University and TTC

[pinkflower22]

Hi guys. I guess I need some advice please.

I'm finishing of my last year of university and I would really like to have a child with my partner.

A part of me keeps hesitating and thinking maybe I should do my teacher training year but then I keep going back to thinking no I definitely want my own baby as a year seems so long to wait and then start trying.

I will go back to work once the child is old enough after a couple of years or even do my teacher training year then.

I will make do on any help government provides for the next few years plus my partners income.

I'm not sure what to do. My in-laws would have a heart attack and say your both two young and we both are not financially stable enough, but I think that will be able to bring up children in a cost effective way, by not buying the most priciest things.

In basically the same situation, we're trying anyway! Only you know what is truly right!! Good luck to whatever you may choose, whatever your choice I'm confident you'll make it work xx

If I was in your shoes I would wait, you are so young and have many more years to enjoy before you settle down with children.

I am in mid 30's and some of my friends that got married in their mid twenties had children with a year or so and regret rushing into it so soon! They've then sat at home with master degrees hoping they will go back to work after a few years but they NEVER do. They end up being stay at home mums and out of work for over 5-6 years and realise that they have to start very junior positions when they feel 'ready' whereas all the rest of us have forged successful careers, homes, a marriage and then have children.

Relying on the government and being cost effective isn't the way, you need to be able to provide the best you can for your child.

You have plenty of time for children, build yourself up to a teacher qualify and then go of on paid mat leave after a few years.

That's my advice anyway but good luck with whatever you decide!

Sorry I think YABU if your current plan for childcare is to rely on the government. I think it’s useful for government to provide aid for parents who are struggling and I do think more should be available but it seems rather selfish to want to rely on it from the start. Get a job, build your savings, and have children when you’re financially secure.

Teacher training (let alone being a teacher) is nigh on impossible with a child already. Do you itt and nqt years. It tends to be easier to get back in to teaching after having kids than starting from scratch.

Also agree that relying on government as your primary means to afford a child is a rubbish plan. It's time to be a responsible adult.

Just to add to my reply, as other posters have said, make sure you're financially stable as it's a baby at the end of the day. But definitely do not be afraid of taking help from the government too if you need it 😊 that's what it's there for, no one in this day and age should theoretically struggle. But yeah do try and work out your finances before you make your decision. Good luck op!! Xx

“By not buying the priciest things”

This is not a tactic.

Childcare up to 5 year olds is extortionate. Beyond that, school hours are less unless you pay for wrap around care.

Do some research into child minders or nursery provision in your area, add on rent, food, nappies, utilities and see how much you need.

There is a reason your in-laws would have a heart attack, they are fully aware of the money and commitment a child is.

“Really wanting a baby of your own” is not enough.

Live your own life till you are ready to give it up for another person - your child.

I will not be getting childcare. As won't work until child is in full time education

@physicskate I think that a lot of people rely on government for a few years when there child is really small, and then they go back to work

Does your boyfriend have a full time, stable job and is able to provide for both of you, plus a child on his own for five years?

Is your relationship steady enough to survive those pressures, or could he afford to potentially run two homes and support you if things don’t work out?

I would love to have a child now, but we have decided to save for 2 years to provide more of a buffer for us. Relying on government handouts doesn’t seem a sensible approach, particularly as that could change in the future.

For the sake of 2-3 years to establish yourself to have independence in a career and be in a stronger position to support your family, it seems more prudent to wait.

So you’re planning to somehow do teacher training when your dc goes into full time education in 5 years? What if you have more dc? How would that work with fitting in the teacher training and then NQT stresses? Are you married - it would be a good idea to either get qualifications to build a career I.e. teacher training and/or be married before you ‘give up’ work to have dc if you will be financially vulnerable.

It would make much more sense in terms of your career and future prospects to wait until more settled, post training and NQT, with savings behind you both.

Also, you mention going back to work. Have you already established a career path?

It would be difficult starting out in a career with limited work experience and having five years out, when you would also need more flexibility around childcare.

You're being very naive. How old are you ? Teacher training and then an NQT year is horrendously stressful without the added stress of a small child.

But you wouldn’t be going back to work, would you, if you’re planning to have dcs straight from uni? I’m not sure what you’d qualify for in terms of asistance, but making a deliberate choice to have a child on the basis that you’ll get benefits in order to do so and then not work until they’re 5+ isn’t that common surely?

i had a baby in my third year of university - he was born 4 days after the last teaching day. my situation was different though because i already had a child and my partner and i had our own home and were financially stable. i had a year off when my son was born, but worked in a school two half days during that year whilst my mum looked after the baby. i then did my pgce the following year. it was difficult and i wouldn’t have been able to do it without the support of my parents and partner.

I think it's a much better idea to wait. If you're a sahm you are in much better financial position if married. A year is nothing!! It's only because you are so young that you think it's a long time. Get qualified, have some security to fall back on. Then think about having a baby.

Having a baby by a partner you are not married to and financially dependent on, with no way to support yourself should something happen, is a very precarious position to put yourself in deliberately.

Assuming you are 20/21, get some qualifications done first. It is much much easier when child free.

Please don't have a baby that you can't afford to support. Its vile, having to live in benefits to survive and its no way to start out. Your career and financial stability are far more important. You haven't yet started supporting yourselves, let alone another little life.

I get that you may feel very strongly about wanting a baby, but there are tough decisions to be made around supporting yourself, and it sounds like it against best advice for accessing a teaching role.

You dont say ,that I've seen, your age, so assuming you are perhaps not even living with your partner yet?

Govt funds are there for emergencies, and long term issues, the are not there as part of a lifestyle choice. You sound like you are actually going to put yourself in a position of taking govt funding for five years because of your lifestyle choice?

'Go back to'. Your post reads like you don't have a career path lined up (btw teaching is proposed to become a year of postgrad and then two years of induction) and that you would be 'going back' to training.

All I'm saying is I've seen a lot of trainees with kids not make purely because caring for their child takes precedence (as it should) over their training and pupils (who again deserve 100% of your effort). Train and then start your family - you are more likely to be successful at one of them than if you wait to train when it is so much harder to be successful at one (let alone both!!!!!!).

With a child, can you spend 60+ on learning to be a teacher? Not many people can, so they drop out...

You seem to be prioritising having a baby over everything else, even at the risk of not coping fancially, which impacts your housing options, everything, and your own options will definitely suffer as a result, a lot.

One of the strongest desires many DMs have for their DC is to provide well for them once they arrive, its a very strong driving force, and horrible to have to fall far short of that, makes it a horrible and difficult time.

Decent parents want the very very best for their children, even if that means delaying the decision to start a family. Selfish parents put their own wants first. You are putting your wants first. Join the dots.

@Pinkflower22

The rights and many wrongs of your post aside- the introduction of universal credit has fucked, absolutely fucked, low income families in terms of surviving on benefits while children are small.

You are pretty much ASKING for years of poverty. Is that what you want for your child? Food banks, and financial insecurity? If so, you are not ready to be a parent and I pity your hypothetical child.

I say this as a lone parent, with a reasonable salary and a good, desirable job in
the charities sector , relying on tax credits to help with childcare.

The UC credit system is so appalling, I’ve racked up thousands in credit card debt in 18 months. Ive had one haircut, no new clothes, and haven’t had a holiday for 3 years. If I couldn’t get credit on cards, we’d have been at food banks many times by now.

Please be sensible.

A PGCE is incredibly full on. You’d be mad to deliberately wait until you’ve got a small baby to do it.

There is actually some research that students who are parents tend to perform better, you have less time but much more motivation.

I had a baby during university. Technically you are actually better taking a year out of uni and applying for jobs at the same time as your year group.

I honestly think (as long as your husband has wages to support you) that you should have a baby when you both feel ready. You can always study and have a career, you don't have to do it all before you are 22. It is not easy having a kid and studying but it's definitely manageable. You just need to be very organised.

Kent OP has stated clearly that she absolutely cannot afford it, and so it is completely irresponsible step to take to risk poverty for them