35+ TTC#1 Thread 6

[BambiOnIce80]

Spring is in the air and it's time for a new thread!

Basically: a wonderful bunch of ladies supporting each other through the TTC journey when trying for a first baby after 35.

Here's hoping we get some spring BFP luck for all of us!! 🍀🐣🍀🐣

Thanks for the best wishes ladies...went ok although I was freaking out in the waiting room, my phobia was on full form today. Had to try so hard not to run away. No results yet of my AMH test-apparently can take a week or two. Got to have a scan and oh needs his SA then another appt in two weeks but in the meantime we're being added to the waiting list for ivf/ICSI. Bricking it to be honest.

@Carley32 break sounds amazing! Hoping it was good timing too. Opks generally work for me, but I have found the clearblue flashing smileys hard when it goes on and on. Mind you this month I only had the one flashy day!!

@QuantumGirl I love nyc. Been 10 years since I last went but I'd say make sure you get a visit nyc booklet as they had some great money off vouchers, check out the tkts booth if you want cheap broadway tickets (or lookout for a playbill with twofers in-that's two for 1 vouchers) or try your hand in the daily lottery that some shows hold-we got wicked tickets that should've been $100+ for around $26. Don't just do Empire State, do the top of the rock (rockerfella centre) too as you can look back at the Empire State that way...so much to see and do! Very jealous!

@BambiOnIce80 Both 5live and radio4 you and yours were doing pieces about ivf clinics and exploitation of older women-v interesting to hear what was said especially with an ear on costs. Might be worth a listen...I heard the radio4 stuff -will listen back to five live tomorrow. And I hear you about looking for an answer and not being able to switch off! I can't help myself!!!

@VenusStarr Love the kitty! Xxx

Hi. It's been ages!
Sounds like there's been loads going on. @79andnotout so sorry to hear how you've been doing, life's total headf$%k at times. Keep in touch.
@bambionice80 sounds expensive, what clinic in Glasgow was it? (If you don't mind me asking) I know there's a few over this way. I'd looked into the private clinic at GRI, as they're immediately linked to the NHS ACS, gives me a bit of confidence that they are more in line with NHS regarding procedures & clarity.
Life's been pretty busy just now with non-TTC, not managed to keep up properly with the thread.
Just checking in with everyone. Had a total 'mare of AF the other week, so much agony, and yo top it off gained over half a stone of bloat. Which is depressing when im trying desperately to lose weight.
Just on CD14, had a small temp rise this morning, but not sure if it's cos I didn't sleep overly well, usually ov around day 16/17. Today would mean we've only dtd once. So hoping it drops again tomorrow & of stays away til end of the week.
Has anyone had mid-cycle bleeding that didn't fit with ovulation?
Happened last 2 month's. Was definitely a few days before ov (temp rise) last month, and again a bit of spotting yesterday. Really weird.
Got my next ACS appt in may, will need to ask.
Hope everyone's doing ok x

Good to hear from you @CNizzle 😍 I don't mind you asking at all - it's GCRM, purely because they have a satellite site in the 'Burgh which means I only have to traipse across to Glasgow twice if we go with them. Waiting until our May appointment at the NHS ACU to find out about their self-funded route before we make any decisions one way or another though. Less than 2 weeks to go... 😳

Is there a chance that your spotting is ovulation bleeding? Has it started up since you had the scope? I'm so sorry to hear you're still getting horrifically painful AF's 😔 Will they review all that at your appointment? If they thought that the scope would 'fix it', then they've surely got to figure out what's going on?!x

@QuantumGirl, I think because the private clinic is teamed up with 'access fertility' the only payment plans they have are the up front refund/multicycle ones - no monthly 0% to be had there 🙄 Was talking to DP about the plan last night and we agree about 1 fresh cycle and maybe a couple more if we have any to freeze. If we have a crap egg yeild/poor quality embryos, then we're going to take that as a sign to stop. We aren't comfortable throwing more money at the problem if the signs from the first cycle don't look good and then it'll be on to a life of disposable income and a Chilean wine tour (which, incidentally, will be a bit cheaper than a round of fresh IVF! 🍾🥂😉). And probably a fur baby 🐶🍼🐱🍼

Thanks for the heads up about the radio docs @Laney79 🙂 I'm trying to find them in iplayer as we speak 👍 Sounds like things are starting to move for you 🤞🏻 🍀

Oh my god @Laney79! You've created a total monster out of me with these radio docs! 👾👹😂 The "when to draw the line" one on radio 4 was really comforting in that I feel like I'm doing the right thing with having a pre-conceived (excuse the pun!) line drawn in the sand. It's also oddly comforting to hear from the couples that it hasn't worked for - they're in the majority, but we never seem to hear from them! Whenever I watch a doc on TV about IVF, the couple invariably get a BFP (usually with sodding twins, it seems!). This isn't the reality and it was refreshing to hear from people who've been through it. The woman who did 5 (or 7?) failed cycles and then called it quits and lived her life to the full was a real breath of fresh air 😊 Thanks so much for the heads up ❤️

I'm now devouring radio docs on IVF from the BBC 😂 This one about IVF add-ons is only 10 minutes (at the beginning of the segment), but really helpful:

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m00027ns

In a nutshell, there's only the time-lapse imaging/embryoscope that's advisable (like we suspected 🤓). All the other tests/treatments haven't been proven/standardised/systematically reviewed - but they're being sold and pulling in a tidy profit 🤨 I feel so relieved to have a bit of clarity going into this! 💖

Haven't found the radio 5 one, so please do share the link if you can find it.x

Ha! They are quite eye opening aren't they?

It was Emma Barnetts show yesterday at 10am...I think this link should work...not heard it myself yet... www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m00048wb

Hi everyone, still popping in and reading. Sorry to hear about the bad test results @QuantumGirl. Low reserve is not great in terms of outcomes, i think, but age is still a factor. My sister has low reserve but is 35 so was told she'd have a good chance of success being fit and healthy etc, although her second cycle of ivf just failed :(

I'm going to check out those radio programs, they sound very balanced.

I've just had a really nice weekend away with friends and have been re-evaluating my life. I've decided I am definitely not having IVF. I am continuing the plan to keep trying naturally for the next six months until I turn 40 and then I'm going back on the pill. Like you @QuantumGirl I have been rearranging my life to accommodate a child for a few years now, but that has naturally coincided with me making changes to have a better work life balance, which I will just turn into hobby, sport, and leisure time instead doing the things I want to do. I've made a list of goals (not TTC related) and I'm working towards them instead. My friend with cancer always lives life to the full and has never wasted time waiting for her future to come along, so I'm taking a leaf out of her book. If I'm destined to not have children, then that's fine, I'll just make damn sure I make the best of it.

@CNizzle - I had mid cycle bleeding and had an ultrasound to check on it and some infection blood tests, etc. They couldn't find any issue but it stopped when I had my HSG, where they had to pierce through a cervical blockage, so I think it was something to do with that.

@Laney79 - hope you get some good results. My AMH results came back within two days.

Sorry to hear you've been feeling a bit down, Bambi, but it's thoroughly understandable. My friends experience of IVF is that it always costs way more than initial estimates, if you have any complications at all, as you go down the route of 'we've already spent xx amount of money, we don't want to risk losing everything if we don't do this extra thing.' My neighbour used a clinic in prague which cost a fraction of what they spent in the UK and was very happy with the experience (still no BFP from either though).

Hi @79andnotout. Glad you had a nice weekend with your friends and had the opportunity to think about your future. Your plan seems very sensible but I'm curious to know why you would go back on the pill if nothing happens? Is it because it would stop you think about ttc? How would you feel if you didn't ttc but didn't take any contraceptive either? I'm not by any means disagreeing with your plan, I'm just very curious about it as I'm also preparing myself to a child free life if ivf doesn't work but I realised that to me it would mean a lonely social life as all my friends have children and it's difficult to find new friends who are child free. DH invited his friends and their kids to ours last weekend and it broke my heart to see someone else's kids playing in the garden that I built for my own child that might never exist. If that is the case I'll have many hours of counselling ahead of me.

Sorry for the downer, ladies. Onwards and upwards. It's Thursday and the weekend is nearly here ⭐️

Hi @QuantumGirl - happy to answer that question. For me it comes down to risk of an unhealthy child and also wanting to draw a line under things. I started TTC at 37 and by 40 I feel like I'll have given it enough of a go. The risk of problems for mother and child are too high for me personally after 40, and I know if I had a baby with health issues (as a couple of my older friends have) I would blame myself for my drug taking party years where I abused my body for a good decade. Probably irrationally as my body has been a temple for all my thirties, but there's no getting away from the fact our bodies are accruing genetic issues by our forties, and with a genetics degree I'm probably more worried than most. But also I just want to get on with ski holidays, renovating the house for a life of two only, getting another dog and just getting on with my life. TTC has just put my life on hold for so long and I want it back. If I didn't go on the pill then I know I'd still be watching for fertile week, being careful to not drink, watching for twinges of pregnancy. My friend getting cancer has made me want to enjoy each day for what it is and not just always be thinking of that next step.

I'm lucky in that I'm fine around other people with kids, I don't go home feeling sad after a day with them, just thoughtful. Being infertile and having no friends left would make me sad, so that's definitely something to avoid and if I also need counselling for that in future I will do so.

Hope that helps!

Aw @79andnotout you are a much better woman than I am. I really admire your positive attitude towards life. I have a lot to learn⭐️😘

@79andnotout I agree with so much of your post. I think me and DH have decided not to go ahead with IVF either. I also think that for me, at this stage, the risk of a baby with health issues is not one I am prepared to take. @Bambionice80 I think it was you who mentioned the thread “i regret having kids” - I read it too and freaked myself out - I think there’s a strong chance of me ending up regretting a kid especially if it were to have a health issue or disability which would mean a compromise on life quality for me, DH and the baby. We are waiting and seeing for a few months to see if we wanna do IVF but the chances are we won’t bother.

Also, I’m really fed up with the NHS basically giving us a false sense of security. Based on the NHS sperm tests, DH has “super sperm” when actually, that’s not the case at all and his DNA fragmentation score is likely the reason why we are where we are! (Not having a go at him, that’s just the way it is). I think the NHS should offer that test as standard - who knows, we could have maybe jumped straight to IVF well over a year ago when he went for the tests. Oh well.

@CNizzle when in your cycle is the random bleeding? I think it can be to do with ov but if it’s not around the time then it’s probably not that in your case. Maybe some small cervix damage?

TFI Friday ladies! 🤩 In 4 hours time my birthday week officially begins and I can't wait to kick off the festivities! 🎉🤩🎉🤩 AF has arrived, but I'm not surprised (she always does 😏) and it means that my birthday week can include many, many guilt free tipples 🍾🥂🍸😎

Thanks so much for the link @Laney79 🙂 I've still got 30 minutes to go, but it's been really helpful to gain perspective.x

Sounds like you've well and truly got your game plan in order @79andnotout ❤️ After listening to those radio docs/discussions, I think I have mine drawn up too and I'm going to have to be very strict with myself about not getting sucked in and moving the goal posts 🥅 We'll see what my ovarian reserve is (it was spot on when I was 33, but that's 6 years ago now 🙄). If it's still alright, then we'll do one fresh cycle and 2 frozen (if we're fortunate enough to get any for freezing 😏). After that I'm done and I'm going to skip off into the sunset, making my home my castle and planning a big 🤬 off holiday (yeah, it'll realistically be the Chilean wine tour 🍷😉). I think I can make my peace with that plan of action 😌 At least with a bit of counselling thrown in (I'm very much with you there @QuantumGirl 🤗).

Sounds like you've made your plan too @beverlymarsh 😊 I'm just not baby mad at all, so I'm hopeful calling an end to TTC when the time comes won't be as traumatic as it definitely is for some. Those radio shows up in the thread talk quite a bit about why the "add-on" tests and treatments aren't available on the NHS - basically because none of them are scientifically proven yet (and some of them undoubtedly never will be). The HFEA are apparently going to start looking at imposing licencing sanctions on clinics that don't get across the message to clients that these tests/treatments are still in the research stages and haven't got results/methods/reference ranges that have reached a consensus/been standardised or are clinically useful yet. Have to say the latter is still putting me off using the private clinic, but we'll see...

How're you doing @Carley32?xx

I think having my lines in the sand help me keep sane. It's too easy to fall down the fertility rabbit hole. At least forcing yourself to take a break and step back and reevaluate at key points is sensible I think. It's really hard to have perspective when you're buried in it.

Have a great birthday week @BambiOnIce80 !! Hopefully the sun comes back out for you.

I've got an exciting week of exam revision and allotmenting I think. Also, some runs. Not been running enough as always!

Yeah I get what you are saying about the add on tests @Bambionice80 but specifically in terms of the dna fragmentation thing I have read a lot online which says it can cause infertility. So I think that in not testing for it routinely, the NHS is potentially misleading a lot of people. It also apparently reduces IVF success rates (and on my DH’s tests results it said we would be outside the scope of them even doing IVF, with ICSI being the only option), which to me means my NHS IVF, had I done it, would have been a complete waste of time.

The other thing that concerns me is what I have read online about dna fragmentation leading to a higher risk of birth defects. This actually makes sense to me (non-medical background but it sounds logical that rubbish dna could = abnormal genes in baby), which is something I am very paranoid about. I actually asked the private clinic about this point and was given some vague response along the lines of “not that we are aware of”, which didn’t inspire confidence based on what I have read (but on the other hand, they are the so-called experts whereas I stopped Biology after GCSE (did get an A* tho 😆😆))

Anyway I guess what I am saying in a very long winded manner is that perhaps there should be more general awareness of this whole dna 🧬 thing...

@79andnotout I totally get what you are saying re perspective. A year or so ago I was totally caught up in the whole thing. It was all consuming and horrible. What exams do you have? I neeeeed to do some running but my knee hates me after a half marathon a few weeks ago so it’s not happening. Out with friends tonight, the temptation to stay in on the sofa is real tho!!!

Bah as if to spite me my nhs ivf appointments have just come through! I'm going to do the blood tests and antral follicle count scans and see what they say. I'm interested to know that data anyway. They're at the end of June.

Hi ladies, just popping in to say hello. I still read here sometimes even if I’m not posting. Some of the latest conversations about IVF and such made me think of the film “Private Life,” has anyone seen that? It’s a movie about infertility but isn’t just “And then she got pregnant.” It’s messy and uncomfortable but I thought it was good. I think it’s still on Netflix if anyone is interested.

Happy birthday @BambiOnIce80 hope you have a wonderful time celebrating!! 🎉

Good to see you here @79andnotout, sounds like you have made the right decision for you.

@beverlymarsh well done on the half marathon! I made it back to the gym this week. I'm hoping to build myself back up, had a short run and felt good.

Good to see you @Kescilly 👋 hope you're OK. Not much longer now, how you feeling?

@QuantumGirl it's the weekend :) hope you're OK.

Thanks for the links @Laney79, I want to listen to them. Heard good things. How are you?

Hi @CNizzle, we have our clinic appointment in early May too. How you feeling about it? No idea what to expect.

Hope everyone else is OK. I'm 3 weeks post miscarriage, feeling a bit stronger. I've been referred back for counselling, thought it was wise. Have become obsessed with getting pregnant again, getting lots of intrusive thoughts so thought maybe some cbt to help me. The therapist I saw last time was trained in cbt so will see what she says.

Hope you all have a lovely weekend xx

Hi ladies, hope you’re all o.k. I’ve been a bit quiet as work has been manic and I just needed a complete break. We went away for the first week of the Easter holls for a much needed rest and it was absolutely lovely. Not looking forward to going back to work on Monday 😔 Thanks for the comments re hot flushes - I was feeling a bit worried as last month my DH was wearing loads of layers and I was boiling in just a t-shirt!

I’m still waiting for my HSG and it’s all my own fault. I was under the impression that I needed to wait for a letter from the hospital, but when I contacted the fertility clinic yesterday they said I need to ring the hospital every month on the first day of my period to see if they can fit me in. When I contacted the hospital originally, they told me they only have one radiographer and it would take time to fit me in - so 3 months later here I am feeling a bit silly 🙄 Apparently, they have DHs SA results and my recent blood test results, but i’m guessing they’ll want me to do the hsg before we get called in for a discussion.

I think i’m teetering into ttc crazyville. I read ‘It starts with the egg’ again and had a moment of madness when I decided to buy all organic makeup and hair products which has cost loads of money. The foundation is nowhere near as good as my trusty compact either, though the mascara is great. Just seems a bit bonkers, especially as I had a crappy day yesterday where I ate junk and downed the best part of a bottle of wine. So, on the one hand i’m getting organic products and on the other, eating rubbish and pickling my ovaries! 😳 Maybe I need to sit down and sort out a plan of action to regain my sanity!

Love the cat photos by the way - they really cheered me up 💕😊

@beverlymarsh the bleeding would appear to be a few days before ovulation definitely was last month, but this month I was due to ov on Friday just passed, & I've been staying at my mum's for the weekend and forgot my thermometer. Had a fairly close-to-positive opk on Thursday, so I can't confirm ov this cycle. Managed dtd 4 & 2 ish days before ov, so not convinced it's enough.

Chatting to mum over the weekend about my lack of weight loss, despite 3x spin classes & 2 kettlebells sessions a week, and my food intake monitored by a pt. My bmi is stuck at 33. I'm getting seriously depressed about it. She suggested thyroid problems, which I instantly rejected as an excuse for not losing weight, but when I sit back & look at the effort I'm putting in to either lose no weight each week or max 0.5lb, there's something halting my progress. I weigh & measure my food, have a sensible calorie target & have to hit a protein target for my PT each week. He's suggesting switching things to more weigh-training, but I've a feeling there's something else going on gonna phone the gp and see if I can get a blood test, even just to rule it out. I've read there could be a link between thyroid issues & ovulation. Willing to try anything. It's v frustrating, I don't "look" like I'm morbidly obese, I'm in a size 14/16 & pretty fit, but just can't lose the weight I need to.

@VenusStarr your first appointment will be mostly booking in, history taking etc. You might get sent for blood tests, but it's fairly straight forward. I'm a bit apprehensive about my next ACS appointment. The laporoscopy didn't show any issues, HSG fine, but my weightloss target is still way off, and we're approaching 18 months of ttc, and no reasons found. I've a feeling we'll be told it's "unexplained" and there's nothing they can do til 2 year mark (3 months b4 my 40th) and even less they can do with my current bmi.
whinge over

Thank you @CNizzle. Part of me thinks they'll send us away to keep trying. It's only been 4 weeks, there's a couple of times I think I may have ovulated but who knows.

Totally with you on the weight thing. I've put on a lot since the miscarriage, all of my clothes feel tight and uncomfortable. I've not weighed myself - am too scared but feeling pretty horrible about it. Hope the GP will do the blood test for you.

@CNizzle im sure @Bambionice80 can comment on the science better than i could but i do think there is a link between thyroid function and TTC...Dunno if it interferes with ov or something else, but thyroid function is definitely supposed to be below a certain level for people TTC...

Im going for drinks with a few friends tomorrow, one of whom has said she “can’t drink” so i am expecting a baby bomb! To be fair if that’s the case i will be well pleased for her as they have been trying for AGES.

@CNizzle im sure @Bambionice80 can comment on the science better than i could but i do think there is a link between thyroid function and TTC...Dunno if it interferes with ov or something else, but thyroid function is definitely supposed to be below a certain level for people TTC...

Im going for drinks with a few friends tomorrow, one of whom has said she “can’t drink” so i am expecting a baby bomb! To be fair if that’s the case i will be well pleased for her as they have been trying for AGES.

Apparently that was worth posting twice 😂

@beverlymarsh it was pretty good!

I’m well, thank you @VenusStarr. How are you feeling? And how is your husband? I wonder if some sort of grief counseling would be useful, as you have been through a loss. I know our society doesn’t always acknowledge it that way though.

I spoke with a consultant today who recommended an induction or c-section. I booked an induction for the 22nd but now I’m second-guessing myself after seeing the stats on interventions. Either way, looks like I won’t make it till my due date on the 29th.

Re: TTC and thyroid levels, I was stressed about this myself. It’s purely anecdotal, but when we were successful, I was actually being overtreated for hypothyroidism. Part of me wonders if we were to try again, if we’d find it as easy if I were within the normal range by NHS guidelines.

My SIL also struggled to get pregnant for a while, more than a year I think. She successfully conceived a month or two after starting on thyroid medication. That pregnancy ended in miscarriage but she conceived again in a month or two and carried to term.

I hope that you are all well and have nice plans for the long weekend.

Ummmm late to the party but am I ok to pop my head in 😂
TTC#1
Cycle 4- due AF in a week or so...
K Thanks bye 😂🥰❤️