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Original poster

The July 19ers - All aboard the rollercoaster for a 3rd lucky thread

986 replies

Frazzlerock · 31/01/2019 10:32

Brew Cake

The July 19ers - All aboard the rollercoaster for a 3rd lucky thread
OP posts:
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52
edidxb · 19/02/2019 17:00

@pegase I am so so sorry this seems to have happened for you. I know there is always a little bit of hope until Friday but we all know to be realistic on here too. I hope you are OK tonight. It's just the waiting which is the worst.......so sorry xxx

tigsyboo · 19/02/2019 17:16

I am known for my eloquence...... 😆

InDreamland · 19/02/2019 17:37

@Pegase I'm so sorry it sounds like I'd bad news although keeping fx for you that on Friday it is better news.

@Kinsters sounds positive having so much EWCM.

BettySwoll0cks · 19/02/2019 18:02

Did you invent "foof juice" as well @tigsy?

tigsyboo · 19/02/2019 18:22

Yes, yes that one another 'tigsy-ism'..... 🙋🏼‍♀️

edidxb · 19/02/2019 18:34

@tigsy I am taking:

  1. 5mg folic acid compared to the 400mcg you get in pregnancy vitamins. So a super dose!
  2. 75mg aspirin
  3. 1000 vitamin d
  4. Osteocare
  5. Pregnacare
  6. Duphaston (oral progesterone)
  7. Endometrin (vaginal pessary progesterone)
  8. Clexane (blood thinning injections)

They were all prescribed by my doctor who is a British OB/GYN. However it's much easier to get things prescribed here because of health insurance.

In my 1st two pregnancies I had low progesterone, the first particularly low. However I took progesterone as a result of the tests with both and both ended in miscarriages. There is lots of evidence that says low progesterone is a sign that a pregnancy will end in miscarriage and taking it won't do anything to help. However there is also evidence on the contrary.

This time I haven't had any blood tests. The doctor asked me whether I wanted them and we decided it wouldn't make any difference. She said nothing she prescribed me would do me any harm if taken properly so best to just do everything I can. My concern about progesterone is that it can mask a miscarriage and make a pregnancy last longer even when it has finished. But she told me it doesn't matter as I can go for a scan which will show me if it's ok or not.

I am now at 6+1 or 6+3 depending on dates and I aim to have my first scan about 8 weeks.

The clexane injections are the worst as I have never stuck a needle in myself before and it is super painful as I inject and afterwards my middle is a stripe of bruises where I have done it everyday!!!

Not sure if that is helpful or not but it might be worth knowing.......

tigsyboo · 19/02/2019 19:30

Thanks @edidxb xx

Original poster
Frazzlerock · 19/02/2019 22:23

I just wanted to pop my head in to give @Pegase a massive hug. That's all I can offer you lovely, apart from saying how utterly shit this entire journey is.
I've been thinking of you all day xx

I'm really not enjoying this journey myself and the whole unjustness of it all.

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Kinsters · 20/02/2019 00:49

It is really unfair isn't it Frazzle. Life just sucks sometimes and there's literally nothing we can do about it except go with the flow. I felt like that when DH's mum was ill and then died, the unfairness of it all makes you want to scream but there's no point.

edidxb that's so much stuff! It's really great that your Dr seems so on board. I really hope that this is it for you! How long do you have to do the clexane injections for?

Good news for me - DH is coming back early and will be home tonight so we should definitely be able to catch the egg. Now I just hope that it's a good one and that my lining has built up enough to allow it to implant!

Jetlag is the worst. My temperature was very low this morning, seems like when I travel west my temp goes really high for a couple of days and when I travel east it goes really low. Hoping for a rise tomorrow or the day after.

ratherbeshowjumping · 20/02/2019 08:34

Gosh @edidxb you must be rattling 😬 the clexane jabs sound awful, but I guess will be worth it in the long run. So pleased it sounds like you've got a good doctor!

@Kinsters jetlag is really shit but great news that your DH is coming home early! Fx'd you catch the egg!!
Really weird how your temp changes depending on which direction you travel, love interesting facts like that.

You ok @Frazzlerock, you're very quiet?

How are you holding up @Pegase?

Had an awful incident happen last night, a really strange man rocked up when I was at the farm alone sorting my horses out... he cornered me in a stable, in a barn & kept following me everywhere making really inappropriate comments about what I was wearing etc. Managed to get away & lock myself in the car. The farmer (farm owner) got there quite quickly & scared him off, but really shook me up. So spent most of last night on the phone to the police sorting that out. We live in a really quiet, rural area with zero crime so was really shocking & unexpected.
Turns out the farmers DIL knows who he is & apparently he has severe special needs, but is harmless, & she had made an offhand comment about doing some strimming up there, so at least he is not a complete stranger, but I don't think he'll be coming back!

TwittleBee · 20/02/2019 08:42

i am so sorry you had to go through that rather that is so horrible and so scary. I am so relieved that nothing more sinister happened to you. Well done for reporting to the police.

Original poster
Frazzlerock · 20/02/2019 08:52

That's great news @kinsters! Weird about the temps depending on which way you go. There must be a very good reason behind it though.

No, none of this is fair and I feel like a spoilt brat.

To be honest, I don't feel like I can contribute much to this thread lately. I've lost all my enthusiasm and generally feel really low. I feel all of you are always having to 'lift me up' on this thread and I've never got anything happy to talk about.
I know I keep banging on about 'the past three years' but it has been such a long time to wait. I should be over the moon that DP is on board (if you can even call it that) with TTC, but I have to wait such a long time to ovulate and then I can't even get my hopes up that DP will be in the mood when I need him to be. We basically spend the first several weeks of my cycle shagging like rabbits, then ovulation comes and he's suddenly not in the mood - and he has no idea I am ovulating as I don't tell him because #pressure so it's not like he is deliberately sabotaging this.

What makes me feel like an even worse person is, and this is going to sounds completely irrational, selfish, spoilt, and unhinged (I am all of those things since all this began) and I am completely over the moon for all of you lovely pregnant ones, and I couldn't wish it to happen to more deserving people, but I am really struggling with it. I do wonder if I should slink away as this is absolutely the place where you should be sharing your happy news, and I feel I bring the happy news down.

I can't breath a word about TTC with DP as it will undoubtedly make him angry/feel pressured. I've got to pretend constantly that I am happy when I am deeply miserable that 3 years later we are not much closer to holding our baby

I'd like to think I am feeling like this because it's "That time of the month" (Ha! If only it was just a month.. ) But I am like this almost the whole time, except when I am approaching ovulation, then I am miserable again afterwards because I know we never stand a chance.

I'm thinking I might go against all my previous shitty experience of counselling and try again - though I don't know how 'talking' can bring me a baby Hmm. I'd go to my life coach but I feel like he has already given me so much of his time, and I feel cheeky for asking for more given it is free for me and I can't afford to pay him.

Anyway, there I go again. Miserable old Frazzle! I hate what this has done to me and I hate that I lumber you all with my brain shit but I have nowhere else to go anymore and now I think I should probably bugger off from here too. I'm sorry I'm such a miserable attention seeking twat xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Frazzlerock · 20/02/2019 08:55

Oh jeez @Rather that must have been absolutely terrifying! I'm sorry I missed your post. I can't imagine how that would have felt. Are you okay now? What a horrid experience Sad

OP posts:
Kinsters · 20/02/2019 08:55

rather that sounds terrifying, I'm glad you're OK and hope that it doesn't make you feel unsafe to spend time alone with your horses.

I feel like in the UK we don't have many options for protecting ourselves (not that I'd want guns or anything to be legal but maybe pepper spray?). I guess a rape alarm is a handy thing to carry but won't always be practical - although neither would pepper spray. I remember a few years ago in Bristol when a woman was killed and they were hunting for the guy who did it and I was so terrified walking home alone each night that I kept my keys in my fist.

Kinsters · 20/02/2019 09:01

Sorry for cross posting Frazzle. You're 100% not a miserable attention seeking twat. What you're (we're) going through is the absolute pits and the fact your DP is not so supportive makes it even worse for you. Plus how long this has been dragging on for you, it must be so so difficult and depressing. Don't feel you should stop posting because you're not in a good place right now, this is exactly the place to try and offload some of that stress so we can all support each other to getting to our BFPs.

TwittleBee · 20/02/2019 09:08

Frazzle I think we are all having our fair share or coming on here for emotional support / ranting etc. Jeez, I was moaning only a couple pages back about my DH. And it is totally understandable why you bring up the past 3 years so much, it is so raw to you still especially with your DP's recent behaviour bringing it all straight back up about questioning TTC etc! Please do keep talking to us all about how you feel, we are here to support you and we care about you

Kin oh I am always carrying my keys in my fists if I am alone. DH says I am an idiot for worrying so much but it is easier for him not to worry so much at 6'4" !

Rose68 · 20/02/2019 09:15

@Rather that must have been absolutely terrifying, I am so sorry that happened to you!

@Frazzle, please don’t leave, I completely understand how you feel, but this really can happen for you, if only we all had a crystal ball! Sending you loads of love and hugs xxx

Rose68 · 20/02/2019 09:17

@Kinsters yay for DH coming home on time!

Original poster
Frazzlerock · 20/02/2019 09:44

Right, I have just spoken to a colleague and I very nearly burst into tears in the kitchen in front of her as she asked me how I was.
She has suggested meditation or yoga. So I have decided that I will wake up at 4:50am to that I can squeeze in some quiet time before I have to get ready for work. I'll use the baby's room and just sit and close my eyes for 15 minutes or find some TTC yoga stuff on Youtube. My colleague said it really helped her when her dad died so who knows, maybe it will relax me a bit

OP posts:
ratherbeshowjumping · 20/02/2019 09:54

Thanks everyone, I'm absolutely fine, just really shaken up!

@Kin, I didn't know you lived in Bristol (obviously not right now!)... I'm guessing you mean Joanna Yates? My DSF was one of the lead investigators on that case, it was really awful Sad I used to walk out of uni with my keys in my fist... the campus I was at was literally minutes from her flat. Terrifying.
You are right though, there isn't much in the way of protection...

@Frazzle, first and foremost, everyone here gets it. We're all here for you. I understand the pressure of not being able to tell DP and it eating up inside you knowing that little egg is just rolling away and they don't seem to care/understand. Moan and rant and rave all you want, get it all off your chest, we'll do our best to lift you, just as I'm sure you've lifted all of us at some point.
I had my strop last month where I was certain I wanted to go on the pill and just give up ttc. If it wasn't for this group, I probably would have. Please don't leave or feel like you're bringing us down, I'd hate for you to feel sad and not have anyone to offload to xx

Kinsters · 20/02/2019 10:15

Yes rather, it was Joanna. So awful and the timing of it being right around Christmas as well. I often think about her and her family.

I studied at Bristol and was in my second year when she was killed. I was working at a job over the Christmas holidays where I'd often lock up by myself after dark and walk home. Bristol was a lovely place and I'd love to move back there someday but I swear its weirdos per capita is higher than anywhere else I've lived. Mostly harmless/funny people but you can never really tell can you.

ratherbeshowjumping · 20/02/2019 10:26

It was horrific wasn't it. I remember my DSF being called out whilst we were opening presents on Christmas morning as her body had been found.

I was in my first year there when she passed away. Strange to think we could have passed each other etc at uni/out and about.

It is lovely, but you're right, lots of strange ones....

Pegase · 20/02/2019 10:37

@Frazzlerock don't go! You don't just come on and moan- you are really supportive to all of us!

Trust me we all feel really low at times and it can't be helped. Currently feel like I have been sleeping through my own life since October. Obsessive googling doesn't help!

Kinsters · 20/02/2019 10:44

Small world rather - I wonder whether we ever passed each other on the streets!

InDreamland · 20/02/2019 13:53

Wow that's quite a list of supplements/ meds @edidxb.

@