TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 30 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[Lilimum7]

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Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This is a wonderful supportive group for anyone ttc after the loss of a pregnancy or baby. Together we can get through the ttc crazyness xx baby dust to everyone xx

@AliceRR she's a nice girl and I've enjoyed the few nights out we've had together (including one just after her own miscarriage) but we're not particularly close. TBH I never had a true due date due to my irregular cycles and the lack of heartbeat at my scan but I'd figured out when I thought it must be based on when we DTD, and she's quoting the exact same. I'll be ok just feels like I've been set back a bit at a point where I was starting to feel stronger. I guess I should try to take strength from the fact that she's made it to 12wks after an early loss, and hopefully one day I will too x

@pinkoi yes I know exactly what you mean about torturing yourself. It's been just over a month now but feels like forever. It feels hard thinking that this dark shadow will be hanging over me until I have a healthy baby in my arms, if that ever happens. I just wish I knew if it will ever happen for me. My husband tries to be positive and optimistic but that only makes me feel worse as I'm the one with fertility issues and I feel all the pressure rests on me. Like @AliceRR I'm giving myself six months to see what happens before we go back to the GP and ask to be re referred for treatment. It already feels like this going to be the longest and slowest year of my life no matter what happens!

@Avocuddles I know you’ll be ok but I think there will be bad days or things that upset us from time to time in these situations but it doesn’t mean we’re not moving forwards and getting stronger. I feel a bit low today. Not even sure why. The yoga instructor asked me “how’s your little one?” (he knew I’d had a baby as we discussed my ab separation but he didn’t know it was a stillbirth). It felt good to talk about it in a way but upsetting too. Re TTC I’m in no position to be giving out advice really but for me I’m finding it helps me to have something to focus on other than only TTC. I do feel like the only hope I have for the future is TTC but I also know (even more so following my loss) that I have lots to be grateful for and things could always be worse. So I’m trying to treasure the things and the people I do have, I’m trying to focus on getting myself into better shape by doing yoga etc and just planning some nice things so getting a BFP isn’t the only thing I have to look forward to, as it could take any length or time for that to happen. Im a bit of a planner so just having things in the diary to focus on, even yoga and gym classes, helps me be more than just TTC if that makes sense. I’m still on maternity leave so I really don’t have much to do other than obsess about TTC or whatever else but I’m going to try to make the most of this time too as I will be back at work soon (she says sitting on the sofa catching up on Love Island 🙄) I think it is like you say though, it’s the not knowing what the future holds, and I know for me I’d relax a bit if I had a crystal ball to tell me there are healthy, living children of my own in my future. Until then I will worry about it a bit as it’s something that’s so important to me.

Sorry that was long 🙈

@AliceRR long, but perfectly written. Thank you for sharing....
I am definitely a planner too. That is some of the issue I think, by nature I like to have things planned out well in advance and the uncertainty throws me right out of my comfort zone. But the points you make about treasuring what you have, and about looking after your body, are both very valid. I feel like I've been taking it out on DH somewhat by being very upset about my own life (both miscarriage / fertility concerns as well as work frustrations) without giving much regard to his own experience. I snapped at him when he didn't realise that his friend's due date was aligned with ours, which was an out of order thing to do. I guess I felt angry that his initial reaction when conveying the news to me was one of excitement for his friend rather than of concern for how the news would make me feel when he's fully aware that my emotions have been running high. DH has had some fairly significant health problems in the past few years and I should be grateful for every moment we share together, not angry at him for not 'reading' me correctly.
In terms of yoga and gym classes, I need to follow your lead and take some ownership of my physical health. I'm definitely a fair bit overweight, bmi probably 28+ though I dread to weigh myself after a significant amount of emotional eating. You are setting a great example by prioritising looking after yourself.
Apologies for the lengthy reply but am lying awake stewing whilst DH goes to the airport (only a five min drive away) to pick up his brother who is staying at ours tonight. Much to my unjustified annoyance I hasten to add as I thought he was just going to unlock the door for them after getting themselves a taxi! He really is too good sometimes. I need to be more appreciative rather than critical!

Don’t be too hard on yourself though @Avocuddles Whilst I think we should appreciate the people in our lives we are also human and we all snap or get upset. Hearing news about someone else’s pregnancy etc can be a really difficult thing and men sometimes don’t get it. My husband has been really good recently but I know he doesn’t feel how I do about our daughter’s death. I must say I do feel better since I’ve been going to the gym more regularly about four weeks ago. I weighed myself the other day and weigh a bit more than I thought(!) so I’m trying to get in better shape too but also it really is good for my mental health. I often feel better after a walk too. I think I eat too much sugar and need to cut down though 🙄

Just scrolling through Facebook and ofc another Facebook friend (colleague) has posted a scan pic with pregnancy announcement. I must just be more aware of it but it seems like I’m reading pregnancy announcements a few times a week 🙄 ”snooze”

@AliceRR I definitely eat too much sugar. I work in an office environment where people are always leaving snacks around, I've already grazed on a penguin biscuit and some haribo maoam this morning, whoops!

I know entirely what you mean about all the announcements. I think it just comes with reaching a certain age - i think you're about the same as me? Out of my ten or so closest friends I'm the only one who doesn't have one or more children, or one on the way. Much as seeing their lives unfold can be upsetting sometime, I do frequently make them jealous of the life we lead with two incomes and no dependants! I guess I should make the most of it whilst we can! x

Hello ladies I apologise I've been awol (sulking) again. I'm 8dpo (I think) and no symptoms ( caved and tested with frer negative as expected) I really don't know why I do this to myself it's like I punish my self every cycle. If its a bfn I then spend time trying to figure out what I did wrong (think I'm probably clinically insane)

How is every one doing

Hi @Lilimum7, 8dpo is very early so don't feel bad about a BFN. I think most of us probably beat ourselves up in one way or another through this TTC process. I think I'm 1dpo today, feel like I DTD at about the right time and enough times this month (I thought that last month though). This month I'm on my new conception vitamins which I think delayed ovulation by a few days (typically day 14 and I think day 17 this month - was day 13 last cycle).
I would have been 17 weeks this last Monday and can't get it out of my head that I should have a bump and possibly feeling him/her by now. I'm trying to focus on other thing a this cycle and be more gentle on myself (works better some days than others).

When are you due AF?

Well it was just an evaporation line. It was also just a very faint one yesterday morning. Today it's af trying to start, def no line and much alcohol consumed.

I'm relieved really as I haven't had a normal cycle this year, just losses. I need a break. But damn I want to be pregnant.

Hi everyone. Sorry to hear that @CodlingMoth (though enjoy the alcohol!). Just been for my first full acupuncture session. Expensive but I really hope that it can help get things regular (or even better pregnant!). Five weeks post MC now and still no sign of AF though not surprised as my cycles were 6+ wks before hand. Holiday in just over a week so kind of hoping that AF arrives before then so that I can relax a bit knowing where I stand! Pretty sure I haven't ovulated - have been testing for over two weeks (started a couple of days after I finished bleeding) and lots of flashing smilies but no solid one. It would make me feel far happier to know that I was ovulating even if it didn't result in a BFP!

@Kayjay2018 what vitamins are you taking

@Lilimum7 don't beat yourself up, you're not insane and I'm pretty sure everyone here can sympathise with how you're feeling. 8 DPO is still early, try to resist for another couple of days and fingers crossed you might still see that second line....

I’m 35 @Avocuddles You are right in that our friends tend to be a similar age and / or similar stage in life to us so you’ll likely have a period where you’re all settling down, getting married, having babies etc but this guy who posted on Facebook is just a random guy from work whom I know but isn’t in my friendship group. There are three floors in use in my building and two wings on each, so six wings... well at the time when I went on mat leave in Jan there were two other pregnant women just in my wing and now this guy(‘s wife) who also sits on my wing. I’m not aware of any other pregnancies in the building so there’s something in the water! Also in my team of about 20 there are three of us on mat leave (including me) plus another women is now pregnant and due to go on on mat leave soon. It does feel odd sometimes to say I’m on mat leave BTW. I do think it’s worth making the best of things and doing things we might not be able to do if / when we have a family.

Hope everyone is ok today

@AliceRR I hope that the something in the water works it's magic on you soon.... I'm also 35, 36 in a few months. I work in a large office with over 2000 people in the building. I swear there are hundreds of pregnant people at any given point in time. A routine trip to the canteen feels like running a gauntlet past endless big bumps, I wish I could wear some kind of blinkers so I didn't have to see them all! A colleague who is working alongside me on a project told me about her pregnancy yesterday - I'd already figured it out as she's a slim girl and already showing but it was still a case of saying 'oh congratulations' through gritted teeth. I wish them all well, I just wish I could join their club....

So we are about the same age. Thing is I feel like I got what was in the water as I was third to get pregnant in the team last year and obviously worry if / when it will come around again but it is early days for us trying again so I need to not go down that mindset. With other people being pregnant sometimes it doesn’t bother me and I want my friends and family to be happy but other times it just reminds me of my pregnancy and how it ended... I try to stay positive but it obviously gets me down sometimes. I’m seeing my friend with her baby girl again tomorrow though. I’m looking forward to seeing my friends.

@Avocuddles I've been trying proceive max sachets this month, bloomin expensive but I figured I need to give everything a go. I'm also having reflexology sessions to try and ease my anxiety. I seem to have become much more highly strung about everything since my mc.

I'm 38, so older than you and @AliceRR by a few years, the new sachets are for people over 35 ttc so thought I'd try them. DH is 51 so neither of us is bringing any young dna to this baby making lark!

Reflexologist thinks I'm quite healthy (apparently I can tell a lot from feet).

I got my first af 30 days after mc but I didn't ovulate that cycle. The next one I did ovulate (few days earlier than the norm) and af was absolutely awe full, very painful and heavy and the suddenly gone. This cycle seems more stable (temp wise), I don't drink caffeine, never smoked and don't have alcohol. I have switched to brown rice pasta etc and my bmi is good I really don't know what else I can try.

Fingers crossed this cycle is a good one for us all

@AliceRR that's good to hear. It's so important to have friends around you. We've got a few friends and their children / baby bumps (6 little ones in total!) coming round at the weekend and weirdly it doesn't phase me at all, even though I'd kind of planned the get together for this weekend as it was the point at which we supposed to have had our 12 wk scan and were going to break the baby news.
I admire your strength, you have been to hell and back but you are such a valuable and supportive member of this group. It's great that you're trying to stay positive but when you have those down days never forget that there are plenty of people here to support you too xx

Thanks @Avocuddles You are kind. I don’t mind children and baby bumps a lot of the time but sometimes seeing children (even a bit older) just reminds me of my little girl and how I’ll never see her do X and Y. And seeing my friend’s baby is lovely but makes me think of what Ruby would be like as they’re the same age and maybe it will always be that way. I do get comfort from seeing my friends though and I’m glad I can still be around them as I know people in my position who won’t. It’s so brave of you to have your friends over and it’s good that you’re treating it as a positive thing, which it is as we shouldn’t underestimate the value of our friends, even though it might be a little sad for you

@Kayjay2018 I’m googling proceive max now...

@AliceRR Holland and Barrett and boots do them. I could only find the max version as a sachet. They taste vile with water but I can stomach them mixed with orange juice!

@Kayjay2018 It’s expensive isn’t it? But included on 3 for 2 at Boots and I suppose if it works then it’s worth it. I just take Pregnacare at the moment

@AliceRR yes very expensive, I got it on the three for two deal, made me feel slightly better about it. It took us 6months to get pg in the first place, it's now been over 2 months from mc. I am hoping I won't need the full 3 months worth of them.

DH has already said back at the start of our ttc discussion that if it doesn't happen then we won't seek help, so I'm trying my hardest to get it to happen naturally

Question for those of you on progesterone after ovulation - mine is prescribed twice daily, do you take yours literally 12 hours apart? I've read it's best to lie down for half an hour afterwards so I was planning on doing the morning dose when I wake up at 6 but I often don't leave work let alone get home until way after 6... Not sure whether to attempt it whilst at work? I hear there is a lot of leakage...

@Kayjay2018 @AliceRR no harm in trying anything I guess. I'm taking pregnacare max, + ubiquinol 300mg, add in a weekly acupuncture session and you're looking at £250 a month! Cheaper than fertility treatment I guess but I still hope it doesn't drag on too long. I'm already beginning to question my six month rule - I think if I haven't ovulated at all within three months then I'll get back to the doctors. I really hoped that the fact I'd managed to get pregnant once would kick start my body but doesn't look that way so far!

@strawberrye If you put it in the "back door" rather than the "front door" it really is much less messy. I don't think it has to be precisely 12 hours apart, either.

@Avocuddles That’s a lot but I do think if it works then it’s worth it to have a family. Yes if you think you haven’t ovulated then it might be worth speaking to the gp. You might have ovulated even if you haven’t managed to pick it up on an OPK but I think there’s no harm in speaking to the gp even if only to set your mind at rest.