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Original poster

University and TTC

107 replies

pinkflower22 · 25/11/2018 12:54

Hi guys. I guess I need some advice please.

I'm finishing of my last year of university and I would really like to have a child with my partner.

A part of me keeps hesitating and thinking maybe I should do my teacher training year but then I keep going back to thinking no I definitely want my own baby as a year seems so long to wait and then start trying.

I will go back to work once the child is old enough after a couple of years or even do my teacher training year then.

I will make do on any help government provides for the next few years plus my partners income.

I'm not sure what to do. My in-laws would have a heart attack and say your both two young and we both are not financially stable enough, but I think that will be able to bring up children in a cost effective way, by not buying the most priciest things.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkflower22 · 25/11/2018 18:20

@YahBasic I was talking about covering expenses for breakfast clubs and after school clubs when I go back to uni to do teacher training

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkflower22 · 25/11/2018 18:22

@Anasnake he really wants to

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Drogosnextwife · 25/11/2018 18:29

You are in 30k debt you going to track up another 5k and rely on government funding because you are feeling a bit broody? I think you need to grow up before you consider having a child tbh. Finish your teacher training.
You say your partner will be ok to support you for the next few years, then what?

NoseringGirl · 25/11/2018 18:29

On the one hand I wish I'd had my kids younger (First was born when I was 30) but waiting for this long is what has enabled me to take a few years out of work to be a mostly SAHM. We paid off our mortgage just after DS1 was born (have moved recently to a nicer area and have a small mortgage again). So our living expenses aren't that high but it's still a stretch to live on one income. I worked part time between kids until DH got a better paid job. The eldest is at school now and I'm home with the youngest. It can still be difficult when the eldest is ill or I need to be at school for something. I'm in awe of parents who both work and manage it at school age. There's still a lot of child care to cover outside school hours as well as the demands of school (homework, costumes, performances, various parent activities etc).
At the end of the day, you know your situation best but I'd urge you to consider not just the first few years but how things will work after that and plan for every eventuality. I understand the broodiness and how consuming it can be but even at 30 there was a lot I was unprepared for, and I'd planned for years.

Janleverton · 25/11/2018 18:31

So you’re already TTC?

If you have any doubts, then seriously think about stopping. You’ve had advice from posters who know about teacher training, NQT and teaching itself regarding the difference between doing the training before and post kids. What is the rush to have a baby when you’ve not got an entirely stable foundation, profession/job, and the financial wherewithal to do this without relying on benefits (great that safety net is there, but not great to rely upon particularly in recent times)?

kenandbarbie · 25/11/2018 18:33

What's the rush? You're really young. You will change a lot over the next few years. Why not finish your training, save, get married, buy a house. Then have a baby when it's all easier with less pressure. All a baby needs is love is true. But why wouldn't you want to give your baby the best if you have the choice?

You will also have a fallback in case of unforeseen circumstances - illness, child with sn, redundancy, splitting up. You don't know what will happen in the future. Good parents plan for the future in a slow sensible way. Then they are able to give the dc a safe loving home and can handle whatever knocks life throws at them.

titchy · 25/11/2018 18:37

Well you're obviously going to do it regardless of what experienced parents have to say. But prepare your self for 10 years plus of benefits. Living in a shithole, having to send your kid to the local sink school, unable to afford new shoes. Your dp won't stick around.

But hey all the kid needs is love and food. they don't need their own room, shoes, clothes, decent schools, opportunities Phew!

Daisymay2 · 25/11/2018 18:43

OP.
I was engaged while at Uni , a looong time ago. We split up just before I graduated. . He wanted to TTC during my final year but I was not keen. Looking back it was a good thing, but at the time I was devastated, however I did an awful lot of things I would not have been able to do with a DC.
I don't know anything about teaching but the hardest time in any profession is the earliest years , so my advice is do your PGCE , and NQS and get some teaching behind you. When you are older ( 24, 25) have your kids when you have some experience of teaching and more financial stability. You might be able to afford food rent etc but things like soft play, swimming lessons cost....

Racecardriver · 25/11/2018 18:45

So you are planing on taking money from people who did the right thing and waited until they were financially secure to have children...charming. I had children young but I will be the first to say that you should be intentionally conceiving if you cannot support a child.

Anasnake · 25/11/2018 18:47

Having a child already settled at school will limit where you can look for jobs, have you thought about that ? Do you own a car ? Your teaching practice placements could be all over the place. What happens if your child is ill (which they will be) ? You still have to go to work or your placement. You still have to set work if absent, books and tests still need marking.

TheSheepofWallSt · 25/11/2018 18:50

The most worrying thing about this thread is the naivity which in itself suggests you are not prepared to be a mother.

I don’t really want to share my story here, but take it from one who knows: everything about this has disaster written all over it.

For fucks sake girl, and I say girl very pointedly, do NOT subject a child to this. This isn’t an unplanned pregnancy to make the best of- this is a deliberate decision that will fuck all of your life plans.

Original poster
pinkflower22 · 25/11/2018 19:09

@titchy I think that is unfair of you to say.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkflower22 · 25/11/2018 19:09

Ask guys I live with my partner in a decent area

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkflower22 · 25/11/2018 19:11

*also

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kenandbarbie · 25/11/2018 19:14

Are you married to him? Do you own your house? Do you know for certain he will not be made redundant, be ill, that you won't have a child with sn, that you won't split up?

If not then there is more you could do to offer the best possible security for your child.

Original poster
pinkflower22 · 25/11/2018 19:18

I don't understand what is wrong with it.
It's not like I haven't got any education at all and that I'm not willing to go back to work. I will have a degree and do my teacher training years later And work as expenses increase when child gets older.

My partner has a house and we live together and can afford to pay for me and baby, but added benefits like child benefit will help us even more.

I'm not saying that I will never go back
To work. When child is five years I will go there.

The reason I want to have a child is because I feel lonely and very very broody. I have no family or blood of my own so I think it will be emotionally fullfilling as well for my partner

We would plan on getting married once I am
Pregnant

OP posts:
titchy · 25/11/2018 19:19

that is unfair of you to say.

But realistic. Your posts are ridiculously naive and childish. You're like a little kid - I want it and I want it now. No thought for the future at all.

Anasnake · 25/11/2018 19:20

So you have no family support and will be utterly dependent on your dp ?

titchy · 25/11/2018 19:20

The reason I want to have a child is because I feel lonely and very very broody. I have no family or blood of my own so I think it will be emotionally fullfilling as well for my partner

God it gets worse. A child is not an emotional crutch.

physicskate · 25/11/2018 19:21

It's naive to think you can breeze becoming a teacher with a child. Have a look at some of the becoming a teacher with children threads on tes!!!

Original poster
pinkflower22 · 25/11/2018 19:23

@titchy

No I have been feeling like this for a year and have stopped myself from just having a child as I knew I needed to finish my degree.

I have no family support but I know I will have support from my boyfriends family 100% even though they won't be pleased I think they will be pleased to have a grandchild

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physicskate · 25/11/2018 19:24

A child will not fill that loneliness hole. You're at uni - go make friends!! It will never be as easy to make real friends again!!!!

Anasnake · 25/11/2018 19:24

You're in cuckoo land

Original poster
pinkflower22 · 25/11/2018 19:26

@physicskate
I have tried to make friends I honestly have, but it doesn't work.
I'm friendly with people I chat to them, I join societies but no one continues a friendship

OP posts:
ILoveCheeseMe · 25/11/2018 19:26

Oh goodness no, I’d do your teacher training if that’s what you want to do, and find a job for a couple of years at least. Then you’ll get proper maternity pay and have some teaching experience under your belt all before the age of 25.

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