Crushing disappointment of TTC

[TheChineseChicken]

TTC number 2 and struggling with the miserable disappointment every month. DD took quite a long time to conceive. Tried for a year, fell pregnant then miscarried at 9 weeks then pregnant again 3 months later. Been trying for number 2 since August and stupidly convinced myself it would be quicker this time due to friends' experiences. But here we are on cycle 5. The not knowing is the worst bit - it could happen this month, it might never happen.

I know that no-one can give me any reassurances but I just wanted to have a moan!

I fished this morning's test out of the bin for some inexplicable reason and saw a faint second line, which is clearly an evaporation line. Just did another test to confirm and it's negative

Hi guys sorry been off for a while my AF is due Monday I do not feel positive at all this month - fingers crossed for touv@pinkstar01 xx

Just did this, there's a very faint line...AF due in 3/4 days though so it's very early...keeping my fingers crossed

@pinkstar01 there is a faint line and a line is a line. Congratulations!!

That looks positive to me!

This is the same test a few minutes later

Oh it actually posted! :) Im still in shock though, I don't feel any different really but it's still early

Congrats @pinkstar01

Hope everyone is doing ok!

@Ells0204 thank you! How are you getting on?

Hi ladies, does anyone mind if I join?
I tried to conceive my daughter for 12 months, and got caught on the 12th month. I’m another one who was TOTALLY shocked when it didn’t happen on months 1-3. I just naively thought that everything would happen exactly as I wanted it!
Second time around I had read so many stories about people conceiving almost immediately second time and convinced myself I might too. It took 6 months to get a pos this time. I was getting so terribly impatient. I know how awful that sounds- people have to wait for far, far longer than me and I am so grateful for my lovely daughter.
I went for an early scan last week due to complications in my first pregnancy and discovered that my 9 week pregnancy was only measuring 6 weeks, with no heartbeat. Now it’s just a waiting game to see when I’ll miscarry.
I don’t know if I have the strength to try and conceive again. Soul destroying sounds like such an exaggeration but it really can be. I feel like it takes over everything in my life and the arrival of AF brings on days and days of disappointment.

I see it @pinkstar01 congrats @Enwi sorry for your loss it is hard to try again we had a TFMR at 12 weeks (found out it was a boy we have a DD) and only have a 1 in 2 chance of having a healthy baby in the future but time is a great healer it's been just over a year since our TFMR and I finally started to feel ready again in December I'm on cycle 5 due to my 42 day cycle after a CP on cycle 3 I don't ovulate every month now! Just give yourself some time if you need to? Xx

Ok so today I'm 14 dpo and waiting for AF I've had stomach cramps yesterday and the day before so sure it's coming soon tho I don't usually get cramps a couple of days before but it should start today it tomorrow I reckon xxx

@pinkstar01 just read back my post and realised how blasé my congrats looked 😂 I tend to be consumed with sickness during the evenings so wasn’t really concentrating on what I was typing!
So glad more of us are finally getting our BFPs! How far are you roughly? Did you test early?

I’m all good, 10 weeks today! It’s kind of flown by but also really dragging out. My nuchal scan isn’t until 12+4 so still seems like ages away!

@enwi your story broke my heart. There’s many of us on here who’ve had losses so feel free to vent, everyone is so understanding! Sounds like you’ve had a rough time

Welcome @Enwi, your story sounds very familiar. Sorry things aren't working out this time round. It must have been so hard to get the bad news last week. Give yourself time to heal before you try again (if you do). I think you can get to a point where you come to terms with it - I have tried this month to not obsess and to just see what happens and to remind myself of all the things that would be good about not having a second (not going back to sleepless nights, not having to do the first year again, having more money and more opportunities to do things with the first child). Who knows how long it will last though! Take care of yourself

@Ells0204 glad to hear things are still going well for you and you're still feeling ill! Your 12 week scan will come quickly enough.

@codenameduchess hope things are good with you too.

@pinkstar01 are you still getting BFPs?

@MummyBearBoo are you planning to test?

I am either 0 or 1 dpo so just into the 2WW. Going to try my hardest not to test until it's up.

Not yet I fully expect it to start soon and after 2 CPs in my last 2 cycles my plan is to not test til it's a week late although I'm planning to go to the gym tomorrow and if there's still no sign I may test so that I know if I can still do my weights and get my heart rate as high as I normally would. I read about it s bit ago and it said that you heart shouldn't go higher than 120 and mine if higher than that most of the time!! We'll see I think it'll start tomorrow at the latest xxx

@TheChineseChicken I took another FRER this morning at 14dpo and it was a strong positive..but I'm really scared that somethings going to go wrong. It's so early! I ts only the second time I've had a positive , first was my son, so I guess I'm just worried that it may not work out.

Omg how many times have you POAS? Try and chill don't spend the time now worrying about something that may not even happen in the future just enjoy being pregnant for now - I know way easier said than done!! Xx

Congrats @pinkstar01 !

Good luck @TheChineseChicken , I like your plan of not obsessing.

Things seem to be going well here at 9 weeks, have my dating scan in a couple of weeks- I'll be just 11 weeks so hoping they can get all the measurements... I'm letting myself look forward to telling dd now and can almost believe it's actually happening!

So I took these this morning i just really hope it'll last longer than 4 days I was determined not to test til it missed by a week but I didn't want to kill it at the gym if I was pregnant if it does make it to 11 weeks then I've got to hoe it got the good chromosome 19 and I can continue with the pregnancy - have to get there first - I was so convinced it hadn't worked this month coz I didn't get a positive OPK I had a really strong line on Easter Monday but not enough to be positive?

Hope not Hoe

Ahh congrats @mummybearboo that’s a lovely BFP and of course the digi is so satisfying. So glad we’ve all been here to support each other to keep pushing on.
Keep us posted xx

@MummyBearBoo congrats hun! I can imagine the worry but fingers crossed everything goes smoothly for you this time! ❤️

@codenameduchess glad to hear things are going well, I know once the first scan goes smoothly you can relax a bit! I'm barely 4 weeks and I'm so worried, told hubby I want to go for a private one by 8 weeks because I need reassurement!

Let us know how you get on!

@MummyBearBoo I just saw your comment about the pee sticks, I've just been doing one every morning because I have loads left and if it gives me some reassuremeng why not :) after 18 months of not even a hint of a BFP I think I'm allowed to savour it 😂

@Ells0204 glad to hear things are going well, but I agree the first trimester goes by soo slowly! I'm barely 4 weeks and I have no idea how I'm going to get through the next few weeks.

Did you have any sickness? I'm dreading it because I had bad nausea with my son