TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 29 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's!

[Laney79]

Hey ladies, we were nearing the limit on thread 28 so here's a new one.

Roll Call...

Name: Laney79
Age: 39
TTC: #1 since autumn 2017.
2 losses - MMC discovered March 2018, MMC discovered Sept 2018 both at what should've been 9 weeks, bean and bow measured 6 weeks.

@Lilimum6 @Russkispy @Catconfusion @Boboelephant @fnej01 please tag and pass on!

@lilimum7 really sorry to hear your news and that DH isn't being supportive. I really hope that the RMC will be able to bring you some hope and peace

@Mistymeow I'm interested to hear what Prof Quenby has to say about IVF. I am pinning so much hope on this appointment but am terrified of being let down again so have been feeling quite anxious this past week or so as it draws nearer, not sleeping as well etc. I think I will feel better if I have a back up plan. DH and I agreed last night to go private if Coventry is a let down. I work in the NHS and I feel some of the private recurrent miscarriage specialists are quite sketchy (bordering on cowboyish) based on what treatments they offer but I don't think we'll have any other option. Hopefully we won't need to go down that route but I think having a contingency plan is helpful psychologically.

I'm off to San Francisco too in the summer, lets hope the Californian air works some magic for the both of us! Regarding your chart and symptoms, have you taken a pregnancy test at all?

@AliceRR I had traces of blood like that from 12dpo-14dpo last cycle, never had it before but might be something similar? I was hoping it might be implantation bleeding but it just turned into a period

@AliceRR I had that 4 out of 7 pregnancies
Might be a good sign hun x

Hello everyone.

Don't know who will remember me, but I'm jumping back on. After two really positive scans at 6 and 8 weeks, I've been for a 10 week scan today and had miscarriage number 4 😢 everything seemed so positive compared to before and I was measuring exactly to my dates. What is life so cruel? 😢

Big hugs @Pop1234 I have no idea why life is so cruel

@Pop1234 I remember you and am really sorry to hear your devastating news

@Pop1234 oh I'm so sorry. Sadly very similar to what I went through in my second mmc (positive scan at 6 weeks, heartbeat gone at 10 weeks, died two weeks earlier). It is cruel and heartbreaking. I'm very sorry. I hope you have a good support network around you and that your EPU are being helpful. Sending so much love x
@lilimum7 yes I may call my GP up to see what he thinks. That's very difficult behaviour from your partner. It must be so hard for you to deal with when he reacts in such a way. I hope you're able to have a heart to heart.
@alicerr gosh that's hard to hear. But they don't feel it like we do. He could well be stopping himself from loving her because it hurts too much. That's not an uncommon reaction. Whereas our love is automatic because we are so physically and emotionally connected. I hope you are both getting help. I hear lots of good things about SANDS.
@strawberrye California is definitely a special place. We went last year too, it really made a huge difference to my mental state (my husband has work in SF, I tend to tag along!). Yes I know what you mean about seeing the specialists. They say for recurrent miscarriage sufferers in 50% of cases no known cause is found. I'm prepared for that. But I need to make sure there is nothing medically wrong with me before we do IVF- want to give it our best shot. When I saw our ivf doc she didn't even do any tests on me- she said to her colleague "there's nothing wrong with her, it's him". And pointed to DH. Out of context it sounds mean but it was actually very funny (DH has known about his condition since he was 19). Humour is needed at times during this long slog! I really hope you get some positive news and there is plan. I haven't done a pregnancy test since saturday but more should arrive on friday.

I may post my chart up as a new thread, see if any other mumsnetters can help. Now I'm getting EWCM and ovulation pain, totally crazy. Maybe I didn't ovulate before and my body is trying again.

@strawberrye I would have assumed it was that except period is due a week today. It’s possible it will be early I suppose

@Lilumim7 Thank you & hugs to you

@Mistymeow It is hard but I understand it. She was real for me from the moment I know I was pregnant and I felt her move soon into the second trimester so I did know and love her. He felt her move a few times but it’s not the same. In “normal” circumstances it doesn’t matter as the baby is born healthy and everyone loves the baby. I know her cares and I know he’s have loved her if she were here. I think he is trying to protect himself as he finds it hard to see her pictures etc and wouldn’t hold her. I think we’re doing ok x

@Pop1234 I remember you hun. I'm so so sorry this has happened again. There are no words. Sending you healing thoughts xxx

Sorry for your loss @Pop1234 It’s devastating and life is cruel

Thanks everyone, it really is the worst thing ever.

I can't seem to get passed the 8 weeks 5 day mark, has anybody else had this? I've seen heartbeats 3 times now but baby has never measured bigger than 8 weeks 5 days. I think I read somewhere that if it was chromosome related it wouldn't get that far but who knows. I'm having ERPC and they will send the tissue off for testing so I guess that's a 'positive' in all of this.

@Pop1234 Awk I'm so sorry for your loss. It's terrible. You will get through this xx

Waiting for AF after mc is driving me nuts. POAS every few days for nothing. I might try temping. I've got a wee thermometer so do you just put it in your mouth every morning before you get out of bed? Then it goes high then dips during ovulation?

@Mistymeow thank you. Had another cry today at work. I'm so emotional recently. We're away this weekend for our anniversary so hoping that gives me a lift.

@xJune88 congratulations on your pregnancy and fx all goes smoothly for the birth.

@Pop1234 I'm so sorry you're back here with us. I remember you too. I hope you are being looked after. Guess you will get RMC referral now. This is so unfair and shit isn't it.

@AliceRR @Lilimum7 sorry your DHs aren't giving the support or understanding you need. Men sadly don't have that same bond because it's not their body that carries the baby but also they can be so rubbish at showing how they really feel. Hugs for you both.

@strawberrye a trip to somewhere warm will be great, hopefully it helps. DH said the same as you about a lot of private clinics look like dodgy cowboy outfits - glad we found the Lister which is well regarded.

I need to stop crying. Crying lots this week. Am 5 or 6 dpo today and have been getting more jabbing and pulling sensations in the lower abdomen, it's driving me mad. As I went crazy and bought loads of IC I'll be poas from Saturday I think although probably a bad idea as will ruin our anniversary when I see a BFN. I'm such a loser.

@firsttimemama91 I'm waiting for AF too it's awful. In theory I should be about 6 weeks now but the lines on pregnancy tests are now down to almost nothing (having had strong BFPs from 10 DPO before it all started to go wrong again ). Yet I'm still not bleeding, I don't get what's going on.

@ladybirdleaf it's crap. Sorry for your loss. I would've been 12 weeks this week and had planned how I was going to tell everyone. And our booking appointment was meant to be tomorrow too. All these wee milestones make it hard.

Hoping we'll all get our rainbow happiness we deserve xx

@firsttimemama91 it's so hard to get those dates out of your head isn't it. And usually I'm crap at remembering dates!
Sorry for your loss too, you're right we will get there xx

Sorry for your losses guys- I'm coming up to a year after my due date would have been for the little boy I know it coz it's the day before my wedding anniversary! After that and 2 CPs in the last two months I really hope this one is ok and sticks around I ideally wanted to be pregnant with a healthy baby before I turn 35 in 8 months time!! Xx

@moonpeace @InDreamlans Yes I get it’s different for them there just seems to be a lot of unequal footing as I’m the mother and I feel it more plus he has other children and that’s making things harder for both of us. He explained to me once how he knows how much I love Ruby and it went like this: “When DS1 was born I loved him so much... then when DS2 was due I worried I would never love him as much as DS1 but he DS2 born and I loved him just as much...” I was expecting “... and then Ruby was born...” but the sorry stopped there. He said he was trying to tell me he knows how much I love Ruby as he loves his sons so much. I mean really if he feels that way, so be it, but why say that supposedly in an attempt to make me feel better?! Sorry I am rambly now and hormonal.

We are having counselling and we’ve been to Sands meetings to talk and there’s a woman whom I met online through Sands whom I exchange messages every day. We have a lot in common as we lost our babies around the same time in a very similar way and they also just bought a house around the same time as us and TTC #2 as we are so speaking to her is a big help as well as you lot obviously 💗 I’m ok just having a tough week

@InDreamland It’s hard to know when to test isn’t it as we want to know but then there are advantages to waiting... I’ve been having weird cramps and stuff so who knows

@moonpeace from what I can gather evidence is really unclear about age and egg quality. It almost seems like 35 (I am 35) is an arbitrary figure and things vary so much from person to person. Someone mentioned on the over 35 TTC thread that they’d been baby bombed by someone who is having their first at 51! 😬 But I know we all want answers for everything.

@FirstTimeMama91 I attempted tempting this month and gave up as I think you’re supposed to do it around the same time every day, have your mouth closed for a bit before you put the thermometer in, not really move or sit up before you do it... I kept forgetting and then got up to go to the loo or whatever and missed the opportunity. I know other women are quite capable though so it might just be a case of getting into a routine with it

I'm sending love to everyone, it seems like this group is going through a real low point at the moment.

My pregnant friend (one of my closest) has dropped off the face of the earth since I told her about my second MC (I would have been 4/5weeks behind her). Complete radio silence - I've been there for her, wallowing in her self pity because it took her four whole months to get knocked up, and I don't get so much as a "how are you".

After a shitty stressful day I arrived home to not one but two bunches of flowers this evening. I haven't broadcast my MC but had told some friends and I'm just comforted to know that I actually have so many lovely people in my life.

I also found out today I have a friend who is in a very similar situation. Misery loves company but my concern is one of us carries a healthy pregnancy and leaves the other in this pit of misery, alone. I'm genuinely thrilled of the BFPs on this thread because I know you're all going through a horrible time. But more selfishly - I don't know you and you will never rub your pregnancies in my face. I'm angry with people around me, all happy and pregnant and oblivious. I have to live them every day trying not to be jealous.

@Frillyfarmer Do you think your friend is trying to be sensitive because she is pregnant? I understand as my good friend who is pregnant hasn’t been in touch for a while and I don’t know whether she is trying to do the right thing or it just hasn’t occurred to her to stay in touch. Sometimes people don’t know what to say or do

@AliceRR I'd love to think she was, but we're both very very honest straight talking people, so honestly I think she's just selfish. When I told her about my second MC after she said how sorry she was, she asked what my symptoms were as she hoped it didn't happen to her.

@Frillyfarmer Oh gosh some people don’t know what it is to be a friend. Maybe she is worried it will happen to her but she should be a friend to you. Sorry you are dealing with that. It doesn’t help

Sorry everyone's having such a rough time. To pile on, we found yesterday my partner is facing a disciplinary at work. It looks like her manager is gunning for a dismissal. She has no previous disciplinary record. It's all extremely stressful and if she loses this job the financial implications are huge.

Just published today-progesterone MAY help in women who experience recurrent mc's

Hormone 'can reduce chances of miscarriage' www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-48207396