TTC after pregnancy loss - thread 27 - BFPs are coming!

[Yukka]

New Thread as we're at 988 messages on thread 26. we'll do a quick roll call:
Age 39
TTC x1
MC x 3 = Sept + Dec 2017 + May 2018
Currently pregnant again 5w4ds
Diagnosed with APS/Hughes Syndrome. On Asprin since October and start Heparin tomorrow. First scan Monday.

xx

Morning...well AF showed up bang on schedule so on to cycle 2 for me 😔. At least I now know my cycles are back to the way they was before my MMC so ever cloud I suppose....

Oh @Lilimum5 you're really not having an easy ride are you 😔 I'm so sorry you're going through this! I don't have any answers but i hope you're EPU app on the 17th can give you some! I'm okay, although I keep having really bad dreams about having another miscarriage so I just feel 'meh' tempted to book a private scan on Sunday as I'll be 6 weeks but I just don't know what to do .

@DayDreamer1707 sorry AF has arrived 😔 but, it does mean another fresh month for you ❤️ I always ended up wishing AF was here sooner just so I could get started again. I almost felt 'cleansed' after she'd been 🤷🏽‍♀️

@MeghanV07 yes and I can enjoy Christmas and new year. Next AF is due on OH birthday so that could be nice if I don't get a visit that month xx

Hi, would it be OK to join please?

I'm 32, TTC #1, mc in June 2018 at around 6 weeks, ERPC 24th July 2018 at around 10 weeks, second mc last weekend at 6 weeks, EPRC 6th December 2018.
I'm sorry for what everyone's going through and hope 2019 will be better for everyone here xx

I don't know if this is the right thread for this, but I was wondering if you all have any advice for me. I got terribly upset last night because I went on facebook and my BIL's girlfriend had posted a 20-week scan photo. I knew she was pregnant and she knows about my miscarriages. This is irrational but it felt like a punch to the stomach and I cried myself to sleep. I worried this level of distress won't help me get pregnant again. She is right to be excited, but it is really hard for me to witness. I really wish she had hidden the post from me. I am finding it really hard to be happy for others, in particular, those that have got pregnant easily or accidentally as she did, this makes me feel like a terrible person.

@DayDreamer1707 sorry to hear this, sending a virtual hug to you

@Chilliandlime sorry to hear what you have been through. What a tough year you have had. How are you feeling?

@granolacrayons you are not a terrible person and should never feel that way. I'm sure all of us here can relate to that reaction and it's completely normal. People have no idea unless they've been through this. My SIL announced her pregnancy when we were visiting for the weekend two days before my first ERPC and it was devastating, we hadn't told them what was happening but managed to tell them later on that evening and got the usual mixed reactions. A few weeks later she asked my oh whether she should send their 12 week scan photo to both of us or just him, it was nice of her to check but it upset me that she'd even thought I might be fine with it, it is due two weeks after our first would have been. After that I stopped using Facebook and was also terrified that each time I'd meet up with a friend that they'd announce they were pregnant. Not saying this is a good way to deal with it, just that I completely understand that feeling. Xx

@granolacrayons

Very normal emotions which I can completely understand. I used to feel like this a lot. I find I was hating the person I was being. My friend was rushed to hospital at 20weeks and I didn't even know as I didn't bother to check in on her for the whole first part of her pregnancy as I was so jealous. That was a sticking point for me. I knew something had to change.

Now when I see a pregnancy post I take a deep breath tell myself that will be me one day and then put the phone away and go and do an exercise class or go for a walk or something.

Stress wont be good for you physically or emotionally and if you can try manage the way these things make you feel it will help. Perhaps google some mindfulness techniques where you just sit for a few mins and focus on yourself and bring yourself back to composure - this might help you deal with things that hurt you

@Chilliandlime I can't even imagine how she thought you could possibly be fine with seeing their scan photos.

But I think you are right, you have no idea what this is like unless you have been through this. I completely understand the fear of meeting up with friends, I'm dreading Christmas for that reason.

Sorry AF has arrived @DayDreamer1707 I'm currently in TWW on 4DPO I believe! Not done anymore OPKs for over a week! I'm also thinking with AF I'm ready to press reset as this second cycle after MC is going 41 days which so long! Go for your next cycle!🤞🏻

@Lilimum5 don't have any advice but hope EPU have some answers for you, can't imagine how fed up you must be as much as it's a sad experience and you grieve your loss I can imagine you want to see a negative test to have chance to accept it recover and plan again. Sending you love 💕

@MeghanV07 how you feeling? Anymore spotting or anything? I had a private scan with my last miscarriage and it had to be internal so as long as your ok with that and gives you some reassurance I would go for it xx

@granolacrayons thank you yes has been a hard year and I got my hopes up about the last one, was still anxious that it might happen again but was shocked when it did. Going back and forth between feeling OK and that things might still hopefully work out next time or at least maybe we'll be able to get some answers, to overwhelming sadness and waking up in the night with the fear that we will never be able to get there. I've found it a bit easier with the second one to not force myself to go to social engagements, particularly as more people know now. Really struggled over the summer with three hen parties and weddings back to back and having to pretend everything was fine, so can understand how you feel about Christmas.

@DayDreamer1707 that would be wonderful, the best birthday present ever ❤️

@Chilliandlime I'm so sorry for your losses hun ❤️

@granolacrayons you're not a terrible person at all! I hated absolutely everyone who announced a pregnancy. I thought why do they get to keep their baby and I don't? I did what chilliandlime did, I deleted Facebook for a while and it really helped me.

@OctoberGirl91 no more spotting at all thanks goodness. I've still got symptoms, metallic taste in my mouth, headache, cramps & slight nausea. But because I know you can still have symptoms and miscarry, I am just so so worried 😔. Xx

@granolacrayons

Absolutely not terrible person! I couldn't even watch a programme without tearing up that contained babies or pregnancy and I also deleted Facebook and ghosted the whole of social media for a long time as I was off work as well! I had a run in with my Mum only 3 weeks after my ERPC my cousins GF had a baby which must have been a lovely time for them and I don't Deny them that happiness however my mum started posting pictures of this beautiful baby all over a WhatsApp group I was with my mum and sister and I had to leave it really hurt. It was 3 weeks to the day of the Surgery I wasn't coping very well and barely keeping it together and I just had to leave the group my mum didn't think that was insensitive and my sister told me people have other things going off in their lives as if to tell me to get over it! we didn't talk for a few weeks not just because of the incident but also other incidents that had happened when I told them I was expecting they weren't bursting with happiness or anything positive to say and treated it like the elephant in room despite me being 26 married and owning my own home, it wasn't until I lost the baby that she acted liked she cared. So bit of a long story there but you are entitled to feel what you feel and you ride every wave of emotion, grief is horrible. I am so sorry for your loss. I got very angry about week 4/5 post MC why me? What did I do? All usual things and now I'm nearly 10 weeks and I'm feeling more peace although still hurt. Be kind to yourself 💖

Thanks @Laney79 @DayDreamer1707 @Knitkitty

@MeghanV07. Unfortunately it looks like in this case the darkness of the lines was highly relevent :(

@Lilimum5 Test is now super-faint, it's looking like it's only a matter of time before I start bleeding.

@Russkispy Not too good, test this morning super faint, it's looking very much like another miscarriage. Good luck with your IVF cycle.

I feel so broken by this. It's not like I can just go out there and try again as I have a same sex partner. It's so expensive, too. The wait for a cycle review appointment at my clinic is more than 2 months. Sorry to offload on you guys, I'm just feeling really really low at the moment.

Ooops sorry @boboelephant, @mistymeow and @hayleyfx I missed your posts when I hit enter. Your good wishes are much appreciated, unfortunately it looks like this pregnancy has failed.

@TinyPaws never be sorry for offloading! I'm so sorry hun, sending you so much love ❤️ ttc is absolutely shit sometimes. Xxxxx

@Lilimum5 I believe that Aspirin should be started prior to conception, because if you had a 'sticky blood' condition then the lining of the womb needs to be in good shape for successful implantation. That's the first point of failure for these types of blood conditions. The second point of failure is in growing the placenta to function well between weeks 4-9 thats requires non sticky blood and the third point of failure is when the placenta takes over at around 9 weeks, and the blood flow into it being good and not clotting. I had two MC's at 5 weeks and 1 at 10 weeks, and this time I started aspirin early october and conceived the following cycle. I do have a diagnosis of APS but logically, knowing the uterus needs good lining and a good egg, so to speak, it only makes sense to me to take this in advance. The private clinics now are recommending the heparin treatment for my condition also now starts prior to conception, but on NHS is only after BFP and pregnancy confirmation.

re your lines - could you consider buying the more expensive Clear Blue Ovulation tests, as they track estrogen as well, and it is the rise in estrogen that will prepare you for LH and FH surge and eventual ovulation, and throws your HCG out. That way, if you don't see a rise in Estrogen over say 2 weeks or so, you'd have good evidence to bring back to the GP for hormone testing. There are I believe things you can be given to bring on ovulation or to help regulate the cycle.

@tinypaws sorry to see you update xx

@meghan07 hope you are doing ok, fingers crossed for you.

My friend at work had a confirmed MMC yesterday, she was supposed to be 11weeks but they stated lost at 9 weeks. I think I counted in total on this thread and with my friend we had 8 women who all conceived in the same cycle, and I think only 3 of us are still going. There is no way near enough easily available, signposted support and information for something that occurs so frequently and is so tragic.

xx

@TinyPaws , I'm so sorry to read your update! I'm still hoping there's a miracle for you!

I'm so sorry @TinyPaws that it's not better news. I understand the waiting. My partner is pretty much infertile and it's hard knowing that we are more than likely to fail to conceive month after month. We have our first fertility appointment tomorrow. I really feel for you and I hope you have a good support network looking after you during this time. Have you spoken to anyone on the infertility board? I'm sure there will be women who have gone through similar who also have same sex partners, perhaps they can give you a bit of extra support.
@yukka that's extremely sad about your friend. There are so many of us struggling, and I agree there isn't anywhere near enough support.

@granolacrayons as others have said, most of us have felt that way. It's a completely normal response. I would mute your BIL's girlfriend for 30 days until perhaps you feel a bit better to see updates. I felt I could see my pregnant friends a month after my miscarriage- it was part of my recovery, to be ok around pregnant women and talk about how I was feeling. Take it easy and slowly. Do what feels right for you.

I've realised I'm cd10 today, not 15dpo. What a crazy cycle last month was! Hoping it was just a one off. Fertile signs look good. We got a cancellation at our local hospital to see the assisted conception people, so we have that tomorrow. Will let you know how I get on!

Thank you @DayDreamer1707, @Boboelephant, @Mistymeow** for the birthday wishes.

@Mistymeow sorry you're body seems a bit messed up. Hope it settles into some kind of rhythm soon. Best of luck at your appointment tomorrow!

@Justincase87 brilliant news. Congrats. I hope the rest of the pregnancy goes well! xxx

@Laney79 The problem with all these home testing kits is that they don't take into account the sperm's life-span. One of the times I got pregnant this year we DTD before I had a positive OPK. I think the sperm must have survived a good few days that month. Have you considered not using OPKs for a couple of months to see if it helps reduce stress levels? It cuts out all this 'am I fertile this month' worry... Just a suggestion. You may still feel more in control with testing, I know... Swings and roundabouts!
Oh, and have you considered being referred to Tommy's? They accept referrals for recurrent miscarriage from anywhere in the country and don't require 3 miscarriages, only 2, I believe.

@hayleyfx Thank you hun. I think taking a break for a bit sounds like a good plan. I felt surprisingly positive about it too. I still have wobbles of wishing I was still trying occasionally... But most of the time I've been able to completely take my mind of TTC. it's also allowed me time to think about everything and do some healing and planning for the future which I think is needed. I think not trying helps with the recurrent miscarriage testing too. I hope your referral doesn't take too long.

@Russkispy I'm sending you lots of positive vibes, baby dust and best wishes for the little bean. I hope it sticks and makes a nice home in there. Get lots of rest and look after yourself. xxx

@fnej01 Glad your acupuncture went so well. Sounds like you have a good practitioner. Hope it helps. xxx

@DayDreamer1707 I've had bleeding after sex a few times. My cervix is really sensitive so if it gets knocked it can bleed. One time was a very dramatic bleed too, but it was fine and it's normal. If it keeps happening check with your GP but I don't think they'll be concerned after it happening once or twice. And just make sure you're up-to-date with your smear.

@TinselBee I had ERPC in March. I bled for a couple of days and then spotted for about 3 weeks. Got my first negative HCG test 4 weeks after the surgery. I don't think I ovulated, and I had a 38 day cycle from ERPC to the next period. It can take your body a while to readjust.

@Yukka I'm so pleased for you that your boss was so supportive and kind. It's such a relief having someone understand and be behind you and not having to worry if you need to look after yourself a bit more. Well done for getting to 7 weeks! That seems to have flown by for me but I bet it hasn't for you. And congratulations on becoming an aunty to a new little girl. xxx

@Lilimum5 Have you considered trying alternative medicine? Acupuncture or what have you? I really feel for you. You might partly be feeling drained because you've been through the emotional ringer as well, so be kind to yourself. Do everything you can to take it easy and be as healthy as possible. There will be an end to this; stay strong.

Hi @Chilliandlime So sorry to hear about your losses. Welcome. xxx

@granolacrayons I can guarantee you almost all of us have had the same experience of seeing a pregnancy post of FB and felt that kick in the stomach and cried themselves to sleep. We understand. It's really hard. You can hide posts from her for now. I'm afraid you just have to feel the feels; have a good cry and don't blame yourself for feeling this way. Hugs xxx

@TinyPaws I'm gutted for you. I really hope that this is 'just' a bump in the road leading to a beautiful life as a mum to a lovely little human. Just sending you masses of hugs right now. xxx

I've got my appointment through for my MRI, which is next Tuesday. Another mile-stone to reach. Thank you whoever said that, it's helping.
Feeling very up and down emotionally recently. I think not TTC has allowed me to start processing feelings I'd set to one side; which is good. Feeling strong, but emotional, if that makes any sense. Cried myself to sleep a couple of nights ago, out of the blue, but felt better for it the next day.
I had a very lovely weekend and having a take-away as a birthday treat soon.

Sending hugs to everyone. xxx

@KnitKitty yeah, I don't intend to keep using the opks long term but wanted to get a bit more data in case I need it for investigations if I lose again, but mainly as you say control. I just want to have a bit of an idea of what my body is doing and when AF is due. AF especially as it was so very heavy cd2 and 3 last month.

Yeah -also tried to get referred to Tommy's in Coventry. They'd take me (spoke to the secretary) but neither my consultant nor gp are willing to refer me. Got a letter from my consultant yesterday following my appt and it basically said most likely explanation was chromosome due to age/chance, and that I'm still more likely to have a successful pregnancy next time than an unsuccessful one. He said in the letter it's a no to a Tommy's referral at this stage 

@Yukka you're right on the drugs to help regulate/ovulate. I was prescribed some after my first loss when I didn't stop bleeding for weeks, I never took them as the bleeding ramped into AF and finally stopped a few days later. A friend has also been prescribed clomid to help her ovulate (she has pcos) and I know others who've been given it and then fallen pregnant.

Been so busy the past couple of weeks - just wish I knew what my body was doing! Was at an awards ceremony last night with a free bar-had a few drinks. Feel a bit guilty but I just felt I needed to feel normal for a bit. Had a glass of champers and about three beers, so not crazy but still. Still no sign of a positive opk (cd19) and the brown Cm/spotting that I had the past three days appears to have stopped. Part of me was hoping it was implantation as we dtd cd11&12 which would've been perfect timing if my cycle was normal but I had no hint of a positive opk so I think I was just kidding myself it could be implantation! No egg = no baby Laney! Gahhhhh 

Spoke to soon...it hasn't stopped 🙄 more brown Cm...come on body just sort it out would ya? So frustrated.

Hi everyone, I posted a little while back after my mc but joining the thread properly now that I've had my first period and we can start ttc again. We started trying last December, so a little depressing to be starting from scratch this month, but we're staying positive.

I posted about having a positive pregnancy test a month after mc - I went to the GP and then to the hospital and their pregnancy tests came back negative, but I tested again the next morning and got another line with exactly the same darkness (or rather, lightness! v. faint), and then a complete bfn the next day. My period came a few days after so I have a feeling it was a chemical pregnancy (we'd had sex 10 days before I got that first positive test, as I assumed my cycle would be delayed by at least a couple of weeks due to the miscarriage, but period came exactly a month after mc which means I may actually have had sex the day after ovulation. It worries me a little as I had a chemical pregnancy the month before the bfp/miscarriage too, surely 3 unsuccessful pregnancies (albeit two of them chemicals) in a row isn't a good sign? Or do we just discount chemicals?

Anyway, we're going to start trying again and my fertile period starts tomorrow. When I went to the hospital she suggested waiting a minimum of 2 cycles before ttc, preferably more, but gave no explanation other than to enable my body to recover Think I might just ignore this, can't find any data to back this up. I'm 29 and ideally would like multiple children, can't afford to waste months for no reason!

I'm throwing myself into work, saving (hoping to eventually move to a nicer area when we do have a little one) and health/fitness as a way to stay positive, so that I'm not resting my happiness on a successful pregnancy. At least this way, when/if it does eventually happen we'll be in the best possible position. That's my way of dealing with things anyway.

I hope you're all doing well, look forward to being a part of this thread .

P.S. What is the significance of the penguins? I keep seeing the emoji.

Hey, @Dimblebimble sorry to hear that you have been having a hard time. I had the opposite advice from my consultant, he said that my odds for a successful pregnancy are higher if I get pregnant quickly after the miscarriage.