The July 19ers - All aboard the rollercoaster for a 3rd lucky thread

[Frazzlerock]

Omg that's terrible, don't understand how people can treat their precious baby like that.

You're probably right with the ics - the last lot I got were ultra sensitive so maybe I have an unrealistic expectation of the performance of ics! I'll try another digital if AF doesn't turn up by Friday. I really hope this nausea isn't a new normal tww thing for me!

@InDreamland I'm glad you're finally getting answers & it does sound like IVF could be available to you which is as good a shot as any. I'm so sorry for everything you've gone through, you truly have had it tough.

@tigsyboo CONGRATULATIONS!!!! What a result. You ARE a credit to those boys & they are so bloody lucky to have you! Thrilled for you & DH 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

@Kinsters what a rough time you're having! Keeping everything crossed that you had a late implantation & that's why the tests aren't picking up. 🤞🏼

@TwittleBee god that's horrific! I saw in the news yesterday the lady who killed her newborn with a pair of scissors has been convicted. Thank god. I wish people like that could read threads like these & realise the heartbreak couples go to have children, only to treat them so sickeningly. Disgusting.

Morning all,

@InDreamland wow, what a mixture of emotions that must bring. Like others have said I hope you can stop blaming yourself now. What are the steps to improve sperm count?

@Tigsy Fantastic news lovely! You guys must be thrilled! How are the children? Are they pleased?

@Kinsters this is so frustrating! I hate all this limbo stuff. I guess one bitter sweet thing if you get your AF, is the fact that your LH is longer than it was before. I hope you don't though!

@Twittle no I've not seen that news. I never seem to read/hear any news that you do! I listen to the radio every morning and never seem to hear the stuff that you find. How awful!

@Betty looks like we are TWW buddies!
Though I am not holding out much hope for me. I really don't feel confident this time around.

So yesterday was a bit of a shit storm.
DP text me as usual and said I seemed really smiley first thing yesterday morning (when I was hoping for some BD). I told him ina jokey way that I was really horny and tried to climb into bed with him but he was so tired and had a sore throat so I left him in peace. He jokingly responded with "Might have known it was sexual" and a laughing face.

Anyway, he had clearly been letting that piece of info eat away at him, plus he didn't get the job near my office so he went downhill fast. All the while keeping texts jovial (we text eachother a lot throughout the day usually).
So I get home and he is depressed and tells me I only want him to breed with and then decides he isn't going out "because you don't want me to" (ie, he knows I want to BD - last chance and all that). I tell him to go and that I am happy to drive him and pick him up. But no, he doesn't feel like it.
He spends all evening barely speaking to me - I'm in the dark about whether or not we are going to BD or not so I'm inwardly stressing that we will miss our final chance.
He then tells me that since the call with that job he now thinks we should stop TTC but "that is all you care about" - Strange given I am his rock at the moment and have been, pretty much, since we got together, despite my own mental health issues while we weren't TTC

He sat deleting thousands of emails all evening. I eventually said I was going up to bed and he said he was going to finish up what he was doing.

I thought he'd follow soon after but he was there 2 hours later - I woke up having tried to stay awake and fell asleep but woke again and realised he still hadn't come to bed.

So, I have learnt that when he gets depressed he takes it out on me so I am not going to rise to any of it. I am also going to try really hard not to stress about him pulling the plug on TTC - though we all know he's done it before so...

So I haven't slept very well as everything is always ten times worse at night but good news is I had another temp rise so I think I can safely say that I have ovulated. I just hope you're right @twittle in that BDing the day before ov and not again is a good thing.

I'll post my ovusense chart, FF is, once again, not recognising anything yet.

Like I say, though. I am not confident about this at all. Just something that makes me think it didn't work again. Maybe its the lack of BDing throughout my 'ovulation window'....

Sorry my post was mega long!

This is my Ovusense chart. Ovulation looking good but not sure about BDing (the blue dots along the bottom. The red dots are period/spotting)

oh Frazzle it is horrid isnt it when people start taking things out on others because they feel depressed. Has he tried counselling? Have you tried it together? It has helped my family and friends relationships massively. Well done for staying strong regarding the TTC potential plug pulling. He sounds like my DH in regards to wanting to stop TTC whilst there is job uncertainty and hopefully he will get a job soon and things will start going back up.

As for FF, it wont recognise it until you have 3 temp rises so you need a temp rise tomorrow for it to predict Ov, which I reckon will happen. Also you have BD exactly right time if Ovusense has predicted right (and looks like it has!)

As for the news, it was on the BBC News App this morning! I always check the news app as soon as I wake up.

I haven’t heard the baby swinging news either, why would anyone do that?!

Frazzle, is the blue line ovulation? If so it looks like you dtd at the right time to me. I’m sorry dp is so low, hopefully another job will turn up very soon. I really hope he didn’t mean what he said about ttc.

As for me, I just want to find a dark hole somewhere.

@Twittle yeah we have both tried counselling alone and together in the time we weren't TTC. I struggled with it tbh. I can''t seem to get much help from it by repeating over and over what I am feeling. I saw several therapists. One just sat and listened and there were loads of really awkward silences. Another told me she doesn't know what to do with me and that "you just need a baby" and another was again just a listener and I found it frustrating 'picking the scab' constantly, you know? I also had CBT which was bollocks. We did Relate but it was so expensive and I felt the therapist was quite one sided and started blaming my upbringing for my desperation for a baby (and not the fact that I had lost two babies )

The only thing that was starting to work for both of us is the Life Coaching I did with my friend's husband. DP saw him too and got good stuff out of it.
He basically got me to a place where I was 'okay' rather than at rock bottom. It didn't take any techniques, just acceptance that I had feelings and they were okay to feel. I didn't need to keep going over why I was feeling that way - and he and my friend both laughed at my therapist blaming my upbringing - my friend has known me since I was 6 so she should know!

That video I linked to @Tigsy when she was going through shit is a good one. I need to watch it again, and so does DP. The speaker is a colleague of my life coach and he makes so much sense.

@Rose yes the blue line is ovulation day.
I'm so sorry you feel shit. This is all so unfair xx

Oh Frazzle I'm sorry he's being an arse. It sounds like he's disappointed, frustrated, upset... on top of feeling ill. I hope he comes around, I'm sure he will. Sending a big hug to you. And to you @Rose68, it sounds like things are rubbish for you.

Agree with you Frazzle re the therapy. I had counselling after the first mc & whilst she was lovely, I felt no real benefit & got nowhere. She was a "listener" & I just sat & vented for 50 mins. Whilst that's great, it doesn't solve my problems, my problem is that I'm not pregnant, and no amount of venting is going to change that.

@Twittle how's 'LandstealingGate' going?

Frazzle yeah I did mean more marriage counselling than therapy or CBT. If you find a good mediator then it creates a really good space in which you can both listen and talk to each other with the mediator just there to ensure you both dont get into an argument and remember to see each other's view points. Thought it might help DP to remember to not take it out on you when he is down. They also give you great homework to do between sessions, mum really found it useful as it helped her find her own sense of self worth and see who her DP is.

A few of us "youngsters" in a previous job actually was sent on a Life Coach course for a few days to help nurture us and ensure we have the confidence to flourish into successful business people for the company - must admit it was best few days I have had for gaining confidence and the right mind set. Some aspects of that company I do miss, the commute is not worth it to consider going back though.

I have had shit counselling, CBT was the worse I have had. Had quite a range due to my MH. So I do appreciate it is very hit and miss

oh well Frazzle I have actually taken a back seat and left it to my DSis and DDad to sort out for us! Too stressful for my anxiety

I think it does work for a lot of people as long as you get a good therapist who doesn't take sides.

Life Coaching is great isn't it. I went to a weekend retreat at my friend's house last year and it was so good. Everyone had completely different issues but we all came together and recognised so many similarities in the way our minds were working. Only thing about life coaching is it is expensive! I was lucky as I know my life coach so he give me free or massively reduced sessions.

Glad to hear you have taken aback seat on the land thing. That is the last thing you need!

I tried counselling last summer, but I only went 3 times because I knew it wasn’t going to get me anywhere. I don’t ‘talk’ very easily, so really it was a waste of money. And she was never going to solve my main problem, which was that I wanted another baby. She did try to get me to understand that DH would never change his mind... but then he did change his mind.
She also went back to my childhood, I have a lot of issues with my parents, particularly as a teenager into adulthood, so it was right for her to do this. They had 4 children, of which I was the eldest, they were also very good at having their own lives, so they were very busy. It was like they couldn’t wait to get rid of us, esp me and my next sister down. Neither of us went home after uni, I remember asking my Mum why she never phoned me at uni and she said she didn’t feel that she should impose herself on me, and that she thought it should be me going to her if I wanted to speak. That felt like rejection then and still does. Over the years I gradually stopped phoning her, because why should I make all the effort.
I have thought about life coaching, is it similar to counselling, but more directional? I will probably go that route in the very near future... but for now I’m spending enough on acupuncture.... I can’t afford both.

I do think you have to be careful with Life Coaches. There sounds like there are a few diamonds but many, many people are just cowboys who like the idea of it and know it makes a lot of money by doing very little.
My DH saw one, paid through his work, for 6 months a few years ago. She was so unprofessional, made derogatory remarks about me (I heard them as he was doing it via Skype), started following his personal, private Instagram account and speaking about things he posted on there in the sessions ie. "I've noticed you post quite a few pictures of Rather on Instagram, do you think this is good for your self-identity?"

Understand not all Life Coaches are like this, and it's the rotten ones that give them all a bad name, but tread with caution if you look into them...

We had counselling for the same reasons @Rose - I was desperate after MCs and he refused. My councellor got me to understand why DP didn't want a child. Then, like you, DP changed his mind.

Life coaching is far better for me. It's really simple once you 'get it' and there is no real 'offloading'. They make you see things at face value. My favourite 'anecdote' (I can't think of the word I want as mind has gone blank!) is this one:

You get on a bus to go from A to B
You are quite happily travelling along but then a big hairy monster gets on
The monster is horrid. It is ugly, smelly, loud and disruptive.

You naturally want to get rid of the monster so you push it towards the door but it gets uglier and smellier and louder. You push it again and again and really try to push it off the bus but it is stronger than you and keeps getting louder and uglier and smellier no matter what you do.
What you didn't know is that if you had just left it alone, the big hairy monster would have got off at the next stop.

I remember that when I'm feeling anxious and depressed about stuff. If I just leave my feelings alone then they will fade away - not forever, but each time I remember that it gets a bit easier to cope with.
It's just about being okay with whatever it is your feeling.

I say all that, but I think I have forgotten about it when stressing about TTC on this group, haha!

Oh my bloomin car has been written off! Just had a phone call from the garage now I have the stress of finding a new car

@Frazzle if DP would like to delete some of my emails he would be very welcome. I have over 10,000 ☹️

Hi.
@tigsy - that's fantastic news. Congratulations.
@kinsters - I really feel for you. There is a possibility you didn't ovulate until a few days later than you first thought looking at your temps. I hope you just know one way or the other soon. A longer luteal phase is only positive though. Hope you are back home now. Do you get the rest of the week off or is it back to work tomorrow?
Oh @frazzle, that sounds really shit. Your DP does seem to have had swings recently so I hope that with a job soon he will be more stable again. It's so hard dealing with someone else's highs and lows when we are struggling ourselves.

@indreamland - sorry it has been such a rubbish time for you. Are you both on board for IVF? Is it on the NHS where you live?

In terms of life coaching - this sounds like something I could move careers into. I spend my day listening to people's issues and helping them to think better and adapt their communication and thoughts etc. Either teachers (as I am in leadership), other leaders, students or parents. I do think it is something I am quite good at. Hmmmmmmm - you have given me food for thought. Although that's quite a selfish comment when you are all discussing where is best to get the help from. Me and my career changes.....it doesn't stop! I just need maternity leave in my current job and then I can move into something else!

@Twittlebee I’m sorry about your car x

@frazzle - love that analogy and it's something I try to do quite often I think with my own thoughts etc.
@twittle - does insurance cover the value?
@rose68 my work email currently stands at 76,037. They have all been read.........but not deleted or filed!!

Insurers will cover the current estimate of the car so we will lose at least £500 I reckon from when we bought it (It £4k when we bought it in August last year!) money is horrible tight atm so we cant put anything more towards a new one.

@rather that is awful! I guess with anything, you need to really do your research. I was lucky as I know mine personally.

Oh bloody hell @Twittle, it's never ending!

@Rose I think DP had around that much, but not as many as @edidxb

@edidxb I think you should go for it. There's a lot of money in it and if you're good at it, you could improve the lives of so many people.

DP has sent me a long message about stuff. He's in a really bad way. It's so hard as he has been really happy lately and enthusiastic, even when he lost that shit job he was on good form. Then one rejection and he has plummeted

Oh Twittle that's so shit are you and DH able to carshare for a while? What a nightmare for you.

@frazzle - I love that analogy. What I'd love to know is how to cope whilst you're waiting for that monster to get off. Guess it's patience, but that's something I don't have.

My horrible crampy legs that I get every month have just started so that's me 100% out this month I'm thinking of booking a Drs appointment. PMT probably not helping but feeling like I just want to go back onto the pill for a few months as ttc is driving me insane, we literally don't even have sex, DH is so fucking half hearted with trying and I can't cope with an entire week written off with AF pains every month anymore.

Ps. @edidxb I think you'd be a great Life Coach... look into it!!
@Frazzle, i'm sorry your DP is feeling so shit... you must feel so helpless...

rather DH doesn't drive! so that was our only car! My HR Director said I am cursed after she overheard the phone call she said she has never heard of anyone having so much bad luck

oh bless you with shitty crampy legs. Maybe that isnt a bad idea though? get your sex life back on track with DH? so crap you have to consider that though