TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 27 - BFPs are coming!

[Yukka]

New Thread as we're at 988 messages on thread 26. we'll do a quick roll call:
Age 39
TTC x1
MC x 3 = Sept + Dec 2017 + May 2018
Currently pregnant again 5w4ds
Diagnosed with APS/Hughes Syndrome. On Asprin since October and start Heparin tomorrow. First scan Monday.

xx

Also now I've had AF I think I'm going to take a break from charting for a while and just see what happens... I found myself becoming obsessive over it and it's not helping my anxiety levels... Trying to not think too hard about it all over the Xmas period, however my mind keeps going back to that moment where we found out our baby had died and it's so hard to get into festive high spirits. Thinking of everyone around this hard time

@Random2468 I remember every time that I heard that news. First time she said I'm not finding the heartbeat today we need to wait two weeks and try again I was 7 + 4 but bean was only 6 weeks and no heartbeat. This time was at the 12 week scan, measurements fine but no heartbeat. I remember because she was really quiet but I could see the overhead monitor and I could see my baby had passed and the sound that sticks in my head was DH saying "no your wrong" and then sobbing. So far this loss has been the worst out of all 5 mc's. I'm just finding it difficult to deal with at the moment as this week I should 20 weeks and we would know the sex. I think what makes it all worse is that the day of the scan when we found out about this loss it was also our anniversary and the due date of the baby we lost before this last one. So yeah not feeling Christmas at all, really wish I didn't have to do it at all.

@meghan07 very relieved for you. Here’s hoping it’s a sticky one xx

@makelemonade this is the point you should start testing two or three times a day. The line could still get dsrker which is the trigger for ovulation being imminent. From then you have about 48 hours... keep testing xx

@MeghanV07 that is so amazing. I'm relieved for you. Fingers crossed it's a healthy sticky bean.

@Lilimum5 I'm so so sorry you're having such a tough time. I just want to give you a massive hug! It's just awful isn't it and this is the worst time of year when you're grieving. Sorry I know nothing about temping, I only use OPKs.

@makelemonade I hear of so many who are ill then fall pregnant. So you might still be ok. Keeping fingers crossed for you.

I'm now starting TWW. Not confident we'll actually get pregnant this month as it's first cycle since second mc. I just can't feel the Christmas spirit feel like I'm just going through the motions and trying not to cry all the time.

Hey all, I hope you've all got a fab christmas planned. If anyone deserves a good party it's the ladies on this thread🐧 Definitely make a point of enjoying a guilt free glass of tipple if you are recovering from a lost pregnancy 🍷

Thought I'd feed back from my antenatal follow up for thrombophillia (a biggie from the RMC tests). One of my clotting factors is very low so I'm being started on heparin injections as well as the asprin. My trust is now using 150mg of asprin to prevent miscarriage as a standard dose - I thought this was probably particularly helpful to know for others, I'd never have known to take asprin if it wasn't for this thread. From the sounds if it I'd never have made it beyond 5wks without it

@serenaoverjoyed glad they’re starting you on heparin as mc remains high without treatment. I started mine at 5 weeks as I’d already had an APS diagnosis. Quick advice, pinch the skin to put the needle in and don’t let it go until you push all the syringe meds in - and push it really really slowly, otherwise it stings like f*. You’ll bruise badly but it will all be worth it xx

Hi ladies. I haven't been around for a while but just wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas and wishing you all a happy new year filled with baby dust. 🎅 🎄 🍾

Hello ladies have you all had as good a Christmas as possible. It wasn't as miserable as I thought it would be so that's a bonus

Can I join please.
I'm 25 and miscarried my dc2 11 days ago.
Been ttc for a year and didn't ovulate for 7 months and got pregnant as soon as I ovulated.
Ds was a difficult pregnancy with severe morning sickness, SPD, severe sudden onset pre eclampsia which lead to ds being born at 33 weeks with severe iugr.
We are looking to try again after my next AF as I have pcos and ttc has been difficult at best

Thank you so much for that link @MakeLemonade I'll try it when home from the in-laws.
I'll need it I think. Second bloods for FSH have come back even higher at 9.7 and a day earlier, so I would have thought they'd be lower.
Feel sick and hand hold needed so much ladies.

Welcome @Mammyofasuperbaby sorry for your loss and such a difficult time of year to manage loss and trying to be happy for your DS. How many weeks were you? I hope you’re being well supported.

Handhold right here @Wearytree - what is the FSH test for and what is the normal range? When do you see someone to review?

@Lilimum5 I’m pleased to hear your Christmas hasn’t been too bad. Same here, the worrying about how bad it was going to be was worse than the reality. I’ve still got three days at my in-laws to get through though 😄

Hi everyone, sorry I've been a bit quiet the last week. Sending lots of love to those going through losses at the moment, and keeping everything crossed for those ttc or in early pregnancy. I also can't wait for 2018 to be over with after two losses.

I had my medical management last Friday after retained products from an erpc on 6th December, it was painful but bearable. I didn't think it would have removed everything but it only reduced the rp from 2cm to 1.9cm! So I am having an MVA tomorrow as was told this was more gentle. The Dr said they will know when they start if they can remove it all and they will use ultrasound. Have been told I probably have a bicornuate uterus so that might make it more tricky, maybe that's why they didn't get it all 3 weeks ago (although the one I had in July was fine). If they can't may have to be another erpc with a camera in a week or two. Really hoping it's going to be over after tomorrow though. I think all the worrying about the physical side of it over the last few weeks has stopped me grieving properly. Really just want to move on now xx

Hi ladies. How was everyone's Christmas? I hope you could find some enjoyment in the day. @Lilimum5 glad it wasn't as bad as you thought it would be.

Sending you a handhold @wearytree x

2019 is fast approaching and I am so desperate to be pregnant again before due date (end of January) of the first baby we lost but this cycle is our last chance after losing a second last month. Supposed to be 36 weeks tomorrow. Fingers crossed for all of us here for 2019 pregnancies and healthy deliveries!

@InDreamland morning and sending a hand hold as you approach your due date, it's never easy.

@Chilliandlime thinking of you and hoping it goes well today.

Christmas was better than expected, although still pretty tough as due date number 2 was Boxing Day. Feeling a bit frustrated at the moment that we can't TTC as I'm waiting for the thyroxine to work and for my TSH to be in a safe range. Can't get it retested until the end of January and will be missing two fertile windows which feels like such wasted opportunities although knowing my track record it will take longer than that. Finding things tough at the moment.

Thanks @strawberrye. Sending you lots of hugs. Fingers crossed that once you can start TTC again it does happen quickly for you.

@Chilliandlime sending you a handhold today x

Hi, I hope you won’t mind me joining, but I’m feeling so lost.

My partner wants to TTC again (and soon) but I’m hesitant after 5 losses. We’ve had all possible NHS and private testing which I won’t go into the details of for now (but would be happy to for anyone who’s interested). There’s male/female factor infertility at play and we have a treatment plan, which we embarked on before our most recent loss which was a chemical pregnancy.

I haven’t been eating well or taking my supplements since then and while the professionals are confident about us continuing and my OH is in very good health now (he had a lot of improvements to make) I guess you could say my head is in the sand. I’m just so scared of another loss. And yet over Christmas I found myself chatting to family and friends about the possibility of trying again so part of me is clearly coming round to the idea. My actions just don’t match up with my wants and needs though.

I have a daughter who was conceived at a time where I wasn’t thinking about a family and part of me thinks if it’s going to happen it’ll happen and I may as well try now. Then there’s my head that says you need to spend months making your body baby friendly before trying. (Yet here I am eating my body weight in chocolate.)

I know this behaviour isn’t unusual. Fear takes over and we do the strangest things. And while I’d love to be eating well and exercising my body and mind are so tired of the fertility regime I was following.

I need someone help me sort my head out, to ask me the right questions. I’m so confused and am finding it hard to understand what I actually want

I probably need to direct this at my fertility counsellor but I won’t see her for a few weeks so thought I’d see if I can seek some support online

Welcome @WeeCrumb and sorry to read your story. I would be interested to hear about your testing as I'm currently awaiting a recurrent miscarriage appointment and do not have confidence that all necessary tests will be done on the NHS.

Welcome @WeeCrumb and sorry to hear about your challenging journey so far. TTC after loss is a total mind fuck so I think your feelings sound totally normal to me.

This two week wait business is boring. No champagne just in case and nothing to ‘do’ like opks etc. How many dpo to start testing? 11/12?

@weecrumb sorry it your multiple losses it’s really tough to keep going. It seems positive that you have a treatment plan though even though you lost the last one early that could be for completely different reason. That can make it harder when you have the normal risks plus additional ones to work through.

From what you have said I think you need some ‘you’ time. You know you need to look after yourself a little better and perhaps you could focus on doing this for you, but for fertility. It’s great you have a counsellor, have you tried any other things like hatha yoga and swimming. Light excercise that helps you have you time more than anything. Perhaps think of an action plan for the new year that focuses on you, and see how you feel in a month xx

Thank you for the handhold. Found the MVA incredibly painful, it was actually worse than I imagined. I know many people find it ok though. The Dr thought she had removed everything but only seemed 99% sure. Not getting quite the same twinges I was before so I think it's been successful. I had a scan booked it already for the 15th January to look at uterus shape so hopefully that'll confirm it. The Dr yesterday also said she's going to insist to the gp that we are referred to the rmc, even though we've 'only' had two (maybe because she felt bad about the erpc not working?), but won't hold my breath as she said the waiting list is a few months, just going to look on it as a bonus.

@Weecrumb so sorry to hear about your losses. It is a mentally and physically exhausting journey and as MakeLemonade says your feelings sound normal. I know some people say it helped them taking a breather from ttc, but you have to do whatever feels right for you.
@MakeLemonade fingers crossed for you!
Xx

@weecrumb I'm so sorry you read of all your losses. The fact you're still standing and carrying on despite how you feel deep down shows how strong you are. Probably stronger than you think or believe, especially when you feel like this. I'm glad you have a counsellor hopefully they can help next time you speak to them. Sending you lots of hugs

@MakeLemonade I'm with you on the TWW being boring ..........😴 I'm on CD22 and I think 7dpo. Will you test before AF is due? I am thinking now I won't test until I'm at least a week late. Last month I tested a couple of days after AF was sure, got BFP then lost that baby a few days later so I'm put off testing too soon now. With first pregnancy earlier this year I didn't test until I was 2 weeks late because I just never believed I could actually concieve. This tww is worse as it's my last chance of getting/ being pregnant before first baby's due date.

@Chilliandlime sorry you found it painful. Glad though that you're getting a scan and referred to rmc.

@Chilliandlime sorry you found it so painful, sounds like they’ve got a decent plan in place now which is good news - better late than never.

@InDreamland I don’t know, I think I’m 8dpo and a pack of internet cheapies arrived today so it’s tempting to do one in the morning but I also don’t want to know and also know I’m testing too early. Sorry about what happened to you last month, that’s a good reason to sit tight if you can. Pressure of a date is horrible. I’ll have another shot next month to get in before my son’s due date and I know logically they are unrelated but can’t help think about it too.

So boxing day I had a positive on my clearblue fertility monitor. So blood test done 27th. Further +ves 27th , 28th and 29th. 29th blood results of 80 hcg beta on 27th finally 30th - ve on cbfm. Have another blood test Thursday but I already know the answer.
I'm glad this is the last day of this year 😭

So sorry @Lilimum5, 2018 has just been shite Here's to a better 2019!

Oh @Lilimum5 straight to the centre of the huddle for you 🐧🐧 the hellhole of 2018 will soon be over and 2019 will be a better year (it has to!)