35+ TTC#1 Thread 6

[BambiOnIce80]

Spring is in the air and it's time for a new thread!

Basically: a wonderful bunch of ladies supporting each other through the TTC journey when trying for a first baby after 35.

Here's hoping we get some spring BFP luck for all of us!! 🍀🐣🍀🐣

Thought I'd share something I read about the BBT rise. For the last couple of months my BBT hasn't risen straight away after the day I thought I'd ovulated.
And then read this recently...

www.avawomen.com/avaworld/slow-bbt-rise-why-it-happens-what-it-means/

Link to study:
obgyn.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/j.1471-0528.2001.00194.x

It refers to the second link above and says... "The study found, somewhat shockingly, that only 13 percent of women have a BBT rise within one day of ovulation. For many of the women in the study, BBT did not rise until more than two days after ovulation."

Hi @BambiOnIce80 - I can't believe how bad the previous generation are at dispensing potentially life saving medical information! My family are the bloody same. My little sister is really annoyed no one told her about the fertility issues either or she would have started trying in her twenties, as she was in a position to start earlier was just waiting to get married and have a bit of fun first. Hopefully you get an ECG quickly and it reassures you. At least heart problems are very well understood and the technology for anything heart related is amazing, so if you do have anything as long as you and your doctors are aware, steps can be taken so it has no impact long term. Fingers crossed you get the all clear though. Feel free to PM me if you want a chat to share thoughts on results/science/medical side of things. I'm always happy to pore over and have a think.

Similar situation here, one of my best friends has had out of the blue bad health news which we are in the process of trying to get to the bottom of, and it's all very stressful and upsetting. Trying to stay hopeful but days between appointments and tests drag on so long. TTC has gone right down the concern list. Life is too short to be menstrual cycle watching.

That's an interesting article, thanks for the link @birdbybird 🙂 My temp rise has been quite sluggish this cycle (graph attached), but still think it looks like I ov'd CD16 🤞🏻

Thank you so much for your loveliness @79andnotout! 💖 I may well take you up on your kind PM offer 🙂 Absolutely balled my eyes out this morning at my boss when I was asking him to work from home on Friday and why (I felt a right twat! 😳), but he went into full dad-mode and has been very kind and supportive 👍 So. Hopefully I'll get a GP appointment on Friday and get the ECG ball rolling🤞🏻I still can't quite believe that my own father and grandparents have been sat on this information since at least 1982 and not 🤬ing told me!! 😡 You're very right about health scares throwing TTC waaaayyyy down the priority list (it's still bloody lurking in the background though! 😏).

@BambiOnIce80 thanks lovely, but I'm out, my luteal phase is 12/13 days so a bfn on a frer at 12dpo is pretty clear for me. Hope your GP gets your tests done ASAP. I'd be really upset too in your situation. Hugs xxx

Had an awful day yesterday, just felt like I was on the verge of tears all day, and wanted to hide which I couldn't as was at work. I'm on 13dpo/cd31 today-Ordered a female hormone check kit to do on CD3 (FSH, prolactin, LH. Testosterone, oestradiol etc) to try and see if hormones are causing my irregular cycles. If AF shows up as it should I may get results before GP on weds. Also found the local fertility clinic is having an open evening in a couple of weeks where you can speak to a specialist so going to go to that. Trying to haul myself out of the darkness but finding it harder each month. What's even worse is the dread...dread of being taken back to the mc's by the sight of AF, dread of the testing, having to try and her myself and oh up so we can DTD at the right time, but being ever aware of the pressure and stage fright....and this sounds terrible but part of me feels like I need to get pregnant ASAP because I feel like I'm going to miscarry again so I need to "get it out of the way" so I can get some expert help. And only then do I feel I have a chance of a successful pregnancy...How awful is that. Like @Catconfusion 40 is looming and I feel time is running out fast

@birdbybird that's really interesting. I'm toying with starting temping but am worried it will just fuel my anxiety even more.

Oh dear @BambiOnIce80 you’re going through it aren’t you. Bless too. Health issues are my worst fear so I can’t imagine how anxious you must be. Good luck for fridays appointment. Im sure you will be fine but doctors do amazing things these day.
Cyber hugs to you 💐

She said all was fine with bloods, named a few things that meant nothing to me. I mentioned going private for an internal exam and she said there’s not much point in that and if I go private I should go to gyno. When I asked for my bloods she said she would send them herself with a letter to the private gyno! And that everything is perfectly normal for the amount of time Iv been off birth control and should go back after 2 more cycles if nothing improves. In her defence I kind of read that nothing will be done until Atleast a year of ttc. She did seem very nice and opens to what I asked for but I’m quite a quiet person and didn’t push for much. She also sent me for an ultra sound on my side/back because it’s been playing up.
So a little disheartened and probably going to ignore her advice and go private (after I ask reception for a copy of my bloods).

@Laney79 sorry about af and that your feeling shitty 💐. It’s such a trying time isn’t it. I can’t imagine how hard it is for you after everything you’ve been through already.

I’m feeling a bit shit this week too. Between DP troubles and Sister in law announcing she is 6 weeks pregnant (2nd baby) 1st baby is an ivf baby and 7 months old and this time around she conceived naturally. I hate to admits it but I felt anger before joy. Even my next door neighbour is pregnant, due next month! Just feels everyone is getting there except me! 😡

Plus my bloody opks are all over the place so very confused! I’ve attached a pic if anyone has advice.
I know yours were a little busy to @Bambi so what do you think?

Sorry for the essay 🙈.

Here they are ...

@Carley32 the one dated today looks positive to me? Although the one on the 16th looks close too. Maybe your body tried and failed and is having a second go? I think that's what happened to me this month. Do you only test once a day?

Sorry to hear you're going through it @Laney79 - remote hug right back at ya 🤗 You sound like you've got a testing plan in place to help you through it, which is an excellent idea.x

Crikey @Carley32, you've got some bloody good lines there lovely! 🤩 I think your strongest is today's, so get on it if you can 😉 Maybe don't tell DP about the BFP though so as to try and avoid stage fright? Your CD16/17 is pretty impressive too, so I was wondering if your body was gearing up to ov at CD16/17, didn't quite manage it and then you've had a good final surge/push now to cause ovulation? 🤔 What does DP say about the docs appointment? I hope you're being supported and can figure out what to do next together ❤️ Sorry you're being baby bombed left, right and centre too 😞 Don't know if this will cheer you up or not, but here's what happened to me on Sunday...

... Went to the lovely day spa with my lovely friends to act like a normal, functioning grown up and take my mind off of TTC for a few hours. One mate is getting married, so lots of wedding chat to distract - so far, so good 👍 The piece de resistance was a hour and a half facial (I bloody love a facial but haven't treated myself to one in a couple of years💆‍♀️). Got greeted by the lovely, exceptionally petite therapist (she was literally half my height!), wearing her black tunic and she led me into the exceptionally dimly lit treatment area. She's chatting away to me about my treatment and sits me down on a teeny weeny stool so my head is pretty much in line with her midrift. She then turns sideways, moves her clip board and, BAM, massive baby bump in profile and atmospherically back lit by the sodding ridiculous mood lightening 🤰🤦‍♀️ So much for turning brain off from TTC woes 🙄 Then (because being stealth baby bombed wasn't enough 💣 💥), she adjusts her seat down to be comfortable doing my facial and I feel this soft but firm pressure on the top of my head that just isn't really moving despite both her hands being busy with my facially... Yep. I sat through my TRYING-TO-RELAX-AND-FORGET-ABOUT-TTC hour and a half facial with the therapists baby bump literally resting against my head 😵🤪😵🤪 How a slightly maniacal/hysterical laugh/whimper/sob didn't escape my lips, I really don't know 🤯 I swear this 💩 can only happen to me... 🤦‍♀️

Ha! @BambiOnIce and @Carley32 I’m totally with you on the baby bombing. I went to a baby shower recently and three of the women there were pregnant. At work, one of my colleagues is pregnant with her second and we were ttc while she was pregnant with her first! Not had a baby bump actually pressed against my head though! Talk about ‘in your face’ baby bombing 😝 Hope your appointment goes well on Friday Bambi I can’t imagine how anxious you must feel x

It’s my DH’s SA in a few days and he’s slightly freaking out. Also fertile week and no chance of dtd until this SA is over and done with. I’m on cd11 and had 3 high readings on the CB monitor so far (early compared to previous readings), but hoping peak will hold off for another couple of days.

So sorry about af @Laney79 and for all the crap you’ve been through

@Laney79 yes maybe but a similar pattern happened last month.

I used IC showed similar results but also used CB advanced which showed high for about 2 weeks then static smiley the same day as the second lot of good lines on the IC OPK. So bloody strange.

Oh @BambiOnIce80 I know it shouldn’t have but that did give me a little giggle. It’s just your way with words lol. That really is parading it in your face isn’t it! 😂 those bloody bumps are everywhere at the moment aren’t they!
DP still wants try the clinic I rang and go from there, what is £150 really. So il ring when I get chance. Having an SA may give him more confidence too.

No chance of dtd last night we are only now trying to work through things together so didn’t want to add pressure. Half inclined to invite him in the shower this morning (but scared that will add to much pressure too) it’s a truck time at the mo. Bloody ttc!
We have had a good chat though so hopefully things will get better.

It’s just frustrating because if we miss this chance it’ll prob be about 6!weeks before we get another 🙄.

Sorry about the baby bombing to you to @PixiN it’s pants. Good luck with the SA and 🤞 you peak will hold off for a while (not as long as my 14 days mind) lol.

What you're going through with your DP sounds the mirror image of what we're going through @Carley32 🤗 It's bloody tricky to know what to do for the best, isn't it?! At least you're talking it through though 🙂 And I wouldn't worry at all that your OPK's were the same last month - it's apparently completely normal for us to take up to 3 attempts to get our max LH surge and ovulate 👍

My DP was the same with worrying about stage fright for his SA @PixieN 🎈 He tried not to touch anything in the room (germ phobic 🙄), but he said the breadth of the, ahem, 'material' meant he manged to get the sample done! 😳😂

@Laney79 has AF arrived? Negative FRER may still turn into positive if AF stays away.

Hi everyone. Just wanted to check in to say thank you for your kind thoughts and messages, sorry I haven't felt able to come back earlier.

I'm still pregnant, getting more symptoms now 😢 I'm not back until next Friday, the wait for the inevitable is agonising. There's a group in the miscarriage and pregnancy loss and all of us have had a scan showing an empty sac 😔 very cruel. No sign of my body trying to move things along.

I had a very vivid dream that I went back for another scan and there was a heartbeat but it was measuring 5+5 and everyone was trying to tell me that it wasn't a good sign, the dates were wrong and it wasn't meant to be but I wouldn't listen to anyone.

I've been signed off for 2 weeks but will probably be off longer, don't think I can manage yet. The good news is I have a gyne appt booked to review the fibroids in early April. Also our fertility appt came through for May, am going to speak to gyne to see if we should / are allowed to keep it. Technically we conceived but the baby never really developed 😔😢

Sorry for the long, all about me post. Been thinking about you all. Hope you're all OK xx

@BambiOnIce it’s really hard at the moment. I think I’ve tried to not make a big deal out of it for so long, and I’ve just been crazy this week over all the baby news and ovulating. I I made a bit of a deal out of it over the weekend then we chatted and began getting back to normal slightly and then despite my best efforts... no joy today either. This time I did more than make a big deal. I just feel so let down and shitty about it al and myself. It’s out of our control and it’s shit. DP wants a baby so much but it’s just not going to happen like this!
But it’s a vicious cycle for both of us now with this unbelievable amount of pressure. I’m so fed up.
If you have any luck in resolving your issues let me know please 😢

Hope your ok @VenusStarr lots of love to you xxx

Ugh @VenusStarr that sounds like total shit.

@BambiOnIce80 hope the ECG gives some clear healthy answers today.

@BambiOnIce80 Oh my, what a nightmare at the spa, it does feel like bumps and babies are everywhere when you are going through this. I don't think idve been able to keep my mouth shut! Good luck for your test today x

How's your peak @PixieN ? Did it hold off?

@Carley32 It's so tough with the other half. It feels like we have such a short time frame to give ourselves a chance, and in my head his part in it is actually pretty simple and enjoyable compared to us but then sense kicks in and reminds me that they are under pressure too. I do miss the days when we DTD just for fun and we didn't have to tread on eggshells and gee each other up at the right time.

@VenusStarr It's just shit. I'm so sorry xxx

@birdbybird Thanks for asking but I'm out...

CD1 for me after a 32 day cycle...it's not right -my cycles aren't settling at all. I've had 53,35,28,24and now 32 after my second natural loss. I'm fed up and scared about what it means. I was already pregnant again by this point after my first loss (even with the long drawn out process to actually complete the miscarriage) after two 26 day cycles. Going to see the GP next week, and I've got the female hormone check kit to do on cd3. And it's bloody painful too. Sorry, just feeling really low and fed up. Must've been bad yesterday, counsellor asked if I'd had suicidal thoughts (which I haven't...but I do want to "punish" my useless carcass). Suspect the depression is yet another issue linked to the obviously screwed hormones.

Oh @VenusStarr, I'm so sorry this is happening to you 😔x

Sorry AF is here @Laney79 💐 I think you need to treat yourself to something nice to try and take some of the sting out of it - what are you fancying?x

It's so bloody difficult to know how to handle these types of issues @Carley32 😔 The frustration from all the things we do to track our cycles and try and make sure we hit FW, then to find DP's not able to 'do his bit' had me in tears last cycle. I didn't say when FW was this cycle and we managed to get 1DTD in, but I think that was quite lucky! DP crossed the picket line on his own again this morning, so I'm hoping his libido is slowly coming back to life... Think it's just going to have to be led by him for a while (and I'll have to scream into a pillow when it's FW 😏). What are you guys up to this weekend? Anything to help take your minds off TTC?x

Thanks @79andnotout ❤️ The ECG looked 'normal' but the guys at the clinic still said they'll be sending me to see the cardiology consultant because of my strong family history 😏 Might have to have a 24 hour trace, just to be sure. Still. It's good to know my heart isn't blatantly shit from the snapshot ECG 👍 How are you and your friend doing?x

That's reassuring @BambiOnIce80 and sounds like you're in good care. Thanks for enquiring about my friend. Still in the figuring out stage but it's the big C so pretty stressful. Hoping for some good news but will be a week or so yet before there's a full diagnosis.

Sorry your feeling shitty too @Laney79 I never imagined how much of a rollercoaster this ttc malarkey was going to be. I know and I try to put myself in DP’s shoes but my anger and frustration just takes over. Obviously the more of a deal Iv been making of it all the worse it’s got, and I’m now struggling to see a way out of this vicious cycle!
Definitely treat yourself to something nice 💐 and enjoy the weekend.

It’s bloody shit isn’t it @BambiOnIce80 I just can’t help thinking ‘well im sure most men would absolutely love to be pounced on every other day’ (I know this isn’t realistic and not true but I can’t get it out of my mind). Iv been in tears most days this week. I feel Like it’s slowly killing the little sex life we did have, and the fact that I have to wait until DP try’s it on completely frustrates the shit outta me, I’m to bloody scared to even look at him in that way! Argh sorry about that..... rant over 🤔 I hope!
Well done on dtd over FW 🤞🤞 things are sounding positive with DP, any amount of progress is good progress. I’m eagerly waiting for some myself!
Great news from the docs too. I’m glad it’s help settle your mind if even just a little, and now it’s all out, im sure you’ll get the tests you need done and continue to be monitored which is always good 😊

We are drinking wine tonight @Bambi and food with the in-laws tomorrow for a birthday. I’m hoping to snap out of this mood ASAP 🙈.
How about you?

I’m so sorry about your friend @79andnotout I hope she gets some positive news 💐

@BambiOnIce80 thanks, I just seem to drop off a cliff emotionally when I get the BFN's and it's getting worse each month, takes me a while to lift up a bit again. This weekend is busy, was my ma's birthday yesterday so doing home made fish and chips for her and dad tonight, then it's OH's brothers birthday lunch at the local pub tomorrow. I'm tempted to have a drink (not had any booze since NYE as I'm trying to be Uber good) as abstaining doesn't seem to be helping us catch (first time we did we were in Berlin and I'd drunk loads of beer -but then worried that's what caused the miscarriage).

Glad the ecg didn't bring up anything scary, fingers crossed further tests don't show anything.

@Carley32 @BambiOnIce80 I think some of us sadly experience the issues with OH and TTC. I've also been in tears over fertile week and my fella not being willing/able to do his bit. In fact last month he ended up in tears too. My anger and frustration can build too-in my head theirs is the easy bit! And when it doesn't happen it really effects my (already frankly through the floor) body confidence which makes things worse! It's a horrific vicious circle. But you're not alone at all. I've tried to time nights away to help, and he's slowly taking more interest in fertile week/what the opks are saying so I hope that's a good sign. In my case I think he just wants me pregnant ASAP to stop the extreme reactions to not being preggers each month. It's my second due date next month so that also adds to the anxiety.

@79andnotout sorry to hear about your friend. Really hoping for some positive news for her. X

Also sending positive vibes yours and your friends ways @79andnotout 💗x

It's the same in my head @Carley32 and @Laney79 - all blokes are just after sex, right?! 😄 Here's the thing - my ex would happily DTD twice a day if he could (and I just couldn't 🙄), so we thought TTC would be a walk in the park. We were more than hitting FW for at least the first year, but then for him I think the nagging doubt set in that there was something wrong with him (or me, as looks to be the case, but his fragile male ego made it all about him!). So he went from wanting to DTD twice a day to not wanting to at all if it was me who was initiating (because that meant it must be FW and he wasn't able to perform under inferred pressure). Due to this experience, I don't actually think the stage fright thing is anything to do with how attractive our DP's find us - it really is about pressure rather than lack of attraction (I hope that doesn't sound conceited! I've got plenty of body issues too - trust me! 😳). It really is a vicious cycle and, despite DP originally wanting to know when FW is, I won't be telling him anymore because the pressure it creates is just too much 😔

@Laney79, that emotional cliff is exactly why I can't bring myself to go near a HPT 😏 I'll get super upset when it's a BFN (which is all I've ever had, granted 🙄) and AF doesn't seem to have quite the same impact (yet, anyway!).

Glad you've both got some nice things lined up this weekend 😊 We've joined the national Trust (yes, we are acting like an old married couple when we are neither!), so we're off out for the day today to visit one of the places they use in Outlander (ooooh, Jamie Fraser!! 🤤😈) and tomorrow we're out for a Sunday lunch at a nice hotel (that does bottomless appetisers 😋😋😋). I hope it's as sunny as it is here where you are ladies 🌞 Enjoy!x

It’s so lovely to have you ladies to talk to. Thank you for sharing your experiences with me @Laney79 and @BambiOnIce80. It really does help to hear your not alone in it all!
I know the confidence feeling @Laney and DP favourite words are just stick with me and be patient..... but in the meantime, as I’m screaming into my pillow with anger and frustration @Bambi I am slowly losing any confidence I have left!

But it is so lovely that you share with me. I really do love our thread. It keeps me sane and rationale lol.

We are in a better place today and hopefully we’ll get through this without any more chaos 🙈 (although that seems impossible) but 🤞. And i will not be telling DP when fertile week is either @Bambi! Lol if I wasn’t so irregular I’d stop testing all together!

Ooo that sounds lovely @Bambi I love making plans on a nice day ☀️ The sun is beginning to shine through here to!

@Laney79 lovely plans, maybe a few beers and the relaxation is just what you need. I haven’t tried stopping to drink all together yet so that’s the next step, we are finally out of alcoholic plans so no excuses now!

Weird tags there @BambiOnIce80 🤔