University and TTC

[pinkflower22]

Hi guys. I guess I need some advice please.

I'm finishing of my last year of university and I would really like to have a child with my partner.

A part of me keeps hesitating and thinking maybe I should do my teacher training year but then I keep going back to thinking no I definitely want my own baby as a year seems so long to wait and then start trying.

I will go back to work once the child is old enough after a couple of years or even do my teacher training year then.

I will make do on any help government provides for the next few years plus my partners income.

I'm not sure what to do. My in-laws would have a heart attack and say your both two young and we both are not financially stable enough, but I think that will be able to bring up children in a cost effective way, by not buying the most priciest things.

Jent ^

@Jent13c a pice is NOT the same as being a uni student. That's quite well recognised. It is more than full-time. During my teacher training I was regularly clocking up at least 70 hours per week or teaching work and uni work.

I've seen three of gcse students with students under five. One made it past Christmas. I've seen five nqts with small children. One passed her year. The others were gone before Easter. Teaching is not child friendly. And that's when you already know how to do the job.

She doesnt even say she lives with her partner?!?! Or any of the stability elements to make this a reasoned option.

If you find yourself in that position, there are ways to get help and support, but op not talking of even getting back to the study until after 5 yrs of claiming benefits!

There is actually some research that students who are parents tend to perform better, you have less time but much more motivation.

Have you got a link for that?

God, a PGCE is hard enough without children, I can't even understand how people manage it with kids.

Regardless of career, I think it's best to get all your training done and ideally get yourself established in a job before having kids. My DD is 18 months now and I've had a fair few days I haven't been able to go in at short notice because of child care falling through, days where I'm working at like 20% because she's had me up for hours in the night etc etc. It's bad enough with an understanding manager and team, but it's just be awful if you were in a new role with all that going on.

@CaseStudyResearch

Yeah he is financially okay for us for the next few years

@titchy

I don't think that I will not be able to provide the best for my child. After all a young child only needs food home and attention. And as the child grows I will get a job and my partner will be working too, so what's the big deal with that?

@Anasnake no I don't plan to do teacher training when my child is small. After the child is past five or six years then I will

@TheSheepofWallSt
No my partner earns enough to provide for me and a baby, but a small amount of extra money would help

Did degree, fell pregnant unplanned, baby dad turns out to be a total fucktard after previously being wonderful for 3 years, fucktard abandoned us, homeless, emergency accommodation for 3yrs, did PGCE in this time (god knows how), got a flat, took a year to get it to habitable condition as was skint, lived in one room whilst doing all that, all good now but I am scarred emotionally and financially probably forever.

Just calm your ovaries, you have plenty of time.

You are still being very naive, even with a child at school. How will you pay for breakfast or after school care ? What will you do when your child is ill ? I've been a teacher a long time and seen many student teachers, many with younger children drop out.

He clearly doesnt earn enough if you have to claim govt funding to support you.

@LookingThroughTheLookingGlass

Can I ask what happened with the babies dad? Why it went wrong

@ChristmasSprite
He has enough but we will be tight and have to stick to budgets. We will still be able to survive though but won't have luxuries like holidays.

Are you being straight with us about this? How old are you, like regular uni age? Do you and you partner currently support yourselves ok financially living together?

It just doesnt stack up what you're saying

@Anasnake I will use my student loan for that. As I am already 30k in debt an extra 5k won't make a difference.

How old are you ?

@ChristmasSprite why does it not stack up.

I'm 21 at university in my last year, and living with my partner

@ChristmasSprite yeah partner works full
Time and we have enough

How can you use your student loan to cover expenses in a few years’ time if you are in your final year now?

You need to make sure you are in a good strong position before having a baby. If you are this young its a helluva lot of pressure and not the dream you might imagine, see pp ^ how quickly it can all go so horribly desperately wrong when you are not independently strong, and even when you are.

This is your finals year, why is your head not just full of getting the best class of degree you can after your years and years of study?

Reality of having a child wasn’t for him apparently.
Our baby slept through the night at a week old, never got ill, wasn’t even a puker.

He wanted me to himself/to bugger off with friends when he wanted/never did anything around the house.

We never even argued, I would have done anything to make him want to be with us.

He went to work when baby was 8 months and he never came back.
Life lesson learnt.

Does your partner have any say in this ?

Really and truly, it’s all very well saying that all a child needs is food, a home and love, but money helps massively in taking away concerns regarding making rent, enough money for food, for clothes, for all of that. Factor in also that you may want to have a sibling for a baby within the 5 years before th first goes to school, and where does that leave you in terms of ever getting to work and having fallback profession that you can count on if the relationship doesn’t work.

You are at risk of placing yourself in an incredibly vulnerable position, ceding all independence and earning capacity to be a SAHM when unmarried.

What if your partner loses his job? Where’s the money coming from for your rent and living costs?

It makes so much more sense to have a few years of working hard, saving money and getting financially and professionally established before thinking about having a baby, and if you plan to SAHP, being married should be high in your list of priorities ( not necessarily a wedding, a marriage - can be done cheaply).

Based on previous threads, you have had doubts yourself as to whether he wants to stay with you and get married.

Get yourself financially stable, allow yourself time to build a career and independence. Put yourself in the strongest position possible that you can be the best parent in all eventualities and afford to give your child the best possible start. That’s what being a parent is about.