TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 27 - BFPs are coming!

[Yukka]

New Thread as we're at 988 messages on thread 26. we'll do a quick roll call:
Age 39
TTC x1
MC x 3 = Sept + Dec 2017 + May 2018
Currently pregnant again 5w4ds
Diagnosed with APS/Hughes Syndrome. On Asprin since October and start Heparin tomorrow. First scan Monday.

xx

@Beaglemum93 I didn't implant till 12dpo and now I'm 11+1 with hopefully a healthy baby growing ❤️ fingers crossed for you 😘

But with my son I implanted 9dpo so it can vary so much xx

Hi ladies, with this pregnancy it was the only one I didn’t test until symptoms were really strong. I was a bit fed up and was editing cobfirsmtion if APS diagnosis, as since last mc my monthly symptoms were crazy, over 6 months I could have sworn I was pregnant 2 or 3 times but bfn each time. So when I had symptoms this time I was like ‘blah whatever, af will arrive soon’ and when it hadn’t and I woke up feeling really sick, I had an oh shit moment. I didn’t even Have any tests in the house??? That’s when I got the strongest line of my life, would have been 15 or 16dpo.

I know its soooo hard not to test, but I can’t tell the joy at getting a proper BFP with zero debate about it! Try try try to sit it out. Go swimming, have a glass of wine in case it’s your last, do all the things you might not do if you’ve caught, it will probably help you emotionally anyway xxx

Afternoon ladies. Just spent the last hour or so reading through the thread as I'm currently going through an early miscarriage at about 6wks. It's really nice to read your successes and congratulations on your 12 week scan @Yukka

27
TTC #2
MC #1, ectopic in 2018 with coil.

Had a scan this morning to confirm due to ectopic history. Just feeling a bit sorry for myself today, luckily very snuggly toddler to cheer me up.

I'm not really sure what to expect now, and how long it might take my cycles to return to normal?

Hey @frillyfarmer, welcome to the group and sorry you find yourself here.

What advice did they give you today? Presume it is happening naturally at the moment? From my own experience, I found my body returned to normal much quicker for earlier and natural mc’s. I was pregnant again 12 weeks later but it took a month or two for my cycles to be ‘normal’.

It does differ for everyone but natural mc does tend to be better all round.

Enjoy your toddler cuddles and take time out for you. We have a rule - you’re allowed anything at all you want when going through this, get the chocolate and ice cream in xxx

@MeghanV07 @Yukka @fnej01 @Laney79 thank you all for your support and words of encouragement. I guess I just feel like a bit of a fraud sometimes because I've never got to the stage in pregnancy where EPAU would see me, or where there was any point doing an ultrasound scan - which I think adds to the feels of my losses not "counting". Its a real fear that the RMC will belittle my losses, because I'll feel totally lost then. I appreciate losses before 6 weeks/chemical pregnancies/subclinical miscarriages/whatever the hell you want to call them are really common but if the RMC won't help me where do I go? I certainly wouldn't be suitable to go down the infertility route at this stage as we have conceived 3 times in 16 months. I even had a dream about the RMC turning me away the other night. I think that fear probably won't fade until I've actually had my appointment, only 2 and a half weeks to go.

@Laney79 the TWW really is shit isn't it? Have you got any hobbies that you find absorbing? For me I really find knitting or exercise helpful.

@Beaglemum93 try to step away from the tests for 2-3 days then you'll have a clearer idea of whats going on when you test again - really hard I know but might be easier than the uncertainty? Certainly cheaper too! Good luck.

@Frillyfarmer welcome and sorry to hear about your loss. It does vary between people. My losses have all been very early, never making it to 6 weeks, and I have found my cycles are back to normal either within a month or 2-3 months at the maximum.

Morning ladies! Sorry busy week so haven't been around.

I LOVE the rainbow blankets ❤️ My friend recently had to quit her job to spend time with her mum who is dying of cancer, so I'm going to ask her at some point if she will make me a rainbow blanket - there will soon come a day when I think she would appreciate a distraction and it's something she can work on at her own pace. I have no idea if I'll ever get my rainbow baby so she kinda has no deadline to make it by!

@lilmousey How are you doing? Have you managed to speak with your OH?
It sure is hard when our dogs have to go to their new owners but we know they have changing lives and are so proud of them!

@Lilimum6 Sounds like the service you went to was just what you needed and so nice that the priest said a special prayer for you.

@Yukka @SerenaOverjoyed Congratulations to you both, so pleased you've reached 12 weeks and hopefully you can start to relax a little now. Do keep us updated on how you're doing 😊

@rdm10 I tested but I knew it would be a BFN. I just stupidly held on to a little hope. My period showed up the next day which was hard because it was a year ago I was pregnant for the first time. Really hoping we can try in two weeks time and my husband doesn't change his mind or can't get home due to travelling a lot!

@InDreamland Sorry to hear things are still so tough for you. My first due date we went to Wales for a long weekend and walked around and it was beautiful. Unfortunately I woke up on the last day with my worst ever migraine so it's like my body knew. I had worried about having a migraine after labour so maybe I was always going to have one that bad! I hope you find a nice way to remember your baby. The day was not as hard as I expected it to be.

@strawberrye I totally understand how you're feeling. My best friend was a week behind me and now she's due 7th March there's so much baby talk. She did say that because she's had 3 miscarriages she would never be as insensitive as some people are but she does message me a lot about how her son is wriggling or her son is the size of a loaf of bread and her son this her son that. She's not had him yet and It's driving me and DH mad! I'm so happy for her but find it so hard that should have been me too.

@Laney79 It's so bloody hard being in the TWW - time goes so slowly. Everything crossed for you xx

Also does anyone know what happened to Cake - did she ever come back on with her baby news?

@KnitKitty How's the new job going?

Hi All,

I've had my first peak OPK after miscarriage so hoping I'm about to ovulate.
19th October my Dad passed away. 18th November I get my BFP. 19th December we found out babies heart wasn't beating. I was worrying about what was going to happen today... but maybe ovulation?!

@RedRobin7 she had a baby boy at the start of December-i wondered aswell and I checked back on the Pregnancy after loss thread.

Hi @Frillyfarmer it's very individual I think, I'm older (39, no kids) and it seems to take my body a while to settle. My first MMC was a nightmare and took ages to actually happen with various rounds of meds (discovered 17th March, eventually stopped bleeding start of June) I fell pregnant again in August, another MMC was discovered 19th September, lost that one naturally, neg test 14th October but it took 50+ days for a period, second cycle was 35 days. This cycle appears to be going back to "normal" as I ov'd around day 14. So it really does depend on the individual. I started opks after my first loss so I had more of an idea of what was happening and to help dtd timing.

Thanks @Yukka @strawberrye @RedRobin7 doing my best to hold out! I've got some diy to do today and I think I'll start Michelle Obama's book to try and distract me, also have a new phone to play with. Looking back I got v faint lines on a sensitive internet cheapie around 12/13dpo and a clear frer on 15dpo with bow so I need to hold out if I can. The poas urge is so strong! Mind you the Cm appears to be much less today so perhaps I'm kidding myself...arghhh!

@strawberrye They absolutely shouldn't turn you away at all, your losses have been documented, and no matter how early they were you still fell pregnant. If they do try and fob you off I'd be quite forceful but polite, explain how you feel and that you are asking for their help as per referral and nice guidance. It also helps I find to be honest about how it's effecting you mentally. I was going out of my mind with my second loss and I needed to do something, get some answers so I begged the Epas nurse, my gp and my consultant to do some tests because of how badly it was hitting my mental state. They couldn't do everything I wanted but they did do some. I think because they recognised I may well have become a much bigger problem to nhs mental health services in the long run if not! If I was you and they do try and fob you off go back to the gp, tell them you were unhappy and want a second opinion and ask for referral to a Tommy's clinic.

@RedRobin7 sorry about AF. Fingers crossed your OH stays on board!

@Lilimum6 how are you doing lovely? Any progress from the spotting? Is it your scan tomorrow? Xx

@strawberrye I think there are a couple of points for you to hang in to here. Firstly, chemical pregnancy can’t be diagnosed unless you’re in a clinical trial environment. The remains have to be tested to validate no fetus was achieved. What you know about your pregnancies is that they implanted hence why you got a bfp in the first place. At 6 weeks some could have had a heartbeat, but you , and they, will never know. This means they have to treat them as standard pregnancies. Secondly, yes very early mc is extremely common, but 3 in a row, well that’s slightly different. That’s why they’ll test you, as there is more likely a chance that something else is going on. Doesn’t mean for certain they’ll find something, we know, but they can rule anything out.

If they don’t find anything, they’ll tell you what to do next time and what to do if you mc again, so that genetic and chromosome testing can be done.

Two of us from this thread have been for tests, had a diagnosis, treatment and are currently pregnant. Try and turn your fear of rejection into a determination to discover what your body is doing. You are Owed this time from the medical professionals, no one is doing you any favours, remember that and be your own best advocate xxx

Strawberrye all my mcs were less than 4wks 4ds. While my RMC aren't a shining beacon of clinical excellence and they have been slightly dissmissive, they have done the investigations and did find a few APS markers. I'm now on treatment and 14wks (I was shocked to get beyond 5wks). I really relate to your feeling of not having quite valid grief, but I know that each one of my losses totally devastated me. I don't see them as 'chemicals', they were precious to me. Good luck and be persistent, 3 early losses are still recurrent losses.

beaglemum93 tenative congratulations Definitely step away from the tests though. I know I've used them to chart 'progression' but it's never had a link with how successful the pregnancy was. They aren't designed for it. 9 weeks ago I convinced myself I would imminently start bleeding and bought 28 pads when my stick wasn't darker after a week. I didn't though, and I got bloods at the GP which showed a healthy rise. On Monday I'd approach the doc for some bloods for your sanity. Fingers crossed for you. X

Laney79 tww is awful. I'd definitely agree to do the wonderful things not pregnant women can do and bloody well enjoy them. If AF arrives repeat as necessary

I haven't had a line dark enough yet that I believe. I did manage to avoid testing today though. I'll test tomorrow and I guess I'll know for sure.

Sorry for your loss @Frillyfarmer

@Laney79 thanks for asking hun. No, no progress yet but we will see what epu has to say. I'm going to push for erpc under ultra sound I've truly had enough. This is affecting my head and I'm having nightmares and panic attacks over this now. I don't think I can continue to try anymore it's making me really ill x

Oh @Lilimum6 I'm so sorry. I'd feel very similar in your position. Hope the epau are good with you tomorrow and will do the ultrasound guided erpc for you. Let us know how it goes? Xxx

@Laney79 my appointment is @ 10.30am so hopefully I can update by lunch time

Good luck tomorrow @Lilimum6. So sorry you're going through this again :(

@Beaglemum93 thanks hun I just can't believe I've had 3 mmc's and a chemical in 11 months. It's rediculous really

So many sad stories on this thread ladies, I'm sorry for you all.

I'm feeling a lot more positive today, we're very lucky that we already have our beautiful little boy. The advice from EPU yesterday was to wait for the rest of the tissue to pass and then continue TTC. She had said it best to wait until I've had at least one period but from a practical POV, DH and I have a very regular sex life regardless of TTC and I'd rather not have to use contraceptives, it seems a bit batshit when we are actively TTC. Is there any reason why I would need to wait until I've had a whole cycle?

@Frillyfarmer they usually say wait until after first period because it's easier to date a new pregnancy that way. But some doctors seem to say it's fine as long as the bleeding from the miscarriage has stopped - if you're still bleeding there is an increased risk of infection.

@lilimum6 fingers crossed for tomo xx

Well that was stupid. 9dpo and did a frer. Brightest whitest BFN you ever did see. AF due weds. Think I'm out ladies

@RedRobin7 sorry that AF showed up and sorry you are in a similar situation to me. Your friend sounds like she is being quite insensitive.

@Laney79 @Yukka thanks, you are both right, I need to be firm with them if they are dismissive. I work for the NHS myself and find the idea of being a "pushy patient" a bit cringe to be honest (as I know from the other side the pushy patient is often pushing for something that isn't necessarily going to be helpful...). I will hold my ground and am already thinking of asking to get a second opinion at Tommy's at Coventry if needed.

@Laney79 you're not out yet, try not to loose hope. They say the majority of successful pregnancies implant by 10dpo, and it takes a couple of days for hCG to be detectable - so to have a positive test now you would have had to implant around 7dpo which is really early. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

@SerenaOverjoyed thanks for sharing your experience, I think you are one of very few people that I've come across who has a similar history to me in terms of when your losses occurred. Did they give you heparin injections? Congratulations on making it to the second trimester, that must be so exciting but terrifying too, I can't even imagine.

@lilimum6 I really feel for you, going through repeated losses is hard enough without having the added complications of prolonged management of the miscarriage. I really hope today goes well for you

@Laney79 It's probably still too early! You're not out until AF arrives. I had very faint lines around 11/12 dpo with both of my pregnancies. I prefer to use clear blue so that it says pregnant or not pregnant, no obsessive looking at every angle and in the light! There's still time 🤞

Also thanks for the Cake update. So happy for her 😊

@Frillyfarmer Welcome to the group but so sorry you find yourself here. It's totally up to you and many people don't wait. From experience though, after my first MC I had to have an internal scan because I was still getting a positive pregnancy test and they told me my uterus was full of clots even though the bleeding had stopped. They said it would come out in my period... which it did! So for me if I was pregnant again straight away I don't know what would have happened with the clots? Perhaps random bleeding which would have made me think I was out. I do think my body needed the break after the trauma but again that's my personal thoughts.

@Lilimum6 Thinking of you lovely. It's so frustrating for you but I hope you get some help today.

@strawberrye All of your miscarriages will count. If you saw those pregnancy tests they can't tell you otherwise! Please don't think you are a fraud. I am sure you will be surprised and get the help you're worried you won't get.

It was a year ago today we told all our family we were having a baby. It sucks that a year on still no baby and not pregnant. My parents are coming over for dinner - only the second time in 3 years so I hope they don't think we're doing it to make an announcement 🙈

The test today was fainter than the other day. Either I've had a chemical or there is still residual HCG from the miscarriage fluctuating. I had a blood test in December because I was still getting faint lines and it was 2 so I'm guessing it still hasn't dropped to zero.

@Beaglemum93 sorry to hear that-was it with fmu? It's a frickin nightmare isn't it. Hugs x