Over 40 TTC - lots of baby dust for us...3!

[SparrowSG]

New thread for us 40+'s

Thank you very much for having me!
I got my days wrong, today is official "coil out this is bloody real!" Day
Hoping it's less traumatic than having the bugger put in.
Starting to look at my lifestyle properly, I really need to get more sleep.
I hope you are all having a lovely baby dusty day!

EvelineUK - cm is also strange for me as that signals the start of fw so is when we start to dtd but it's usually well and truly gone by LH surge, so a random example of typical cycle this year would be; cd11 & 12 ewcm, cd14 +opk, cd17 temp rise. Odd right?!
I think my overies are struggling.
SMU = second morning urine (anything after that tends to be too diluted)

If anyone uses the @ to tag me can they make sure they use Lexilooo not Lexiloo as there is another poster with a similar name! Thanks

@Alwaysredlips

Good luck getting the coil out, but don't worry it is pretty easy and painless. The doctor asked me to cough and that was it, out and didn't feel a thing!!

@EvelineUK any particular sperm health tips? He's 45 but fit, well, good weight, non-smoker. Drinks but not excessively. Takes a decent multi-vitamin. He does cycle a couple of times a week (which involves the obligatory tight lycra shorts) but generally not too bad I don't think.

Unfortunately it isn't as simple as "just taking one for the team" as much as he might want to co-operate if the pressure is too much it won't work out.

Good luck @Lexilooo
We're at 21+6. I am 41, DH is almost 46. We had very infrequent sex last year and still managed it, so there is hope! I'd say it was about 9-10 months but we missed some months out. Turns out we conceived in Dec when we were both shitfaced after 2 weeks of heavy drinking in the Xmas build up.
Obvs we are not out of the woods yet but it goes to show you only need 1!
We did not do any charting or take any vitamins. I do think the more you think about it the harder it is. Not that being relaxed makes it happen (I'm not daft enough to suggest that is all people need to do) but I think the harder you try the harder it is and it makes the whole thing awful.
My advice is to spank all your savings having a hugely stressful house move that involves 3 weeks of homelessness and a nightmare builder. That seemed to do the trick here....

Lol @megan2018 is that the "grand designs effect"? Seems that being broke and homeless is a pretty guaranteed way to get pregnant!!!

What you say is reassuring - thanks x

@Lexilooo yes something like that. We had a large savings pot from a remortgage last year - in Jan 2018 chose to move 1 mile down the road into a new build cottage by a local builder (so not self build but we were free to influence all of the build so it was bespoke). It took all our time and energy and DH in particular was very stressed as he was onsite most days plus we were both at work full time..
The house is lovely now but we nearly lost the sale of our previous house due to a last minute delay with building control. We had to move out of our previous house as the chain was going to collapse otherwise so had to camp out on the building site until the new house got signed off and we could complete. This was all in July in the heatwave.
Sex was not on the menu very often! Looking at my app we managed it 2-3 times a month at best most months and prob only once at a fertile time (not that I ever knew when I ovulated). In mid Dec when we conceived we had sex twice.

Now we have no money to fund my mat leave so obvs that was the time it happened! But we are delighted and very much hoping we get to the end. It's only money after all!

@Megan2018 I know it was a spelling error.. but loving "spank the savings" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@Lexilooo mine had pressure and performance issues about this time last year... and we said hang it... and just do it when we fancy... no issues now... but we do managed to do the SMEP method.. mostly every other day... although after a 5 am start and 14.5hrs and work today and tomorrow I did say he'll have to be in when I get home from work at 10 for there to be any dtd tonight... who says romance is dead.. 🤦‍♀️

Welcome @kavanaughkj and just cos your sis is menopausal doesn't mean it's anywhere near for you... welcome @Alwaysredlips good luck with coil removal... xx

No spelling error! It's a well used phrase here! @Chatbash72

EvelineUK - I use first step (cheapo's) second morning urine. It will usually be as dark as the control, or near enough. The days after it fades to nothing then I get the temp rise which stays up, confirming ovulation

I use the clear blue fertility monitor too, but I very rarely get a peak on that anymore, even though I definitely do ovulate. Not sure why, I guess it would be the same result on yours? Do you know why we would not get a peak in old age, yet still ovulate?

Interesting. I always used to get a peak, until my mc in October. My cycles are still regular although LP is shorter. I'd be interested to try your opk, see if it works for me

Hi and welcome new peeps!

So I have felt very teary over the last week as friend of mine just had their baby and I also welled up at Harry and Megan's new bubs

Has confirmed that I def want to give this one last shot..

I think I'm due to ovulate tomorrow as got smiley today but typically dh went away with work last night and is not back until Friday ☹️

We did manage to dtd mon night early hours of yesterday morning so hoping that I may still have slim chance. Can sperm hang around a couple of days? I hope so!

Good luck everyone

Hi Ladies, I hope you don't mind if I join this group, I feel I am in the 'over 40's boat' going no where! I am 43, 44 in June and TTC since last year July and a MC in Feb at 8 weeks. I feel time is not on my side, AF came today, so this month is out again.

Hello ladies, I can't keep up with their thread! I wondered what supplements everyone is taking to boost their fertility? X

Evening!
It's done! Coil is out. Was really easy in the end although there was a small panic about where my strings had got to, hidey little buggers are normaly always felt even if my cervix is super high so God knows what was going on today. Anyway a few tugs and it was banished to the clinical waste bin! AF due in 2 days and then I'm taking my first step on this journey.
I hope everyone is doing great and it's so nice to have company.
@Samk79 I'm curious too. I'm just starting out so just folic acid, iron and a vow to give up coffee so far for me.

Hi all, do you mind if I join? Been lurking for a while but nothing much to say in terms of news. I guess a bit of a supportive boost would be great as I haven't been sharing with friends IRL.

I'm 39, 40 in a couple of months. Was only married very recently- a second chance at life (first marriage) after numerous abusive relationships and subsequent therapy. DH is younger- 28. We are really happy. We know we have to try immediately and have done so last 3 months.

I'd love to hear any tips from TTC / Mums who had their first over 40. As I'm sure we all know, every month I think this could be it, but so far not. Some days I can't help but feel so sad my chance to ever be a mum might have gone, but I also know I need to stay calm and objective. I have tried to make lifestyle changes to boost our chances as far as I can. The steps I've taken so far are:

• private fertility assessments (AMH, follicles, etc etc)
• husband fertility check
• lost 1.5 stone - got BMI down to 22.5 (still going though more slowly)
• no sugar, refined or processed foods
• no alcohol during the week but can't resist a consolatory wine at weekends
• daily uniquinol, folic, wheatgrass & pregna vit
• Maca root
• trying to get better / more sleep
• yoga and mindfulness to try and de-stress
• Fertility apps, OPK, BBT

When I write it down it looks like loads! But is anything else I should be doing?? Any advice or tips?

Husband has also lost weight and been eating healthily and taking pregnacare.

Fingers crossed for everyone.

@CouldBeaGreatMum
I've got a younger DP and first time trying too!
I need to check out some of the stuff you've described.
There's so much information out there it seems difficult to know where to start

Hi Samk79 I take rainbow light one prenatal vitamin, 5mg folic acid, 600mg of CoQ10, an omega 3 capsule, and a vitamin D spray. I also have a shot of wheatgrass juice most days, and at least 3 times a week I have a fertility smoothie. If you google ‘molly sims fertility smoothie’ the recipe comes up but it has things like bee pollen and maca in it. I was doing all this when I got pregnant with my son, so I’m
hoping it will all have the same effect :) I have also completely given up caffeine and have only a rare alcoholic drink x

@CouldBeAGreatMum - I don't think there's anything else I can advise you do ... except perhaps (and I know this is virtually impossible when you want something so much) just try to relax a bit around it all. After 11 months of trying I got pregnant with my DD after a ton of stress in the first few months. I was temping every day, on all the supplements, second guessing every twinge of my body, and it did me no bloody good at all. It wasn't until I'd booked in to see the GP to ask about fertility treatment (and my DH had managed to get a job after 5 months of trying, which was a HUGE relief) that I'd relaxed enough to almost forget about trying to get pregnant and just get on with daily life ... and it was then that I got my BFP. I'd naively thought that if I tracked all my fertile days and took temps and so on that I'd fall pregnant in a month or two - life taught me otherwise!!

Also, frustratingly, DH seemed to be ill the first time we tried virtually every month around my fertile window, but was totally up for it when I wasn't fertile. I began getting paranoid that he didn't want a kid and got very grumpy with him when he wouldn't or couldn't perform! Now the boot is on the other foot as it's me who's ill constantly instead ... and he's mad about our DD so I needn't have worried on that score.

I guess all I'm saying is - be kind to yourself, don't forget to enjoy life, and try not to let conceiving overshadow everything else. Good luck. xx

@kavanaughkj thanks so much for your kind advice

It's so helpful and interesting hearing other people's experiences and journeys.

So far I think I've been "ok" and not too stresshead about it, in spite of my list of healthy habits! I kind of wanted to implement those anyway, eg lose weight & exercise due to turning 40 soon and fear of turning frumpy! But of course I knew they could help my fertility. During the TWW I am not using pregnancy tests or anything and figured I will just know as and when I don't get my period. So I'm trying not to be obsessive, however with each month you do naturally start to wonder...

Having said all that, following guidance I'd read on here, DH and I said we would try for 6 months and then go to the GP after that if nothing happened. So far we have tried for 4. But is that the right advice? There are people on here saying they tried much longer. We have both already had private fertility checks including all the tests so there's nothing "known". Also when I turn 40 in a couple of months I won't be eligible for IVF on the NHS. So what should be our next step?

Should we continue trying for a few months and then seek help??