Should I tell my bosses i may ttc??

[sjess2019]

Sorry in advance for the essay! Looking for advice!

Started a new job last may as a manager with my own client portfolio (I’m an accountant), got married in August and we had agreed to put off trying for baby number 2 until I got my feet well under the table with my new job.

To be honest hubby also wasn’t sure he wanted another, he had sort of come round to the idea and we decided we’d try for another baby in 2020, to give birth 2021, which I was happy enough with.

Hubby has now said maybe we should try earlier as our first born will be 6 when we have number 2, that’s assuming we conceive straight away as well so could be older!

Anyway now hubby has made a hint at trying this summer, I’ve gone all doolally and can’t get babies out of my head!

My problem is I have a client portfolio, which ultimately the clients are my responsibility, but my thoughts are that I have a window of opportunity to conceive, in hope that I can give birth in our quiet period at work, then have a relatively short period off work and then work from home, so that in theory it shouldn’t effect them too much. I appreciate this however is in an ideal scenario that I will actually conceive!

I’m just wondering what to do, and wether it would be better to sit down and explain that I don’t want it to effect my position there, and that I don’t want to piss them off! My thoughts are that it would be better to get it out of the way, before my client list gets too large for it to be manageable, and hope that they agree!

One of my bosses sort of hinted the other week when we were discussing other staff, and said it was obviously a consideration when hiring me, and I said it was one of my concerns also. He pretty much said that it’s the ‘suprise’ ones that are hard to deal with, but if we knew it was happening we could plan for it and we would work it out.

If I don’t conceive at the time I need to, I would wait until the year after, and this is what I would want to explain to them.

Any thoughts? Kind of wish hubby hadn’t put this idea in my head! Is it daft to have this discussion with them when I will have only worked with them for 12 months or so? Or will they respect me for it and the fact that I want to do it in a way that impacts them the least?!

P.s they do seem happy with me - told me before Xmas pretty much that I’m smashing it so I’ve no worries in that department! And all in all I’d be planning to be off for 2 months propper maternity, then working from home say 2 days a week for a further 3 months (in the office for occasional client meetings), and back properly after 5 months ready for the run up to the busy period.

Would really appreciate someone’s thoughts.

Thank you!

How have they broken the law...I’m saying they probably did consider it but they did hire me. I’m 28, newly married with already 1 child so it clearly did not influence their decision as I got the job, over many other blokes!!

Not patronising at all, but there clearly is a difference in responsibilities.

Them TELLING you that they considered it as part of their decision shows you they discriminate.

You might have been way above the other candidates and so it didn't make enough difference for them not to hire you. But what if you'd been just above or in line with them, them taking it into account means you potentially could have not got the job. Which is illegal.

I'm absolutely baffled that you don't understand what every single person on this thread is saying to you.

No, I am actually the only person at all they have ever hired in a senior position, everyone else has worked their way through the firm. So despite all these feminist tree huggers coming out of the wood work, they very much do have equality in the work place and I’m proud of my position as a woman...what woman wouldn’t be 🤷‍♀️

I am a Director at a Big 4 Accountancy firm, on partner track. I have 3 children - if I had ever told my bosses I was TTC, I would have created a horrendously unprofessional atmosphere. It's a work place, not a club. You need professional boundaries in place or you'll find your "oversharing" nature is what stops you making partner.

Oh and I looked after (and still do) some of our biggest global accounts, millions of pounds worth of revenue. Before and after my maternity leaves. They didn't flinch at all when I said I was taking time out.

Don't be that nauseating person who overshares, OP!

'Feminist tree huggers'

What a total potato.

makes me laugh all this talk about women’s rights, what about respect for other women as a starting point?? Seriously there was no malice in this post, really don’t understand what people get out of sitting behind a screen acting like they do!

I was merely talking about having a conversation about if I was to grow my family at some point how it would fit in .

I will never post on here again that’s for sure

I personally would keep my ttc to myself, as you may not conceive immediately and I think it’s not needed. Trying for a child is hard enough on you without sharing the information with too many other people, it’s heartbreaking if it doesn’t go well and I would prefer to keep that pressure away from work

It's your right to have a child if you wish and you don't need to plan the timing around your workload and you don't need to only have a short time off work to suit your clients.
Your manager is responsible for sorting maternity cover not you - you are entitled to take a year (assuming you're in the U.K.) and no one can pressure you to make that shorter. Neither can they dictate when you return in the year.
You'll regret rushing time off with your new baby. Forget about work and enjoy your time off at whatever time you have it. There's more to life than bending over backwards for work.

@sjess2019 respect for other women? Take a look at your responses and maybe start there.

Everyone has said don't do it but you're arguing with everyone. Ask yourself honestly - Are you usually so stubborn? If so it might be the first thing you work on when looking at your development plan. You'll be an even better person and account manager if you can admit when you might be wrong.

Ok, you asked for people's views. Everyone says don't tell, but you don't seem able to accept that advice. Why ask then?

I never said I don’t accept people’s response, and yes I did ask for opinions, just saying there is no need for people to be so personal about it, that I did not ask for!

There are some lovely responses on here, but unfortunately some people can’t respond to a harmless post in a nice way

I'd say don't tell them. Even the nicest of bosses will let it subconsciously (if I'm being generous) change their decisions about what opportunities they allocate you . You are better off being the best employee you can be and seeing how the ttc goes.

I’m not arguing with anyone about their opinion of not to tell, it’s the way people have to be so personally about it, plenty nice posts which I appreciate, the only thing I have an issue with is people’s attitudes it’s uncalled for.

I'm half tempted to speak to work about us ttc purely based on there bring zero maternity policy in our company so I have no idea whether there would be enhanced pay or just statutory.

However, I don't want to discuss something so private (and we've had several miscarriages so it might not happen anyway). It also feels like there would be a line I had crossed.

In your case I absolutely would not mention it until you got your bfp.

With that conversation with your boss... no, I wouldn't tell them. I would probably consider joining a union at this point though. Just in case. They sound hideously unprofessionally to be talking like this.

You sound like you want to tell them, in which case do tell them, but please don't be surprised when they try and get rid of you for all sorts of reasons. They can't discriminate against you when you're pregnant but they probably will if you tell them you're ttc.

if I had ever told my bosses I was TTC, I would have created a horrendously unprofessional atmosphere. It's a work place, not a club. You need professional boundaries in place or you'll find your "oversharing" nature is what stops you making partner.

As a manager in a professional services firm, this x 1000

This is madness. And I say this as a fully fledged career woman! The fact that they said they had this in mind when they hired you is so bad, especially given that mat leave can be shared between parents now! Work to your schedule, not theirs.

You sound very immature

Seriously don't plant the seed in your bosses mind before you are pregnant and have protection.

There is so much risk that it will affect their decision making in relation to you (either consciously or subconsciously) for something that might not happen.

You have just got this job do not risk being sidelined.

By all means go ahead and TTC a year in the job before announcing is fine. If you want to give them as much notice as possible tell them early in the pregnancy if you want but not before you are pregnant.

It is terrible that they said they considered it during hiring.

It is terrible they are putting pressure on you not to "surprise" them. (Is 4-5 months notice really not enough for them?!)

I think they have really got in your head and made you feel like you might "look bad" or you might be being unprofessional.

I think the thing to take away from the unanimous horrified reaction on this thread is that it is definitely NOT unprofessional to get pregnant after starting a new job, and in any reasonable workplace it does NOT make you look bad. Your colleagues hints and comments, however, DO look bad to the vast majority of people.

Don't tell them you are TTC. They have no right to know or need to know.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/jan/22/the-public-would-be-shocked-if-they-knew-how-gagging-contracts-cover-up-maternity-discrimination

You might want to check this out when making your decision. Several women in senior positions found themselves out of a job.

No you don’t tell them. You don’t know what will happen, if you can have kids or if it’ll take years. Yes it’ll probably be fine and you’ll probably be pregnant soon but you don’t KNOW that. To say now would be career suicide for no certain outcome. Tell them if it happens at 12 weeks like every other employer gets. 4/5 months is more than long enough