Trying to conceive first child with PCO/PCOS or irregular long cycles

[Catconfusion]

Hi there,

I'm currently on my 3rd cycle ttc my first child and I suffer with irregular cycles due to PCO. I conceived first cycle but it was a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks. My second cycle was a chemical pregnancy. I'm now on my 3rd and it's day 34 with no ovulation yet. I'm using Ovusense to temp which helps to show when I've ovulated. I can't help but worry it was a fluke to fall quickly like I did. Just wondering if there's anyone else in a similar situation struggling with long cycles as I'm finding it really frustrating. Looking forward to chatting to some of you! x

Aww bless you,
Well I hope it all goes smoothly this time.
I don't know what it's like to miscarry but I can only imagine it must be a terrible feeling.
You seem to be holding it together so well!

I have my doctors appointment tomorrow... getting a bit nervous for it.

Sorry for the double post 😂

Ha ha, Mumsnet does this sometimes.

Honestly it’s far more traumatic than I imagined. Also needing the surgery with a general anaesthetic was pretty horrible.

All signs are looking good so I’m just staying as positive as I can. I’m only 5 weeks 3 days so a long way to go.

I hope your appointment goes well. Let me know how it goes! Xx

It sounds horrible and heartbreaking!

Thank you, yes I will let you know.
Fingers crossed it is something simple like you said.

I can't get it out of my head about my sister starting her TTC journey in september... I have a huge feeling she is going to conceive straight way and it's going to destroy me.

@EssJayyCee baby announcements are always really tough, especially when it's someone close to you, but you need to try as hard as possible to not dwell on it as it will only drive you mad. I've had a fair few baby announcement related breakdowns, especially since my miscarriage, but usually find within a few days it has subsided and I feel happy for them. You never know, your sister's journey may also be challenging, or you may have your BFP before then. I know it's really hard to think positively when you feel so hopeless and out of control, but my GP told me it's really important to not let stress consume you as is anything it reduces your likelihood of conceiving. Fingers are crossed for you xx

@Catconfusion I completely sympathise with your analogy about getting back in a car after a crash, that's exactly how I feel. DH is pretty much refusing to acknowledge that I'm pregnant as (like me) he's still very sore from the miscarriage, imagine it will only be if we get as far as a scan with a heartbeat that he'll start to acknowledge it. I'm glad you're feeling 80% positive, that's pretty good going after all you've been through xx

There wasn't anything showing in my blood tests. She said some of my hormones were a little bit higher but nothing drastic. She's ruled out PCOS.
She wants to refer me to the fertility clinic, but she just needs to check she has done all the tests she needs to before she does. So still none the wiser about what my mess of a broken body is doing...

Thanks @Avocuddles I’m trying but it’s so hard before the first scan. How are you feeling about not talking about it with DH? I’m the opposite: we’re constantly talking about it. I wonder whether we should just wait and see before letting it take over conversation. Xx

@EssJayyCee you sound so much like me. My bloods have always been normal. I saw an endocrinologist who believed I had pcos very mildly so it’s interesting she’s ruled it out based on bloods. It’s really good news though. I’m so pleased you’re getting a referral. It probably won’t take long to get you on treatment. It’ll probably be clomid and there’s great success rates on it. Honestly the bloods being relatively normal is great news. You’re probably less likely to have complications in pregnancy. Pcos is very scary if severe.

I can imagine your sisters situation is on your mind. Does she have normal cycles? It’s so difficult to know how long it will take her. Just know whatever happens you’ll be ok. My best friend was pregnant at the same time as my first pregnancy. I lost my baby and hers was born a month ago. It was really tough to see those pictures in the hospital and meet the baby knowing it should of been me too. You’ll get through it though if the worst happens. Do you think she’ll be sensitive to you if she’s pregnant first? Is she older or younger? Xx

@EssJayyCee sounds like you're having a similar experience to me, all my bloods were normal which felt almost frustrating at the time! Has your DH had his tests yet? There seem to be so many before they can even refer you! Now that the ball is rolling re treatment try to relax a bit more - waiting is frustrating but it was during the waiting period that I conceived for the first time. I know that I was very lucky that this happened but think the fact I was more relaxed definitely helped, certainly from a mental point of view if not a physical one.

@Catconfusion I'm fine not really taking about it though there's no harm in doing so. I think if we get past the stage I miscarried last time round then we'll allow ourselves to think a bit more about the possibility of a baby being part of our lives. We're staying with my parents this weekend and I told them both about it when I rocked up with a box of decaf tea! My dad bless him promptly went and purchased Tesco's entire alcohol free wine section for me. I didn't really want to tell anyone this early but it's far less stressful with them knowing rather than having to make excuses for the things I would normally be doing (ie constant tea or wine drinking drinking). We've not really talked about it other than my mum enquiring about what foods and drinks pregnant ladies are supposed to avoid these days - it turns out things have changed somewhat since the early 80s! Have you told anyone else yet?

@Avocuddles it sounds good to me not talking about it. I think you’re more likely to get distracted and enjoy yourselves rather than dwelling. It’s sad it’s this way after loss but it does suck the joy and excitement out of early pregnancy. We keep managing our expectations down until after the scan. I genuinely feel I’ll be ok either way. Of course I want it to all be ok but life doesn’t always work out how we expect it. Last time I thought the world would end if I lost the baby and it didn’t so I know I can go through anything if I really have to.

Your Mum and Dad sound very lovely. I told my parents too. We’ve not told anyone else though I wonder if my friends are guessing. I didn’t drink at my own 40th birthday party. We were in the tww and I wanted to be cautious. I agree it really takes the stress out of lying to tell those closest. Have a lovely time with your parents! Xx

@Catconfusion I now have a 3 week wait for a referral letter... and if I don't get one I need to contact my GP again.
It's all such a waiting game and I hate it

To top everything off today, I have had a tiny blood tinge when wiping earlier so looks like AF is back currently at CD16. So annoyed because I felt so positive with this cycle!

My sister is older, she had heavy painful periods as a teenager and has been on various pills ever since.. I'm not sure she has come off them yet or not so it could potentially take a few months I suppose.
I don't think she will be particularly sensitive.. she has ADHD and although it is managed she still steals the show if you know what I mean.

@Avocuddles My GP said my DP needs to have sperm analysis to help rule that out as well.. so he's got to book an appointment now too. He was meant to do it this afternoon but he forgot which has really annoyed me.

I don't see the urgency for him to have it done though because it is clear that I am not ovulating so nothing could happen regardless of his sperm.

It's my body that is broken.

Makes me think I did ovulate on CD5...
if I did.. it means I probably won't ovulate again until february next year... with it being apparently 6 months apart..

@EssJayyCee I have used the term 'broken' many times so understand where you're coming from but you really should try to not think that way - you're not broken, you might just need a bit more help but you'll get there. It took me a year (during which I only had five or six periods) to conceive and that pregnancy didn't work out; I was devastated because I'd concluded that that pregnancy was a fluke and it wouldn't happen again, but only two months on I'm expecting again. I'm terrified about losing another baby and as I'm over 35 I panic that time is running out, but there are so many positive examples on here of women in their forties who have had successful pregnancies after difficult journeys, so I try to take comfort in their stories. Hopefully you won't need to wait too long for your DP to have his tests and you can start the next step of your journey. I know it's incredibly hard to be patient, but you are not broken, and I'm sure you will get that baby in your arms. You never know, within the next year you might be showing off baby photos here. Stay strong and don't lose faith that you will be a mummy one day x

@EssJayyCee hopefully if you get your appointment through you won't have to wait another six months xx

It is sadly a waiting game @EssJayCee I completely understand the frustration. It’s really positive that your GP is supporting you though.

When I was ttc with my ex 8 years ago I wasn’t ovulating. It turned out my partner had male factor issues too. He was young fit and healthy so a big surprise. We did get a fertility appointment in the end where we were told my issues were easily fixed but male factor is a bit more complicated. We broke up soon after this. It’s best to make absolutely sure he has no issues. Also get him taking some male preconception care tablets. Sperm health is just as important as egg health. Try not to take all the burden and responsibility. It’s important for the man to keep healthy and limit alcohol to improve your chances.

I understand you feel broken. It’s been an exhausting journey already. I felt similarly and tortured myself over my body not ovulating. When I saw the fertility doctor I realised how easy ovulation issues are to fix and also how many other ladies have these sorts of problems.Try not to lose hope as the solution is probably just around the corner.

As for your sister there is nothing you can do about whether or not she falls pregnant before you. It will be upsetting if it happens but don’t let the stress of it affect you achieving your own pregnancy. She’s on her journey and you’re on yours. It could just as well be you falling pregnant and her feeling bad. Just try not to dwell on it. I know it’s hard.

Each day you’re getting closer to your dream of becoming a Mum. It’s all good! Xx

Have either of your had ovulation pain and or spotting?

@EssJayyCee I’ve had ovulation pain but never spotted before. I generally feel bloated and like a period is coming straight after although I have a 16 day luteal phase so usually a long wait for it to start. Xx

@Catconfusion Hmm, not sure if I could have ovulated yesterday.. my temperature dropped to 36.09 I had cramps in the bottom right of my abdomen/pelvis and a tiny streak of blood in my cm.. I did a opk but it was 100% negative not even a sniff of a second line...
Then today my temp rose to 36.56 no more signs of blood and no cramps as of yet.

The spotting could be due to hormone fluctuations @EssJayyCee rather than ovulation. Hopefully you can get seen soon at the fertility clinic and get some answers. Xx

I haven't (knowingly) ever had ovulation spotting but I've definitely felt crampy pains.

Don't take temp charts as gospel - based on my chart I thought there was no way I could have conceived this month but the truth turned out somewhat different. Opks are more reliable but again some women have more than one surge so your best bet is to just keep trying to DTD at least every few days just in case....

Hello, sorry to jump on your post but I can't find many posts about missed miscarriages as I am possibly going through one but unsure. I also have pco but conceived naturally. If anyone could take a look at my post and help with their experiences etc that would mean alot. Good luck TTC 😊 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/3668531-Possible-missed-miscarriage?msgid=89393719#89393719

I can't be arsed with TTC anymore.

I have had my family here today and no one even mentioned me and my partner having a baby.. it was all about my sister and her partner having a baby and they aren't even trying yet.

No one seems to care about me and my partner at all. Any conversation had is always changed to be about my sister. I'm sick of it.

Sorry for the rant. I feel so down.

I’m so sorry @EssJayyCee I’m presuming your family know you’re trying? If so that’s really harsh. It might be because she’s older they feel it’s about time. Try not to take it to heart. It’s so disappointing when you don’t feel supported. It’s such a difficult road. Do you have any friends who are being supportive? If so speak to them. Only surround yourself with people who are helpful. Distance yourself from your family if it helps. Remember it’s your journey and it doesn’t matter about anyone else. If you want to start a family now you’ll do it. It might not be easy but it’s totally possible. Don’t give up and see how things pan out with the fertility support it looks like you’re about to get. As I keep saying it might happen within the next couple of months. Xx

@Catconfusion yes my mum and sister both know and they know I have been struggling with irregular cycles.
I just feel like me and DP aren't cared about by either side of our family it's really hard.

I can't get any more distant from my family. I live 2 hours away so don't see them much as it is but when I do it's all about my sister and her DH..
Same with my friends.. they all live 2 hours away.

I am at a different point in my life than them as well they are all career focussed whereas I want a family so they don't understand.

On a brighter note... Fertility friend has put dashed cross hairs on my bbt chart.. for the day I had the cramps and tiny bit of blood.. so fingers crossed... I may well be 3dpo! But we shall see what my temps do for the next few days.

I hope you're okay and hd a good weekend xx

Arh @EssJayCee I’m so sorry. It does sound really hard. They should be offering more support. Such a shame you’re so far away too. All you can do is focus on supporting each other. It’s such an awkward place to be because you’re not quite parents yet but you’re a couple trying. You probably won’t be as into nights out and other things young couples do.

We’ve felt like we’re in between two states. Most our friends have kids and you just start not getting invited to parties and meet ups because of it. As we’re 40 our friends are now starting to go out more now their kids are bigger but we’re just getting started with our family.

I think once you have your baby you’ll probably meet new mums and have a whole different life. I really hope this is it for you. Great FF thinks you ovulated. It would tie in with the bleeding. I guess just see what happens! Xx