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Conception

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Original poster

Should I tell my bosses i may ttc??

81 replies

sjess2019 · 21/01/2019 18:51

Sorry in advance for the essay! Looking for advice!

Started a new job last may as a manager with my own client portfolio (I’m an accountant), got married in August and we had agreed to put off trying for baby number 2 until I got my feet well under the table with my new job.

To be honest hubby also wasn’t sure he wanted another, he had sort of come round to the idea and we decided we’d try for another baby in 2020, to give birth 2021, which I was happy enough with.

Hubby has now said maybe we should try earlier as our first born will be 6 when we have number 2, that’s assuming we conceive straight away as well so could be older!

Anyway now hubby has made a hint at trying this summer, I’ve gone all doolally and can’t get babies out of my head!

My problem is I have a client portfolio, which ultimately the clients are my responsibility, but my thoughts are that I have a window of opportunity to conceive, in hope that I can give birth in our quiet period at work, then have a relatively short period off work and then work from home, so that in theory it shouldn’t effect them too much. I appreciate this however is in an ideal scenario that I will actually conceive!

I’m just wondering what to do, and wether it would be better to sit down and explain that I don’t want it to effect my position there, and that I don’t want to piss them off! My thoughts are that it would be better to get it out of the way, before my client list gets too large for it to be manageable, and hope that they agree!

One of my bosses sort of hinted the other week when we were discussing other staff, and said it was obviously a consideration when hiring me, and I said it was one of my concerns also. He pretty much said that it’s the ‘suprise’ ones that are hard to deal with, but if we knew it was happening we could plan for it and we would work it out.

If I don’t conceive at the time I need to, I would wait until the year after, and this is what I would want to explain to them.

Any thoughts? Kind of wish hubby hadn’t put this idea in my head! Is it daft to have this discussion with them when I will have only worked with them for 12 months or so? Or will they respect me for it and the fact that I want to do it in a way that impacts them the least?!

P.s they do seem happy with me - told me before Xmas pretty much that I’m smashing it so I’ve no worries in that department! And all in all I’d be planning to be off for 2 months propper maternity, then working from home say 2 days a week for a further 3 months (in the office for occasional client meetings), and back properly after 5 months ready for the run up to the busy period.

Would really appreciate someone’s thoughts.

Thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
sjess2019 · 21/01/2019 19:42

I’m a woman... why would I think it’s ok for us to be discriminated against? And please tell me where I have patronised or called anyone thick anywhere???

OP posts:
Original poster
sjess2019 · 21/01/2019 19:43

I’ve never said I’m determined to do it different, I will take the advice on board. But people have to be dam right nasty about it!! What is the need?? I haven’t done or said anything to offend anyone

OP posts:
mynameiscalypso · 21/01/2019 19:46

I'm also a qualified accountant in a management position with a client portfolio (I am also 9 weeks pregnant). People at all levels go on maternity leave (and increasingly shared patentable leave) or sick leave or take a career break or whatever and it's totally usual and totally expected. Things change for whatever reason and life goes on - everyone is replaceable. I think it's fine to talk in a generic way (so, for example, sometimes when talking about longer term career plans with one of my team, they might mention that having a family in future is a consideration) but I think it would be very strange to tell work that you're TTC. I've never known that happen in my career and it doesn't really help anyone plan anything does it? Because there's no guarantee when/if it will happen.

cosycashmere · 21/01/2019 19:48

If having a child is 'getting on the wrong side of them' then you must work for people with hideously backwards attitudes.

Original poster
sjess2019 · 21/01/2019 19:50

I was more thinking on the lines of discussing if I were to complete my family by having 1 more child at some point, how it would fit in etc.

Opposed to what someone in another thread said telling them I’m ‘upping the shagging’!

I was more concerned how it would look, taking on this role and after only 12 months being there saying I’m pregnant. If I had been there longer it wouldn’t have bothered me the same.

OP posts:
HollyBollyBooBoo · 21/01/2019 19:51

I can't see any benefit to you telling your employee you might be TTC. They can't really put any plans into place can they? It could take months or sadly never happen.

ApplestheHare · 21/01/2019 19:54

12 months is fine. As a senior manager I wouldn't expect one of my team (who manage large projects and accounts) to tell me they were ttc. I'd actually prefer it if they didn't because it would introduce an uncertainty that might well not exist. It could take ages to conceive or you may find you have issues after conceiving that mean you don't actually have a baby for another couple of years. The situation would be totally different then so no point planning now.

Montypontypine · 21/01/2019 19:55

Just no. I'm a lawyer. While I can understand that you are excited at the prospect of having a much yearned for second child in the clearest possible terms I'd advise you not to tell your enjoyed until or unless you are pregnant.

SpeedyBojangles · 21/01/2019 19:56

I wouldn't do this!

When pregnant you are protected under employment law. When you are TTC you are not. If they know you are TTC they will know you will be leaving for maternity in the near future, this will basically put you at the top of the list for redundancy, overlooked for promotion, demotion etc... regardless of performance, and you wouldn't have any protection.

Sad, but true.

BendingSpoons · 21/01/2019 19:56

I don't see that telling them you are ttc would be particularly helpful. They can't really not give you clients in case you conceive, as if you didn't you would have a reduced work load. I would just ttc when suits you and then when you are pregnant, you can explain to them your plans e.g. this is last one, I plan to take a short maternity leave. Obviously you don't have to do any of this, but you want to, but wait until there is something to say.

cosycashmere · 21/01/2019 19:57

How it looks: that you're a woman of childbearing age who has decided to have a child with her partner.

How I'm assuming you think it looks: unbelievably cheeky woman takes huge advantage of company so generous enough to give her a job (a job!) by daring to do something so outrageous as have a child within a year of joining.

You're either so self-obsessed you think the company can't possibly get by without you, even though you're new, or you think it is taking the piss to have a baby.

Your husband could quite easily take 9 months shared parental leave- but I'm guessing he wouldn't consider telling his work to let them know he was potentially going to be cheeky by procreating.

McHelenz · 21/01/2019 19:58

I haven't started TTC but will be in April. I haven't been openly talking about it to management but they do know that we want to start trying once I am free from Zika risk. Im not talking about it in a preparing them way, but because im excited to start a family and they know it means a lot to me.

Notmorewashing · 21/01/2019 20:00

It doesn’t matter if you applied for the job while pregnant. Women have a right to have children and they will get over it and you will return to work. I would not be returning anywhere that it is considered getting “on the wrong side of them” to have a family.

Yabbers · 21/01/2019 20:04

Slightly different scenario but when I was only 3 weeks pregnant, my boss wanted to second me to a difficult client. We’d had 3 previous members of staff fucked up the role and they wanted an experienced senior in there who wouldn’t annoy the client or leave soon after going there. It was the perfect role for me so they asked if I would do it. For me it was the responsible thing to do to tell them I was pregnant, partly because they couldn’t afford to have someone there for less than a year and partly because it would be a risky environment for a pregnant woman. They thanked me for telling them and got someone else to do it.

Had I been TTC I wouldn’t have told them, as you have no idea what will happen.

One thing I did learn after spending a couple of years waiting for the right “work window” to TTC - it is impossible, it never arrives. And much as you won’t want to hear it, they’ll manage fine when you go on ML.

Original poster
sjess2019 · 21/01/2019 20:05

Surely my post more exclaims that I’m a conscientious person, who doesn’t want to look bad after only being there 12 months.

To say self obsessed is just insulting, you know nothing about me.

I asked for opinions on a topic, but not to be so personal on me as a person!!

I am well aware that my husband could take time off instead of me, but that is not what I want!

OP posts:
cosycashmere · 21/01/2019 20:09

You're entirely missing the point- why does it look bad?!
If you think it looks bad, you're saying that having a child and taking maternity leave makes you seem less committed/ not conscientious/ something similar. Attitudes like that belong in the 1950s and women thinking that as well as some men makes it even harder for us to achieve true equality in the workplace.

cosycashmere · 21/01/2019 20:10

And I didn't word that well- I didn't mean to say you're self-obsessed, but that with regards to this one thing I think it's a self-obsessed attitude to think you're not easily replaceable.

Lookingforadvice123 · 21/01/2019 20:11

They've broken the law by letting the sex/reproductive age of potential female employees influence whether or not they are hired. If you do get pregnant, watch your back.

McHelenz · 21/01/2019 20:11

I agree with others though - I dont think 12 months is a short amount of time really?

1poppy1 · 21/01/2019 20:12

"For any employer to not consider maternity would be ludacris! Yes they aren’t allowed to ask etc these days, but they are a business at the end of the day and I can’t blame them for not wanting to be left in the lurch"

= saying it is OK to ask women (but not men, you made this clear in a later post) about their plans to have children, before any pregnancy has even occurred

This is discrimination against women. Being a woman sadly does not prevent you from believing that discrimination is OK. If you can't see that, then perhaps do so further reading on the subject.

Original poster
sjess2019 · 21/01/2019 20:14

I haven’t said I’m not easily replaceable...if anything that’s the issue! I know that anyone is replaceable!!

OP posts:
1poppy1 · 21/01/2019 20:14

"despite what ‘rights’ I have"

It is really sad that you think so little of the hard fought for anti-discrimination laws that you feel the need to put them in quotes. Again just trying to help you realise how you come over as happy to be part of a discriminatory situation.

Lookingforadvice123 · 21/01/2019 20:15

Oh and LOL at you being the only senior woman they've hired. Are you surprised? That's sad evidence of their discrimination.

1poppy1 · 21/01/2019 20:16

"That’s the difference here tho, I’m in a managers position"

= patronising

Lindtnotlint · 21/01/2019 20:16

I understand your world (similar career). Don’t do it. For YOU you might think about the best time to conceive and arrange things to minimise disruption. But you don’t need their help or permission to do that, really.

Tell them when you are pregnant.

Good luck.