Crushing disappointment of TTC

[TheChineseChicken]

TTC number 2 and struggling with the miserable disappointment every month. DD took quite a long time to conceive. Tried for a year, fell pregnant then miscarried at 9 weeks then pregnant again 3 months later. Been trying for number 2 since August and stupidly convinced myself it would be quicker this time due to friends' experiences. But here we are on cycle 5. The not knowing is the worst bit - it could happen this month, it might never happen.

I know that no-one can give me any reassurances but I just wanted to have a moan!

I fished this morning's test out of the bin for some inexplicable reason and saw a faint second line, which is clearly an evaporation line. Just did another test to confirm and it's negative

How's everyone doing? Anyone else in the TWW? I'm a few days in so a long wait still

@TheChineseChicken hi hun! Was just gonna post and check in, I'm about 6dpo and the days are going by soooo slowly this month!! It's my first month tracking my temps so maybe why?? I just had an upset stomach this morning which is very unlike me and lots of rumbling and stretching happening in my lower abdomen...fingers crossed!

How are you getting on?

Good luck @pinkstar01 I hope it's your month! I'm just off my period and ready to try for this month. Hoping and trying to stay calm!

What are your temps doing? Are they still increasing?

I'm doing the same symptom spotting and reading too much into every twinge. Plus we DTD until later this month so now I've convinced myself this is the month as we tried extra hard. Which I know is stupid!

Well, fingers crossed for both of us...

Good luck this month mass

@mass22 thank you, fingers crossed for you too!

@TheChineseChicken my temps are still high, this morning I was at 37.3 whereas before ov I was around 36.5 but I'm not taking that as a sign because they could drop right before AF...
The tummy upset has me a little excited tho because it never happens to me...

We also dtd like 5 days in a row around ov for the first time! Really hoping that makes a difference for both of us, how many days past ovulation are you?

Well I'm not going to comment on if it sounds positive for you or not because who knows! Really hoping it is though.

I'm around 4dpo. I don't track ovulation with temps or sticks though so can't be entirely sure.

How are your temps, pink? I'm feeling very negative about this month. I've got to the point where I can't see it ever happening, although I know that's stupid.

Mass how are you feeling about this cycle?

Hi @TheChineseChicken I've got a lot on my mind this month so baby making has kind of taken a back seat. I'm hoping that actually helps though. Think taking the pressure off is better.

My friend was trying for 3 years, was just about to give up. Her boyfriend proposed and she started getting busy wedding planning and she fell pregnant! I know we're all different but I find the more I try and track my ovulation etc the more anxious I get.

Chinese, I'm the same I just feel that it's never going to happen. Not helped that my toddler is having a sleep regression. I'm trying the Clearblue ovulation tracker this month. I've been using the sticks from Amazon up til now. How's everyone else tracking?

@TheChineseChicken temps are still high, I'm about 10dpo but took an FRER this morning couldn't help myself and it was BFN I know it's still early but I'm just so tired of seeing that blank space!!

How are you feeling? Sorry you're not feeling hopeful :( I go between thinking I definitely am to definitely not :/

I just don't understand why it's not happening..we're both fine, happened so easily first time I just don't get it
All my friends are now at their 2nd babies and one just had her 3rd...
As much as I would like a second, I wanted one more to give my son a sibling because we don't have any family here and he has no cousins or anyone...

So sorry everyone is feeling shit although I'm pleased to hear that you have distractions, mass. (hoping they are nice distractions).

Pink, I also did a test this morning but I'm only 8dpo so even more daft than you are! I don't think you need to be too concerned about a negative yet. Im trying to remember how temps work - if pregnant they are supposed to keep climbing, right?

Rogue, I don't track ovulation, just DTD every other day once period has ended and every day around days 13-16/17. Clearly that approach isn't working though. I hope your toddler starts to sleep better again soon.

I don't know why it hasn't happened for any of us yet but I have my fingers crossed for some BFPs this month

Thanks, everything crossed we all get knocked up soon!

Hope you don't mind me jumping on this thread I'm glad I found it as feeling so disappointed this time round.

This is my 7th month ttc. Tried everything from opks, pre seed, had an HCG done (everything was fine and my tubes were clear), acupuncture, eating healthy but nothing.
This month I thought just relax and don't think about it but its always in the back of my head. I did a FRER test yesterday 10dpo and got BFN Went to bed so upset and then even had a dream I got a BFP lol... it can be such an emotional rollercoaster for a lot of women so it's comforting to share and talk to those that understand.

Anyway next cycle I'm going to take soy isoflavones and see if that makes any difference, I've read good things about it.

Good luck to all of you

Welcome to the group and sorry you are having a hard time too. With my rational hat on, 7 months is still a perfectly reasonable amount of time TTC but with my sympathetic hat on I understand why you're upset. How come you had an HCG done? And is this your first time TTC or do you have other children?

Feeling massively deflated today. Can't concentrate at work and being a cow to my husband. If it doesn't work this month I'm not sure I can face another month of trying. Have friends visiting this weekend who have 2 children - one conceived in 3 months and one conceived in 1. Makes me

Thanks @TheChineseChicken i know 7 months isn't that long (took my mum 5 years!) but I think it's just because I've wanted a baby for so long. Im trying to conceive my first. Basically I got pregnant about 10 years ago when I was 19 which didn't last. I did an HCG after 3 months ttc because I just wanted to make sure nothing was wrong with me and I didn't want to wait a year to find out, as you can tell I'm quite impatient lol how long have you been trying?

Sorry to hear your feeling deflated at work, I know that feeling. And I know how hard it can be seeing friends with their kids they conceived so easily. My friend recently gave birth and it was hard to be see her for a while! Are you planning on testing this cycle or do you wait for AF?

Hi All! Hoping I can join in the convo. I'm new to mumsnet and still getting my head round the acronyms haha.

Bit or background, I came off the pill in May 2018, got my first proper period in the July (after withdrawal bleed)and been ttc since. Periods have been regular on the dot and this month I was 4 days late but took a test after being late for one day and got a negative (obviously). I've experienced the disappointment since we started ttc and have done fairly well at keeping my cool and telling myself it's early days etc but because of the late period all of a sudden and having almost convinced myself I was probably pregnant, it's really hit me hard this month. Reading this thread has really helped so thank you all for that. I know that technically we haven't been trying for that long in the grand scheme of things and so we just need to keep going but it does help to get the feelings off your chest to others who are feeling the same. I find the two week wait excruciating and it's so hard not to get obsessive with symptom spotting, googling. I use the Flo App to try and keep a track on dates but sometimes that can make me more obsessed. I've read that the best way is to try and forgot you are ttc, have and enjoy sex regularly and go from there but I can't seem to get out of that cycle of tracking obsessively, counting the days and some months we only have sex around O time which i also think doesn't help so I now can't "forget" or pretend we aren't the.

I guess I was just wanting to display my gratitude for being able to come on here and read like minded comments, get some things off my chest and see if anyone can offer any reassuring words.

Thanks

live sorry about your previous loss. I did a test this morning at 10dpo - BFN! I am also impatient and there's no way I could wait until AF is due. My mood is terrible at the moment and I'm driving my husband mad. Also not sleeping well. Of course I'm wondering if these things are pregnancy related but probably not.

Welcome Otter! I'm glad that this thread had given you some comfort. It's a safe space to moan, whinge, be impatient and unreasonable and let off steam. Late periods are the worst for giving you false hope. I think trying to forget you're TTC is impossible - after all you have to have sex and you can't do that without noticing! Unless you're someone who has sex every day anyway, which I certainly am not. Fingers crossed for you

@TheChinese Chicken I'm so sorry to hear about your BFN, i really understand how frustrating it is. Still early to test though, I keep telling myself that statistically most women get their BFP at 13dpo but it's hard to know whether to hold onto hope once that BFN comes or to just think about next month.

@Otter88 Welcome. It's nice to have a thread where we can all vent. I completely know what you mean about the tww. I literally drive myself crazy each time. After my 6th cycle ttc i said to myself i'm not going to symptom spot, obsess over it and just 'relax' and not think about it but i find it always impossible. It's always in the back of my head and as soon as I know I can test I do. My only advice would be to think about acupuncture. Ever since I started going my periods have become so regular (i used to be anything from 28 - 35 days) and now im 28 days so it can really help with regulating hormones etc Also pre-seed has worked well for some women. I've been using it three months now and even though i haven't got a BFP i feel it helps create the right 'environment' for the sperm. Anyway good luck with getting your BFP, atleast we can all let our frustrations out on here!

@Otter88 and @liveinhope100 so sorry to hear you're also going through this treacherous journey :(

It's kinda soul destroying the longer it takes...I was really quite hopeful this far but after 14 cycles for some reason this cycle has really deflated me. AF is due in 3 days but I dunno I'm just feeling negative now...had a negative at 10dpo but haven't tested since then for fear of disappointment. We literally tried to do everything right this cycle, me and DH have been taking conception vitamins daily, we DTD every day leading up to OV, used preseed each time, and I lay with my legs in the air too 😕
There is nothing wrong with either of us so why won't it happen?! Ugh!

If it doesn't happen this month I think I'm just gonna accept that maybe it's not meant to be...

@pinkstar01 It really is such an emotional and stressful journey and I can only imagine how hard it is when you are coming up to a year but all I would say it just don't give up. My mother was told she couldn't have kids, she ended up getting pregnant after 5 years so I am so grateful she kept trying all those years! I'm not saying it will take 5 years, but just don't give up!

I completely get the soul destroying bit as well, especially when you have almost exhausted every option. Have you had an HCG? And when is your AF due?

I'm on 12dpo. I tested on 10dpo and 11dpo, both a BFN. I can't take anymore disappointment either this cycle - already accepted AF is coming.

I've even got to the stage where after i DTD during fertile week i don't even feel confident at all. I've started feeling like it's all a waste of time. I almost don't want to feel positive or confident anymore these days and the disappointment of the BFN's is so awful

I did mention in my post above about soy isoflavones. I'm going to start taking when AF comes so can update you all how I get on but i've heard so many positive things about it on the sites i've been looking at. I'm literally trying anything these days. Reflexology before ovulation could help too.

Good luck to you all, really nice talking to other women that understand.

Thank you for your reassuring words @TheChineseChicken and liveinhope100!

I'm going to see how this cycle goes as the last one running 4 days late was the first time it has happened and always been 29 days on the dot. I had the flu quite bad just after I thought I had ovulated so maybe that had an impact. Who The hell knows! I think it's the unknown and the fact you can only control so much that causes most of the frustration. It definitely takes the fun out of it all and I've read in many books that the more you want something and obsess over it the less likely it will happen.

I know a few people who have struggled to conceive, decided to give up and then got pregnant cause the giving up, weirdly took the pressure off and the thinking about it. I'm not saying we should give up by any means, but it does give hope that even if you get to that point, it's still possible it can happen so even if you are feeling disheartened and ready to throw the towel in, know that it doesn't mean it's the end of the road.

The body is a weird and wonderful place. It's great to know that we can share experiences and help each other out. I've got major period emotions right now, I don't know which way is up or what I feel about anything. being on the pill for 14 years and not having a period for most of that due to being on the mini pill has meant I've had to get used to all the lovely things a period brings with it again. A good excuse to eat chocolate though!

Hi all - can I join please? Been TTC for 21 months - referred to hospital now and awaiting test results in March. Periods not returned since coming off the pill and they have said there's very little they can do until I have lost weight :( just feel so useless and low :(

@Pinkroseuk Sorry to hear what you are going through. I hope you get some comfort from coming on here and you have achieved something already just by coming on and speaking out about it!

I can't offer any advice on your situation but try not to lose hope. There may be others on here that have been in similar situation so just know you aren't alone. I know that doesn't solve anything for you personally but the loneliness of these feelings can make the whole situation so much worse.

I hope the results possibly give you some other options. Losing weight is possible though so don't give up.

Sending lots of strength and positivity to you!