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Original poster

The July 19ers - All aboard the rollercoaster for a 3rd lucky thread

986 replies

Frazzlerock · 31/01/2019 10:32

Brew Cake

The July 19ers - All aboard the rollercoaster for a 3rd lucky thread
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52
ratherbeshowjumping · 18/02/2019 11:54

Oh gosh @Betty that's horrific - poor you! Good advice from Rose, definitely call 111. Keep us posted x

@Frazzle, I will light a candle for Emily too later. Sending lots and lots of hugs your way.

@Rose sorry to hear you're not getting on, what's happened?

He is really awkward about BDing, it's such a huge stress. We'll aim for Friday morning, travelling to Bristol Friday night then early start to get the the airport for 6am Saturday morning so might be trying my luck there. Ffs.
Betty is right though, no point being at loggerheads, will just see what happens :(

Original poster
Frazzlerock · 18/02/2019 11:59

@Betty I did the same before my adenomyosis diagnosis. I was mortified!
I would be honoured if you lit a candle, thank you xx (you just made me cry!)

@rather I don't know what to say about your DH other than he is being ridiculous! Angry

@Rose I'm sorry you and DH aren't getting on. IT seems to be a theme with our group so I can only assume it is TTC that causes the stress, even if it isn't about that. I just hope that we can all get our BFPs and put this all behind us xx

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Buggles1 · 18/02/2019 12:24

@Rose68 I’m 39 but 40 in a few weeks... hence the search of the positive over 40 stories!

Original poster
Frazzlerock · 18/02/2019 12:33

@Buggles I'm also 39, big 4-0 in June and not looking forward to it. I had hoped to be pregnant by that time but it is getting increasingly less likely so I don't want to do anything unless it involves a positive pregnancy test or healthy pregnancy.
Are you doing anything special for yours?

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Pegase · 18/02/2019 12:33

Congratulations @tigsyboo that's great! Hope it is a sticky one!

@Frazzlerock how old was Emily when you lost her if you don't mind me asking?

@BettySwoll0cks that sounds really bad- I would definitely call 111 and explain your history.

Original poster
Frazzlerock · 18/02/2019 12:51

@Pegase we got to 9 weeks, just as we did for our little boy most recently. Although she grew to the nine week stage whereas Bean was lost so early (4 weeks) and Popsy got to 9 weeks but was the size of a 6 weeker. On the scan she looked like a proper little baby, not that it makes thing harder or easier than at any stage. We didn't know she was a girl, but I had the same gut feeling I had for the boys and for our most recent baby (who was then proved to be a boy). I think I have learnt to trust my gut feeling..
She was the hardest loss for me. Maybe because it was least expected. The hospital cremated and buried her in the local cemetery with all the other babies who died that day. We sometimes go up to talk to her and paint a pebble for her.
Sorry, you didn't ask for all of that! I feel like I have to explain myself when I say we lost her at 9 weeks and then ramble on

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BettySwoll0cks · 18/02/2019 13:06

@Frazzlerock I think that's what people who have never experienced baby loss don't understand. Even my DH once said to me "but it wasn't even a baby yet" ... well yes sort of, but to me, I've visualised each of mine as newborn babies, little brothers or sisters to DS, little lives. When they are growing inside you, you create that connection with them from the minute you know they exist and you love them fiercely xx

TwittleBee · 18/02/2019 13:16

you do not even need to explain yourself to us Frazzle but I do totally get what you mean by usually having to explain yourself to people; I often feel the same.

It is odd because although I didnt have the ERPC until 9 weeks my baby only made it to 6 weeks - in fact we never saw a HB... It is that feeling of hope and future making that gets completely ripped away though.

Oh as for my insurance claim going through surrounding that car crash that looks to have potentially contributed to the MMC, I have been told it will take between 1 - 3 years to resolve and will include going to court! Bluergh! It will just be the Drs arguing it out amongst themselves though and probably end with me getting a "rationale of probability" payout or something they said.

Original poster
Frazzlerock · 18/02/2019 13:42

@Betty and @Twittle it's one of those 'If you know, you know', right?
Before this happened to me, I didn't know what I would go through should it happen. In fact, I didn't think it would happen to me at all. Isn't it what other people experience?... What a fool I was.

You know when you can just tell you're being judged, which may be completely irrational and paranoid, but I think of the 'me' before this happened and I don't know if I would have 'got it' if someone lost a baby. And, sadly, I may even have been a little judgemental too Sad

DP's dad refused to understand what I was going through, he thought I was attention seeking, irrational, and 'fucked up' (his exact words).
He said it our baby wasn't a baby, nor a living thing. Just a bunch of cells. He told me "there is no Emily"
Needless to say, our relationship (me and DP's dad) was damaged from that point. We get on now but I can't help but wonder why he was so cruel back then, why he would have kicked me down further when I was already at rock bottom (rock bottom has a basement!). He was weirdly empathetic this time around but I will never forget how he made me feel before.

I'm rambling again!

Oh @Twittle that is really shit. Have you been advised about going through with it all? I don't know what a "Rationale of probability" payout would involve.

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TwittleBee · 18/02/2019 14:00

Frazzle it is disgusting some people's comments isnt it! Like the whole "focus on DS" and "be grateful you have DS" which I often got from family. Or this beauty from my own Dad "what did you do wrong?" !!!!!!!!! People do not get it if they havent been through it. My nan couldnt understand it and my MIL was a bitch saying that actually it was lucky I had a MMC because we shouldnt have any more kids!

Erm, not sure if that was the exact term they used but basically it was like the judge will have to decide how probable it was that the incident caused the MC and then I get that percentage from what my law team are asking for, e.g. if my law team was asking for £100 and the judge said it was only 30% likely that the incident contributed to the MC then I will get £30.

TwittleBee · 18/02/2019 14:02

I've said to my law team that I dont want to attend court, I dont want to speak to the couple involved at all and I want them to just deal with it and I will accept the 1st offer as I cant cope with this stress. I keep thinking about dropping it but I'll then have to pay my law team as they recover the costs from the other side... plus my mum said that its only right that the other side get penalised for the hurt they have caused.

BettySwoll0cks · 18/02/2019 14:12

As I get older and go through more painful stuff in life, I increasingly believe that you should never judge or criticise someone else's (genuine) reaction to a trauma. I'm not talking about people who you know routinely go in for amateur dramatics but those who experience genuine grief, in a way you don't fully understand. Because you just can't know what's going on for that person, can you? I know a lot of people like that who take the "they're making a fuss about nothing" stance. Really? How the fuck would you know? Would be my reply to that...

BettySwoll0cks · 18/02/2019 14:14

Just phoned 111 and regretted it. Quite unpleasant foreign woman who said she wasn't there to give out miscarriage advice, and I just had to wait for my referral. I said I know, I wasn't phoning about the miscarriages I was asking advice about the heavy bleeding. And so she said ok well if it's that bad I'll send you an ambulance. So I said it wasn't as dramatic as that otherwise I'd have phoned 999. So then she said she didn't know what I was phoning for. Brilliant.

BettySwoll0cks · 18/02/2019 14:18

Oh but although she wasn't giving out miscarriage advice, she did think to tell me that I shouldn't ttc again within 6 months of having one. Because it would almost certainly result in another. Thanks for that...

Rose68 · 18/02/2019 14:26

OMG Betty that’s terrible! They are supposed to advise whether you need to be checked out properly. Maybe try phoning your doctor then? Is it still really heavy?

We have just left, fortunately things seem slightly brighter for the long journey home. Our argument was about some olives, bloody ridiculous.

I need to go back and read today’s thread properly now....

ratherbeshowjumping · 18/02/2019 14:30

@Frazzle it's totally one of those, if you know, you know. As @Betty said, the fierce love you have from the instant you see that line on the test... you can't beat it. I must have spent every other minute picturing what my babies face would be like, dreaming what his/her favourite colour what be, what their first word is... and when that's ripped away...
I still think our mc was caused by the internal examination. We saw a perfectly healthy heartbeat and 2 weeks later, I mc'd. Just doesn't line up...

Comments like all of those are awful... like you Frazzle, my relationship with my mil has irreparably broken down... popping in 48hrs later and asking if I was "feeling ok now?" and then going on to ask whether my family has a history of infertility. FFS.

Omg what an awful woman @Betty....!! Has the bleeding subsided yet? Is it worth going to a walk in centre? I can't believe people can be so rude.

TwittleBee · 18/02/2019 14:38

Betty i am horrified! that phone call needs to be reported for sure. I phoned 111 in regards to my heavy bleeding a while back and I was sent straight to an out of hours GP who assessed me! Please do get checked out by your GP if you can.

BettySwoll0cks · 18/02/2019 14:42

There wasn't a GP appt available so I'm going to go to the nurse's clinic at 3. See what she thinks, she'll drag a doctor out if she thinks it's really bad. I'm lying in the floor til then, my head is spinning. This is ridiculous.

TwittleBee · 18/02/2019 14:44

Ah good! Usually I find nurses pretty good in these situations. Really hope they can offer you something - advice / treatment anything. Heavy periods are horrid

ratherbeshowjumping · 18/02/2019 14:45

Keeping everything crossed for you @Betty, sounds horrific. Is your DH able to come home and sit with you? xxx

Original poster
Frazzlerock · 18/02/2019 15:07

Get some iron into you in the meantime @Betty

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Pegase · 18/02/2019 16:20

@Frazzlerock no judgement here- I didn't even get to see my lost one on the scan, all over by that point and still devastated.

Have a referral from GP for EPU tomorrow AM. More lost hours...hope I will at least get the damn scan this way.

TwittleBee · 18/02/2019 16:31

Really got everything crossed for you Pegase I am sorry you have this horrid situation potentially occurring again! Will be thinking of you

ratherbeshowjumping · 18/02/2019 16:37

Glad you've managed to get a slot @Pegase... thinking of you...

@Betty, hope you're ok xxx

Buggles1 · 18/02/2019 16:42

Understand where you’re all coming from. I carry around our scan picture close to a locket I have with some of my Mum’s hair in it. Both are so precious. Occasionally I’ll get them out but I have to be feeling strong else it ends in tears.

I can’t believe that 111 operator Betty. What the hell is their problem. Hope your appointment has gone ok since though.

Thanks for the ‘almost 40’ support Frazzle! Also told my husband I only wanted a baby and that I didn’t want a party celebrating how much smaller my chances are now. He’s told me to book some time off work at the end of March so I think he has something planned... I just don’t know what yet! My fear now is having a mc while abroad on holiday... not great ay.
Given this is the third pregnancy in a row do you think they’d offer a reassurance scan at 7-8 weeks? Think I may book privately otherwise cause getting to 12 weeks and finding out is unbearable.