like to check in and apologies if i’ve missed anyone.

Lots of luck to everyone at whatever stage we’re at 💕

@BambiOnIce80 I'm getting there! Time is flying so quickly - it was three weeks to go yesterday!! x

Thanks for thinking of me @Carley321. Not great news for us again 💔 spending my 36th birthday crying, pregnancy has progresses slightly, there is a foetal pole but looks about 5 weeks size wise and no heartbeat and I'm 7 weeks today, so waiting for it to pass. Got to go back on 13 September for a follow up scan. The mass has gone so they think it was one of my fibroids. Zero sign of things moving on.

Feel like I've spent this whole year grieving my babies 💔 xx

@VenusStarr I'm so sorry to read your update. So unfair and just shit. Sending you big hugs

I'm so, so sorry you're going through this again @VenusStarr 💙😔

Thank you @BambiOnIce80 ❤️

Thank you @Russkispy, how are you getting on? X

@VenusStarr thank you for asking. thank you! Back to EPU next week, again!! And hopefully for the final HCG repeats! I've also had small bleeds and that's 3 weeks since MC. And apparently the consultant then tells me the next steps. In the meantime, our donor started her stims yesterday and we booked flights to go home/clinic next weekend, for her egg collection/fertilization around 9-11 September. I'll receive updates up to that point and then daily updates on embryo/s development and hopefully we will have a few 5 days blasts. 1 will be then genetically tested in order to avoid anything untoward and transfer them planned in October. I must admit I'm feeling nervous and excited and just can't believe it's all happening! I'll be seeing my doctor and decide whether I'll actually need a hysteroscopy and if so, will get it done there.

Sounds like things are moving forward @Russkispy :) it does sound exciting. Keep us updated. I hope I have some of your positivity to keep me going, this limbo phase is horrible xx

@VenusStarr I’m so so sorry you have had such terrible news ❤️ It’s so cruel you have to go through this again xxxx

I’m so sorry @VenusStarr 😢❤️ Xx

Hey all how are things?
Had a lovely time in Paris despite my AF arriving pretty much the day I left.
Now onto some serious baby making lol currently CD9 and my fertile window is coming up and DP will be here all next weekend before during and after ovulation day so fingers crossed!

How is everyone getting on? very quiet on here
Cd12 for me today so according to ovia app my fertile window is starting today did an OPK very very faint line hope it gets darker by friday when DP arrives.
On the plus side we have found a flat, holding fee put down and checks need to be done. And today I secured a full time job at last so happy days

Hi all, how's everyone. It's been about 4 weeks since I've been on, so sorry to read your news @VenusStarr 😢, good luck with the donor @Russkispy!
Hi to all the newbies.
Looks like I'm.having an annuovulatory cycle. Cd20, a slight temp rise yesterday, but not like usual. Usually ovulate around cd16. Ah well, I'm off to New York with the girls tomorrow, so hopefully AF will stay away until after my trip.
Not been on here cos I've been mad busy -took everyone's advice & just booked a wedding! March 2020!! So 6 months away! Argh.
It's just booking and organising bedlam at the moment, cos it turns out, that's months is not really time enough to.plan anything!
Suppose I don't really wanna be beached whale in.my pics, so missing his month might work in my favour.
And now I've really gotta get my butt in gear to shed for the wedding & potentially fertility treatment when we hit the "official" 2-year trying mark in November. It's something to focus on when I get back from NY.
Speak soon ladies x

Hello all... just an update on the Hsg.. one tube is probably blocked as the dye would not flow through. I’m feeling so crap about it, and frightened that this may never happen for us. Any advice and positivity would be so appreciated x

Oooh, I can give you positivity @Carley321! 😍 This could be tentatively good news! If one of your tubes is blocked, then it could a) explain why you're not pregnant yet and b) be cleared so that you can get pregnant! 🤞🏻🍀🤞🏻🍀 What did they say about getting it cleared, or will the consultant go through that with you when you get the final result? And don't worry too much if they can't clear it - I knew someone that effectively ended up with one ovary and they fast forwarded her for NHS IVF, so this might actually bump you up the queue... in short, you've hopefully got a win-win scenario on your hands here! And apologies if my enthusiasm is coming across as insensitive - not my intention at all! I just think you're going to be getting somewhere now on this TTC journey ❤️

Sorry to hear about the potentially annovulatory cycle @CNizzle, but everything else you've got going on sounds very exciting! 🤩 March 2020 will be here before you know it! 💒

Glad you had a good break @wannabemum38 🙂 Congratulations on your new flat and job! 💐

No not at all @BambiOnIce80 I’m in desperate need of positivity. It’s been a very emotional year so far. No they literally said we can’t get the ink through that tube so it may be blocked. I have to wait to speak about the results now. Is a laparoscopy the next step for removing? I just hope we get somewhere soon. It’s hard going all of this unknown!

How are you doing?

@CNizzle sorry about the shit cycle. Good to hear your keeping your self busy with all lovely things though 😊

I'm not sure how they'll go about unblocking it @Carley321, but your guess sounds likely. I also wouldn't think they'd hang about for too long now that they've found it 🤞🏻 You might get upduffed au naturel if they unblock it - exciting times! 🤩

Not that much to report at my end, thanks for asking lovely 😘 T -24 days until our initial consultation with the IVF doc, so just waiting for that really 🙄 Trying to keep busy and my mind off of it. They're checking my AMH/AFC during that appointment, so we'll find out soon-ish whether we're going ahead with IVF or if this is the end of the road for us... I just want to bloody know one way or another so that I can put down the OPK's, step away from the thermometer and we can get on with our lives without the TTC madness!! 🤪

Hi everyone,
You seem to have such a lovely community here - I hope you don't mind the interruption!
I'm in a somewhat strange situation. I'm almost 37 and I'm desperate to try to start a family. I have a partner of 2 years who is wonderful in almost every respect - except that he is sadly not ready to even think about having a child yet.
We've had multiple long conversations about this, and although I love him very much, I don't think I can take the risk of waiting any longer, so I'm strongly considering going it alone.
It all feels quite heartbreaking. I had a high flying corporate career (in a job I hated but that was very well paid) up until a few years ago when I decided to switch into something more "family friendly" in the hopes of meeting a life partner and having a family. I've basically got myself to a situation where my life is set up very well to have a family - in that I now have a career that gives me the flexibility to have children but I also have a stable home and enough savings to be able to afford children.
I thought the stars were finally aligning for me when I met my partner. It was one of those rare moments where you feel like everything is working out for you at last. I felt very lucky - he is a great partner and I have been very happy in our relationship.
He is a writer so he's very creative and deep with his feelings etc. The down side of that, though, is that he basically needs total isolation to write, which can be lonely sometimes but I've learned to deal with it as I have plenty to be keeping myself busy. I've been pushing the kids thing more and more urgently recently, as I'm close to turning 37. He is currently writing a book (which is probably going to take another 2 years at least), and he keeps saying that he can't think about kids until that's done. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm forcing the kids issue on him, when he really doesn't want it (at the moment - he says he wants kids long-term).
My issue is that there is no solution to any of this. He might be willing to reluctantly have kids with me but then I'll feel like I've railroaded him into it and that could lead to future problems in our relationship. He also seems to think that he has to give up on his dreams if we have kids - so I worry he'll either blame me for not having the writing career he dreams of, or he will have the career he wants and I'll effectively be a single parent on my own while he works in isolation.
The other option is to go and have a child on my own. I always said I would do this if I didn't have a partner by 36. The irony is I do have a loving partner, but he doesn't want kids right now.
Thanks for listening - it feels therapeutic just to write this down to be honest. I don't feel like I can talk to my family or friends about this. My sister just had a baby so it's a constant reminder of what I don't have. Every time I see my sister's daughter I have to fight back the tears.

Hugs to you all - sounds like many of you have been through quite painful journeys.

@BambiOnIce80 I have no clue. I’ve been reading up and there’s not a lot out there for blocked tubes... depending on the blockage I suppose. I’m still waiting on the appointment to discuss it at the moment, so trying to not get dragged down with it and look at the positives.
Oh gosh you are so close now, I can’t imagine how your nerves must be. I bet it’s so exciting but so frightening all at once. I wish you so so so much luck with your amh test 🤞. I really do hope you get the family you deserve. But if not Travel is a bloody dream come true also ❤️

You are right though ttc is most definitely a journey full of madness, emotions and everything in-between.

@catch22forme Hello 🙂. It sounds like you are in such a tricky position. Is it the fact that you want them right now, or is it that you are scared of the age affecting the issue after a year or 2? I guess there are so many options out there, but making the right one for you is going to be a difficult road. It’s great to have found someone you care for but so hard when you want different things.

Hi @Carley321, thanks for replying. I hope you get more clarity from the doctors soon regarding your results - I can't imagine the stress. The uncertainty is always so hard I think. And the waiting and not knowing.

As for me, I want kids as soon as possible. I always hoped for more than one child so given that I'm nearing 37 and it is unlikely to happen immediately, it seems to make sense to do something about it now. I feel like I've been waiting forever to be honest. I've wanted kids for a really long time, I've just never found the right person to have them with. Now I feel like I thought I'd found the right person but it isn't going to happen so I'm back to square one. Strangely, he seemed more keen on kids when we first met than he is now - maybe it's the fear of reality setting in. I thought we were on the same page for probably the the first year and a half or so of our relationship but it's only when I've started seriously talking about it and wanting to actually try for kids that he's majorly backed away from the idea. I'm just not the sort of person to try and force someone into doing something they don't want to do. He seems to think we can put it off but I'm not willing to take the risk. I know there's no solution but it's helpful to talk about it. Thank you xx

@catch22forme - if I was you I'd go it alone. It doesn't sound like he will change his mind and I also expect he would not be a great partner for kids as he requires so much isolation for work. If you really want kids and always have then don't wait. It sounds like you could manage financially. Do your family live nearby? It's possible you have no issues and could conceive easily in two years time but I think that two years will keep extending, and many of us (myself included) have really struggled with fertility in our late thirties. I also had a reluctant partner and it was a really difficult and depressing time.

@VenusStarr so sorry to hear your news. That's totally heartbreaking. What a horrible birthday present. The gods are not kind.

@Carley321 hopefully as @BambiOnIce80 says, a blocked tube is the cause of your troubles and once they override that you get your pregnancy. I have my fingers crossed!

@BambiOnIce80 so exciting you start the process soon! Here's hoping for good bloods.

As for me, my thyroid issues are still bubbling along. My TSH is coming down very slowly so we've upped my medication, but my thyroid peroxidase antibodies are three times worse (>1000 when normal is less than 30) and these are the buggers that are thought to cause behavioural problems and brain defects in pregnancy. The docs say there's no way to reduce them that they know of, my immune system is just targeting my own cells. So that cements my decision to not have kids. Also I think I'm getting arthritis in my hands. On the plus side I've been making more effort to hang around with my friends kids now they're getting to a more interesting age and it's fun but exhausting so I'm happy to go back to my silent dog afterwards! All in all, I'm feeling very happy with the choice not to keep trying three months on, my only problem is I'm drinking too much now I'm not TTC and I need to cut that down and do more exercise!

@CNizzle have a fab time in NY! Have you been before? I loved walking the high line www.thehighline.org/ if you want to combine a bit of exercise with tourism. Although I'm really into gardens so it might not be your cup of tea.

Good morning ladies 🌞

Fantastic to hear from you @79andnotout! 🤩 I have to say, how much I enjoy going back to peace and quiet once we've handed back kids still feeds my "are we doing the right thing?" doubts! How's your loft conversation coming along? Are you going to get that second dog?

@CNizzle, I second @79andnotout 's suggestion of the high line park - it's a beautiful walk and you only have to walk about another 15 - 20 minutes to get to bleeker Street (and all its lovely boutiques/pizza places) once you get to the end of it 🍕😋

That is a really tricky position to be in @catch22forme and I really feel for you 💐 I've often said that the ideal time to have bambinos would be in about another 10 years time, but I'd be 49 by then and female biology just isn't built for that - men really can't understand the ticking biological clock because they don't suffer from that bloody frustrating limitation! 😩

I'm probably the polar opposite from you! Didn't think I wanted kids, but my XH was very keen and I relented and started trying when I was 30 - totally convinced I'd fall pregnant on the first try 😏 3.5 years of unexplained fertility followed, but at least I know now that my age isn't the cause of my infertility - it's just one of those things that would have affected me regardless of age.

I guess what I'm getting at is yes, time is against you, but until you start TTC you aren't going to know if you're one of the lucky ones who gets lucky in the first 3 months or whether you are going to take longer/need help. Have you had this level of conversation with your DP? That time is ticking and 2 years time might be the difference between being capable of having kids or not? I really don't think guys get it! If money isn't an issue, could you both go for a private consultation with a fertility specialist to get all the facts? It might give him the "penny drop" moment that he's not getting now. It's really difficult if people are on different pages re: having kids (although your DP sounds like he was on the same page and has now moved the goal posts 😔). There's no compromise to be had, is there?! We either have kids and makes one of us happy and the other miserable or don't and have exactly the same situation!!😟

If your DP knows that kids are a deal breaker for you, then he shouldn't be surprised that putting it off isn't an option. I wish you the best of luck going forward - please let us know how it plays out.x

Thanks so much for your replies ladies. Having a really rough weekend and feeling very alone so I appreciate the support.

@79andnotout - sorry to hear it was so hard for you with a reluctant partner. It's a very lonely feeling. We previously discussed waiting a year or so, but that was almost a year or so ago, and I feel like his timeline will continue extending. Every time we speak about it he has new reasons why we shouldn't try now so I feel like it's going further into the future (or not happening at all) with each new discussion. I've just gotten to the point that I don't want to take the risk of waiting any longer. Regarding his work/writing - I originally thought it was a good thing that he works from home - he even said he wanted to be a stay at home / fully hands on dad and I could stay at work if I wanted and he would look after the kids, do the cooking etc. Just feels like the goalposts are constantly changing and I don't know where I stand. Maybe he doesn't know either.

@BambiOnIce80 - when we started discussing this, my partner said we're young to have kids, and seemed to be under the impression we could just get pregnant straight away in our 40s. So we've had lots of conversations about how time is potentially running out. I had a range of fertility tests about 3 years ago now and the doctors said everything was fine (apart from some of my hormones but they thought that was mainly caused by stress of work). So my partner feels reassured by that, that things will continue to be fine in the years to come. But you totally don't know until you start trying. He also hasn't had any tests at all so who knows if he has any issues either. We did discuss going for a fertility appointment together but then it didn't end up happening. I keep saying to him that I don't want to end up not being able to have kids but he thinks we'll have no issues and I'm being overdramatic (he didn't use that phrase but that's the general gist - he thinks I'm worrying needlessly). He thinks because we're both healthy and fit and look fairly young (don't see what that has to do with anything), that we're younger than our actual age or something...It's strange because I think in theory he wants to have kids with me in some distant future but when it gets too close as a reality he wants to put it off. At the end of the day, it is a dealbreaker for me so I need to just tell him that again and maybe set a deadline for him to decide. I already started looking into options for doing it alone, so I guess I just have to have the courage to follow through with that if it doesn't work out between us.

@79andnotout - oh, i forgot to mention my family don't live nearby so if I were to go it alone where I live right now, I would actually be pretty much alone. But I could always move back closer to home.

@catch22forme, it sounds a little like your DP likes the concept of kids, but is putting off the reality? I don't want to freak you out, but my cycles are regular, my US/HSG results say nothing's blocked/everything is where it should be, my hormone levels are within normal range (except prolactin, which is toppy due to a stressful job but clearly not having a negative effect on my hormone levels/cycles), DP's SA is fine and we still can't get pregnant 🙄 Even with perfectly normal results, you really, really don't know how quickly you'll conceive until you start trying, which it doesn't sound like your DP is taking on board. It's also really unfair that he's moved the goal posts on you 😔 If you're setting a deadline for him to make up his mind, please bear in mind that the IVF success rates nose dive drastically when we hit 40 (and they were only about 35% to start with!). That's why we're going self funded rather than waiting for our free NHS shot at IVF - I turn 40 next year and I just need to get on with it whilst my odds are slightly better. Then I'm drawing a line under it and booking a 3 week wine tour of Chile and Argentina and getting the 🤬 on with my life! Everyone's got to have a back up plan, right?! 🍾🥂😉