Crushing disappointment of TTC

[TheChineseChicken]

TTC number 2 and struggling with the miserable disappointment every month. DD took quite a long time to conceive. Tried for a year, fell pregnant then miscarried at 9 weeks then pregnant again 3 months later. Been trying for number 2 since August and stupidly convinced myself it would be quicker this time due to friends' experiences. But here we are on cycle 5. The not knowing is the worst bit - it could happen this month, it might never happen.

I know that no-one can give me any reassurances but I just wanted to have a moan!

I fished this morning's test out of the bin for some inexplicable reason and saw a faint second line, which is clearly an evaporation line. Just did another test to confirm and it's negative

Morning all, sorry for radio silence yesterday but it was a busy one.

Welcome pinkrose. Sounds like you've been having a tough time. Do you have any plans for losing weight or some kind of regimen to follow? It's easier said than done but you can do it. I know lots of people have success with 5:2 as you're not depriving yourself every day.

Live and pinkstar have you both decided not to test again this cycle? You're both near AF time aren't you?

I had the faintest of squinters this morning on an IC (think holding it at an angle under a light )... however I left it brewing while I was in the shower so I have a feeling it was an evap line. Worst thing is I had weed into a cup but then poured it away so I couldn't re-test!

@TheChineseChicken i think a re-test is in order! Are you going to do another one later on? Could be your month :)

I recently ordered like a pack of 50 cheap ones off the internet to i will be able to test as much as I like now. If it arrives today i will do another test but AF should be here Sunday or Monday and i'm pretty confident i'm out.

I might buy a couple from the pharmacist today and retest later. DH wouldn't even discuss it as he doesn't want to get hopes up.

Big packs of cheapies are great in some ways but then I sometimes go a bit mental and test multiple times a day

Oooh @TheChineseChicken really hoping it's not an indent for you! Please keep us posted, fingers crossed!

I havnt tested since the 10dpo one, I just don't want to be disappointed. I did order some frer which are due to arrive today but I don't think I'll be using them until after AF is due which is Sunday. My DH is a lot like yours, doesn't like discussing it because doesn't want to get his hopes up but then I tell him he's being unsupportive and then he says you're right if it's meant to be it will be, if not we try again! I wish I could be that optimistic :(

It's very different for men as it doesn't affect their bodies. I know I think about it a lot more than DH and it gets to me more.

I'm impressed with your ability to wait until Sunday!

Does anyone else have a weird thing where they think that getting a negative test stops them getting pregnant? I mean I know that it doesn't but sometimes I'm scared to get a negative test in case that messes things up

Hi everyone,

Is it ok if I pop on here? I have joined many of these threads over the last year but as I have reached my 1 year TTC mark I’m getting a bit irritated by the spritely newbies who complain they aren’t pregnant 2 months in and then end up leaving the thread with their BFP. I think that’s just me being a grumpy hag though.

Background info, I am TTC my first and just been for my day 21 bloods today to kickstart some testing. Has anyone else had this done and can give some insight what I can expect to happen from here onwards?!

Ps sorry we’re all in the same crappy boat. As the title suggests TTC can be an incredibly lonely, devastating journey!

@TheChineseChicken Good luck and keep us posted! I don't feel like getting a BFN will stop you getting a BFP after as so many women have had BFN's then go onto get BFP same cycle but I get the thought process!

I struggle with knowing how I should feel during ovulation and tww. Do we stay positive and say YES it's going to happen this month...or is it better to be negative and just think it's nothing going to happen? I really struggle with knowing how to feel as time goes on.

And welcome @Ells0204. I completely sympathise with you on the newbies bit. I created a post once and a newbie joined, first month ttc, got her BFP and that was that! Great news for her but can be upsetting for those who have been trying for a while.

Great news you are getting blood tests etc I'm due to have mine taken next month so I can't advise you on what will happen but it will be great in identifying if there are any hormone issues or low progesterone etc

Also i would definitely recommend getting an HCG, i had it done a few months ago and was so reassuring to know my tubes were clear and everything seemed normal on my side.

Just got this - it's positive, isn't it?!

Omg yess!!!! I totally see a line! Congratulations! When are you due AF? I'm sure it should get darker in a few days!

Eek! Sorry, I feel bad posting on here especially after Ells post. Although from experience things don't work out anyway so I'm not celebrating yet. AF is due Tuesday

Thanks @liveinhope100 I sort of don’t know what I really want from the tests...part of me is hoping it comes back normal of course but also part of me wants to just know why I’m struggling so we can fix the problem! And funny you should say about the dye test I have literally just googled the procedure as I had no idea how it was done!

@thechinesechicken aww no please, I’m so sorry to have made you feel like that! I honestly don’t want anyone feeling like they’re treading on egg shells especially on this thread. Plus it does give me some hope seeing others who have suffered eventually get their BFPs!

I noticed you posted about your MC and 9 weeks which is devastating. I have actually had 1 chemical and 1 very early MC about 5 weeks in right at the beginning of last year, January and March, and haven’t conceived since which is one of the things that’s worrying me. Started off (seemingly?!) very fertile and it’s like since the last MC my body has just gone, “nope, not again!”

Praying for a sticky one for you my love! X

I'm not blaming you, that's exactly how I have felt on other threads!

Really sorry to hear about your previous losses, that just be a real worry as well as being horrible to go through. And how cruel to go through that then nothing since. Has your GP expressed any concern? How old are you? I think that, biologically and statistically, 1 CP and 1 early miscarriage does t affect your chance to getting pregnant again but that's no comfort to you I'm sure.

When I had some testing years ago I also had an internal scan of my ovaries - have they mentioned that to you? As has your partner had a sperm analysis? That's quick and easy and should really be the first thing they do

@TheChineseChicken OMG! Congrats this definitely looks like you are pregnant! Hopefully this is a lucky thread lol

@Ells0204 Yeah i understand completely. It would just be ideal if we could all find out why it isn't happening so easily for all of us. The HCG is worth doing, doesn't hurt and sometimes 'flushing' out the tubes with dye has helped ladies get their BFP, not yet for me unfortunately!

@thechinesechicken

I was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries but not full blown PCOS when I was about 19 and I’m 25 now, will turn 26 in a few months! So my cycles are regular unlike with proper PCOS, but this still might be a related I suppose. Had a laproscopy 2015 for endo (runs in my family) but they couldn’t find any

And yes SA is probably likely to be checked off next on the list so that’ll be a huge help! My partner is a smoker I’ve been trying to get him to stop but it’s easier said than done. I’m hoping the Dr will give him a kick up the backside about it at his appointment haha

That looks like a line to me! Congratulations!

Thank you @Otter88 and @TheChineseChicken :)
We're trying to stay strong but the weight loss is hard - I have lost 1 stone so far - cut my food intake by 2/3rds and increase my exercise so now walking 2 miles a day and 30-45 mins on the exercise bike when I get home. The last 2 weeks I have seen no weight loss at all though so need to try something else. A lot of people have said I'm still eating too much so maybe it's something I have to cut down again.

Congratulations @TheChineseChicken :)

Ells does PCOS impact your fertility other than cycle length? I'm afraid I don't know much about it. Smoking won't help sperm count but sod's law it will be normal and then he won't feel he has to give up!

A stone already is a great achievement Pinkrose so you should feel encouraged by that. Weight loss does tend to plateau then get going again. Do you use an app or anything to track what you're eating? It can be easy to underestimate until you start to add it all up

Thanks @TheChineseChicken. Yes I'm using mfp and roughly eating 1000-1200 calories a day and exercising for about 500 calories. Have been really beating myself up about it and feel rubbish the last couple days so having tonight and tomorrow off thinking about what I eat and start again Sunday!
I used to have PCOS too @Ells0204 when I was 11 but they think I might have outgrown it now as other than no periods no more symptoms have returned since coming off pill

@pinkroseuk oh that’s good news as I hear it can be a real stinker when it comes to TTC many people complain of long, irregular cycles which makes pinpointing ovulation super hard.

@chinese other than above I’m not totally sure how else it affects your fertility though no! I think that’s the bulk of it though, lots of missed periods and no ovulation etc as it’s a hormone imbalance (I think)
How are you feeling by the way, I would have peed on at least 10 more sticks by now!

Pinkrose that sounds like a tough regime! I think you're much more likely to stick with it if you give yourself a couple of days off per week - your overall calorie intake will still be low.

Ells I'm in disbelief TBH and aware that this could be a CP or might not continue beyond a few weeks. I feel completely normal though (and I may have peed one another stick...)

Hi ladies so I'm back still venting cos now I'm 2 days late and still getting BFN's on my tests. Just annoying waiting for AF to show so I can begin on the next cycle! How's everyone else getting on?

Hope everyone had a good weekend! AF showed up right on schedule for me 😪

Gearing up for the next cycle now!

Hope everything's looking good for you @TheChineseChicken!

@liveinhope100 Fingers crossed for you that AF doesn't show up xx

Hi guys not been on for a while in my FW and DTD tonight but no +OPK as yet I'm on cd20 for last few months had a to the day 5 week cycle but then randomly last month didn't ovulate til CD26 then my oloeriod cane 12 days later?!
I do hsve PCOS but I'm unmedicated and not really have any symptoms the only symptom I've had recently was weight gain but I can control that with my diet low sugar and brown rice and pasta not white. I was also overweight initially only by a bit but after eating smaller portions and going to the gym i've lost 1st 1lb and am back in normal range BMI but I would still like to lose another stone!! Xx

Should say my period came 12 days later